Get a Job!
When an oil change for my daughter’s truck turned into major automotive repairs, it created a chance to teach our teen responsibility. You see, she doesn’t own the truck; her grandfather does. So who exactly was supposed to pay for the repairs? (Subliminal message to our teen daughter: Get a job!)
My ex and I talked and came up with a plan.
First, we told our daughter that we didn’t expect her grandfather to fix his own truck and then give it to her for free. It’s not like he’s an exec at AIG or anything. There’s no money tree in his backyard. If there is, he kept it secret from me for 15 years! (Subliminal message to our teen daughter: Get a job!)
Second, we told her she didn’t have to take that truck. She could find a comparably priced vehicle that she preferred. On that news, she jumped on craigslist and soon found a kick-ass Maxima at a cheap price. (Props to her for being so motivated.)
Only problem, the Maxima was in Boston. But hey – the guy selling it was in the Army and heading to Iraq, and he needed to unload it quick. He’d even pay to have it shipped here to California. My daughter was thrilled.
Um… does that sound sketchy to anyone besides my ex-wife and me?
Who would check the car out? Why couldn’t this guy sell it to someone in Boston? Had the vehicle been in a collision? Was it considered “totaled”? If we did send a check, who would make sure the car was transported by a reputable shipping company all the way to California?
In other words, we told our daughter no to the Boston Maxima. (Subliminal message to our teen daughter: Get a job!)
Our daughter did some more checking, and realized her grandfather’s truck was actually a great deal. The truck isn’t the vehicle of her dreams, but it’s functional and affordable. Props to her for doing the research, and being comfortable with her choice! That’s responsibility.
Third, while she does have money that she’s saved over the years toward a car, she doesn’t have enough to buy the truck, repair it, and maintain it. Her mom and I said we’d chip in on one condition, and our message was not subliminal: our teen daughter had to get a job!
When I was seventeen, I’d already worked a full year, slinging tacos and burritos at Taco Bell. I couldn’t wait to make my own cash. Granted, my daughter has been a youth soccer referee since she was thirteen or so, and she refereed for gas for a while. But once her high school social life took off (track season is for lovers!), she didn’t want to work weekends anymore.
Now that her teen independence is on the line by way of a truck, she’s taking a new and deeper look at the whole work thing. Does she want to spend her weekends refereeing soccer, or being a cashier at Peets? Or would she rather spend her remaining free time with friends? She’s thinking hard.
Meanwhile, she’s riding her bike in freezing cold (for California) weather to school each morning. She’s given up on bumming rides off me. (Subliminal message from dad to daughter: get a job!)
How long will it take for her to get a job? Who knows. At some point, she’ll decide she wants the truck badly enough. Or there will be something else that costs money that will make her realize she needs to get a job.
Then again, maybe she found her grandfather’s money tree.
- What a Dad Needs to Know About His Daughter
- Father Daughter Hit the Gas Pump
- Teen Responsibility by the Truckload
- Investment Advice From a Sixth Grader
- My Golden Retriever is Smarter Than Your Honor Roll Student
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Comment by lisaq
| March 24th, 2009
Both of my girls worked since they were old enough to get hired on. While they were both given vehicles by other relatives, they were responsible for maintenance, upkeep, etc. I told them that even if I had a money tree, they would be responsible for such things and any extra frivolities they wanted. As a high school teacher, I’ve seen too many spoiled teens handed everything they wanted. They are, as a general rule, ungrateful and feel a sense of entitlement. My girls, on the other hand, are damn sure grateful and fiscally responsible young women.
lisaq´s last blog post..Pure Romance: More Than Just Sex Toys
Comment by Andrea
| March 24th, 2009
Umm, can I use the subliminal message on my kids? They are 7 and nearly 3 plenty old enough to get a job (that way I won’t have to!)
Kudos to you for at least trying to get the message across that if she wants these things she’ll have to earn them. So many people just give the kids cars and everything they ask for. Ha! Not happening in my house either.
Andrea´s last blog post..Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama
Comment by junctionmama
| March 24th, 2009
Love the way you and your ex are standing your ground. You are teaching your daughter some valuable lessons!
junctionmama´s last blog post..Spring has sprung
Comment by Lance
| March 24th, 2009
Dude, I know tons of people who have purchased vehicles in faraway cities and either had them shipped or picked them up themselves. You actually would have to fly to that city and check it out, or have a friend in the region check it out.
Anyway, even if she works at Peet’s, we’re talking peanuts for salary. Generally speaking, you can’t maintain a car making minimum wage for like 20-30 hours per week. It pays for gas and a bit of social life and that’s about it.
Lance´s last blog post..Moving Closer: Anger, Recession, and Relationships
Comment by MindyMom
| March 24th, 2009
My daughter has had her job (and car) for almost a year now. There were MANY conversations about her getting a job and how she had applied here or there. However the job she has (and loves) now, I brought her the application for and set up the interview with the manager for the next day, which I also drove her to. My point being that you may have to be proactive about “getting” her the job, but once she’s in it things will fall into place.
