Bowling Ball
You know how your kids will ask for something they don’t really need, then nag and whine until you’re on the very brink of buying it for them just so you don’t kill them? There’s a story I like to tell my kids to quell instances like that before they get out of hand.
When I was a kid, my older brother and I decided we wanted our own bowling balls. Why? I have no idea. It’s not like we played the sport. I think my brother wanted one because his friend had one, and I wanted one because my brother was getting one. Whatever. We nagged and whined and my parents finally cracked.
I got a really cool one that was a mustardy spirally marble with my name in italics: David. I loved that bowling ball! The first few times I bowled with it, I thought it was pure magic.
And then I was done with it. I didn’t give a rats ass about bowling. I had just wanted this thing, and now I didn’t want or need it anymore.
Not so fast, said my parents. They were both teachers, which meant our family wasn’t exactly living in millionaire acres (why teachers aren’t paid more is an outrage.) Buying these bowling balls had taken more than a little scrimping and saving. My parents rightfully wanted us to enjoy them for years. Decades.
“We’re signing you up for a bowling league,” they said.
Doh!
Fine. I bowled on Saturday’s in a league with kids my age. Except they weren’t kids like me. These kids loved bowling. They were good at bowling. Some of them even had bowling shirts. (Don’t worry, I didn’t nag and whine for that.) But there was one accessory I did want.
You know how your hand gets all oily and sweaty when you bowl, and they have the little hand dryer you can use right before your turn? Some of these kids didn’t need that dryer because they had their own bowling towel. A colorful towel with their initials stitched into it. I wanted a mustard one.
“You can take a rag from the rag bag,” my dad said.
Doh!
Then there was one boy who had some weird fingerless leather mitt that he wore to make sure he didn’t break his wrist. (Not break, as in need to see a doctor, but break as in put weird spin on the ball.) He threw nothing but strikes with that thing. When I didn’t get my monogrammed towel, I nagged and whined for that. Didn’t work.
“Use the damn hair drying,” my dad said.
“Hand dryer?” I asked.
“Whatever!”
Doh!
On a recent telling of this story by me, my kids sat quietly, half-listening, rolling their eyes, clearly unimpressed. When I got to the big Aesop’s Fable finish where I’m supposed to teach some lesson about asking for what you want and nothing more, or making due with what you already have (insert parent instructional verbiage here), she calmly interjected her own bit of wisdom.
“You should totally blog about this story,” she said.
Smart ass.
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Comment by Writer Dad
| February 4th, 2009
I want to move to millionaire acres! My wife’s a teacher and, yeah, no bueno on the bucks. We’re going through a particularly difficult financial stretch right now, but in a way I’m really grateful. Our children are seven and four, and both can have very little of what they ask for. This is the way of our world right now and I believe it is building a strain of character I would likely miss if I had different means.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..New Dad, New Dad
Comment by Will
| February 4th, 2009
“why teachers aren’t paid more is an outrage.”
They traded high merit-based wages for eternal job security. Just like every other government job. Too late to whine about it now.
-Will in Austin
ps. My family has many hardworking teachers – and they are all either griping about other teachers that need to get fired, or are all smug about being recession proof.
Comment by MindyMom
| February 4th, 2009
Did your daughter think it would entertain us more than it did her?
I’m just wondering how you got her to sit through that tale. My kids would have been rolling their eyes and texting their friends about how “gay” I am after the first sentence. (I don’t know why they use that term, but they do – and I always respond with, “no, I am VERY hetero.” and that usually shuts ‘em up) No prejudice, just teen slang.
Why were you gving the “lesson” in the first place?
MindyMom´s last blog post..Kids, Babysitters, Blind Dates & The Juggling Act
Comment by dadshouse
| February 4th, 2009
Actually, my kids crack up when I tell the story, probably because they know me and my dad. The eye rolling only comes when I get to the lesson part.
I guess some family stories are funnier told in person. To family. Doh!
Comment by Vinomom
| February 4th, 2009
I pulled that crap all the time as a kid – just a few things I begged for, then promptly became uninterested in? Horse Riding Lessons, Dance Lessons, Modeling Classes, 4-H, the list goes on and on…I have no idea why they gave in every time, especially as the pattern continued.
I am better about finishing things now, thank god, and am careful about getting involved in things that aren’t going to monopolize too much time, because I just don’t have the patience for it.
Good for you for setting limits for your kids! I try and do the same w/ mine but also to give in to some things that I CAN say yes to.
And I’m curious too, what were they asking for?
Vinomom´s last blog post..Superbowl 2009
Comment by Karissa
| February 4th, 2009
I have always been a big fan of STUFF myself. I wanted to play baseball just so I could wear a uniform. We couldn’t afford it, so I played violin on the public school-supplied instruments instead.
I hope my son doesn’t inherit my love for STUFF :)
Karissa´s last blog post..How to balance life and work – part two
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 4th, 2009
You boys are always wanting your balls to be special-er! ;)
I hate bowling. Hate, hate, hate it.
