Dinnertime Ringtones
I have a strict no-cell-phone at dinnertime policy. As a divorced dad, I only see my kids half the week, and between their school and sports, and my work, we aren’t exactly spending every waking minute together. Dinner time is a chance for us to sit and talk, plug into each others’ lives, catch up on each others’ days. Ringtones are a distraction, and phone conversations are worse. Both my kids know this.
So when my teen daughter’s cell phone ringtone went off at the dinner table on Friday night, all it took was a glare from me, and she turned her cell phone off immediately.
Thing is, a friend of hers was eating with us that night, and apparently cell phones aren’t an issue at her house. She pursed her lips and raised some “oh shit, are we in trouble?” eyebrows, pulled out her phone, and silenced her ringer.
The two teens had spent the afternoon with half the track team at my house for a team spirit activity. They planned to meet some of those same friends for a high school play later that night. Basically, they wanted to eat as quickly as possible, then race to the show. They even considered cramming food between two slices of bread, and taking ad hoc sandwiches with them. Politeness intervened.
“Who was texting you?” I asked.
“About five different people,” my daughter said. “We all want to sit together at the play tonight.”
Both girls were wolfing down their food. Conversation wasn’t on the menu.
“Why don’t you text one of them and ask them to save you seats?” I asked. “Then you can enjoy dinner.”
“You’re saying I can text from the table?” my daughter asked.
“Sure. This one time.”
My daughter and her friend both whipped out their phones and turned them on. Ringtones blared. They ignored the noise, and texted like crazy. In no time flat, they were finished texting.
“Okay, they’re saving us seats,” my daughter said. “We don’t have to rush.”
The two teen girls set their phones down, and started savoring dinner, chatting between bites. Theatre problem solved, cell phone ringtones off, dinner became quite pleasant.
Now I’m wondering, when will the cell phone makers create dinnertime ringtones that sound like silverware clanking on plates so that teens can sneak their texting back into the meal?
I’m just saying…
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- Some Text Messages Deserve a Truckers Salute
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Comment by Andrea
| March 31st, 2009
Of this problem I’m well aware, though I don’t have a teenager, I have a husband. Yes, he’s an addict. Blackberry rules our life. Won’t he be surprised one day when he finds I’ve flushed the thing down the toilet.
Not that I don’t have my own blackberry issues because who doesn’t? But when it’s dinner/kid/not-every-five-seconds time it’s far away on my desk in its own little world.
I think the ringtone you mention is probably out there disguised as something else so parents won’t know it is out there. They are sneaky things these teenagers.
Andrea´s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts
Comment by SweetPeaSurry
| March 31st, 2009
That is too funny. Whipping out the cell phones to text really quick. It’s nice that you were able to have a pleasant dinner!
SweetPeaSurry´s last blog post..Drinking Alone
Comment by junctionmama
| March 31st, 2009
Love your posts about parenting!
I’m a high school teacher and I have my own policy about cell phones in my classroom. I tell the kids that if I see a phone, I’ll call my relatives in Italy with it. The threat is usually a good enough deterrent.
Good for you for sticking to your guns and for being flexible at the same time. You sound like an awesome dad! :)
junctionmama´s last blog post..My heart is swollen
Comment by MommaSunshine
| March 31st, 2009
Eeeesh. So glad my daughters are WAAAAAY too young right now for this to be an issue. I wholeheartedly agree that dinnertime needs to be the time for families to re-connect and communicate and just SLOW DOWN…because our world is full of too many distractions as it is.
MommaSunshine´s last blog post..I Really Don’t Understand Men…
Comment by T
| March 31st, 2009
Ha! Good one, Dads.
I enjoy these stories because you seem to relate to what they’re experiencing. So often, its easy to see your child’s issues, experiences and challenges as something minuscule. It may be nothing to us but its everything to them. I really think that builds mutual respect in any relationship.
Thanks for sharing.
