Comments on: Co-Parenting – How To Deal With an Ex

By: Fairy Girl

Fairy Girl — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:39:30 +0000

I’ve been divorced for somewhat 5 and a 1/2 years. My ex and I are both happily re-married. Our relationship (4 of us) was always very amicable, until a month ago. I received the most self righteous and mean e-mail from the “step mother”, whom I always thought was quite a nice / decent person. I won’t go into to much detail but the e-mail was very hurtful. I did not reply and will not reply. I believe her true colors have been revealed. I have chosen to have no further communication with her unless my child is around, then I will be civil.

The only thing she said in the e-mail which is so true is that she will always be second best and in my eye’s she is no longer good enough for my beautiful child.

I am desperately trying to forgive and in time I will BUT forget NEVER !!! To much damaged has been done !!
Fairy Girl´s last blog ..No two are the same….

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:00:50 +0000

These basics are everywhere. Every book and article I read contains these basics. I apply them the best I can but what happens when you try and try to keep dad informed and he refuses to reciprocate because he lives by the belief that we have separate homes therefore information regarding little man should not be shared. I wish dad would step it up a bit and work with me not against me. I can say he's testing my strength and patience at times but I keep trying and hoping one day it will get easier. I found that once you put the past behind you its easier to focus on what's best for your child. I have to wonder though if arguments and bitterness stem from unresolved issues in the relationship making it nearly impossible to co-parent together. My question is because he moved on first - he left me, he got married and yet to this day still has the same bitterness towards me as if I am the one who ended our relationship. Decisions and comments he makes don't always revolve around our child but are made to be vindictive towards me. Jen´s last blog post..Bridal Fairs

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:09:38 +0000

Seems this post touched some nerves, based on emails I’ve received. I’m told I came across as condescending with this comment I made: “we’re all responsible for getting our own needs met.” It sounds like one of your needs is to have a partner who shows he is interested in you and your kids. That’s great. But it also seems clear you won’t get that from your ex, so why keep trying? Maybe if that need was met elsewhere…

Please know I didn’t intend to put anyone down with that remark. I actually apply that comment to myself all the time – if I find myself trying to get my ex-wife to act a certain way, and she doesn’t want to act that way, then 1) maybe I should quit trying, and 2) maybe there’s a need of mine that’s not being fulfilled, and which I could have fulfilled elsewhere.

That seems like sound advice to me, and promotes self awareness. If anyone found offense in my remark, I apologize.

By: ilinap

ilinap — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:30:28 +0000

Gosh, I hope to never have to try this. I'm a child of a divorce that didn't go so smoothly. ilinap´s last blog post..Sitting on the Edge of History

By: Mike

Mike — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:44:28 +0000

Yes it is DH. I really hadn't realized why things had improved until your post. Mike´s last blog post..Capt. Subtext & his Girls

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:03:29 +0000

Gotta agree with the e-mailers, Dads. I prefer e-mail because sometimes neither of us remember what the other one said or agreed to. Sometimes, I need a record ! But everything else you say is spot on. The only ones who get hurt if former spouses battle are the kids. If you're still fighting, please, get over it! Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Does this relationship make me look fat?

By: SDMktg

SDMktg — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 02:35:58 +0000

CT is cracking me up right now. Text and email are about all I can handle. It's great for scheduling and keeping track of the kids' activities. You can also go back so there's no "you never told me about..." Even if there's a discussion on the phone one of us puts it in writing as a back up so no one forgets. I try to follow all of those rules and then some. My kids have every right to love their mom and they are entitled to whatever relationship she chooses to have with them without my interference. I put them first whenever I can and sometimes it does mean giving in. My ex wants to be friends but our values are so different I'd rather just be coparents. It isn't easy but it's worth it. I see that every day in their faces. And they know who does what without anyone keeping track for them. SDMktg´s last blog post..Sports Licensing and Tailgate Show Day 1