Dad's House

Dating & Parenting
by a Single Dad

32 Responses to “Single Mom Dating a Single Dad – A Month Between Dates?”

1. Comment by Laura | March 17th, 2009

   I actually do kinda get that DH!

   Seriously its not ideal but I understand it! Not sure how old her kids are but right now there are 2 people I trust babysitting my kids and if they cant help then I cant go out! Add to that my kids schedules of parties plus my friends bbqs and get together add study time and well it does make for busy times! ESPECIALLY for me when I dont get every second weekend off – so its all on me!

   But I do totally get its a tad off putting!

2. Comment by Mark | March 17th, 2009

   Frustrating for sure. I am sure there are a number of logical reasons that this is happening, tight schedules, impact on children, availability of a night out without the children or maybe this woman is taking it very slow and does not want to jump into any real type of relationship. Time will tell if you can be patient.

   Mark´s last blog post..The Stress of “Yes”

3. Comment by MindyMom | March 17th, 2009

   Laura’s right; all those things are true. I would also add that a guy I had only met twice before wouldn’t be a top priority.

   You mention she has stuff going on in her life but don’t say what. Whatever it is maybe she needs to deal with it before she can feel like pursuing anything with you and is trying to give herself some time.

   If it’s too off-putting then you both have your answer as to how to proceed.

   MindyMom´s last blog post..Ex Drama…Queen

4. Comment by Cathouse Teri | March 17th, 2009

   I can think of tons of reasons why someone can’t meet until such-and-such a time. What I don’t get is why she didn’t share those reasons with you.

   Reminds me of that scene in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” where the guy says he’s going out of town so he will be out of touch for awhile. She calls her male friend and asks what it means and he says, “RUN!”

   Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Thing About War

5. Comment by Susan | March 17th, 2009

   I wouldn’t read too much into it, unless she is incommunicado altogether. Her keeping the love (or lust) alive in other ways while you wait: good. No communication — or dodgy communication in the meantime: bad.

   I do agree with Teri, however, that it would be better if she was open with you about the “why’s,” but you can’t force someone to open up. Play it by ear and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

   Susan´s last blog post..Lucky 13

6. Comment by CourtneyRyan | March 17th, 2009

   When I was traveling all the time for work, it made dating nearly impossible…the guy I was seeing and I got creative.

   One night he picked me up at the airport for dessert at 11pm and we spent an hour together.

   When he picked me up from the next trip, he got lucky.

   I was once dating a single dad and he’d meet me for lunch once a week. Then we’d have a night time date either when his ex had the kids or after they went to bed.

   Be patient, get creative. If you can accept the reasons why, just take it slow. As I was reminded today, the really good things are worth waiting for…and besides, it’s not like you can’t have a drink with someone else in the mean time.

   CourtneyRyan´s last blog post..Courtesy of Mini-Me

7. Comment by Wondermom | March 17th, 2009

   I can totally understand it. My ex is supposed to get the boys every other weekend but he usually only takes them for a couple of hours once a month (or less). Right now I don’t have a reliable babysitter that I can count on so it is hard for me to make plans for grownup time. Even when I can get a sitter, it’s expensive and times are tight. I agree that a third date wouldn’t fall very high on my priority list right now. Besides, if she just told you early April, that’s only two weeks away…it’s not like she’s saying she’ll pencil you in six months from now. Sounds to me like your expectations are a little different from hers…probably a red flag if you want this to go anywhere.

   Wondermom´s last blog post..Saturday randomness

8. Comment by Eathan | March 17th, 2009

   I get the sense of this post. I know you didn’t say or maybe she didn’t give you the reasons why she’s busy. But this is common with single moms, esp during the 5yr – preteens. From my experience, I’ve always stayed in contact.. tried to plug and play when we can. Of course, this leads me to dating several single moms at the same time. Why? Because as most single parents, you can’t include kid friendly activities if you don’t know them well.

