She Smiled, We Met
Hey, I met a woman last week! Actually, it’s better than that – I met an attractive energetic single mom. In a bar! Very cool. So, how did this come about?
She smiled.
Here’s the scene: my buddy and I were in a wine bar. There were women everywhere (weird for a weeknight in Palo Alto, but I won’t complain.) Women would strut into the bar in twos and threes looking sexy and confident. I’d try to exchange glances with ones who caught my eye, but they were too busy turning guys’ heads, then acting like none of it meant anything. They’d share a throaty laugh with their girlfriends, drink some wine, get hit on by some tipsy gray-haired guy sitting next to them at the bar, then leave.
Granted, maybe none of these women wanted to meet any men. Or maybe they’re just used to clubbing, where guys approach them like wolves, whether they smile or not. But this was no meat market, it was a wine bar with a more reserved clientele. (That doesn’t mean we’re boring.)
But one woman stood out. She came in and flashed a wide grin, making eye contact. Talk about inviting. As it turned out she was meeting a guy, but it became clear soon enough that they were just friends. More smiles and eye contact later, and my buddy and I started chatting with her.
(Full disclosure: she and her friend were moving from a bar table to a couch, and when she passed by our table, she smiled again, and offered us a cracker from the basket she was carrying. If you were following my late-night Dad’s House Twitter feed, you already know about her Freudian slip.)
I can’t tell you how many times I come across a woman who catches my eye – on the street, in the market, in a coffee house or a bar – and I’ll smile at her, but rather than smile back or make eye contact, she’ll look away with casual indifference.
Is it a game for some women? They do this looking away trick a lot. It’s like they’re trying to avoid eye contact. I’m pretty sure it’s not me – I’m handsome enough, and I’ve seen enough women do this trick with other guys. Let me just say, it makes it a lot harder to say “hi” when a woman is looking away.
My buddy and I chatted Smiling Woman right up. Her friend came over, and the four of us engaged in conversation. By the end of the night, Smiling Woman and I swapped numbers. Since then, we’ve talked on the phone and met up.
Will we be single parent friends? Weekend activity partners? Drinking buddies? Lovers on call? A couple who dates? Who knows. It’s way too early to tell. I’m going into this with no agenda. I’m just glad I met someone so friendly, energetic, attractive, and nice.
I love when a woman smiles.
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Comment by Dr. Leah
| March 9th, 2009
I’m sure we’re all glad you met someone nice, too. No doubt, you’ll keep us all posted on where this goes from here.
Dr. Leah’s last blog post..Have you heard about the man who can’t even “buy” a date?
Comment by PhenomenalMama
| March 9th, 2009
I’m a smiler. If anyone – man, woman, or child, catches my eye and smiles at me, I always smile back – unless, of course, it’s a dirty old man in a trenchcoat just waiting for an excuse to let ‘er fly open.
Looking forward to updates on how things progress! ;)
PhenomenalMama´s last blog post..Getting Out of My Head
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| March 9th, 2009
I’ve always been confused by the “smile/look away” thing that women do. Of course, I don’t think I’ll ever understand women so I’ll just add that one to the list (lol).
That’s awesome, Dads, good for you. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for ya.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..Vacation with M: Day Three
Comment by MindyMom
| March 9th, 2009
Good for you! And I hope this goes wherever you want it to.
I don’t get the smile/look away thing either. It’s not something I put into practice. If I am interested I smile and make eye contact and if not I don’t. I’m not into playing games.
MindyMom´s last blog post..Out of My Daughter’s Mouths
Comment by Penny
| March 9th, 2009
I do that ‘look away’ thing all the time. Usually, I’m smiling – because I’m smiling anyway… but if I accidentally meet someone’s eyes and don’t want to encourage him – I look away so he doesn’t take me up on the smile. Usually it has nothing to do with him, more about my openness to starting a new relationship. If I’m not in the right place for dating (happens more often than I’d like)… then I don’t want to encourage them. If I am interested and in a place where I can do something about it in my life – then I smile, make eye contact and keep it going from there.
Penny´s last blog post..Possibly have the beater sold
Comment by Abby Carter
| March 9th, 2009
Often when I make eye contact with someone, I get all shy and then I am not sure what to do. I usually smile I think, but often by then I am looking away because I am blushing. Its not something I do on purpose, and I try to rectify the situation by looking again. Of course by then, they have turned away and I have lost my chance. I am trying to get better, but just so you know, there are lots of reasons for the turn away, and its not always about game playing.
Abby Carter´s last blog post..Death with Dignity
Comment by Honey
| March 9th, 2009
Hooray, DM!!!
Honey´s last blog post..Watchmen is Totally Rad…Why are the Critics Such Douches?