Btw, my daughter is a hostess at a steakhouse chain and loves it. She gets salary plus tips and they are great about working around student schedules.
Good luck!
MindyMom´s last blog post..What Inspires You?
Comment by Jimmy
| March 24th, 2009
I kind of respectfully disagree. I started working in an auto plant at 18. I wish I’d taken more time to smell the roses. I think you have your whole life to work.
Massachusetts Senator Edward Kennedy remembers, “I ran for the Senate at a very young age, and one of the issues used by the opponents was that I had never worked a day in my life. One day I was going through one of the factories in my state to meet the workers. And I will never forget the fellow who came up to me, shook my hand, and said: ‘Mr. Kennedy, I understand that you have never worked a day in your life. Let me tell you, you haven’t missed a thing.’”
Comment by notasoccermom
| March 24th, 2009
My girls and my son have all worked since they were able to hire on, one of them at 15. One, is a saver, the other two, spend it as soon as they make it. Being a single parent on a fixed income, a lot of their social life has been paid for by their own pocketbook. i feel a little guilty about that. My son managed to buy himself a car and has paid the maintenance but a teenage pay doesn’t go far and needs some supplement.
Good for your daughter- now is the time for her to learn responsibility and even making decisions instead of jumping in with both barrel’s is huge. Jobs do cut into social life, times they wont get back. I feel a little bit sad that my girls work every weekend, sometimes both Friday and Saturday and once in a while a double shift Saturday. That is a lot of work for a 16 yr old.
The hardest part is that in the area we live, too many kids dont work, have every gadget known to man, ipods, Iphones, brand new cars and they dont work they dont pay for any of it… how will they learn responsibility? My kids ‘get it’ but it breaks my heart.
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Uphill both ways
Comment by T
| March 24th, 2009
Good for you for holding out! My parents weren’t that strong… And I’m trying my best to do this for my kids. I think it’s a healthy way for them to see they have to provide for themselves in life.
T´s last blog post..Timing and the short fuse
Comment by katherine.
| March 24th, 2009
I’d cut a deal with Grampa.
katherine.´s last blog post..getting the perfect gig
Comment by Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com
| March 24th, 2009
Best thing you could give your daughter is the drive / incentive to get a job!
Well done.
Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com´s last blog post..Key West Aquarium
Comment by krn
| March 24th, 2009
Wooooohoooo Dad’s and ex! Way to go.
Andrea- Your comment cracked me up!
Our eight year old has been selling his outgrown toys, games and books on the Bay, with local ads and at yard sales since he was six or so to make spending money. He also donates to local charity shops and freecycle events. His Dad or I will sometimes match his earnings or donation value 50/50 to help him earn an expensive item. He’s become more confident, a great comparison shopper and we no longer have the whining that used to come along with a trip to the store. If he wants something, I float him the cash until we can get to his bank. We still treat him to a new toy or game sometimes and he appreciates it when we do. It was his idea to get started after I earned a trip for us by doing some Spring cleaning one year. :)
Comment by vinomom
| March 24th, 2009
This is a subject near and dear to my heart. When I turned 16 it was very clear I would not be getting a car of my own. I was welcome to drive my parent’s cars when not in use, but would have to continue to take the bus to school without a car of my own.
I babysat constantly from the time I was 13. I lied at 15 to get a job at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I babysat regularly on top of working at KFC. The summer after I turned 16, I’d saved up $1100 and bought a little piece of crap Toyota Corolla.
That achievement showed me I could do anything I put my mind to, even on minimum wage. It was invaluable, and something every child should learn. I don’t remember ever asking my parents for money once I got a job.
For my daughter? I’ll probably do a dollar for dollar match so she can get something a little more reliable than what I had. She’s already into saving money and loves to count up what she’s saved – she even ran a little lemonade stand this weekend, and raked in around $5 !
I think you are doing the right thing by your daughter. It’s a life lesson she’ll take to heart in the future. Now the big question is, what will you do when she goes to college?
vinomom´s last blog post..Where the hell’d last week go?
Comment by Laura
| March 24th, 2009
Good for you!
I started waitressing at 12 – lol – only cos my aunt had her own restaurant and it was fun!
So I learnt the feeling of having my own money early on!!
Its a valuable lesson!
LOL and cars arent as much fun as youd think!
Laura´s last blog post..Counting down the days
Comment by Honey
| March 24th, 2009
I wasn’t allowed to drive a car or have a job. I could only go to school-sponsored activities (i.e., no hanging out with my friends unless it was at a club meeting or something like that) and I could only talk on the phone for 30 minutes per day. I was expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry and my homework and after-school activities. That’s it.
If I had a kid, I would never allow them to have a car. I think it’s a waste of money. But then again, I’m not having a kid!
Honey´s last blog post..Moving Closer: Anger, Recession, and Relationships
Comment by dadshouse
| March 24th, 2009
Honey – I sort of agree cars for teens are a waste of money. And waste of carbon footprint. I’m super glad my daughter is biking to school right now. Problem is, as a single dad, if she takes my car I can’t get around. That’s not horrible, but there are times when we both need to go places too far to walk or bike. Plus, here in California, teens can’t drive each other around for an entire year after they get their license. What a pain when they all want to go watch a movie together!
