My Drunk Date
Just when I thought modern dating couldn’t get any worse, it goes and proves me wrong, ratcheting things down even lower.
I recently had a drunk date.
No, I wasn’t drunk. The woman was.
Before our date even started.
WTF?!
Look, I know two people can get tipsy on a date. A little laughter, a spilled martini, and pretty soon QTMama’s waiter slips with a tray of drinks. (Cue the laugh track machine.)
I also know people sometimes loosen up for a date with a drink ahead of time. A glass of wine, a gimlet, Old Fashioned, Dark and Stormy, negroni, Manhattan. Whatever it takes.
But showing up for a date drunk after downing three or four cocktails? Reeking of alcohol and unable to maintain a coherent conversation? In my book, that’s rude and disrespectful.
The woman and I had met online (my first mistake, since online dating sucks completely.) We actually had gone on a couple of dates already. She was attractive, nice, educated. Still, there was something about her that didn’t strike me as quite right. As such, third-date sex was not in the air – at least not for me, I still had some vetting to do. Maybe that was the problem? Maybe this woman assumed since it was our third date that we’d be getting our freak on, and decided to get the party started early? Who knows.
I’m pretty sure she hadn’t been downing cocktails by herself at home. I think she’d met up with a girlfriend for Happy Hour. Fair enough – Happy Hours are supposed to fill you up with gin and tonics, mojitos, cosmopolitans.
But to drink so much when you know you have a date later on, with someone you’d been out with a few times before?
This is part of the reason I prefer dating women who I meet through friends. There’s more accountability that way. If you make a fool of yourself, your mutual friend is bound to find out.
And since I met this woman online, I figure I should rant to my online friends.
Who’s up for tequila shots?
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Comment by Andrea
| April 27th, 2009
I haven’t come across that one before. I imagine it was less than fun though. In the past I’ve always found online dating comes to either very much miss or maybe a hit. Working through friends for dates is much safer but I think your date just had some issues. Lots of them with ice cubes and an umbrella in the glass perhaps.
Comment by lisaq
| April 27th, 2009
Yikes! I’m guessing there won’t be a 4th date! :D
Comment by Jimmy
| April 27th, 2009
You know what you fellow Californian Merle Haggard sang
Tonight the bottle let me down
and let your memory come around
The one true friend i thought I’d found
Tonight the bottle let me down
Comment by vinomom
| April 27th, 2009
Oh that sucks – very rude! I’ve definitely gotten drunk ON a date but never beforehand!
Comment by Just Me...
| April 27th, 2009
Um, no.. Can’t think of a reason to get blitzed for a third date.. I mean, after the second date, most women already know whether or not the guy is going to get laid on the next one.. :):):)
Just Me…´s last blog post..Roles….
Comment by QTMama
| April 27th, 2009
Okay so … did she give you a reason for being drunk? WAS she out with friends for happy hour? just wondering cuz it does seem odd, yes.
QTMama´s last blog post..Wrenches, Date Night and Vomiting
Comment by Elaine at Lipstickdaily
| April 27th, 2009
Yeah . . . and sometimes the reason for getting drunk is . . . medication! 3d date, closer not closer, sex no sex, does he like me does he not . . . someone with a little anxiety might lose it. Not an excuse and not that you want to take on that burden, but still . . . far be it for us to judge!
Elaine at Lipstickdaily´s last blog post..Would You Sleep With a Stranger?
Comment by Kevin
| April 27th, 2009
funny post.. not sure what I would have done, but you were rght to be ticked that she was more than just tipsy.
Kevin´s last blog post..Oklahoma City Half Marathon Race Report
Comment by Mark
| April 27th, 2009
Interesting, not in a good way! Hope the next date is better.
Mark´s last blog post..Changes In A Relationship
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| April 27th, 2009
I want to know what she did that was so funny in her drunken state to warrant this post! There HAS to be some humor in it…!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| April 27th, 2009
I’ve done a lot of online dating and never had a date show up drunk. As for online dating sucking… isn’t that one good reason to do it? Oh wait… I’m thinking of another kind of sucking. ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..A Word from The Wise
Comment by Laura
| April 27th, 2009
I agree – totally rude and disrespectful!
I would rather have cancelled the date if the afternoon had gotten carried away (it happens) or suggested another day if I knew I had plans with someone else that were likely to get out of hand (it happens)
Sorry DH – really is very sucky!
Comment by Attainingme
| April 27th, 2009
wow. That is one date I think I would have left or cut short. However, with the alcohol it seems you could have achieved third-date sex!
You seem to always have great stories.
Attainingme´s last blog post..Just bring your passport. -the stranger.
Comment by dadshouse
| April 27th, 2009
She probably meant to have one drink with her friend then meet up with me, and things with her friend got out of hand. But if that’s the case, she might have cancelled with me. Of course, if she’s tipsy and having fun with her friend, she probably figured the fun would just spill over to her time with me. It didn’t.
There was one other time where a woman was tipsy before a date with me. That time, she downed a few glasses of wine ahead of time because she was nervous.
