Marisa Tomei – Sexy Stripper, Single Mom
I watched The Wrestler
Most single parents raising children solo will do just about anything for the well-being of their kids. But does that mean a single mom in dire straits needs to sell her body as an erotic dancer? Marisa Tomei’s character could have been a nurse rather than a nude dancer, right? Or if she had to be a stripper, did she have to be a single mom?
It made me wonder – are single mothers being mercilessly stereotyped here?
If you watch the film (attention: spoilers in this post), I think you’ll agree with me – Marisa Tomei’s sexy stripper single mom character perfectly fits the core of the movie.
After all, Mickey Rourke’s professional wrestler character is a deadbeat dad.
From watching the film, I gathered that Mickey Rourke’s character was a wrestler first, and walked out on his wife and daughter when he couldn’t deal with family life any more. I’m not supporting his choice (I’m a dad who is divorced with 50/50 custody of my two children, so I’m all about fathers staying involved), but I do know that some dads are deadbeats. His character seemed like someone who really could exist in real life.
It’s less clear with Marisa Tomei’s character which came first – was she a sexy stripper who had a child, then kept stripping? Or was she a single mother who turned to nude dancing to support her kid? I don’t recall the question being answered in the film. I assumed Marisa Tomei was an erotic dancer first, and the wrestler knew her just because he led a strip club lifestyle.
The really interesting thing to me about The Wrestler was the relationships this deadbeat dad and single mom nude dancer had with other people. Mickey Rourke’s character is desperate for connection. He thrives on the energy of his fans. When he is told by doctors that he can no longer wrestle, he turns to sexy Marisa Tomei for friendship, connection, support, love.
But Marisa Tomei the single mom is so focused on raising her child, she can’t open up to Mickey Rourke. She tells him she can’t co-mingle with clients, then collects $60 from him for a lap dance and tells him to get in touch with his adult-age daughter. Marisa Tomei is apparently stripping to make enough money to buy a condo in a neighborhood with good schools. She’s looking out for her child first. Erotic dancing aside, any parent would applaud that intent.
How did these characters compare to real life? I don’t know many deadbeat dads, and the ones I know are not alcohol or drug abusers, so I can’t say whether Mickey Rourke’s character was just furthering stereotypes or not. At one point, he has a heartfelt moment shedding a tear with his daughter, which I totally related to. But later he screws everything up with her due to the drinking and drug use in his fast lifestyle.
Marisa Tomei seemed more real to me. Forget the sexy nude dancer angle – I’m a single parent, and I interact with single moms, and Marisa Tomei’s character seemed totally genuine in her desire to put her child first at the cost of other relationships. After all, I often put my kids first, and don’t allow myself into dating relationships. I can relate. (I’m not a sexy nude dancer, and I don’t hang out in strip bars, so the stripper part was just a stereotype to me.)
Someday, there will be other stories that don’t stereotype deadbeat dads and single moms as alcoholics and strippers. I believe there are compelling stories to be told that paint single parents in a good light.
In the meantime, if you’re going to cast a mid-40s actress as a stripper, a sexy Marisa Tomei dancing is plenty fine with me. She’s hotter than some 20-somethings on the silver screen.
fyi – in real life, Marisa Tomei is not married and has no children. She’s an Academy Award winning actress, and was nominated for an Oscar for her role in The Wrestler.
- Hot, Sexy, Single – Law of Attraction
- Sex, God and a Well Hung Prana
- Rebound Sex Coffee Date
- Oh great, Another Bestseller with a Deadbeat Dad
- Sexy Arrangement
- Micro Bikinis and Body Paint – Thanks SI!
- Jon and Kate Gosselin are Separating
- Hooking Up – I Just Want To Be Your Lover
- Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
| 
Subscribe | © 2008-09 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
Comment by debra
| May 5th, 2009
‘After all, I often put my kids first, and don’t allow myself into dating relationships.’ ?? Are you referring to certain types of dating relationships?
Comment by Phil
| May 5th, 2009
She was a stripper because like you said, she was a mirror of Mickey Rourke. They were both in careers in which most people thought they were too old.
There are many great single parent movies… off the top of my head, recently there was ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ and of course there is ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’. Has anybody noticed that ‘Lost’ has become single parent island? There are more single parents in that show than I can count.
