Dad's House

Single Parent Dating
& Parenting Teens

39 Responses to “Online Dating Sucks”

1. Comment by Dr. Leah | February 2nd, 2009

   Rejection? No one enjoys it.

   It’s interesting that we all know people who met “the one” through online dating. Hmmm

   You can’t beat the “shopping at home” convenience online dating offers. As they say, it doesn’t hurt to look. Often, the “shopping experience” edits that “must have/ideal” list that we all carry in our minds.

   “Alone” on Valentine’s Day? We’ve all coped with far worse.

   Dr. Leah´s last blog post..When Dad is a no show

2. Comment by lisaq | February 2nd, 2009

   Ummm I met my ex husband on a dating site. ‘Nuff said!

   lisaq´s last blog post..Find Love In 90 Days

3. Comment by Lori | February 2nd, 2009

   Online dating has sucked for me too. But I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I still try it once in awhile.
   I just don’t meet alot of people on my job, and I don’t get out much, so online dating is pretty much the only way for me to meet new people.

4. Comment by Sweetie | February 2nd, 2009

   I hate online dating. When you do find someone you like, they usually flake on you, and don’t call.

   How about the ones you meet that you like, have alot in common, and then they say “they realize they just aren’t ready for a relationship.” Who tries dating when they aren’t ready?

5. Comment by mama llama | February 2nd, 2009

   I have yet to have a “great” Valentine’s Day when attached. I just can’t enjoy it when the idea of forced obligation creates the ideal of having to do something special for that one special person one day out of the year, when I would much rather show and be showed love throughout the year…which, in my book, isn’t about gift-giving as much as it is time spent and contact had. (I know, florists, chocolatiers and jewelers hate people like me) So I choose to boycott it, making it more of a children’s holiday with all their cute little valentines.

   Um…doesn’t have much to do with online dating, but I have no experience there, either.

   BTW, February 14th is Oregon’s Birthday. So there’s something different to celebrate! (for me, that is!!)

   Be well, Dads.

   mama llama´s last blog post..the mirror

6. Comment by debra | February 2nd, 2009

   I haven’t had the ultimate success with online dating, in that I’ve met The One, but I have met a lot of really great men. Some I’ve gone out with just once or twice, most for a few months, one has been my running partner for almost a year, and I can honestly say, overall, it’s been a good experience. I’ve met all kinds of men that I never would have had the opportunity to cross paths with in real life, and I’ve learned a lot of really interesting things, be it about their business, their hobbies, favorite authors, favorite musicians, the place they used to live, etc. Maybe it’s my perspective, I’m not filtering down to what I think my ideal mate should be in terms of career, income, height (ok, that’s a lie, I do use this one!) zip code. I try to stay open to meeting different kinds of people. The guy I’m dating now is absolutely not someone I would have picked out, and dating him has been an incredible, positive learning experience. I’m sure my luck is due, in large part, to where I live too; it is very easy to meet singles in Atlanta, there are tons of them it seems.

7. Comment by Laura | February 2nd, 2009

   I have also stopped online dating – it sucked for me from day one! But I remained open to the idea for nearly 3 years!

   But when some farmer in the far corners of SA became a borderline stalker when I refused to respond I decided ENOUGH!

   I dont need to be reminded daily that I seem to attract sex-crazed men looking for a wife to get them a free ticket into the country!

   I will stick to real life flirting and hooking up – even if it does take a little longer!

   Laura´s last blog post..Monday Mornings

8. Comment by Cathouse Teri | February 2nd, 2009

   Yes, online dating is not for wimps. I’ve had a lot of really fun experiences with online dating (although I only met a couple of men via a “dating site”). But when people ask me if their brother or son or sister or daughter should try online dating because they are shy, etc, I say, “Hell no!” It’s a system that is chock full of rejection. Especially for men.

   As for being alone on Valentine’s Day, here’s a true relating of a conversation between my sister and me a good fifteen years ago. She said, “Hey, it’s so cool that you have someone on Valentine’s Day. I’m all alone.” To which I replied, “Well, is it better to have no one on VD or to have someone and have them give you nothing?”

