Hot Date, Cold Approach
I was recently in Palo Alto by myself on a weeknight, looking to hit the bar of a nice restaurant for a cocktail. For a divorced single dad like me, at my life stage, it’s a better atmosphere for chatting up a stranger than a sports bar or club.
But on this particular night, my usual spots were dead, and I criss-crossed town looking for a better option.
When all of a sudden, I saw her.
Across the street was a brown-haired woman in a long black wool trench coat, black pants and heels. She was tall, fit, with an athletic gait. (My x-ray vision sees all.) She completely turned my head. I can’t explain it. It’s one of those in-person things that’s individually unique. Attraction is strongest when it’s simply felt.
I decided on the spot – wherever this woman went, I would go, too. Wine bar? I’d chat her up over Pinot. Dive bar? A watered down g-and-t would hit the spot. Pub? Let’s just say I’m a Guinness man.
She walked two blocks, with me trailing her. Don’t worry, I wasn’t being all creepy stalker-like. I merely headed her same direction, at her same pace.
She ended up in the Peninsula Creamery.
For the uninitiated, the Creamery is an old-fashioned burger joint with shakes and malts and fries. If she sat in a booth, my tailing-her days were over. But wouldn’t you know, just my luck, she sat at the counter!
Dad’s House tip for singles everywhere: when you dine alone, sit at the counter or bar. It’s totally normal for other singles to sit nearby and strike up a conversation.
I sat two barstools away. She ordered a sundae, and I ordered a coke.
At this point, it’s important for a man to say something – anything – to start a conversation. I noticed she was reading the LA Times, which most Silicon Valley people don’t read, so I asked her,
“You from LA?”
She looked over, and said, “Is it that obvious?”
“Your paper,” I said.
From there, we were off to the races. I asked her questions, got to know her. She was in management consulting, working with a Valley firm. She played rec-league co-ed softball back in LA. She loves the beach. She’d been in Palo Alto for a few days, and this was her last night in town. She expected she’d be returning in a few weeks.
I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, and she said yes.
We headed over to a posh Indian lounge, and shared exotic cocktails, and talked some more. We were really getting along. I told her I was a dad. (I’m not a big fan of getting married on the first date, but I do tend to put my parenting-self out there. Then I can talk unfiltered about my kids.) She said she admired that. She was itching to settle down and become a mom.
We moved the party to a British Pub, and ordered Newcastle pints. (Guinness seemed a little heavy at that point.)
Mid-drink, I realized I had a choice to make.
- Try to sleep with her tonight
- Try to see her next time she came to town
- Do nothing, and simply be happy and grateful for her company this one night
Of course, she had to make this same choice, too.
Door number one was most tempting. We were both attracted to each other. And while first-date sex is a terrible way to start a relationship, for a business traveler or a single parent sleeping solo way too much, it can happen.
Door number two was the conservative, nice guy approach. Believe me, if she lived in the Bay Area, it’s the one I’d recommend. But she lived in LA. Who knew when she’d be up here again? Besides, exchanging numbers and good intentions with someone who lived a plane flight away rarely panned out. There’s too much time to contemplate the future. Even if a long-distance relationship was do-able, at some point someone needs to move. And as a single dad involved in his kids’s lives, it won’t be me.
Door number three wasn’t even worth considering. If there’s attraction, I tend to want more.
And here’s the thing. I actually think she was up for a one-night stand. But I wanted to see her again. I opted for door number two. We swapped phone numbers, and shared a hug and a peck at the end of the night.
I called her twice since, leaving voicemail both times. She never called back.
If I had it to do over again, I’d choose door number one.
- Coffee House Pickup
- Sexy and Funny Wine Country Date
- Hot Bus Girl
- Dating After Divorce
- Texting vs Calling for a Date
- Shirtless Runner
- Coffee House Sexy Surprise
- Thursday Night in Palo Alto
- Hot Mother in a Boys Clothing Store
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Comment by Dr. Leah
| February 9th, 2009
Hmmm…an interesting story about an eventful evening.
Keep us posted. You never know. Behind Door #2 could be the jackpot after all.
Dr. Leah´s last blog post..When YOU’RE just not that into him
Comment by Mike
| February 9th, 2009
I think every guy goes through that. For me as long as I can sleep at night I’m happy with my decisions and I would have chosen #2 also.
Mike´s last blog post..Damn You To Hell!!!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| February 9th, 2009
Hey, it’s silly to live in regret — I should have …
It’s just as silly to plan — Next time I’ll …
But when presented with a willing sexual partner, door No. 1 is pretty much the way to go if you like one-nighters.
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Miley’s eyes, Phelps’ pot and some bad peanuts
Comment by Leah
| February 9th, 2009
Ah, this is a bittersweet post. Sounds like at the very least you had a fun and flirty connection while it lasted.
Guess we all make the best decisions with the information we have at the time. This single parent dating thing is quite the continual learning/refining process, is it not??
Leah´s last blog post..Metamorphosis
Comment by krn
| February 9th, 2009
Aaaah, door number two. Sounds like a great night, anyhow.
She has your number. It might not be the end of the story yet, Dad’s. If she knows your full name, she might read this, read back and decide to give a call next time she’s in town!