Comment by MindyMom
| May 5th, 2009
I haven’t seen the movie but I would have to agree with Phil about the “too old” for the profession aspect in addition to them both being a single parent. I’ve often thought about being a stripper single mom but since I’m pushing 40 I know it’s not realistic.
No, I’m not serious about being a stripper but I had you going for a minute, didn’t I? ;)
Phil did mention some good single parent movies and I’m sure there are more that portray single parents in a more positive light.
MindyMom´s last blog post..A Very Good Day
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| May 5th, 2009
And what, may I ask, is wrong with being a stripper and a mom? Why does it seem like such an odd combination to you? Stripping is just a job. And one where she is able to make enough money to support her child, without having to take time away from her child to go to school to obtain a “morally acceptable” career.
I love movies where moms and dads do whatever they have to in order to get by. We need more people like that.
I have known far too many people who pursue education and career, all in the name of the interest of their families, while their children grow up before their eyes. When it’s all said and done and they are “ready” to raise children, they are up and gone.
One of my favorite single dad movies EVER EVER EVER EVER is “I’ll Do Anything.” I highly recommend it, if you’ve not seen it.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..A Word from The Wise
Comment by Eathan
| May 5th, 2009
I have heard of single moms doing what ever it takes to feed their kids. Desperate times call for desperate measures. With that being said, I have know women that look great in their 40’s who are in the adult industry because of their economic situation. I’m sure it’s not the greatest job in the world, but if it pays the bills… I don’t have an issue with it.
Eathan´s last blog post..How Do You End A Booty Call?
Comment by Kathleen
| May 5th, 2009
I would do it! tee, hee… being outgoing and such, it would have been easy for me and I could still raise my girls and tell my ex to go take a hike! But, I don’t have to be a stripper. But, in desperate times, I thought of it, along with many other jobs that would have been frowned upon by society.
So, now I pimp coffee for Starbucks… not much different, but I do get to keep my clothes on!
great post, yet again!
Kathleen´s last blog post..stress….. This is not what I signed up for either!
Comment by Just Me...
| May 5th, 2009
Perhaps it’s my inability to suspend reality…
But, the ’stripper with the heart of gold, working to better her childs life’ character is just that, a character created for entertainment (this movie, IndepDay, etc). Am I saying it absolutely doesn’t exist? Oh, no.. But the vast majority of people in that industry are there for the easy money needed to support things much less noble.. Like drug addictions. For every Jenna Jamison, there are 10,000+ that are hooked on drugs or men or something else, just going through the motions because this is easier (in their minds) than going back to school, kicking the habit, or fixing what’s broken in their lives… And that, to me, is almost too sad to think about..
(See why I couldn’t enjoy myself at the live sex show in New Orleans?) Sorry.. Rant over.. :):):)
Just Me…´s last blog post..Tonight’s Showing…
Comment by dadshouse
| May 5th, 2009
Teri – read what Just Me wrote. The strip clubs I’ve been to were full of drug addicts and prostitutes, selling coke and sex. That’s not a good environment for a woman, whether she’s a mom or not. It’s also not a good environment for customers – and that’s why I don’t go to strip clubs anymore.
It’s not just a question of what is morally correct. I have no problem with a woman getting naked for artistic purposes. (Marisa Tomei looked smokin’ hot and sexy dancing g-string nude in this movie.) But erotic dancing to support a drug addiction, or because they feel they don’t “own” their body because of bad stuff that happened in their past, is sad. (Marisa Tomei’s character is not a drug user in this movie.)
Phil – you’re right, Pursuit of Happyness was a great single parent movie! I also enjoyed Dennis Quaid’s version of Parent Trap. However, I do see other books and movies portraying single parent stereotypes without delving into the character enough.
Debra – I go on dates, and I enter light-hearted relationships, but it’s been years since I allowed myself into a serious relationship where my kids met the woman.
Comment by debra
| May 5th, 2009
DH…I’d love to hear more about that thought. You long for a relationship, and to have a partner in your life. But, has being the involved father you are kept you from realizing that? This statement from you really surprised me, that you haven’t ‘allowed yourself into a serious relationship’. Hmmm…maybe another post?
Comment by Mark
| May 5th, 2009
Interesting review. I have yet to see this film. The story line seems like it could reflect some peoples reality. I don’t get too hung up on the fact that she is a single mom stripper. Sounds to me like her character’s intentions are pure and stripping is a job not a lifestyle.