T´s last blog post..Spring cleaning and coming undone
Comment by QTMama
| March 31st, 2009
I read these stories about your teenage daughter and often wonder what it will be like 10 years when my girl is the same age. Sigh I’m glad you share this stuff. :)
QTMama´s last blog post..Secrets …
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| March 31st, 2009
A cell phone ringing is always a rude interruption, regardless of the situation. That’s why mine vibrates. :) Then I can decide if it’s important to answer or not. If it is necessary to answer, I try to teach the young ones to say, “Excuse me, but I need to take this call.” Just like in the real grown-up world. I don’t think cell phones should be ringing at any table anywhere at any time. Not just because people only have that little bit of time together, but across the board ~ not appropriate. If a young person has that concept down, you can be sure they would not interrupt dinner with a frivolous call/text. Everyone should be afforded the opportunity to take care of things that are urgent. And I’m glad you managed to offer your daughter that respect.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Sweet Cherry Wine
Comment by MindyMom
| March 31st, 2009
I’m with you and have a ban on cell phones at the dinner table. Every once in a while my kids will try to sneak it by but they are teens and will always need to push. Sometimes it’s to our advantage to make acceptions, like in your case. Good call Dads.
MindyMom´s last blog post..Keepin Up with the Jonses – Social Media Style
Comment by judith
| March 31st, 2009
We have a no text, no phone, no electric anything at dinner, but my kids still amaze me with their ability to text one-handed in their pocket, under the table, sight unseen. This added to the fact that they can’t fold a towel or get a shirt even halfway on a hanger has me wondering…where did I go wrong?
judith´s last blog post..Hidden Gifts of Rejection Letters
Comment by ditz
| March 31st, 2009
We had an interesting experience with cell phones recently. Last Tuesday, after dinner, (I don’t allow them at the table either) my daughter’s phone was buzzing with news about a robbery/home invasion that just occurred (as in within 15 minutes) on a street about a mile away. No one was hurt, but the suspects were on the loose. Police were searching for them, the police helicopter was circling, and they thought the suspects were seen headed towards our area. Her friends’ families had gotten phone calls from the police to stay inside, so everyone was a little freaked out by it. My daughter checked our door locks, closed the blinds, and we waited it out. I would not have known about it without her texting. My daughter’s social network became its own neighborhood watch.
Comment by Mark
| March 31st, 2009
Great point, I dislike phones at the dinner table, this is a time for food and conversation. I also don’t like to have someone answer a phone when I am meeting with them at work. This is rude behavior and demonstrates that you are not important at the moment. At work when someone comes into my office for a meeting I turn the phones off and turn my monitor off so I won’t be distracted by incoming e-mails. People who meet or eat with us deserve our full attention.
Mark´s last blog post..Ridicule – An Expression of Fear
Comment by Melifera
| March 31st, 2009
Fortunately my daughter is too young to yet have a cellphone (I stress the yet, as she’s been asking- yikes!). I think that in this case, your leniency worked to your advantage. You were able to enjoy your meal, and your daughter was able to set her plans. Bravo!
Melifera´s last blog post..Sad Panda’s Got the Monday’s
Comment by Janet
| March 31st, 2009
This is becoming a serious pet peeve of mine. I went out with a friend the other day and he was checking his Blackberry constantly. He did it the last time we hung out, too. It’s weird how common courtesy goes out the window as soon as a cell phone is involved!
I think you handled the situation with your daughter really well. Very little is black and white…there are always shades of gray.
Janet´s last blog post..Trader Joe’s, Target, and Becoming an Adult?!
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| March 31st, 2009
Dads…I’m glad you write about these experiences. My daughter’s 10 so I need to know what I have to look forward to.
Great stuff as always!
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..So I went out on this date…
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart
| March 31st, 2009
My kids rarely talk on their phones. It’s all about texting. And hopefully not sexting, but then … ignorance is bliss!
Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog post..If I Go Missing
Comment by justrun
| March 31st, 2009
It’s amazing how these little technology developments can have made us addicted and resourceful at the same time.
Although— and even if I don’t have kids— I do see the need to pitch those things out the window at times. Or at least the desire.
justrun´s last blog post..Uncertainty
Comment by krn
| March 31st, 2009
Hmmm, ditz’s post got me thinking about the upside of having a tight tech supported network. It’s interesting that something that many of us view as a nuisance had such a positive application that I’d not thought about before.
I completely support the no interruptions at dinner time rule, but your exception seemed like the perfect remedy to all concerned parties. It’s so important to be flexible and solution focused when a situation calls for it. It promotes family harmony and is a great model of thoughtfullness for your daughter and her friend to follow. No wonder the kids were hanging out at your place.
Dad’s~ I’m curious if you have always been just naturally well balanced, responsive and thoughtful with your kids or if is this is a learned parenting skill, a result of personal growth work, simply the result of being fully present or something else? Whichever, it’s a good reminder to meet our kids where they are at. :)
Comment by Shelle-BlokThoughts
| March 31st, 2009
Actually that is a good idea…you should patent it and make millions!
