Father and Son, Sharing a Passion One-on-One
Forty miles into our 50-mile bike ride, my teen son and I started talking about burritos. He wanted spicy beef. I wanted chicken in green sauce. More than being hungry and tired from a long bike ride that wasn’t yet through, we were bonding over something that belonged to “just us”.
You see, there’s a taqueria near our house where my son and I go for a weekend lunch or a snack after school. His sister doesn’t like it much, so it’s become a father-son place to hang out.
It reminded me something about being a single parent. I don’t often get one-on-one alone time with my kids.
When I was married, I could take my daughter bowling while my son stayed with his mom, or take my son to the park while my daughter and her mom hit the mall. But I’m divorced with half-time custody, and now when the kids are with me, they’re both with me.
Sure, I sneak in one-on-one alone time with my kids on occasion. An hour here, a half-day there. But those moments are short-lived.
This past week during spring break, my daughter visited college campuses with her mom, and my son and I were on our own. I challenged him to complete a 50-mile bike ride with me, partly to help him earn a badge, but also because cycling is a passion of mine. I wanted him to see what road biking was all about.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried sharing the sport with my kids – with Tour de France viewing on TV, and Tour of California viewing in real life. But the free feeling of mindless pedaling on a beautiful day was something I couldn’t describe or share.
Needless to say, I was thrilled when my son accepted the challenge. We’d be cycling for an entire day.
Our first attempt at 50 was on a day so cold and windy, we cut the ride in half and went for ice cream. Two days later, we tried again, and this time the weather was perfect. Sunny, cloudless, with just a light breeze. Still, my son borrowed one of my long-sleeve cycling shirts to make sure he’d be warm. (Picture a 4’11” teen boy in his 5’10” dad’s cycling shirt.)
My son has been riding a bike since he was little, but cycling on a road bike for hours on end is a different beast. There were subtleties I could teach him, like down-shifting when you start ascending a hill, or up-shifting just before you stand up to attack. (Yeah, we raced for 50-yard sprints every now and then.)
My son took the lead for most of the ride. He’s got a ton of energy and enthusiasm. But when we hit intersections in the road, he asked me to go first. The intersections were tricky, with multiple turn lanes, including right-turning cars that forced bikes away from the curb and into a lane with traffic on both sides of us. Over the course of the ride, I showed him enough safety and savvy that he could lead us through.
We were in great spirits for most of the ride. Still, around the forty mile mark, we both started suffering badly. My energy was crashing big time (I’m used to two and three hour rides, and our 50-miler was taking six!). My son was saddle sore. We both wanted the ride to end.
“You want cheese with your burrito?” I asked.
“Just rice and beans,” he said. “And a big Dr. Pepper.”
“That sounds awesome. I’ll have an ice cold beer.”
We finished our 50-mile ride in fine form. (Okay, I admit, my son kicked my ass. Where do kids get their energy?) We enjoyed massive burritos and cold drinks from “our” taqueria. And we now have an epic father-son cycling story that belongs to “just us”.
I get the feeling a new passion for cycling belongs to “just us”, too.
Cycling:
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Comment by Cathouse Teri
| April 17th, 2009
Aw… that was sweet. But I still think you should have put at least ONE of the quotes in this post. :)
It is great when you can keep going when you are sure you have not a shred of energy left to do it. Just goes to show ya ~ we have no idea how very strong we are.
And that bit about whining over not being able to spend individual time with your kids now that you’re a single parent…. pure bunk! They are freaking old enough to stay at home alone or be off with friends doing something else.
So I’m callin’ “horseshit” on that one. :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..New Tattoo!
Comment by dadshouse
| April 17th, 2009
Oh, I get alone time with them. (Part of the problem is, they’d rather be off with friends than hanging with their old man!) But to spend an entire day doing something like road biking with just one of them – that is a rarity. It was the chance to share a passion one-on-one that was so special.
Did I just debunk your bunk?
Comment by MindyMom
| April 17th, 2009
Bikes & Burritos! Whoo-hoo. Sounds like a great day and I agreee that a 6-7 hour stretch of one-on-one time is a rare thing, especially with teens. Glad you both had a nice time.
Is that you with your tongue wagging on the bike? Hard to tell with the helmet and glasses.
MindyMom´s last blog post..Single Mom Goes Out
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| April 17th, 2009
No debunking. Because you were citing “single parenthood” as the reason for less time doing fun stuff with your kids, individually. When in fact, the reason is that as kids get older, they lose interest in doing things with their parents. N’est-ce pas?
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..New Tattoo!
Comment by Andrea
| April 17th, 2009
That’s awesome. What a great way to spend time with your son one on one. Cycling is a great sport (despite all the doping nonsense) and is one I wholeheartedly encourage in my own son, though at 7 he’s a bit young for 50 mile rides ;) There is nothing like cycling along with the sun on your face and a light breeze blowing by.
It’s great to have something that belongs to just the two of you and that these are the memories he’ll be looking back on in the future. Possibly when he is ready (many years from now) to be a father himself.
BTW, I’ve seen your picture and you just don’t look old enough to have a daughter getting ready to apply to colleges. And ivy league ones to boot, that’s quite an accomplishment.
