Comments on: Co-Parenting – How To Deal With an Ex http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/ Single Parent Dating, Raising Children, Parenting Teens Sun, 21 Mar 2010 03:40:33 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Honeyrilla http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-21160 Honeyrilla Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:55:02 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-21160 Sonia, I was not married to my ex as long as you and your husband were married. But I did deal with the infidelity, disrepect and deceit. I can tell you that with the wound so fresh, it is immensely difficult. The less physical contact you have with him, the better. If you can keep all of your communication restricted to email, do that. And don't read things into the email. For example, don't suppose negative and hurtful undertones in what you read from him. You may even have to communicate through your respective attorneys. Moreover, focus on creating the best you that you can be. If you've foregone taking up a sport or some other activity because you've been so focused on your family, then do it know. Work on being mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally fit and healthy. Read anything from Dr. Michael Beckwith and visit his Love Center in California if you can. Eventually, with time, it gets much easier and believe it or not, you may even thank your husband for doing you the favor of leaving. Sonia,

I was not married to my ex as long as you and your husband were married. But I did deal with the infidelity, disrepect and deceit. I can tell you that with the wound so fresh, it is immensely difficult. The less physical contact you have with him, the better. If you can keep all of your communication restricted to email, do that. And don’t read things into the email. For example, don’t suppose negative and hurtful undertones in what you read from him. You may even have to communicate through your respective attorneys. Moreover, focus on creating the best you that you can be. If you’ve foregone taking up a sport or some other activity because you’ve been so focused on your family, then do it know. Work on being mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally fit and healthy. Read anything from Dr. Michael Beckwith and visit his Love Center in California if you can.

Eventually, with time, it gets much easier and believe it or not, you may even thank your husband for doing you the favor of leaving.

]]> By: Sonia http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-20555 Sonia Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:39:37 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-20555 Dadshouse, how did you get to that amicable place? I'm in the middle of a stressful divorce caused by the other party's decision to bail and start again somewhere else. I'm talking about infidelity and cold rejection after more than 20 years of marriage (25 years together). I cannot see this person without wanting to scream. I can manage to exchange a few important words with this person regarding the children without breaking down, but afterwards I'm a wreck. We must coparent, but how? How can I show respect to someone who has been so disrespectful and deceitful to me? [Ed. Note: a post responding to these questions is here: <a href="http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/12/08/how-do-co-parents-get-along/" rel="nofollow">How do Co Parents Get Along?</a> Dadshouse, how did you get to that amicable place? I’m in the middle of a stressful divorce caused by the other party’s decision to bail and start again somewhere else. I’m talking about infidelity and cold rejection after more than 20 years of marriage (25 years together). I cannot see this person without wanting to scream. I can manage to exchange a few important words with this person regarding the children without breaking down, but afterwards I’m a wreck. We must coparent, but how? How can I show respect to someone who has been so disrespectful and deceitful to me?

[Ed. Note: a post responding to these questions is here: How do Co Parents Get Along?

]]> By: Fairy Girl http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-19265 Fairy Girl Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:39:30 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-19265 I've been divorced for somewhat 5 and a 1/2 years. My ex and I are both happily re-married. Our relationship (4 of us) was always very amicable, until a month ago. I received the most self righteous and mean e-mail from the "step mother", whom I always thought was quite a nice / decent person. I won't go into to much detail but the e-mail was very hurtful. I did not reply and will not reply. I believe her true colors have been revealed. I have chosen to have no further communication with her unless my child is around, then I will be civil. The only thing she said in the e-mail which is so true is that she will always be second best and in my eye's she is no longer good enough for my beautiful child. I am desperately trying to forgive and in time I will BUT forget NEVER !!! To much damaged has been done !! .-= Fairy Girl´s last blog ..<a href="http://leigh-ann.co.za/2009/10/no-two-are-the-same/" rel="nofollow">No two are the same….</a> =-. I’ve been divorced for somewhat 5 and a 1/2 years. My ex and I are both happily re-married. Our relationship (4 of us) was always very amicable, until a month ago. I received the most self righteous and mean e-mail from the “step mother”, whom I always thought was quite a nice / decent person. I won’t go into to much detail but the e-mail was very hurtful. I did not reply and will not reply. I believe her true colors have been revealed. I have chosen to have no further communication with her unless my child is around, then I will be civil.

The only thing she said in the e-mail which is so true is that she will always be second best and in my eye’s she is no longer good enough for my beautiful child.