There have been some shows which portrayed Single Dad’s in a good light, albeit in each instance I can think of the Dads were widowers. “My Three Son’s”, “The Courtship of Eddies Father”, “Sleepless in Seattle” and a stretch “Family Affair”, even though the male figure was really an Uncle and not a Dad, he did play the part of Dad.
Mark´s last blog post..Do It Now – Eat The Toad
Comment by ilinap
| May 5th, 2009
I thought the characters were incomplete and somewhat stereotyped in the movie. I didn’t love it. But I agree, Marissa rocked the big screen. She’s my age, and I can’t imagine looking that fantastic. Then again, I’ve had 2 kids. That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking with it.
Comment by Honey
| May 5th, 2009
I wouldn’t have a problem with a single mom as stripper, though I imagine that IRL most of them are single parents because they are drug addicts. Though I guess I don’t have any statistics on that – just stereotypes which I maybe shouldn’t listen to…
Comment by krn
| May 5th, 2009
Dad’s, I choose to be a nurse rather than strip for a living. But, I did have a client look directly down my scrub top and comment that I was “making his blood pressure go up, among other body parts.” :-O Since he helped himself to that(I had a t-shirt on under my scrubs, so it couldn’t have been a full view), the least he could have done at that point was slip a couple of twenties down there.
Just kidding!
I actually replied, in a therapeutic tone (of course),
“that’s inappropriate.”
Now, if that would only happen in a social setting with a scrumptious, sweet man with some future potential, I’d gladly
be one happy stripper in an instant. lol.
Comment by pinnythewu
| May 5th, 2009
I know a woman whose mother was a stripper when they were growing up, but she wasn’t single. She turned out fine later on in life, but by 14 she had moved out of home and was manufacturing drugs.
But, although the single mum stipper thing is a stereotype, there is a lot of them. I’ve known three personally, and only one was stripping before they had their child. All of them were junkies that said they stripped to support their much loved child, but showed very little evidence that they cared for their child at all. That said, most single mothers I know, are stay at home mums on welfare – not strippers.
pinnythewu´s last blog post..Bad Habits
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| May 5th, 2009
People make many sad choices in their lives for many sad reasons. All across the board. For every executive that is a happy and content family man, there are 10,000 with no real human bonds to go to their graves with.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..A Word from The Wise
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| May 5th, 2009
While I don’t have much experience with “deadbeat dads”, I actually have a lot of experience with the world of professional wrestling (don’t ask…it’s a “secret life” I’d rather not dive into…lol).
The Mickey Rourke character is the epitome of what most wrestlers became after the “wrestling boom” of the mid-to-late 80’s. Because wrestling back then was a 300+ day-a-year profession, families were tossed to the curb because the boys were always on the road.
When the business changed and the older guys were left to rot as the younger generation hit their stride, they had nothing left to do but wonder how to get some real relationships in their lives because all of their fans were into their characters…not who they were as people.
I know many a story of ex-stars who were making six figures at one point and seemed to be destined for greatness, only to crash back down to reality due to alcohol or drugs or poor money management…and now do the “independent” circuit for a hundred dollars a night and living out of a trailer in between stints at car shows and 3rd-rate autograph signings in front of 30 people.
In terms of the movie, I can sympathize with Mickey Rourke’s character for finally realizing that he totally fucked up his life by ruining the only relationships that meant something (i.e. his family). However, I still can’t empathize with him as the movie continues on and he makes the decisions that he makes.
GREAT movie, though. And Marisa Tomei is absolutely SMOKIN’ in it.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post..Will it really make you go blind?
Comment by Sandra
| May 5th, 2009
Why did they cast Marisa as a stripper and Mickey as a deadbeat dad/wrestler ? Because it’s Hollywood and sex and fighting in a movie sells. Now I want to go see the film, so thanks for the review because I think exotic dancing and fighting are hot, lol.
Sandra´s last blog post..Hey Ladies, I wanna get witcha and take yo pitcha !!!
Comment by notasoccermom
| May 5th, 2009
There may be single mothers stripping and many more Single dads and deadbeat dads who are using money which should be going to child support to tuck into the panties.
Any support is good support. There are more noble professions, but sometimes it is the very profession that puts them in the single parent with deadbeat (or already married) ex’s.