   So enjoy your time and hopefully things will slow down for her in April. Keep us posted.

   p.s. She hasn’t forgot about you yet.

   Eathan´s last blog post..What Happened In Here?

9. Comment by April | March 17th, 2009

   I totally get where she’s coming from (and hey, she did try a late-night booty call; maybe something will come up again in the meantime). ‘Tis the season for Open House and Spring Break, which throws off the usual schedule.
   And look at it this way: you have something to look forward to.

   April´s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up

10. Comment by dadshouse | March 17th, 2009

    Great advice, all. I do know some of what’s delaying her ability to meet, and I’m not saying here for privacy reasons. It’s nothing bad. A single mom dating, working, raising kids, etc. has limited time. But you’re right, if you want to meet up with someone, you can always make time. And since we’ve only met twice, I shouldn’t expect her to make time for me yet. My schedule is a little more open than hers right now.

    Time to dust off my How to Date Four Women at Once post, eh? (And who knows – maybe she’s a single mom dating four guys…)

11. Comment by Bond Girl | March 17th, 2009

    I really enjoyed this post – my first visit to your blog. As a single mom also trying to date – I tend to make time when I meet someone and this always seems to backfire on me – like too much too soon or something?

12. Comment by ditz | March 17th, 2009

    I have done this myself,I have already have a full schedule between the kids activities and my work and volunteer commitments. Dating takes a bit of emotional energy so I will push it off until I really have ‘free’ time, not just an hour squeezed in between. Maybe its a good thing that she wants to be ‘all there’, not just ‘whatever is left over’.

13. Comment by T | March 17th, 2009

    Funny, my blog post today is about my own lack of time…

    Life is crazy. I try to make time too but sometimes, things just get booked up! I would make an effort for someone I really liked though… even if its just a lunch date!

    Unless… I wanted more than lunch….

    T´s last blog post..Time… and the busy single mom

14. Comment by NewSingleMama | March 17th, 2009

    Funny because I’ve been trying to get together with a guy for over a month now, and I keep postponing because there’s always something…

    NewSingleMama´s last blog post..I’m not out of the woods yet

15. Comment by Janet | March 17th, 2009

    Hmm…I don’t know….I’m pretty busy myself, and have my son the majority of the time, but still think I could work a guy in (No pun intended! Ha!) if I was into him.

    BUT, I also have a very young son and WOULD feel comfortable having a guy over after the kiddo had gone to bed. (He’s not of the age to be up walking around in the middle of the night unless he learns to scale his crib.) I can imagine things would be more complicated with older kids perhaps.

    Janet´s last blog post..Llama llama duck

16. Comment by SoloDad | March 17th, 2009

    Juggling two kid-prioritized schedules can be very tough especially in the early days of a dating relationship when you’re trying to keep your dating and solo-parenting roles separate. Solo-Moms dating Solo-Dads makes everything related to dating exponentially more difficult. I’m dating a woman who lives in the Bay Area and I’m about 38 miles south. Because of scheduling and custody sharing issues, we’re lucky if we see one another twice a month.

    SoloDad´s last blog post..Telling Your Child You Have Cancer

17. Comment by krn | March 17th, 2009

    Since she explained some of what’s keeping her busy, I agree that you should stay in touch and see her when she can get together. Try not to dwell on how long of a gap it is or let anticipation create too much of a build up. You’ve been single for quite a while, so what’s a few weeks if you enjoyed her company on your last date?

    I’m very busy(final’s week, papers to write, projects due, worked today)and have full custody, so I understand how responsibilities could interfere with her social life. The good news is, she would like to see you again and you sound happy about that.

    In the meantime, you seem to have your mojo on, so get out there and just enjoy people. Be fun, light and flirt a little. (I couldn’t resist addding that, since you are the one who got me started and it’s working well.)