Comment by MindyMom
| February 9th, 2009
Aw, sorry Dads. All is not lost though. Maybe she’s thinking SHE should have and next time she’s back in town WILL call you up!
MindyMom´s last blog post..Being a Parent
Comment by mama llama
| February 9th, 2009
Your self-professed x-ray vision abilities scare me…!
But this story redeemed you(!). You are a respectable guy and you respect back. That is more important than the choice you *could* have made.
You never know what might happen next time she’s in the area. Just don’t forget her name…
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..the flame
Comment by Laura
| February 9th, 2009
See I always go for door no 1 ;-p
No seriously no 2 is the preferably one but the riskier one!
Hope she calls back!
Laura´s last blog post..The fighting ends now
Comment by Eathan
| February 9th, 2009
ughh.. You had me hooked on this one. I thought you were make your move. I have to admit, you did a good job not stalking her like a shady private investigator from the 70’s… smoothly done.
I always look at a line from the movie Hitch. “A guy has 1 chance”
I wonder what the chances are that you run into her again. It might be better than you think.
Comment by SingleParentDad
| February 9th, 2009
You like the black stuff (Guiness) and the brown stuff (Newcastle)? I’ve become a John Smiths man in my thirties.
I’ve never gone out on my own for a drink, and I’m in no rush to do it. Your confidence impresses me.
And as they others have commented, if you were happy making that door 2 choice, with best intentions, you’ll sleep in the future, and you never know who might just be ’sleeping’ with you!
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..Baby Bonding
Comment by T
| February 9th, 2009
Thank you David for teaching us how men really think when they’re interested in you.
Your lessons are priceless!
T´s last blog post..This is what it would take
Comment by dadshouse
| February 9th, 2009
SingleParentDad – John Smiths? Can we can that here in the States? I’ll have to look for it at the local pub.
I don’t go out solo very often, but I absolutely will. Dinner is actually easier thank drinks. I can head to a restaurant and eat at the bar, and there’s always someone else having drinks or food who I can talk with.
Eathan – I am nowhere near as smooth as you. I need lessons.
Laura – I often go for door number 1, but this woman really turned my head, and I wanted something more.
Kat – I agree, regret and making plans are both silly. You have to just react to whatever comes your way. That said, if a hottie comes my way again…
Comment by The Exception
| February 9th, 2009
I like that you chose number 2. In doing so you also chose number 3 and there is always hope for something else… or there is possibility. One never knows what can happen. You showed respect… I like that too… and I bet she will remember that even if you never see her again. Living in the moment and respecting one another… how can you go wrong or have regrets!
The Exception´s last blog post..It’s a Different World
Comment by QTMama
| February 9th, 2009
Ahh DH, you gentleman. I dig that you choose the door you did. And if she doesn’t call back? It’s her loss.
QTMama´s last blog post..DeFunkification Process – Complete!
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| February 9th, 2009
Hey Dads.
I think in my single 20’s that Door #1 would have been the most obvious and, realistically, only option to take at that particular moment.
In my divorced, single-father 30’s…I’d like to think that I’d be strong enough to go for Door #2. But as you mentioned, it’s an extremely difficult choice to make when you’re in an empty bed every single night.
But at the end of the day, it’s all about what you want and what you’re looking for. For me…I’m about wanting to find the right relationship, that one person that I can grow old with. Ten years ago that wasn’t even a consideration.
Whether she calls you back or not, you made the choice that you wanted to make based upon your feelings. Maybe if she was hot and not as interesting to talk to, Door #1 would have been more appealing.
No regrets, my man. You’ll never truly find what you’re looking for if you don’t take a risk every once in awhile.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..The single parent online dating scene
Comment by badmuthablogger
| February 9th, 2009
Well done, mate. You really cocked that one up, didn’t you? Bet you’re kicking yourself now. I guess you’re just a nice guy at heart. Good to know there are still some out there.
P.S. IMHO She won’t call you back until she’s (a) back in town and (b) broke up with her boyfriend / partner / husband.
badmuthablogger´s last blog post..Baby Crazy Octomama
Comment by Lisa Maria Carroll
| February 11th, 2009
Gee, I want a man to follow me like that. And then let’s see where it goes.
Lisa Maria Carroll´s last blog post..What Would You Do?: My 15-Year-Old is Having Sex
Comment by Luna
| August 12th, 2009
Dont get me all wrong, but this all sound too cocky. Guys can always try door #1, BUT is the woman’s decision, right? just because she was talking to you all night, doesn’t mean she was interested in you sexually. Since you were nice enough to disclose about how men think, i thought i’d explain how we think: it’s her last night in town, and instead of seating by herself, she started a conversation with a stranger. You seemed pretty harmless and interesting to chat. When there’s a good banter, time flies. She’s already decided not to sleep with you that night, based the fact that she was not flirting with you… come on, men know when we are flirting heavily, and the way you’ve described, she wasnt. She finishes her evening thinking that you are a great guy, nothing else. Otherwise she would have called and try to hook up. But women dont make effort for long distance, if they instinctlly know that there’s no chance for romance there. Sounds strange, but some smart women can sense when someone is just flirting (to get something out of it); or flirting because the guy is very into you and looking for some romance! We are smart!;)