   Incidentally, David ~ I have no doubt that you are a very fine catch and if I knew a woman who was worthy of you, I would fix you up in a minute!

   Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..All The World’s A Stage

9. Comment by MindyMom | February 2nd, 2009

   I gave up online dating years ago. Misrepresentation was rampant and although I met and had a year long relationship with a guy I met online, it ultimately didn’t work out. I only dated one guy from online after that. He turned out to be a stalker. That pretty much ended it for me.

   MindyMom´s last blog post..Living in the Moment

10. Comment by Wendy | February 2nd, 2009

    The more I read, the more I am starting to think that dating in general plain ole sucks.

    Haven’t heard too many happy stories or endings lately.

    Wendy´s last blog post..The Invitation

11. Comment by Phil | February 2nd, 2009

    You don’t like online dating because many of the women are looking for qualities you don’t have? Okay… how do you avoid that in real world dating?

12. Comment by Cathouse Teri | February 2nd, 2009

    In real world dating, it’s not in black and white. :)

    Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..All The World’s A Stage

13. Comment by debra | February 2nd, 2009

    …and in the real world, people don’t make instant judgements about people without knowing anything substantial about them.

14. Comment by debra | February 2nd, 2009

    ….or rather, they may be less likely to than online.

15. Comment by ditz | February 2nd, 2009

    I will respond to Phi’s comment…the screening characteristics aren’t a factor when you meet someone outside of online dating. You see a person, talk to them, and are either interested or not. You often do not know their exact age, if they have kids, what their income is, or even where they live. All those ‘must haves’ show up later as you get to know them. Most men my age are looking for younger women or those without kids because they can. I still see them online, so I guess that isn’t working too well for them LOL!

16. Comment by mdwstwm | February 2nd, 2009

    I read Dad’s every single day…love it!

    I have done online dating and real life dating. It’s all in getting the first date and online makes that easier. I have made it my goal this time around to be more open with who I will go out with. I am not going to base it on my initial reaction to a picture or what the check boxes indicate. As you state it’s in real life that you feel that chemistry and attaction. Go online, get a date, meet and feel the attraction or not, then simply move on!

17. Comment by single mom seeking | February 2nd, 2009

    Love Phil’s comment!

    Online dating has done one thing for me: opened me up. Amazingly, ever time I’ve put myself online — never for longer than a month — I ended up meeting men in person.

    Remember what you’ve said, Dad’s House, about asking the universe for what you need?… Online dating has opened me up to possibility, even if it hasn’t happened on the Web.

    single mom seeking´s last blog post..Want to win a $50 Visa gift card?

18. Comment by dadshouse | February 2nd, 2009

    Great comments, all. Debra, Teri, and Ditz got it right in response to Phil – in the real world, things aren’t black and white. When you talk to someone, you both can gauge whether you are interested in getting to know each other. With online dating, others don’t even give you that chance unless all the checkboxes are aligned. And the thing is, if those checkboxes aren’t aligned but you meet anyways in real life – you might hit it off! (That’s exactly the story of me and my first post-divorce girlfriend. Before meeting me, she never imagined dating a single dad. We met through friends.)

    SMS – I guess when you online date, you also put yourself out there in real life. I can do that without paying a service fee and enduring the frustration of women passing over my profile due to some checkboxes that don’t match their fantasy. Time magazine named eHarmony one of the 5 Worst Websites in 2007 because eHarmony raised your hopes to unrealistic levels that couldn’t be met.

    Debra – the approach you describe seems much more open-minded than the approach taken by women I see online in the Bay Area.

    The whole notion of shopping from home doesn’t work for me – you can’t shop for a relationship. You have to interact in person. I agree online dating for some situations is a viable way for people to get out and meet. But getting out and meeting people is a viable way to get out and meet people, too. (smile)

19. Comment by Abby Carter | February 2nd, 2009

    My mother tells me that dating is in the numbers. She should know. She has been dating on and off for about 18 years. She was one of the first online daters out there! I’m not sure if I really believe her at this point, but I figure even a bad date is better than sitting around alone at home sulking. You never know, right?