18. Comment by justrun | March 17th, 2009

    That seems like too much time for any situation that isn’t international.
    Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t feel great about that.

    justrun´s last blog post..Pictures, then sleep

19. Comment by Erik | March 17th, 2009

    I know nothing of parenting from the being-a-parent end and less about relationships than I’d like to.

    I have to say this whole blog is a good read for me because I have my own load of baggage dealing with people my parents had relationships with when I was a kid. So seeing how people deal with this stuff I learn something that matters. Thank you.

    Erik´s last blog post..Looking for graphic design work in Boston area

20. Comment by katherine. | March 17th, 2009

    I don’t have a lot of time right now either….so I didn’t read all the comments.

    If she does have things going on…it could be worth waiting for….I’d see if she keeps in contact…online or telephone during the month.

    katherine.´s last blog post..wordless wednesday ~ wilder ranch

21. Comment by dadshouse | March 17th, 2009

    Bond Girl – thanks for stopping by. Bond Girls are always welcome here. You aren’t that actress from Slumdog Millionaire who may be the next Bond Girl, are you? :-P

    Erik – welcome aboard. There are plenty of Dad’s House readers whose parents were divorced.

    Krn – do tell about all this flirting you are doing! If you ever want to guest post, or just spill the beans in email about your single mom dating life, I can post something. I’ve channeled some juicy stories for Dad’s House readers in the past.

    Solo-Dad – I’m with you on the exponential factors. Maybe that’s why I’ve usually dated childless women. A single mom dating a single dad can get complicated. It’s easier to sync one custody schedule than two! But I’ll be patient here.

    Justrun – take me someplace international with you so I can have that dating problem!

    Ditz – that’s a great point! That she is waiting to be “all there” rather than squeezing in an hour. Is that a female/male thing? I tend to be okay squeezing in quickies. (Read that however you want)

    Janet – no pun intended? But I like that pun! I’m like you, I’d make time for someone if I really wanted to see them.

    T – you are the busiest woman on earth! It says so on your blog today!!! How do you do it?

    NewSingleMama – if a guy keeps pushing a woman off, he’s not that into her. But if a woman keeps pushing a guy off, she might just be busy? Good single mom dating advice. I can learn from you…

    Katherine – you are busy, but you didn’t push off my blog. Thanks. :-)

22. Comment by Bond Girl | March 18th, 2009

    hehe no I’m not -sorry – just a nickname from some blogging friends :)

    you can find my stories at thetimespast.blogdrive.com

23. Comment by midmom | March 18th, 2009

    when we are way into you we juggle and find a way to see you. When not or still figuring it out we put you lower on the list. But when we feel chemistry and other good vibes we get creative and try to make it work. You need to decide how close to the top of the list you want to be with a woman.

24. Comment by Gilit Frank | March 18th, 2009

    All I can say is that you are lucky that you are the one who can call her. Why don’t you already set a date with her for April and that way you will know if she is playing games or trying to avoid you to buy some time? How do you know that she isn’t dating someone else at the same time and isn’t sure? The question is what is the frequency that you feel comfortable with. I had a boyfriend for 3 years who lived 2 hours away and I could only see on weekends, while other people have the need to meet more frequently. Keep us posted!

    Gilit Frank´s last blog post..Post 55: One bar mitzvah and a funeral

25. Comment by The Exception | March 18th, 2009

    Too much analysis. It is hard to find time and energy when you have kids. I think of all the running around I do and all the people I have to see and places I have to go – I love the idea of a date but the reality of making it hapen is a very different story. She is in contact, you had chemistry… just enjoy the ride.

    The Exception´s last blog post..Banter – The Art of Mental Fencing

26. Comment by dadshouse | March 18th, 2009

    Enjoy the ride… double entendre? This is Dad’s House, after all. lol

    I agree – whether you’re a single mom dating, or a single dad, or just a single – have fun, give to others from a good place, embrace the experiences that come your way.