For some reason, I never get nervous on blind dates.
Cathouse Teri – I love when your mind goes straight to the gutter!
Comment by The Exception
| April 27th, 2009
Trust your instincts and to your self be true… now pass a glass of wine as I am truly in need of something… anything… perhaps some thin mints? ;)
The Exception´s last blog post..Dreams
Comment by jason
| April 27th, 2009
sounds like you could have had a lot of fun with that…
and if she was cool, you could have harassed her for a long time about showing up totally drunk. on the other hand, i was out with a drunk date, who got us in between a fighting couple until i could drag her away to puke in a parking lot…
Comment by Eathan
| April 27th, 2009
So are you trying to tell us that ya didn’t have drunk sex after you had a couple drinks?? ;)
Eathan´s last blog post..I’ve Gone International
Comment by Sandra
| April 27th, 2009
Hello,
Dating here in Silicon Valley sucks, no way around that. Internet dating here in Silicon Valley sucks hairy, smelly donkey schlong.
I know, I’ve fallen victim to Match.com before too.
Your date was very rude and disrespectful. There is never an excuse for a lady to act like that on a date. Trashy.
Luckily that hasn’t happened to me, but man is my war chest filled with other dating horror stories.
Yeah, finding dates through other methods than the internet is definitely better if you can do it.
Good luck out there in the dating jungle, my jungle friend !!
Sandra´s last blog post..Lazy Sunday….
Comment by MommaSunshine
| April 27th, 2009
Wow.
Just….um…..wow. I’ve got nothin’ else. Seriously.
MommaSunshine´s last blog post..Morning Clarity
Comment by krn
| April 27th, 2009
Sorry to hear your date sucked, Dad’s. Living in a small coastal town (snooze) with a very limited dating scene of any kind, I’m very surprised to read that online dating in Silicon Valley isn’t great fun! I agree with Jason that you could have some fun with it, if you think her boozing was an accident and wouldn’t happen again. And, if you really liked her.
A looong time ago, I had one vodka tonic at the bar while waiting for my date to show up for dinner. This was a very stiff V&T and on an empty stomach, too much. When my date arrived, I was tipsy and very embarrassed. After I explained honestly, he had a very good time with it. We had already hit it off prior to this date, though. He also knew that I had been on call for a long stretch, which meant that I hadn’t had an alcoholic beverage of any kind for quite a while.
Comment by MindyMom
| April 27th, 2009
So not classy! Sorry. :( And yeah, more details – what happened?! How did you end the date?
MindyMom´s last blog post..Full Plate
Comment by notasoccermom
| April 27th, 2009
How rude! I agree online dating is no good. I have had too much experience with it. But I am not having much luck with friends of friends either as, when it doesn’t work out, you still have a chance of running into them another time. But there are not many friends who have single friends in my area anyway.
I love to read about your dating stories. Would love to write more dating stories on my blog but my parents read it and well, I haven’t been dating in a while.
Keep up the great reading
notasoccermom´s last blog post..The new home away from home
Comment by Kat Wilder
| April 27th, 2009
Dads, online dating has nothing to do with a drunk date.
No cause-effecr there whatsoever.
That said, showing up drunk is a big red flag. But, maybe she went out with friends first, as you suspect.
If there was chemistry, I’d give it another try (but call her on it first; she should 1. acknowledge and 2. apologize). No chemistry? It’s over …
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Random thoughts Monday
Comment by dadshouse
| April 27th, 2009
Kat – I agree online dating didn’t cause the drunkenness. BUT, had I met this woman through friends, rather than anonymously online, I’m guessing she’d be less willing to get hammered and make a fool of herself the way she did, because it would have gotten back to our mutual friends.
Not a Soccer Mom – I see your point! If things don’t work out, you might run into those people again. That said, if you know you might run into them again, you might move more slowly to get to know them, and be more friendly if you end up breaking up.
Krn – funny story. I wouldn’t have held one gin and tonic against you. Three or four? That’s quite another thing.
Sandra – yes, Silicon Valley dating sucks big time! Doesn’t it? Let me quote a local matchmaker recently featured in the San Jose Mercury News: “In the Bay Area, lots of people are looking for a partner for reasons other than romance… If you only have love, you don’t have money.” Sounds like a business merger. Ugh.
Comment by tanasie
| April 28th, 2009
That’s kinda sad that she had to get drunk to go out with you.
KIDDING.
Maybe she thought if she got herself drunk you’d take advantage of her. I don’t think I’ve ever shown up for a date trashed. Although my brother’s nanny did suggest it.
tanasie´s last blog post..Taking a Hit
Comment by Loving Annie
| May 1st, 2009
You met an alcoholic. You had the common sense to be turned off and not interested in having someone who is so self-destructive as a partner/possible girlfriend.
It is totally irrelevant WHY she got drunk – the simple fact she did speaks volumes as to her habits and comfort level with alcohol on a regular basis.
Loving Annie´s last blog post..Being Specific