20. Comment by *Juliette* | February 2nd, 2009

    Re: Debra’s comment about people in the real not making instant judgements…
    I disagree: men are visual, and if they don’t see you as someone with whom they’d like to have sex with, they are not going to come up to you in a public place and ask you out.

    I use online dating sites because I am in my 50s, I work mostly with women, I don’t go to bars, and haven’t been able to meet any men who want to date me in the real world.

    In the online world I have had 2 LTRs (the last one lasted for 3 years), and I’ve met some good men and some bad men. But, at least I’m meeting men and going out. Rejection can be depressing sometimes, so I suggest rigorous screening on the phone and through email, as well as keeping a positive attitude and sticking with it.

21. Comment by SDMktg | February 2nd, 2009

    I agree with DH about online dating being a daily dose of rejection. There’s not much worse than being a marketing person who writes and sells for a living and getting either no response or “we’re just not a match” emails every day. For me it was all of the women my age who want to meet guys 6′2″ or taller, athletic and toned, making over $150K, never married, no kids, and want kids, yet somehow match.com would send them to me with something like 85% match. If they really want a guy with no kids that means we’re a zero percent match…end of story.

    I did meet my girlfriend online (chemistry) but I think we both got lucky. Between work and my kids it’s hard to meet people in real life.

    SDMktg´s last blog post..New York Strip Steak Roast with Garlic Herb Crust

22. Comment by dadshouse | February 2nd, 2009

    Abby – that’s great that your mom is out there dating! Keep in mind, she’s in a different life stage. For me as a man raising two children half-time, most women in my desired age range (mid-30s to early-40s) are looking online because they want to get married and start their own families from scratch. I have teens. My daughter heads to college in a year.

    I guess it will get easier for me when both my kids are off in college, and I can date other empty nesters. But that’s 6 years off for my son.

    Juliette – sounds like you are using online dating in a good way. I’m guessing your children are grown and out of the house, so you don’t run into the life stage issues I run into? I agree phone and email screening is good advice. Problem is, I can’t get that far with women who check boxes that filter me out from the get-go. If they met me, they might take a more accepting view, and not be so black-and-white from the start.

23. Comment by Phil | February 2nd, 2009

    Today’s Zagat survey says:
    Best way to meet singles -
    1) Friends and family
    2) Online
    3) Work
    4) Bars

    http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/a-how-to-on-dating-and-dumping/

    (For me – everyone I know in my age group is married with kids, so #1 & #4 hasn’t worked out, and I don’t go to bars…)

    I completely understand the box-checking stereotyping – it is also my #1 complaint about online dating. Just don’t tell me it’s an online only problem… women prefer tall men with good jobs and guys are looking for young attractive women – that would never happen in real life!

24. Comment by dadshouse | February 2nd, 2009

    Phil – that’s a great list. I think I agree with the order, though I might move Work into the #2 position. That’s where I met my wife. Work colleagues often do things together outside of work, so even if you don’t date someone from work, you might meet one of their friends at a social function.

    I’m like you in that most of my friends are married with kids. Yet, most of my post-divorce girlfriends were women I met through those same married-with-kids friends. In one case I was set up, and in others I was invited to dinner parties, BBQs, block parties, birthday parties, etc. where there happened to be some single women. Then it was up to me to hunt her down and ask her out. But it was WAY easier to do that in a friendly setting where we had mutual acquaintences in common, than hunting someone down cold in a bar.

    I have met some women in bars who ended up being good friends. In fact, I first got into Reiki when I met a woman in a bar who was a Reiki Master.

25. Comment by Pickleannie | February 2nd, 2009

    I’d have to say as a single Christian mom looking for a guy, there are a couple of check boxes that are important. Their faith has to be something that is a priority in their lives, and if they have kids, those are next. Otherwise, it is a waste of time to go out in real life to me. That just means that I am pickier about where I post my profile, and what I say in it. All of that other stuff, age, kids, no kids, is not really important. Once the basics are fulfilled, it’s all about getting to know someone and whether or not there is an attraction in real life.