27. Comment by Cathouse Teri | March 18th, 2009

    And may God have mercy on us all! :)

    Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..How to Say "Fuck Off" with Panache

28. Comment by PhenomenalMama | March 18th, 2009

    Sometimes, though, I gotta say…the person is worth the wait.

    PhenomenalMama´s last blog post..Tonight’s Peace and Contentment Brought to You By: ACUPUNCTURE!

29. Comment by Melifera | March 25th, 2009

    Hm… When I’m into someone I do everything in my power to see him, forsaking, at times, sleep and logic. Being single, however, means that there *might* be one or two ‘friends’ I keep at arm’s length… people I don’t necessarily want to cut off, but also don’t want to put too much energy into letting them get close.

    Bottom line… There are ALWAYS circumstances that make it hard for single parents to date, but we all know that if there’s a will there’s a way…

    Melifera´s last blog post..Where the Wild Things Are- the film!!

30. Comment by D.J. | May 19th, 2009

    I have a burnign question. I hope someone can answer. I have been dating a man that has joint custody of his two sons. He has been divorced for 3 yrs when I met him. He never talked about the ex at first. Now that we have been dating a little over a year, bits and pieces about his ex have come up in conversation. He has recently told me she got pregnant at 22 he felt to trap him into marrage. But he loves his sons. He has he worked two jobs to pay for education. He said after she got a degree he found out she went to work and then cheated on him with a co-worker. He said she fought him tooth and nail for their house. He gave it up for the boys and moved into another one. And I have recently found out she hyphenated her maiden and married name on her license when she got it. My question is, did she have this all planned all a long? He says she is dingy, but I don’t think so. It sounds to me like she had a plan to get everything she wanted all along. What could I come to expect if we continue dating?

31. Comment by Big Little Wolf | July 31st, 2009

    I have to disagree with what Melifera said – that where there is a will, there is a way.

    For some of us, when we say we can’t get together for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks, it’s true. And it IS about priorities, and reality. Kid priorities. The necessity of work. Insufficient help.

    Single moms dating single dads makes for creative scheduling requirements under the best of circumstances. And sometimes, even single dads don’t get it – if they have weekend custody, or even 50% custody, or full custody but with child care.

    Some of us have 95% custody (or more), and no child care other than ourselves. Add in more than one kid, school activities, and our own work deadlines – and not being able to free up for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks becomes believable, don’t you think?

    I know in my own online dating universe, I have tried to date other parents at a similar life stage and parenting stage precisely so they WOULD “get it.” Part of that may mean grabbing a spontaneous but enjoyable coffee at midday (if we live close enough), or on a sunday morning for something as easy as a walk in a nearby neighborhood.

    Otherwise, all I can say (often) is “I’d love to get together, but it will be next month. Meanwhile, we can email or chat.” 9 times out of 10, the recipient of that message makes an assumption that I’m blowing him off, and disappears. That’s too bad (it’s the wrong assumption), but it also tells me that his “kid universe” is very different from mine, or perhaps he’s just not that into me!

    Or, he assumes I’m “just not that into him.”

    Not so. GUYS – please don’t assume that’s the case!

    If you like a woman, find out if she has custody most of the time, or if she has pressing work deadlines or childcare headaches. That and exhaustion) may genuinely be the story behind the 4-week wait.

    Do you want to get involved with a woman who carries that much on her shoulders? Only you can decide that. But maybe it’s worth deciding after the first date.

    They may be pretty nifty shoulders, with a terrific woman attached. And childcare headaches may be eased when you put two heads together. As for exhaustion, with the right relaxation, funny how that fades into a smile…
    Big Little Wolf´s last blog ..I scream, you scream, we all scream… for peach pie!

32. Comment by Big Picture | August 28th, 2009

    It is worth the wait, and it is worth the extra effort to find time to be together. Eventually, you will find someone and become a couple or even remarry. Then you will both be able to share much of the burden you currently carry on your own shoulders. In the dating stage, I am able to learn how much of a team player a potential man is . . . or just how much of a “player” he is.

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