Kids Esteem
My twelve-year-old son had a crappy week last week. He got into some trouble at school. He caught a cold (probably stress related, due to the trouble.) And because he missed lacrosse tryouts due to another commitment, he was relegated to the B team.
Ugh.
When a preteen kid’s esteem is in the shitter, there’s not a lot a parent can fix with just words. I mean, if a kid gets in trouble, he has to do his time. The parent can talk about the what’s and why’s of what happened, but at some point, good parenting means you tell your kid, “yeah, you screwed up. You have to take your lumps. What did you learn from the experience?” etc. Not to mention, if the trouble is bad enough, the child might get grounded or have a privilege taken away at home.
And if a preteen boy is on the B team when all his friends are on the A team, you basically just tell him to keep working hard, keep a positive attitude, try to show the coaches he deserves to be bumped up. And if he doesn’t move up, then keep working hard and be a leader on the B squad.
A kid’s esteem can be a sensitive thing.
Thankfully, my son is made from hardy (or is it hearty) stock. He grasps that his self esteem is under his control. He first focused on erasing his cold – chicken soup, lots of rest, and that old home remedy grapefruit tea.
Then he focused on being more focused at school – being organized; getting his work done neatly, accurately, and on time; staying positive in class and around his classmates. Getting A’s on a couple of tests and quizzes will send any kid’s self esteem skyrocketing.
Finally, he worked his ass off at lacrosse practice, including an optional weekend clinic. (Just by showing up, he scored major points with the coaches.) He loves lacrosse, so showing his coaches a positive attitude was a no-brainer. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to win a bunch of face-offs against the head coach’s son.
My son made the A team. His cold is gone. He’s happy and getting along at school. His self esteem is through the roof. All in the course of a week.
And he basically turned things around for himself, by himself, simply by applying himself.
Now then, regarding my own funky esteem of late… a hot date would do wonders. Any ideas?
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Comment by SingleParentDad
| February 11th, 2009
Glad he’s turned this into a positive, must have been nice for you to observe.
Good luck in your hot date procurement.
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..A Little Less Like Me Please
Comment by MindyMom
| February 11th, 2009
Wow, what a great turnaround for your son! Hopefully you will also get the boost you need Dads..
And soon!
MindyMom´s last blog post..My Ex Asked Me Out for Valentine’s Day!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| February 11th, 2009
I’ve noticed that no matter how old I get, when I get disciplined by life it always gives me time to get things in order. It’s the way it’s meant to be.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..It’s Cold Out There But It’s Warm In Bed
Comment by Lori
| February 11th, 2009
What a wonderful story. Your son is a very wise young man.
As for Dad…they say you usually find love when you aren’t looking for it. Maybe take up some hobbies or activities that will take your mind off the search for a while.
Comment by T
| February 11th, 2009
*rockin’ out to E, W, F…*
Now that’s funky! Or disco-y. All good, either way.
Yeah, I’m needing a hot date too, Dads. What I’m trying to do, much like your son, is accept where I am right now so that I can positively affect where I’m going.
Maybe its easier when you’re a kid. I’m not sure kids think so much as grown-ups do. Then again, I’m not sure anyone thinks as much as I do. Sheesh!
T´s last blog post..Muffin penises
Comment by QTMama
| February 11th, 2009
Your son sounds like he’s kicking ass, DH. Which tells me he’s got some good parents. :)
I think I *have* a hot date. We shall see.
QTMama´s last blog post..Ramble Ramble Ramble
Comment by Exception
| February 11th, 2009
It is hard when your kid is having a challenging time of it as you describe. There is nothing much we can do but love them and give them our support. What a delight it is to see them buckle down, determine a strategy, and then follow through. I am always left so proud of a child (or a person) who does that… and I do hope that they realize that they have so much to be proud of themselves!
Comment by krn
| February 11th, 2009
Glad your son turned his week around.
Dad’s~ If I lived closer, I’d fix you up on a blind date with someone hot. Why don’t you go for a walk soon? You seem to have good luck meeting women when you’re out walking.
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| February 11th, 2009
Totally off topic…but what a GREAT live performance!! I have to plead ignorance…have never heard that song before. But I absolutely love a great live performance…and that video would put 90% of today’s artists to shame.
Now I must go find that song…
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..Confessions from a cubicle…
Comment by Janet
| February 11th, 2009
Your son sounds very wise and motivated for his age! Must have good parents. :)
Janet´s last blog post..The Diagnosis and Correction of Vocal Faults
Comment by katherine.
| February 11th, 2009
even thought it is difficult to watch your kids learn these kind of life lessons… I’d rather have them learn them younger and while they still live at home.
When big stuff happens later on, their recovery will be easier.
Comment by citizen of the world
| February 11th, 2009
Good for your son – that’s impressive.
I’m afraid you’re on your own for the hot dates, though.
citizen of the world´s last blog post..That feathered thing.
Comment by dadshouse
| February 11th, 2009
Funny tangential note: my son picked the song for this post. In fact, he said I’d written too much about his sister lately, and he wanted some blog love thrown his way!
btw – today is the one year anniversary of this blog. I’m celebrating on the down low. Happy bday to Dad’s House. Feel free to hoist a drink my way.
Comment by Abby Carter
| February 12th, 2009
God, picking yourself up after stuff is hard work, especially for a kid. My daughter has had a similar time at school, but is still struggling with the turn-around, at least as far as math goes. Its interesting how we have to learn all these lessons over again with our children, isn’t it?
Now if only the dating thing were as easy to turn around. Too bad they don’t have any optional weekend clinics for that!
Thanks for your great comment on my latest post. It still has me thinking…
Abby Carter´s last blog post..The Pretend World of Married-ness
Comment by Armen Shirvanian
| February 12th, 2009
This is a useful, and actual, example to work with. Your son’s control of his emotions during this procedure, and his effort to get to his position of interest, are beneficial traits to have when complications arise. That is the type of son people tend to be glad for.
Armen Shirvanian´s last blog post..Quote Analysis – Mistakes
Comment by Melany
| February 21st, 2009
Good on him. You do know that you have had huge part to play in this. WTG to both of you
Melany´s last blog post..Too much on my mind