    But there really is something to be said about people being too picky online and rejection running rampant. It’s just simply too easy to say no to someone you’ve never met when the right boxes aren’t checked. Online dating gives people the chance to pick their “dream” spouse out, or so they think. In reality, most people would gladly uncheck boxes if they knew the person that would love them for the rest of their lives (and vice versa!) was right there in front of them.

26. Comment by The Exception | February 2nd, 2009

    Isn’t it all about being open to the possibilities? Whether in real life or online, it is about allowing yourself to be open to get to know a person over having them meet your desired “vision” of the person you want in your life. It is easier in person due to chemistry, but that doesn’t mean it is always possible. We get so hung up on this or that, we often over look what another brings to the table… and heaven forbid we have chemistry with someone who doesn’t meet our desired characteristics or perimeters.

    We want it all to fit in this nice little box with a bow – and it just doesn’t!

    I found online dating to be very dishonest – but that was my very limited experience.

27. Comment by justrun | February 2nd, 2009

    Online dating feels like work to me, and relationships are enough work.

    justrun´s last blog post..Winner and winners

28. Comment by jeanie | February 2nd, 2009

    See, for me it worked well – mainly because it worked and I ended up with someone I have since married.

    And mainly because I always said the only place Prince Charming would be ever able to find me was at home (work at home, single parent, hate smoky drinky places and my recreational activities were more home or friend’s home based).

    Not saying it works for all. Not saying everyone should try it. Not saying there aren’t wierdos out there – there truly are.

    But we were both willing to try it long distance at first (350km trek) which, in hindsight, was brilliant, as we really got to know each other even before meeting – and we were willing to let history be only lessons learned, not templates for futures – and it worked for us.

    jeanie´s last blog post..Desperado

29. Comment by Lance | February 2nd, 2009

    Generally, I can’t stand online dating, but I’ve gotten value from it for sure. Like my current GF I met on match. Six months now.

    I think Valentine’s Day is totally lame. It doesn’t move me at all to be single on V-Day. Seriously, it’s a big commercialized CF that doesn’t have to mean anything. Course I’m sure my gf with have other ideas.

    Lance´s last blog post..10 Twitter Hotties You Should Follow

30. Comment by Edgar | February 2nd, 2009

    Lance better get his game on with respect to VD, or she might be his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. I have to agree that the usual trite trinkets demean the sentiments, but why not take any excuse to let your significant other know how much they mean to you?

    As for the online thing, David, I’m sorry that your local selection has not been all that enticing. I didn’t really spend much time perusing the women in the South Bay when I was online (which for me was a very rich experience), but the cohort of singles to the north and east was full of delightful women in your age bracket, both with and without kids. As you have said many times (and I agree) – it’s merely another way to meet potential partners, with pros (people there have a common purpose) and cons (a profile doesn’t give you the instant sense of the person that an in-person meeting does). Like SMS notes, it’s just another way to increase your connections.

31. Comment by Janet | February 2nd, 2009

    Chemistry and attraction is something felt by the whole self (body, mind, soul) in real life; it can’t be articulated in checkboxes and online prose.

    –I completely agree. Looking at online profiles leaves me feeling empty. It is hard to get too excited about anyone when most of the profiles sound the same.

    Janet´s last blog post..Too picky??

32. Comment by Kat Wilder | February 2nd, 2009

    All online sites do is open you up to the potential of meeting more people — no promises that they will be the right people for you. Thus it feels like more rejection. I think they are one way to meet people, no better or worse than any other way, as long as you keep expectations in check.

    As for Valentine’s — there is nothing real about that “holiday” at all. If flowers, chocolates and a fancy dinner one day a year is someone’s idea of romance … well … ugh.

    Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Does this relationship make me look fat?