I am desperately trying to forgive and in time I will BUT forget NEVER !!! To much damaged has been done !!
Fairy Girl´s last blog ..No two are the same…. My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Jen http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-10661 Jen Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:00:50 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-10661 These basics are everywhere. Every book and article I read contains these basics. I apply them the best I can but what happens when you try and try to keep dad informed and he refuses to reciprocate because he lives by the belief that we have separate homes therefore information regarding little man should not be shared. I wish dad would step it up a bit and work with me not against me. I can say he's testing my strength and patience at times but I keep trying and hoping one day it will get easier. I found that once you put the past behind you its easier to focus on what's best for your child. I have to wonder though if arguments and bitterness stem from unresolved issues in the relationship making it nearly impossible to co-parent together. My question is because he moved on first - he left me, he got married and yet to this day still has the same bitterness towards me as if I am the one who ended our relationship. Decisions and comments he makes don't always revolve around our child but are made to be vindictive towards me. <abbr><em><abbr><em>Jen´s last blog post..<a href="http://asinglemomslife.wordpress.com/2009/01/25/bridal-fairs/" rel="nofollow">Bridal Fairs</a></em></abbr></abbr></em> These basics are everywhere. Every book and article I read contains these basics. I apply them the best I can but what happens when you try and try to keep dad informed and he refuses to reciprocate because he lives by the belief that we have separate homes therefore information regarding little man should not be shared. I wish dad would step it up a bit and work with me not against me. I can say he’s testing my strength and patience at times but I keep trying and hoping one day it will get easier. I found that once you put the past behind you its easier to focus on what’s best for your child.
I have to wonder though if arguments and bitterness stem from unresolved issues in the relationship making it nearly impossible to co-parent together. My question is because he moved on first – he left me, he got married and yet to this day still has the same bitterness towards me as if I am the one who ended our relationship. Decisions and comments he makes don’t always revolve around our child but are made to be vindictive towards me.

Jen´s last blog post..Bridal Fairs

]]> By: dadshouse http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-10651 dadshouse Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:09:38 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-10651 Seems this post touched some nerves, based on emails I've received. I'm told I came across as condescending with this comment I made: <i>“we’re all responsible for getting our own needs met.” It sounds like one of your needs is to have a partner who shows he is interested in you and your kids. That’s great. But it also seems clear you won’t get that from your ex, so why keep trying? Maybe if that need was met elsewhere...</i> Please know I didn't intend to put anyone down with that remark. I actually apply that comment to myself all the time - if I find myself trying to get my ex-wife to act a certain way, and she doesn't want to act that way, then 1) maybe I should quit trying, and 2) maybe there's a need of mine that's not being fulfilled, and which I could have fulfilled elsewhere. That seems like sound advice to me, and promotes self awareness. If anyone found offense in my remark, I apologize. Seems this post touched some nerves, based on emails I’ve received. I’m told I came across as condescending with this comment I made: “we’re all responsible for getting our own needs met.” It sounds like one of your needs is to have a partner who shows he is interested in you and your kids. That’s great. But it also seems clear you won’t get that from your ex, so why keep trying? Maybe if that need was met elsewhere…

Please know I didn’t intend to put anyone down with that remark. I actually apply that comment to myself all the time – if I find myself trying to get my ex-wife to act a certain way, and she doesn’t want to act that way, then 1) maybe I should quit trying, and 2) maybe there’s a need of mine that’s not being fulfilled, and which I could have fulfilled elsewhere.

That seems like sound advice to me, and promotes self awareness. If anyone found offense in my remark, I apologize.

]]> By: ilinap http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-10615 ilinap Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:30:28 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-10615 Gosh, I hope to never have to try this. I'm a child of a divorce that didn't go so smoothly. <abbr><em><abbr><em>ilinap´s last blog post..<a href="http://www.dirtandnoise.com/2009/01/sitting-on-edge-of-history.html" rel="nofollow">Sitting on the Edge of History</a></em></abbr></abbr></em> Gosh, I hope to never have to try this. I’m a child of a divorce that didn’t go so smoothly.

ilinap´s last blog post..Sitting on the Edge of History

]]> By: Mike http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/01/27/co-parenting-how-to-deal-with-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-10595 Mike Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:44:28 +0000 http://dadshouseblog.com/?p=4563#comment-10595 Yes it is DH. I really hadn't realized why things had improved until your post. <abbr><em><abbr><em>Mike´s last blog post..<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/JHHK/~3/522633529/capt-subtext-his-girls.html" rel="nofollow">Capt. Subtext & his Girls</a></em></abbr></abbr></em> Yes it is DH. I really hadn’t realized why things had improved until your post.

Mike´s last blog post..Capt. Subtext & his Girls

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