Andrea´s last blog post..Candid Carries’s Photo Friday & Friday’s Feast (F2)
Comment by dadshouse
| April 17th, 2009
Teri – I think being a single parent, with no family nearby, has made it very hard for me to get one-on-one alone time with either kid. Yes, my kids are older now, so I can leave one at home while I’m with the other. But I only see them half the days, and that makes me want to do things with both of them (go hiking, hit the beach, etc). Married parents who are around their kids full time can do one-on-one stuff with a child while their spouse does stuff with the other kids. Plus, if you’re with your kids every day, stealing a day of special time is special, and doesn’t take so much away from the other children.
I see your debunking, and raise it!
Mindy – yes, that’s me on the bike, mugging for the camera. Those are race numbers, not prison inmate numbers. (I felt compelled to clear that up)
Andrea – I’m the youngest parent of any girl on my daughter’s club soccer team, so I think I just had kids earlier than most in Silicon Valley. I was in my 20s when she was born.
Comment by eyeswideopen
| April 17th, 2009
yor post today has me missing my son even more he is now 20 and a long way from home, my son is now a sailor in the navy…I am proud of him but to have a day like you and your son had sure would be nice right now…from a mom
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| April 17th, 2009
David – You win. :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..New Tattoo!
Comment by Mark
| April 17th, 2009
It is great that you are getting one on one time! The key is to make this happen more often. Continue to have fun!
Mark´s last blog post..Contradictions Along Our Journey
Comment by krn
| April 17th, 2009
This was a perfect Friday post, Dad’s! Your story is so heartwarming. The world would be a better place if there were more dads like you. I love the mental image I got of your son wearing your Big Cycling Daddy shirt.
Sweet, sweet stuff here~
Have a wonderful weekend.
Comment by Shelle-BlokThoughts
| April 17th, 2009
I never thought about the one on one situation with single parents. I didn’t even realize.
so I guess the single mom that lived across from us when we were living in Salt Lake City must really mean it when she was always thanking me for letting her drop one of her girls off.
THey were a big help so I was happy when she did…but I never thought about it from her perspective.
THat is seriously so cool you did that, the bike ride. I can’t IMAGINE what your butt would feel like after that…admit it…where you sore for days?
Regardless, my butt is always a little sore after SPIN class…and that’s only an hour!
Good sore though right? :)
And your comment on the REAL WORLD VENUS vs. MARS was great! I love it because everyone is so honest and open…and I love your perspective as a single dating adult…
Shelle-BlokThoughts´s last blog post..Pictures…for you NON readers out there.
Comment by Hubman
| April 17th, 2009
As a dedicated road cyclist myself, I can’t wait for the day my son (now 8) catches the riding bug! Your story is great inspiration!
Hubman´s last blog post..Not What You’re Expecting
Comment by Just Me...
| April 17th, 2009
Spending time like that, sans tv/dvd/ds, is priceless.. I’m glad you knew to enjoy it.. Not all dad’s have that much sense.. :):)
Just Me…´s last blog post..Tea Party
Comment by The Exception
| April 17th, 2009
It sounds like you two had a great week and two great rides. Isn’t it fun to share our passions (and theirs)! Kids learn that they are individuals with valued interests and learn to appreciate new and different interests (ours!) I hope you are able to have such a week with your daughter too – before she leaves the nest and starts her own life…
The Exception´s last blog post..One of Those Days
Comment by Lisa
| April 17th, 2009
You should try the Hotter ‘n Hell 100 in Wichita Falls, Tx. Not that I’ve tried it, but can you imagine biking 100 miles in 100 degree temps?
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| April 17th, 2009
What a great story.
With my son only 2 1/2, this is the kind of thing I can’t wait to be able to share with him as he gets older.
Only not the six hours of biking. I’m thinking maybe a walk through the park or something. Heh.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..Twitter Tales: 04-16-09
Comment by Shirley
| April 17th, 2009
I have a similar issue. It’s difficult to get time with my 15.5-year-old, since she’s always in her room or out. I started walking her to her dance class and offering to take her to Starbucks, which is a block away, so we can walk together. I try to make a conscious effort every day to have a little time with her; otherwise, days can go by (and my kids are with me pretty much full time) and we won’t get alone time. Their dad makes an effort in a different direction–he’ll take one of them to Los Angeles for a weekend during a time when it works for my other daughter to stay with me.
Have a great weekend! I just ran on the trails in Wunderlich…it was gorgeous.
Comment by postcards and coasters
| April 19th, 2009
Wow… 50 miles is a lot! I’ve done a few marathons and my celebration meal was In-n-out! :)
postcards and coasters´s last blog post..Friday Photo’s: Fresh Air, Fondue & Cow Bells…ahhh it’s SWITZERLAND!
Comment by T
| April 19th, 2009
I love taquerias. Yum.
And yes, I agree. I hate not having that one-on-one time with my girls. I try to squeeze in something once in a blue moon but yeah, its rare.
Sounds like a great ride! But 6 hours?! Sheesh!
T´s last blog post..Call me a cougar or call me romantic
Comment by Kat Wilder
| April 19th, 2009
That was nice that your kid took you up on the challenge.
Now, one day he may challenge you — like, 6 hours of playing XBox (or whatever gaming system he has).
Now that will test your manhood!
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Susan Boyle can sing, but will she ever get kissed?