Just saying… :)
Shelle-BlokThoughts´s last blog post..You should have been in my pilates class with me yesterday!
Comment by newsinglemama
| March 31st, 2009
Hopefully I can remember this stuff when my little one is a teenager. In ten years cell phone will probably be obsolete. What will be their gadget of choice?
newsinglemama´s last blog post..How much do I love Facebook?
Comment by Lindsay
| March 31st, 2009
Wow, times have really changed. It’s wild how little things like “family dinner” are overlooked these days. My sister can not sit down and have a meal without texting. I am always curious as to why she thinks she is going to miss something.
I remember back in my high school days, I used to like to read magazines at the table but my mother forbid it. I guess this is somewhat like texting. Of course, we would wait for my father to get home from work so we could eat and as soon as he sat down he grabbed the newspaper and started reading and eating. She hated it. *ahh, good times.
Lindsay´s last blog post..How To Get Your Ex Back
Comment by cyndi
| March 31st, 2009
Ugh… cell phones are just my peeve. Poor N-Man. I’m going to be *that* uncool mom that refuses to buy him one. He’s going to hate me.
cyndi´s last blog post..First day jitters
Comment by Vinomom
| March 31st, 2009
I think your choice was a good one. They had plans, and needed to finalize them. There should always be exceptions to a rule. I loved the description of the look between friends. I could so see it!
Vinomom´s last blog post..I could be psychic
Comment by dadshouse
| March 31st, 2009
Judith – texting one handed, in the pocket, under the table… are our kids related?!
Twenty Four – my kids would rather text than talk on their cell phones, too… are our kids related?!
Krn – what you might see in me as being well balanced and thoughtful, others might see as me not providing enough discipline. I tend to seek the path of least resistence and little stress. I think it’s a single parent success secret to just let things go sometimes.
Great comments, all!
Comment by Boris
| March 31st, 2009
I think its sad when we allow technologies to run our lives. My kids are long gone, but I would have had a no cell rule as well.
Boris´s last blog post..Free Love Web 2.0 Style!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| March 31st, 2009
I hate the phone = cell, texting or not — at meal time. I never answer them; that’s what voicemail is for, right? Still, I understand others live in a different world. Oh, not my kid; he gets it. I mean my 70-something parents, who jump out of their seat and rush to pick up the (land-line) phone “just in case.” Can’t teach anyone anything nowadays …
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Stripping’s the least of octomom’s worries
Comment by notasoccermom
| April 1st, 2009
Here Here! good for you! and your daughter.
I think that cell phones are becoming the new rude. Everywhere!
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Pulling out the power suit again
Comment by shannon
| April 1st, 2009
The point I like best about this whole post is that you were able to “pick your battles” and bend a little…and it worked out best for all of you in the end. A great reminder how we need to remember, there were things we did as teens and young adults, that made our parents grimace. We all need to remember not to alienate our teens and choose wisely what we are tough about. Great job DH!
shannon´s last blog post..Going back.
Comment by shannon
| April 1st, 2009
That being said…I WAY prefer texting to talking on any phone. Land line or cell. I’m busy and idle chat is not my forte. I want to be with my family, not chatting on the phone, but a text here and there is easier than a whole conversation. (i.e. it ends when I want/need it to).
shannon´s last blog post..Going back.
Comment by Robin
| April 1st, 2009
My daughter’s is left on vibrate, but the “silverware” sound is a great idea. Hmmm, what’d work in a classroom?! :)
I don’t care if my daughter’s cell phone goes off while we’re eating, but she’s not to answer it (call or text). In the off chance that it’s a family member (her dad does not call her very often, for example), sometimes I’ll let her answer and say when she’ll call back. Unless, of course, it was something like your example above. (I follow the same rules, and we’ll look at the caller ID on the landline, but don’t answer it if we’re eating. Besides, no one important tends to call the landline.)
Hey, sometimes life happens, just need to carve out and savor shared moments along the way, too.
Robin´s last blog post..THIS explains Twitter.
Comment by The Exception
| April 1st, 2009
Mobile phones drive me crazy. They do not need to be at the table interupting a meal or conversation. Sounds like you and your kids have great policies.
The Exception´s last blog post..Still Waters Run Deep (or Whether or not I am a Flirt)
Comment by Silver Fang
| June 14th, 2009
I love my cell phones, but am all for not using them at the dinner table. An hour away from the phone won’t kill anyone.