When I used to tell a long story like that to my kids, they would just stare at me at the end. And then my daughter figured out how to use that silence for the benefit of comedic timing. She would add:
“Could you repeat that?”
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by dadshouse
| February 4th, 2009
Karissa – I was just like you. I wanted to play baseball just to wear the uniform, because all my buddies wore theirs to school on game day. But I had asthma and couldn’t do sports until I outgrew my asthma in college. So I did the band thing too.
Teri – that’s funny. And no, I won’t repost this!
Vinomom – parents give in all the time, don’t they? Horseback riding and 4H sounds way better than bowling.
As for this particular instance… nothing major, just my son doing his usual bit of asking for crap he doesn’t need. It’s like a bunch of little straws breaking the camel’s back. He can be a master negotiator. I joke that he should plan on a career raising funds for non-profit organizations. He’s a pro.
Or I’m just weak.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 4th, 2009
Just say NO to everything! See what happens! :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by SDMktg
| February 4th, 2009
I always had to negotiate too and I rarely won so it had to be something I really wanted like my letterman jacket and class ring. Somehow my mom figured out how to make it work though. One of my friends was the guy whose dad bought him the full setup, new helmet, pads, and everything, and he got hurt the second week of practice and had to quit. What a waste…
The downturn has affected my kids too but they still have way more stuff than I did as a kid. I’m only 38 and we had a black and white TV until I was about 8 or 9. I didn’t even have cable until after college.
SDMktg´s last blog post..Super Bowl Commercials on YouTube…Vote for your Fav.
Comment by Exception
| February 4th, 2009
Now that is a funny ending but a great story!! Your daughter has a wonderful sense of humor it seems… what a kid!
Exception´s last blog post..Dad’s Role
Comment by katherine.
| February 4th, 2009
Being an oldest my parents hadn’t softened up yet…and I didn’t really experience the “if you whine…they will succumb” instances my sibs enjoyed.
I had no personal history to fall back on and if my kids presented a well thought out reason I pretty much acquiesced…with conditions. When Little Missy wanted to learn to play flute like her two friends, I rented the instrument and went with six months of lessons. She loved it and I bought her a new flute and she took lessons for years. So when The Bear Cub wanted to play the banjo I went out and bought a beautiful piece…a stunningly gorgeous instrument..which has never been used and sits in the closet.
Only my oldest reads my weblog. She is 27 and we speak everyday…we know way too much about each other’s personal lives and loves. MORE THAN ONCE she has said to me “this better not show up on your eph-n blog”….
katherine.´s last blog post..just one?
Comment by ilinap
| February 4th, 2009
I bowled a 3 once. Ten frames. I was not drunk or blindfolded.
Comment by Crysk
| February 4th, 2009
Haha I adore you! Its nice to see a single father with some humor out there :-P.
Comment by krn
| February 4th, 2009
A monogrammmed mustard colored bowling ball? Too bad it isn’t still around so you could bring it out when you tell this fun story. Now it would be a “vintage” monogrammed mustard bowling ball!
I whined for a stylish little convertible, ended up with a little bland economy sedan and pretty much haven’t whined for anything since. <—–Maybe your kids will read this? ;)
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| February 4th, 2009
HA! Great story. I’ve tried a few times to provide “moral stories” to my 10-year old daughter…but she normally interjects multiple times with stories of her own that relate (at least they relate to her). By the time I get to the point of the story I’m telling, she’s talked so much I’ve actually forgotten the moral.
And on the off-chance that I remember and finally tell her, I’d get a classic answer:
“Uh-huh.”
Comment by T
| February 4th, 2009
Ha! This is SO funny. I’m with Teri, I just say no. As a matter of fact, after I say no, if they keep asking, I start saying no to everything they ask after that.
Can I have a snack? No
Will you get me some water? No
Will you help me brush my teeth? NO
For every extra time they ask me, I tack on another “no” to whatever other question they ask me.
I’m a hard ass I know. But they do get the point.
(Rose just tonight reminded me of a time that I did this. She said I deleted her favorite movie from the DVR because she wouldn’t stop asking me if she could watch it. Doh!)
T´s last blog post..Please?
Comment by Lori
| February 4th, 2009
My 12 yr old asked for a cell phone. I told her no, we need to start living like we have no money.
Then during a trip to Target, where I’m putting some unnecessary, but much wanted items in my cart, she reminds me “we’re supposed to be living like we have no money.” Smart ass kids.
Comment by QTMama
| February 5th, 2009
This is awesome, I am guilty of the same thing! My dad, however, gave in much easier … ;) Doh!
QTMama´s last blog post..Funk – With a Capital F
Comment by Sensfaction
| February 9th, 2009
Being a parent of a 2 1/2 year old I can relate to the whining and crying until they get something. Now though it’s toys they really want and will in fact play with for hours on end. It’s the feeling of walking through the store with your little one crying, daddy, please please daddy that toy. I must have that toy. I’m such a softie. At least when they’re older you can explain things to them in a rational sensical fashion!!!
Sensfaction´s last blog post..The Spoon – Monday Morning Laugh – passed to me through email