Flirting in Front of Your Ex
Eathan at I Date White recently had his son in the hospital for an extended stay, due to surgery complications. Eathan and his ex-wife both spent significant time visiting their sick son. As the boy got better, Eathan noticed an attractive nurse making rounds, smiling and flirting with him a bit. Apparently, word had gotten out that he was divorced. He wondered: was there a way to get her number? And what if his ex found out?
I weighed in with a strong opinion. After all, I’d experienced something similar – I once watched a man flirting with my ex-wife right in front of me. Believe me, it wasn’t fun.
My son was playing youth baseball, and his mom and sister (10 or 11 at the time) and I sat on the sidelines, watching the game. His mom and I were sitting fairly close, but she had her own blanket, and other parents knew we were divorced.
A divorced dad whose youngest son was on the team plopped down right next to my ex and started flirting. He chatted her up like the smoothest SOB on earth. Which son is yours? Oh, yeah, he’s a great player! (B.S. My son was average. Lacrosse is the sport where he excels.) The dad asked my ex-wife her name, then he asked my daughter her name. He started flirting with both of them!
Now then, if he wasn’t flirting with my ex, and instead was just a dad being friendly, it wouldn’t have bothered me one bit. But I knew he was hitting on her. For me to picture this man as the future step-father of my children creeped me out. And how could I not picture him in that role? He was flirting like crazy, continually raising the stakes.
For the most part, my ex-wife deflected his flirtatious advance. Her answers to his questions became more curt, and her eyes stayed fixed to the game. The single dad wouldn’t be deterred. He turned all his attention to my daughter. What’s your sport? Soccer? Oh, I bet you’re great! My daughter looked a little creeped out. She turned shy, which was unusal for her.
Along the way, though, the single dad discovered that my daughter’s team mascot was the screaming man from the famous Norwegian painting titled The Scream.
“I know that artist!” the flirting single dad boasted, showing off his art expertise. “Van Gogh! That’s his most famous painting.”
“Actually,” my daughter said, finding her voice again. “The artist is Edvard Munch. I learned all about him from my dad!”
Touché !!!
Despite being verbally ass-kicked by my daughter, this single dad still tried to get my ex-wife’s phone number. My ex wouldn’t give it up. I breathed a sigh of relief.
You can pretty well guess what advice I gave Eathan. Get the nurse’s number. Just don’t do it in front of your ex-wife.
[Ed. Note: Eathan is a solid guy who acted quite sensitively in the hospital. Be sure to read his post.]
- Flirt-a-Day Update
- Flirting Season
- How to Ask a Teacher Out
- Hot, Sexy, Confident
- Flirting With a Woman in Front of Your Son
- Jon Gosselin Dating Craziness
- How to Start Dating a Single Dad
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Comment by MindyMom
| February 5th, 2009
Your daughter rocks! Now that is a good story.
That guy was a creep. I wonder how you would have felt if he had been hitting on your ex more tactfully and she was being receptive?
Better or worse?
MindyMom´s last blog post..Just Say "No" People
Comment by Wendy
| February 5th, 2009
I second Mindy’s comment about your daughter. Indeed, she rocks.
That was the part of the story that stands out the most for me!
Wendy´s last blog post..The Wall is Up
Comment by Dr. Leah www.singlemommyhood.com
| February 5th, 2009
I can’t even remotely imagine thinking about flirting or anything else but my child’s welfare, if one of them was hospitalized. But, hey, that’s me.
Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com´s last blog post..When Dad is a no show
Comment by Laura
| February 5th, 2009
If I were to see a women flirt with my ex I would give her his number and ask her to call and then ask him to move with her to Siberia!
But I do get the point and do agree! (in theory)
Laura´s last blog post..Racism – an ugly truth
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 5th, 2009
Well, the guy definitely was a dumbass. Even if he were unaware that you were two people who had been previously married (which is entirely possible, since he seems a bit clueless). I do not at all find a man attractive who behaves in such a manner. And I’m thinking your ex doesn’t either. So, the ex-is-sitting-right-next-to-me factor aside, he was clearly not scoring any points and should have noticed.
I am sure it is just good manners not to do your opposite sex hunting when in the company of an ex. And if I were a woman interested in a divorced man, I would appreciate that about him. No doubt, he has plenty of opportunity to speak with this nurse when the ex isn’t present. My concern is that the nurse is being a bit insensitive to the fact that there are two parents (albeit divorced) who are in a crisis situation, and she is showing no regard for whatever the mother’s feelings might be during that stressful time.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by Exception
| February 5th, 2009
Spot on advice to I Date White… it is just bad form to flirt with someone in front of their X. That is awesome that your daughter found her voice. Got to hand it to kids for speaking up when they know the right answer!!
Exception´s last blog post..Becoming Aware
Comment by SingleParentDad
| February 5th, 2009
Interesting. I have a single dad friend, a real life one, who has recently changed his attitude to this, after being on the receiving end.
His soon to be ex-wife had yet to venture into dating anyone else, but he had been far from discrete with his new dalliances, without being deliberate. But having seen someone try and ‘pull’ his ex at a school Christmas performance, he has since decided to keep his two words separate.
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..Baby Bonding
Comment by katherine.
| February 5th, 2009
yeah…your daughter is totally cool.