Comment by notasoccermom
| March 9th, 2009
Interesting point of view-
My friend and I go to the clubs, which may be different than the wine bars you speak of, but then location dictates that for us I am afraid.
We have often been told we look annoyed, stuck-up or sad. Honestly, we would like to make eye contact, however, most of the time we do smile or strike up a conversation, it tends to attract the ‘wrong type’ of men.
It would take all night to describe this type but it seems that we are slitting our own throats by not smiling and yet killing ourselves when we do.
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Mom and son time
Comment by mama llama
| March 9th, 2009
A wonderful reminder that it pays NOT to be shy or afraid. I appreciate it and need that reminder sometimes.
Congratulations! Enjoy, have fun…and be well.
mama llama´s last blog post..cachonda
Comment by T
| March 9th, 2009
Aw! Yay!
Note to self: don’t look away if interested!!!
In all candor, when I’m interested, not only do I smile but I generally try to leave an opening by at least smiling back and saying ‘hello’.
It sounds like a fun new friend at the very least David. Enjoy her!!
T´s last blog post..You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
Comment by Mama Dawg
| March 9th, 2009
It’s been so long since a single man smiled at me, I wouldn’t smile back. I’d look behind me to see who he was smiling at.
Or I’d think he was a freak.
I have got to get out of my “living in the big city where the only people that smiled are on some kind of meds” mentality.
Mama Dawg´s last blog post..Who Would You Do?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| March 9th, 2009
I do not think people are generally in the habit of making eye contact and smiling with anyone. As you know, I am in this habit, so I get a lot of people stopping and smiling back at me. I don’t think it’s just a woman thing or a man thing. It’s a person thing. Our society does not encourage actually connecting with strangers.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Just Another Of The Lights of My World
Comment by Eathan
| March 9th, 2009
I’m a big smile and eye type of guy. I never spend much time with a woman that doesn’t smile. That’s a must. So much of attraction is by our body language.
Sounds like ya did good.. and I’m glad ya met someone really nice.
i almost forgot.. I love wine bars to meet. It’s such a relaxed setting.
Eathan´s last blog post..Pushing The Limits
Comment by dadshouse
| March 9th, 2009
Teri – you have the most amazing, bewitching, transfixing, beautiful eyes I have ever seen. (I told you that when I met you.) So I’m not surprised you stop people in their tracks like that.
I agree our society is giving us lots of reasons to not engage on a personal level. People twitter, text, email, blog (!), play Wii, watch the Bachelor – anything except interact with other humans. Which is why I love getting out to a wine bar with a buddy, and chatting up an attractive woman who readily smiles back.
We had a date this weekend, btw, which was extremely fun….
Not a soccer mom – I see that “annoyed, stuck up” look on women all the time. I understand it as a defense mechanism against players in clubs, but on the street? I’d prefer a smile. Of course, I’m not in the city, and I know rules are different there.
Eathan – I’m with you! Smiling, body language, both are key to attraction. That’s why meeting in person is the acid test.
Penny – great perspective. I guess some woman will only smile back if they are in that dating space. I had a girlfriend who smiled at everyone. And everyone LOVED her! She was a joy to be around. Only problem, a lot of guys would hit on her since she was smiling like that, and that was no fun if I happened to be sitting right next to her when they approached.
Comment by The Exception
| March 9th, 2009
Smiling is an interesting thing. One can smile a lot but if there is no eye contact… then one never knows for sure about the smile. Men might want to keep in mind that there are those of us out here that can’t see when we are being smiled at – and thus we might be interested and yet that goes unnoticed. People make so much ado about eye contact that it is hard when you are one that is simply unable to make it happen.
The Exception´s last blog post..Waiting for the Other Shoe
Comment by Susan
| March 9th, 2009
Sounds like things are off to a good start. The world would be so much better if we’d just smile more…
BTW, maybe you’ll fill me in in more detail when we connect later this week, right…? :)
Susan´s last blog post..Etiquette
Comment by Elaine at Lipstickdaily
| March 9th, 2009
Well done . . . and a great reminder that so many possibilities are open to those who are open!
Elaine at Lipstickdaily´s last blog post..Traveling in a Recession
Comment by krn
| March 9th, 2009
Yay, Dad’s! Good news, this~
I agree that it’s a rare person who smiles widely and is friendly in public consistently. It’s very attractive. I notice that when I’m having a particularly happy day, people respond right back with wide smiles and pleasantries. It’s contagious. (Look out, haha.)
Comment by QTMama
| March 10th, 2009
Oooooooo I’m just getting caught up on my blog reading DH! This sounds great! And you know what to do with extra details darlin.
-QT
QTMama´s last blog post..The Bad Penny
Comment by Attainingme
| March 10th, 2009
Awwww!!! I love this!!!!! Excited to hear what happens!
Attainingme´s last blog post..The waiting game