Comments on: Single Mom Dating a Single Dad – A Month Between Dates?

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:53:27 +0000

datingadad? – I’ve been there, and I know how you feel. At least from the dad with kids point of view. I sometimes will date a woman, sleep with her, but not have her meet my kids. Usually it’s mutual, and she doesn’t want to meet my kids. It does feel like an affair over time. Like she’s my lover, and not a partner.

I’ve also had women meet my kids. I do that when I feel the relationship has staying power, and only after we’ve dated a few months.

It seems to me if you’ve seen this guy for 4-5 months and you want to meet his kids, you should bring it up, and steer things toward that next phase of the relationship. I don’t think that’s selfish of you at all. You want to be part of his entire life, not just his sleepover and date buddy when he’s feeling single.

Is there some reason he doesn’t want you to meet his daughter? Or do you not want to meet her? I think if you’re frustrated with the status quo, you should by all means push things toward the next level.

Meet his daughter. Be part of his whole life.

By: datingadad?

datingadad? — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:13:00 +0000

I’ve been seeing a single dad (50% custody but his daughter is there 70% of the time) for a while now. (About 4 – 5 months). Haven’t met his daughter. Sometimes its 2 weeks between dates. He constantly text/mails me to tell me how much he misses me. I find that even more frustrating. (no kids myself) I keep myself busy, never seek attention from him or try and interfere with his family life. I mostly feel like an outsider to his life. (no, not because of not meeting his daughter, but not even being included in friends’ bbq’s or other family events as daughter is always there too). I know he is a great guy and dad and fully understand and admire his relationship with his daughter. Just feels like I’m having an affair. I know I’ll be crucified and vilified and told I’m selfish. Really just trying to understand how someone can tell you (at least 3 times a day!) that he misses you, but in no way (that you can see) makes you part of his life other than the odd date. (He’s divorced for 3 years, daughter lives with him every Friday- Sunday and Tuesday’s and any other day she fights with her mom).

By: Big Picture

Big Picture — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 02:55:38 +0000

It is worth the wait, and it is worth the extra effort to find time to be together. Eventually, you will find someone and become a couple or even remarry. Then you will both be able to share much of the burden you currently carry on your own shoulders. In the dating stage, I am able to learn how much of a team player a potential man is . . . or just how much of a “player” he is.

By: Big Little Wolf

Big Little Wolf — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:02:05 +0000

I have to disagree with what Melifera said – that where there is a will, there is a way.

For some of us, when we say we can’t get together for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks, it’s true. And it IS about priorities, and reality. Kid priorities. The necessity of work. Insufficient help.

Single moms dating single dads makes for creative scheduling requirements under the best of circumstances. And sometimes, even single dads don’t get it – if they have weekend custody, or even 50% custody, or full custody but with child care.

Some of us have 95% custody (or more), and no child care other than ourselves. Add in more than one kid, school activities, and our own work deadlines – and not being able to free up for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks becomes believable, don’t you think?

I know in my own online dating universe, I have tried to date other parents at a similar life stage and parenting stage precisely so they WOULD “get it.” Part of that may mean grabbing a spontaneous but enjoyable coffee at midday (if we live close enough), or on a sunday morning for something as easy as a walk in a nearby neighborhood.

Otherwise, all I can say (often) is “I’d love to get together, but it will be next month. Meanwhile, we can email or chat.” 9 times out of 10, the recipient of that message makes an assumption that I’m blowing him off, and disappears. That’s too bad (it’s the wrong assumption), but it also tells me that his “kid universe” is very different from mine, or perhaps he’s just not that into me!

Or, he assumes I’m “just not that into him.”

Not so. GUYS – please don’t assume that’s the case!

If you like a woman, find out if she has custody most of the time, or if she has pressing work deadlines or childcare headaches. That and exhaustion) may genuinely be the story behind the 4-week wait.

Do you want to get involved with a woman who carries that much on her shoulders? Only you can decide that. But maybe it’s worth deciding after the first date.

They may be pretty nifty shoulders, with a terrific woman attached. And childcare headaches may be eased when you put two heads together. As for exhaustion, with the right relaxation, funny how that fades into a smile…
Big Little Wolf´s last blog ..I scream, you scream, we all scream… for peach pie!

By: D.J.

D.J. — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:12:10 +0000

I have a burnign question. I hope someone can answer. I have been dating a man that has joint custody of his two sons. He has been divorced for 3 yrs when I met him. He never talked about the ex at first. Now that we have been dating a little over a year, bits and pieces about his ex have come up in conversation. He has recently told me she got pregnant at 22 he felt to trap him into marrage. But he loves his sons. He has he worked two jobs to pay for education. He said after she got a degree he found out she went to work and then cheated on him with a co-worker. He said she fought him tooth and nail for their house. He gave it up for the boys and moved into another one. And I have recently found out she hyphenated her maiden and married name on her license when she got it. My question is, did she have this all planned all a long? He says she is dingy, but I don’t think so. It sounds to me like she had a plan to get everything she wanted all along. What could I come to expect if we continue dating?

By: Melifera

Melifera — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:37:06 +0000

Hm... When I'm into someone I do everything in my power to see him, forsaking, at times, sleep and logic. Being single, however, means that there *might* be one or two 'friends' I keep at arm's length... people I don't necessarily want to cut off, but also don't want to put too much energy into letting them get close. Bottom line... There are ALWAYS circumstances that make it hard for single parents to date, but we all know that if there's a will there's a way... Melifera´s last blog post..Where the Wild Things Are- the film!!

By: PhenomenalMama

PhenomenalMama — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:29:53 +0000

Sometimes, though, I gotta say...the person is worth the wait. PhenomenalMama´s last blog post..Tonight’s Peace and Contentment Brought to You By: ACUPUNCTURE!