She will handle life just fine.
at one point I had two playing football…one on varsity and one on JV. This means two games on Saturday…and two Friday night player/family dinners…for months.
Two single moms. Twelve single dads.
My ex kept running interference…and interfering.
After a couple games I had dinner with one of the single dads who had kids on both teams…and my ex (in a rather Jerry Springer move) asked this guy’s exwife out. SHE pulled me aside and asked me if I minded if she said yes…which my daughter overheard.
She choked on her soda laughing.
katherine.´s last blog post..just one?
Comment by krn
| February 5th, 2009
Your daughter and your ex handled the overzealous (but probably well meaning) flirter with grace and class. :)
I share Teri’s concerns above, regarding the nurse’s flirtation. But, I don’t know whole story. Nurses are human.
Comment by ditz
| February 5th, 2009
I don’t really have a problem with someone flirting with my ex, it will piss his wife off, and frankly he is way overdue for some bad karma! Can you tell I am bitter LOL?
Comment by dadshouse
| February 5th, 2009
Eathan is a solid guy. You need to read his post about the nurse before jumping to conclusions. He made it clear that flirting did not happen until his son was out of dire straites and clearly better. And he was quite sensitive to his ex.
There’s a very smooth part 2 to his post: http://idatewhite.com/2009/02/03/dating-a-hospital-nurse-pt-2/
Katherine – your “Jerry Springer” story is hilarious!
SingleParentDad – that’s telling. Once you’re on the receiving end, you’re more sensitive about treating others in a similar manner.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 5th, 2009
You’re right. I know I hadn’t read his post. But if he was doing this all discreetly and with correct timing, what was the problem? If nothing was going on in front of the ex, what in the world would be the issue? Yes, I realize, he was concerned she would “find out.” And she could have a reaction to that, only because she would then imagine, “Oh great ~ we were at the hospital with our son in dire straits and he’s off checking out hot nurses!” I’ll admit, that would piss me off.
But it sounds like all went well and the story likely has a happy ending in sight. For everyone.
I would like to point out, though, that I have OFTEN OFTEN OFTEN advised singles to go hang out at hospital cafeterias to meet desirable candidates to date. Doctors and nurses… a sea of possibility!
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by Lori
| February 5th, 2009
Very tacky guy. Kudo’s to the kiddo!
A little note about nurses, we are crazy for the construction workers not the MDs!
Comment by Eathan
| February 5th, 2009
Sounds like ya have good kids. I’ve always got that vibe from reading your posts.
One thing I will say about the ex/kids. They know you very well. They just didn’t wake up one morning and find you acting in a strange manner. They are used to your normal social activity. I’ll admit that my ex said to one of the nurses, “he has probably has met one of your co workers and doesn’t remember.. he’s always meeting people who matter where he is.”
If a quality guy hit on my ex.. I’d step back and offer any help I could. It wouldn’t bother me at all. We’re have a friendly relationship..not the typical angry ex. Her happiness leads to my son being in a happy household. All I want is my kids to be happy.
Eathan´s last blog post..Dating A Hospital Nurse – Pt. 2
Comment by Beth
| February 5th, 2009
Um……seeing as you and the ex are divorced, what diff did it make if dumbbutt was flirting with her?…..all’s fair is it not?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 5th, 2009
I like Eathan’s attitude. :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by dadshouse
| February 5th, 2009
Beth – sure, all’s fair. And my ex has a boyfriend now, just as I’ve had girlfriends. It was just really awkward for me to have to watch some guy flirting with her. I mean, even though we’re divorced, we were together for 15 years. I want the best for her and my kids when they’re in her house, and this guy didn’t strike me as the best.
Plus, it was weird he not only flirted in front of my daughter, but was flirting with my daughter. That probably creeped me out the most.
Love that you called him dumbbutt. You must know him! (kidding)
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| February 5th, 2009
Great post.
I can only hope that my daughter can “drop some knowledge” like that on somebody and give me credit sometime down the road. I bet your pride was just booming at that very moment.
And while maybe not extremely tactful, getting the nurse’s number isn’t such a horrific suggestion as long as it was an appropriate place and time to do so.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..A lifelong obsession realized…
Comment by Mimi Lenox
| February 5th, 2009
What a creepy guy indeed and an uncomfortable situation. Good for your daughter!
Came here via Katherine’s post today about a similar situation. What an interesting blog.
Mimi Lenox´s last blog post..Mimi In A Minute #6 ~ The Peanut Episode
Comment by searchingwithin
| February 11th, 2009
He appeared to be flirting with your daughter, trying to get her to like him, as a way to get closer to your ex.
Children are very protective of their parents, and normally, will try to ward off any potential suitors, if given half the chance. Usually they really, really wish their parents will re-unite. She saw right through this guy, and didn’t hesitate to let him know he wasn’t welcome.
Even though you may no longer harbor any desire to play a “lover” role in your wife’s life, you clearing still love and respect her, as well as moved on beyond the bitterness that usually plays a part, even if short lived, in any break-up. Therefore you want her to be happy.
It is hard to imagine ANYONE, no matter how good of a person they are, as playing any time of parental role in our place. Or any role we once played in anyone’s life, for that matter.
~Best Wishes~
searchingwithin´s last blog post..I Did Not Realize It Was Strange