Comments on: My Teen Daughter is Dating

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 20:58:18 +0000

Bill – great comment. I agree that as the older party, I’m way more experienced than my daughter. I did eventually meet the boyfriend written about in this post. My daughter has since moved on to other relationships. She currently spends time with boys, sometimes at my house, and none of the kids let on as to whether they are more than friends or not. Some parents would just be nosy and ask, but that can come across as overbearing and encroach teen freedom. Kat Wilder wrote about this today: http://katwilder.com/2010/02/a-teenage-love-triangle/

When I was a teen, I didn’t want my parents to know anything about my love life. I wanted to figure things out on my own. Their value system was instilled in me, but I didn’t ask them to parse through every experience, or explain each and every emotion I felt. I tested limits, and processed stuff on my own.

But I did know my parents were there for me if I ever truly needed them. I’m trying to offer my daughter that same freedom to experience her life in a safe and supportive environment. She has access to my adult perspective, and we talk daily, but I also let her have some privacy of her own. It’s a balance.

I do agree that it’s important for the boys to know I exist, know I’m involved in my daughter’s life, know I’m important to her (and her to me). She runs with a great crowd, and they definitely meet my standards.

Thanks for your comment.

By: Bill Swears

Bill Swears — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 20:31:00 +0000

I don’t follow your logic at all. If the boy is worth dating, he’s worth bringing home to meed dad, and if she is certain that he’s a good guy, she should be pretty comfortable bringing him home. There should be no equity at all between your handling of dating events and hers.

Your daughter’s risks over the next few years are far greater than yours, and her experience base is far smaller. She will, for example, be losing her virginity and deciding what her pragmatic attitudes toward sex are, sometime in the next five years. Having access to your adult perspective in her specific relationships would be an incredible advantage to her, and one which her friends might not want her to have.

You trust your daughter’s instincts and her intent, but you can’t really trust her judgment on issues with which she has no experience. You don’t have to approve or disapprove of each boy, but you have a much broader experience base for seeing hidden ick factors, and just having them meet you implies that they need to meet standards you would accept.

Bill

By: TeenDad

TeenDad — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:52:41 +0000

I’m now 19 and experiencing being a dad. I must say although it feels good it’s still hard. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but to be honest, the hard part is having to balance time. My daughter is great and makes managing her never dreadful. -Teen dad

By: aunt lee

aunt lee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:12:42 +0000

I tend to go for what the dad in "Clueless" did -- make the boy come in to pick her up and tell him "Anything happens to my daughter, I've got a rifle and a shovel - I doubt anyone would miss you.." But then I'm a big believer in using movies to jumpstart conversations with kids about relationships. aunt lee´s last blog post..Riahnna and Chris and True Love part II

By: Joanna

Joanna — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 04:22:14 +0000

My Aunt did the same thing to my cousins. She said she didn’t want to meet their boyfriends until they had dated for a bit because she said she met too many boyfriends that my one cousin wasn’t that serious about.

By: MomSweetNSpicey

MomSweetNSpicey — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:29:05 +0000

I think you should read the book Interview Your Daughters Dates by Dennis Rainey – my husband read it and now gives the book to all his friends with daughters!

By: ilinap

ilinap — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:20:26 +0000

Please don't embarrass the poor lad. ilinap´s last blog post..Wise Words from Garrison Keillor