Jimmy – that Ted Kennedy story is hilarious! I agree, enjoy life and don’t start working full time when you’re still young, if you can help it.
As for a social life, as much fun as hanging out can be, working with other teens your age can be a blast, too. I loved my days at Taco Bell. Pretty much everyone working there was a high school student, except for the manager. Plus, you learn responsibility, and learn to balance work and play.
Of course, times are different these days. Here in Silicon Valley, a lot of fast food jobs are taken by adults. Teens work the yogurt shop, lifeguard at the city pool, ref soccer games, etc. Slim pickings for part-time jobs.
Comment by ilinap
| March 24th, 2009
I didn’t have a job until I was in college. I rarely even babysat. Wow was I a louse. In my defense, I was in boarding school. We weren’t allowed to work. Yeah, I know. Spoiled Brat. But I’m over it now. Really.
Comment by PhenomenalMama
| March 24th, 2009
It’s great that you’re holding out and not giving in. This is a great lesson for your daughter, it’s allowing her to make the decision on her own about where her priorities are. Good for you! :)
PhenomenalMama´s last blog post..“No Wonder You’re Depressed”
Comment by hubman
| March 24th, 2009
Being an Army guy (shhh…) in the Boston area, gotta say good call on that one. Ain’t many of us around here. Sounds kinda fishy to me.
Good for you, teaching her the importance of priorities and financial responsibility!
hubman´s last blog post..TMI Tuesday #179
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| March 24th, 2009
My situation growing up was a bit different: I had to get a job, but I ended up working at my dad’s restaurant. I starting making pizza boxes, then washing dishes, then working the cash register, and then waiting on tables.
I worked as a waiter (on and off) through high school and university and the tips paid for my apartment and car.
I’m looking forward to waxing poetic with my own kids and giving them “When I was your age…” stories.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..My Bucket List (part two)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| March 24th, 2009
I’m with Jimmy.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..How to Say "Fuck Off" with Panache
Comment by Janet
| March 24th, 2009
Okay, I’ve gotta ask–what is freezing cold weather by California standards?
Bear in mind, I live in Indiana. :)
Janet´s last blog post..Just like me.
Comment by LV Lizard
| March 24th, 2009
Sounds like a good idea, I grew up with all too many kids that had to learn that lesson too late in life.
Although I understand that the point of your post focused on her getting the job, I feel like (and hopefully you did this in real life) you should have discussed why the Craigslist car was a scam with her in detail. Too many people are ignorant of these types of scams, and she would be well served to have knowledge of them going forward so as not to become a victim herself!
-LV
LV Lizard´s last blog post..Lizards Can’t Fly: How I got Banned From JetBlue!
Comment by dadshouse
| March 24th, 2009
Janet – 42 degrees in the a.m.! Brrrrr… (It got to 70 in the afternoon today. Ahhhh…)
LV Lizard – great point. And yes, we did talk to her about scams. I think Craigslist is really for buying stuff locally, i.e that you can go see and check out.
Ilinap – a self-proclaimed louse. Well, you have great cocktail recipes on your blog (5:00 Friday!), so all is forgiven.
Comment by mama llama
| March 25th, 2009
It is hard with all the activities lined up in the adolescent years for the students who just don’t fly by the seat of their pants. However, this is the age of beginning to learn time management, priority-setting and basic economics. We all must sacrifice something in order to get/have something else we want. Period.
I know people whose parents believed that going to school was their only job. They never had to work the popcorn counter at the movies or take orders at McDs. Upon meeting some of them when in grad school, you can really tell the difference between those who have a perspective of a work life experience outside of the classroom and those who do not.
I agree. Cell phone text charging, a percentage of a plan used for friends, gas/car upkeep (safety issues might be different, however–I would personally pay those) and shopping above and beyond basic school clothing necessities…those are good starts to learning Econ 101.
Applause, Dads.
Be well.
mama llama´s last blog post..negativity?
Comment by April
| March 25th, 2009
Kudos to you and your ex for putting the problem back on your daughter, where it belongs. Even though my oldest is only 11, we’ve already started talking about possible jobs for her when she’s of age.
April´s last blog post..Co-dependent? Or just in a crappy relationship?
Comment by Kat Wilder
| March 26th, 2009
Yay for sticking to your guns!
Kids around here get the old BMW or a new one once they get their license. WTF?
I wrote about kids and cars last year, http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder/2008/09/driven_crazy_1.html
Get a job, indeed!
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Reel sex has nothing to do with real sex
Comment by oshea12566
| January 27th, 2010
I worked at King Kullen supermarkets here in New York for a year to save up for my first car, 1980 Buick Regal. My sister, (10 years younger) never had to have a job. My parents bought a car for her- but that is another blog post entirely. To this day, I do not have the same relationship I would have had. Did I mention they paid for her college while I am still paying off student loans? Please treat all children equally! My parents and I do not have the relationship we could of had.
oshea12566´s last blog ..Bowling!