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Beginners Tantra – Sexy and Heartfelt

My Valentine’s Day rocked. I’m not in a dating relationship, and rather than be alone I attended a white tantra group seminar. White tantra is sort of beginners tantra – it helps ground your intimacy in a heartfelt way, preparing you for red tantra which mixes spirituality with sex.

In other words, we did a lot of breathing, and kept our clothes on.

Boring? Not at all. It was intimate, compassionate, grounding, and sexy. Here’s the rundown of my tantra for beginners night:

There were a half dozen women, and a half dozen men. All were singles, some had met previously, but overall we were strangers to each other. We sat in a big circle with an endless loop of new-agey chanting music playing softly in the background. (Trust me, it grows on you.) We took some big-ass breaths, let out some heartfelt Ommmmmms, and got on with the tantra lesson.

The instructor talked about tantric awareness, and how breath is at the heart of it all. Breath grounds you in the present moment. When you’re with another person, it’s your choice whether your connection is superficial or heartfelt. This is true in day-to-day life, or when you’re in bed having sex. (And it’s true whether your lover is a spouse, a sexy someone you’re dating, or a hottie you just met.)

Whether you’re having a marathon session of ass-slapping hair-pulling rock-star backyard sex, or a quiet sensual sexy bedroom moment with your lover – if you only focus on the sexual stimulation, the rush of good feelings will only last a short time.

Instead, if you make a heartfelt spiritual connection – by being totally present and aware of the other person’s spirit – then the moment becomes eternal. It’s that power of now thing. And it’s a solid foundation from which to venture into red tantric sex.

Keep in mind, sometimes the most sexually daring people have the biggest trust and intimacy issues. A heartfelt connection may seem tame on the surface, but for some will be painfully difficult to attain.

Our first exercise was to greet every person there, one on one, with a heartfelt and intense eye-to-eye gaze (i.e. soul-to-soul), emoting all the presence, tenderness, and compassion you can muster. And I do mean everyone. Men and women. Women and women. Men and men. This part was really fascinating – some people had no trouble standing close and emoting all the crazy sexy love in the universe to the other person, and being totally aware of that other person’s spirit. Others had intimacy issues, or were holding intense sadness or pain. It was also refreshing to genuinely connect with someone, rather than email/twitter/text them emoticons. By the end of the exercise, we’d removed all ego from the room, and fostered trust. It was a major kumbaya moment.

We did some other stuff that I’ll skip over, and then we were told to pair up, man and woman.

I had picked out two hotties who I wanted to do the one-on-one stuff with. I sort of hovered their general direction, and they came towards me. But of course the instructor promptly paired me with a woman who wasn’t even on my radar.

I think that was sort of the point.

Each woman laid down on her back, one hand on her heart, one on her lower belly. Each man put a hand on top of the woman’s belly hand. The idea was for the woman to let go completely, losing herself in her breath and energy, while allowing a man to be intimately close, with his hand erotically near her sex chakras, witnessing, watching, caring, breathing with her. (After a while, we switched places, and the men breathed, and the women witnessed.)

You can imagine this exercise might be hard for someone with intimacy issues. Some single parents, for instance, who can no longer intimately trust the opposite sex, or whose self esteem is damaged, might have trouble taking deep breaths like this. A few people in our group session really got a lot out of this exercise, and it felt good to help others work through trust issues. (I’m very open when it comes to one-on-one intimacy, so I had no problem doing this stuff. But it was a refreshing reminder about how to connect on a deep and genuine level. And that deep connection lays a basic foundation for red tantra and deeply intimate sex.)

Okay, that was the compassionate, grounding part of the evening. It probably sounds boring if you weren’t there. But it was a great way to open our hearts to each other. and to ourselves. At this point, we’d been there a few hours (endless loop of new-agey music!)

Our final beginners tantra exercise involved pairing up man/woman again. It promised to be even more intimate, and sexy as hell. (As sexy as you can get with your clothes on.) Instructor be damned, I went straight over to the woman I felt the most attraction and chemistry with, and told her she was pairing up with me.

She was pleased.

And on that sexy note, this beginners tantra post is getting way too long. I’m saving the sexy portion of my white tantra story for tomorrow.

Teaser alert: tomorrow’s white tantra post might include another color.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Couples Tantric Breathing Exercise
• Tantric Sex
  
• Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
• Feminine Energy is a Very Good Thing
• Sex, God and a Well Hung Prana
• Where’s the Happy Ending?
  
• A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
  
• White Hot Tantra on Valentine’s Day

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February 17th, 2009 Posted in relationships | Tags: sex, single parents, tantra | 18 comments