Comments on: Birthday Traditions for Children of Divorce

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:37:14 +0000

Aaah, birthdays ( and Christmas)…not easy. My kids are old enough now to realise the dynamics and why I’ve reluctantly surrendered the ‘big’ events to their father. Financially, I can’t match what he provides. At the time of separation he turned his whole family (immediate and extended) against me and they’ve ignored me since ( apart from when they’re hurling abuse at me). My ex has also done a great job of manipulating my family and they have chosen to associate with him, rather than me, their own flesh and blood. And hand on heart, I am a decent, kind, intelligent person. So I am on the outer – I just let the kids have their celebrations with him and his and my family. I miss out, but I always do something with my son ( daughter has gone to her father and doesn’t ‘need’ a mother), that he wants to do – a special meal out or something like that. Christmas is hell, as I am the one who started all the traditions, their father used to abuse me for spending so much time on all the little things ( but guess who does it, and gets to enjoy it with the kids now?!) – my partner doesn’t observe Christmas so it is a sad time of year for me. I’ve encouraged the kids to spend the time with their father, so they get to have fun with their cousins etc. My son hates me being ‘alone’ at Christmas so insists on doing Christmas Eve with me but it’s lonely for him too.

By: Christina

Christina — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 15:31:25 +0000

There's 4 of us now ... we've all re-partnered, but my husband's ex is still bitter. Nevertheless, we celebrate the boys "kids party" together - yesterday, it was all 4 of us, splitting all the costs and responsibilities, and we do family stuff with each of our sides on our own. But if it makes sense for the kids, we do at least try and split the actual day between us (usually if it falls on a weekend). The kids love that we're all together, they're thrilled, and really, that's all that matters. Christina´s last blog post..The problem with the word "stepmom"

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 20:07:23 +0000

Its interesting because my son's dad used to get upset when his ex/now current wife would have a birthday party for their daughter and he and his family was not invited (when they were not together). I've invited both dad and his family to birthday parties and they have all been no-shows when based on his reactions regarding his daughter they would have wanted to been invited. So I now just included my own family and I invited dad and my son's half-sister to his friend parties which is also always a no-show. Its unfortunate when dad feels its more important to make sure there there is no contact between both houses/families no matter how significant of an event our son is celebrating. I hope one day we can have birthday celebrations together because I can't help but wonder what the current situation is teaching our son about difficult/awkward situations. Jen´s last blog post..My second attempt

By: SDMktg

SDMktg — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 17:36:03 +0000

Birthday parties are definitely tough and I think things get rougher as the kids get older. I'm lucky enough to have twins so I only have to deal with the birthday party once a year. The first year was brutal. My family, her family, her friends, and the kids friends and their parents. The party was in what had been our home. I'm pretty sure I had an out of body experience that day watching the whole thing from somewhere else. After that we did the public party thing and family on separate days. If they end up having a few different birthday get togethers that is ok. That happens a lot for Christmas with my family getting together whenever everyone can manage it so it's ok if that's how it is for birthdays too. It is definitely easier with just us being civil to each other. Once extended family is there things get uncomfortable. Separate family parties are much eaiser on everyone. Weddings will be difficult but I have many years before that occurs. At my wedding I had 2 separate family photos for my side of the family, one with my mom and one with my dad's family. I guess in the end we have to remember we're doing it for the kids. SDMktg´s last blog post..Hearth Patio and Barbecue Assocation Expo

By: Debbie

Debbie — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:41:20 +0000

I love the practical advice..I have been divorced 2 1/2 years! My ex and I are amiciable..but as you mentioned, its more then just us!:) so we are still looking for that 'perfect' fit. Its great to hear suggestions from others walking this road too..thanks! Debbie´s last blog post..Just a bit........

By: Robin

Robin — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:31:07 +0000

I've always invited my daughter's father to her public birthday parties, and sometimes he comes. (One year, he had me served court summons AT and DURING her party, instead of coming. She'd have preferred he come to celebrate with her.) I do not invite him to our private family ones or, when she got older, her sleepover parties with just her friends with me as hostess. Last year, his youngest daughter did come to our daughter's birthday party (w/ friends, public location), but he didn't. Sometimes his mother will throw a combined birthday party for her three granddaughters, whose birthdays are all within a month of each other, and sometimes my daughter's father & his long-term girlfriend will have a nice birthday dinner together with her and her half-sister. He prefers I throw the friends party, and has stated that a few times over the years, so, I do. Robin´s last blog post..Weekend: Part 1: Big Show, et al

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:22:43 +0000

Me Thinks – your bikini story reminds me of a swim party we attended with one of my kids’ sports teams. My ex is like you, in great shape. (I’m in good shape, too – we’re both athletic) One of the dads on the team came over to me, gestured at my ex, then said “there’s always a hottie mom on every team.” I just smiled and nodded. He suddenly realized he was referring to my ex-wife. Doh! At which point he calmly placed his foot in his mouth and hobbled off.