33. Comment by badmuthablogger | February 2nd, 2009

    I’ve only tried internet dating once, a LONG time ago, when match.com just got started. It was a total fiasco and very depressing http://badmuthablogger.com/2008/12/07/my-first-internet-dating-fiasco/
    I’m dating through an introduction agency right now. And I’m going to be brave and give internet dating give it another go. I don’t how to meet men otherwise. Having a young baby means I’m at home almost all the time. The only people I see are other mums, and I keep telling them I want to start dating (thinking they might hook me up with their husband’s friends) but they all look at me blankly like I’m off my rocker. But I agree with single mom seeking, that it’s important to stay open to the possibilities, and by putting myself out online in the dating pool, means the Universe might throw me a fish to the side. You never know who’s lurking out there.

    badmuthablogger´s last blog post..11 months old today!!

34. Comment by dadshouse | February 2nd, 2009

    Kat, I disagree (and I knew you’d respond like this!) I think online dating is worse than meeting in real life, especially compared to meeting friends of friends. Amy Nathan at Chicago Examiner Blog recently reported on a troubling statistic, that there are tons of married people visiting online dating sites, testing the water before they get a divorce. That’s terrible for singles looking for a lasting relationship. http://www.examiner.com/x-2443-Chicago-Single-Mom-Examiner~y2009m1d28-Troubling-data-for-online-dating

    Badmuthablogger – thanks for sharing that post. Very funny stories there. Online dating is nuts, indeed.

35. Comment by krn | February 3rd, 2009

    Online dating isn’t for everyone. I admire you brave souls that have given it a chance. After perusing the ads, it just didn’t feel right for me.

    Blind date set ups by mutual friends have worked best for me. I met the two great loves of my life that way and a couple of wonderful male friends, also.

    The last blind date prospect sounded great. In person, he reminded me of my ex enough to make me slightly uncomfortable, but I let that go and got to know him. When he drove up in his vehicle on a subsequent date and it was the exact make/model that my ex drives and then he greeted me with the same words my ex uses with me, I nearly hyperventilated. Some time later, I realized that he’s a very nice person with many other appealing qualities, but there was very little chemistry between us.

    I’m starting to feel content and happy being alone. Enjoying a fun flirt pretty frequently has helped me remain open. Should someone interesting flirt back, I’ll quietly pass him my number. Until then, I plan on celebrating Valentine’s day with a great glass of wine (or a few) and a good read.

36. Comment by Lori | February 3rd, 2009

    Dad

    You mention married people visiting dating sites to test the waters first. I can’t believe (or I guess I can) there is a dating site for married people wanting to have an affair. Referring to the site that advertised during the Superbowl. Disgusting!

37. Comment by Sintaku | February 3rd, 2009

    I’ve found online dating a bit troublesome too. Since I’m probably too young for it, the majority of women want men older than 23 and working.

    I do work, but I am not looking for someone who is there for my money. Sad. Online dating does have the massive dose of rejection, but I have seen that many people have succeeded with it.

    But if you do participate in online dating, do it safely.
    http://blog.vintaku.com/2009/02/03/online-dating-safety-tips/

38. Comment by Mimi Lenox | February 5th, 2009

    You took the words right out of my mouth and yet I continue to subject myself to the day-to-day negativity. That is the PERFECT word for it. It’s not about rejection for me….but it can be soooo depressing.

    The age thing: I did a little research on a popular dating site not long ago. Out of 100 men who were exactly my age, only 15 of them preferred and were actively seeking women anywhere near my age. Most checked the 30-45 age range for a desired mate, even when they were in their early fifties. Women who have crossed the magic “50″ number stand no chance of getting matches….unless, of course, they are 75.

    Sigh.

    Mimi Lenox´s last blog post..Mimi In A Minute #6 ~ The Peanut Episode

39. Comment by Lee | January 23rd, 2010

    I did not like match.com because I felt that many of the men on there were looking for Barbie dolls. I found that Singlesnet.com had men of more substance, although some of them were strange, shallow, and ridiculous. If I had to recommend one dating service out of all the rest, it would be singlesnet.com. You automatically get people on your screen that are in the general area, although you can search for people all over the United States. The men I met there was less strange than some of the men I had correpsonded on other dating sites, although there are some real doosies on there. The most significant romance I ever had was with a man I met on Singlesnet.com. I also met a friend on there too.

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website

Dad's House
© 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved. Privacy notice. Terms of use.