Comments on: Wingin’ It With an Ex

By: searchingwithin

searchingwithin — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:01:36 +0000

I agree that your ex appears to still have feelings for you, and possibly hoping that this arrangement might be a way to move the relationship into something more than an occasional booty call. Hope it works out for both of you. Social confirmation is an effective way to attract people, and usually works on two types of women, the one type, as you said, that feels you are safe, and the type who preys on men who are with another woman, or taken. Happy hunting. searchingwithin´s last blog post..Seeking Validation and Love Through Men's Approval

By: FJ

FJ — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:13:25 +0000

This sounds like a great idea for both of you. I think you two – from what I’ve read – can trust each other while out, and I get that vibe from you speaking well about how men get more flirty looks when they’re with other women. This is very true: women don’t have to be on the defensive when the guy is with another woman, so of course they warm up easier. They find out it’s not your gf? Awesome, it makes the game that much easier for everyone!

By: Leah

Leah — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 23:58:28 +0000

I like that you are open to unconventional relationships, Dad's. It is always worth trying, and you don't know if it will work unless you do try. Good luck - it's a terrific idea. One of my best friends (who is gay) is an amazing wingman. It would be fun to find someone else to play that role, especially since I am personally tired out right now :P Leah´s last blog post..Big boys don’t cry…

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:58:00 +0000

Sandra and Single Mom in NE – great comments. Love your insights. I’m not sure why it has worked sometimes for me. I have one ex who I was still very much attracted to after we broke up. She started calling me asking for my take on men, usually because she was dating some guy and he did something she just couldn’t figure out. Despite my attraction to her, it was clear she had moved from dating me. Rather than moon over her, I realized I’d rather have her as a friend than not. For instance, I was able to get advice about women from her. And so we continued the phone calls and even met for occasional daytime adventures (lunch or tea). I compartmentalized and put aside any sexual feelings I had for her so that we could be friends.

It’s sort of like how I interact with my ex-wife. We decided we’d rather get along than fight, so we compartmentalized and set aside any untoward feelings, and put our relationship on a new path.

Will it work with the ex-gf I wrote about in this post? Not sure. It takes two to tango. If I sense either of us mooning, it’s probably best to cut things off completely and move on.

By: Single Mom in New England

Single Mom in New England — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:36:20 +0000

ooooh, nice comment, Sandra. I’m with you in cleaning out the karma closet to clear the way for the right one to come along.

As a woman, I know that even “as friends” – if I hung out with an ex in just a platonic way, but we had a great time together – simply an art show on a brilliant sunny day with a glass of wine would do it for me – I would probably end up mooning over ‘my friend’ and thinking about the “what ifs?” for the next couple days – cluttering my mental path to look for someone else… just like you said, Sandra.

Perhaps it’s easier for men/Dadhouse to compartmentalize friends vs exes we had feelings for? It’s definitely worth an attempt – it would be an interesting exercise to see!

By: simonandcole

simonandcole — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:06:10 +0000

While I am much younger and perhaps wild than you, sir, you seem to have hit the nail on the head. As a recent college grad I can't seem to help but think that hanging out with an ex will produce beneficial results one way or the other. Maybe you'll even convince yourself to have another kid. Or maybe not. simonandcole´s last blog post..Who’s B.S. Now?? by Simon

By: Sandra

Sandra — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:14:47 +0000

Hi Dadshouse, It changes things once you explained that she used to text you for a booty call after the breakup. It sounded like you just decided to text her out of the blue one day for a booty call. You're right in that texting is more commonplace. I text my friends more than I call. I agree, except I still think it is tacky when used in the dating world, or for hookups. I still think phone calls are more polite. I don't think your age has anything to do with respecting boundaries. You seem to be a respectful guy, and I think that's why you're polite. My ex was older, and slowly tried to push the envelope. Also, some of the most offensive men I've gone out with have been older. If this works out for you, that's great. I didn't say it can't work. I just said that it's rare. It didn't work for me, and I think that people who remain friends with exes who they are clearly sexually attracted to aren't being 100% honest with themselves. Of course you wouldn't cross the line. Of course you're looking for a new partner. I know that from reading your blog. But the fact remains that you still have some of the same emotional bond you had with that ex that you had while you were going out. Plus how is spending your time hanging out and being sexually attracted to your ex going to set the universe in motion for you to meet the woman who should be your partner if you are seriously considering finding a new partner ? I cut off all friendships with my exes because I want to let go of the past emotional connections I had with them so I can develop a new connection with someone better. While I am looking for Mr. Right I don't want Mr. Didn't Work Out to be in my head and heart. Good luck in your journey for love. Sandra´s last blog post..My witty banter