I do see your points too. If you can make money taking off your clothes why cant you make it other ways. But minimum wage doesn’t go far.
And many many single parent movies, more and more coming
Must love dogs,
Mamma Mia
How about this post!
http://pisceshanna.wordpress.com/single-parent-movies/
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Prom went off without a hitch
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| May 6th, 2009
I think they should have cast Marisa as a deadbeat mom / ex wrestler and Mickey as a stripper.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..A Word from The Wise
Comment by katherine.
| May 7th, 2009
Days late I know…
Vivica Fox also played an exotic dancer single mom…taking care of her son….in Independence Day…
Parent Trap – both versions – was well liked by me and mine…but it is really NOT a realistic single parent movie…as the parents get back together following a well executed plot by their precocious kids. Mine failed in this endeavor via a post 9/11 Caribbean cruise.
As for adult entertainment workers….I worked in an office building in southern California where an adjacent office was corporate headquarters for an X-rated movie company. I became “lunch and drinks” friends with some of their employees/performers. Every one of them who had children did not have custody. At this point in their career they were making excellent money…and lived very well-to-do lives. But their road traveled…and their work associates had resulted in loss of custody of their children…either to other family members or to foster care.
The movie may be great entertainment….but the reality is heartbreaking.
katherine.´s last blog post..that’s retarded.
Comment by Laura
| May 7th, 2009
I havent seen the movie so cant really comment on her or his character!
BUT I have seen a fair number of movies where the single mother is a stripper. It seems to almost seems as if they are trying to make the point that as a single parent you would do anything for your child and that stripping really isnt THAT bad?
Also more often than not single dads are portrayed as drunks or addicts – not just in movies but in tv series aswell. Or there is huge disconnect between the two parents in cases where the dad is involved.
It is a huge stereo-type but I suppose where would the story be in a situation like yours – where you and your ex get on and the kids are functional?
But these movies dont help with the perceptions that single moms and dads have to deal with.
Laura´s last blog post..In your eyes I found the greatest prize
Comment by FJ
| May 11th, 2009
A hollywood movie that panders to BS stereotypes? Say it ain’t so :)
In seriousness though, maybe you’re onto something? Hollywood will typically leave things like this ambiguous to escape the idea that they are labeling certain aspects of the population, but smart people see right through that.
Comment by Phil
| May 13th, 2009
For a new excellent single dad movie, go rent ‘Taken’. It’s a total B movie with a plot that you can guess in the first minute, but it’s very well-made and Liam Neeson is fantastic as a retired CIA single dad out to rescue his 17-year-old daughter. It’s great watching the older guy kicking the young guy’s ass.
Comment by Kori
| May 15th, 2009
Oh, boy. As the single mom of four, I would do whatever it took to take care of my kids. Strip, sell my body, whatever. If my kids needed it for food or shelter, you bet your sweet buns I would. However, in my opinions (and that is ALL IT IS), a better school or a condo is not what kids NEED; that’s what mom thinks she needs. I wouldn’t go into that line of work unless it was a choice between that and the streets. Of course, I could never make it in the biz, partly because I am not a smokin’ hot single mom. Nobody will pay to see boobs dropping down to the knees. Just sayin.’ From a moral and ethical standpoint, too, I personally find strip clubs offensive and degrading, not just to the dancers but to the customers. Seems like it takes a desperate person to either frequent OR work in one. But that’s just me.
Second, I personally know a LOT more deadbeat dads than you seem to think are out there. So that is probably why the mickey rourke character is portrayed in that sterotypical way. It is a fact, and one that has gotten a lot of publicity in the media and such. However, just like not all single moms are strippers, not all single dads are deadbeats by any means, so both sterotypes aren’t applicable to the whole. Like someone else said in the comments, it’s HOLLYWOOD; of course they are going to portray people in a sterotypical light simply to sell more tickets; those of us who are more normal (and I am NOT including myself in this one, ha ha)are boring. We get up, we go to work, we take care of the kids, we might go out on occasion but there are (as you mentioned as well)certain issues with dating/single parenting that aren’t necessarily compatible…so who wants to see a movie about THAT?
And oh, this is your blog? Sorry. Maybe I should post on my OWN.
Kori´s last blog post..Friday Fragments and a Clue
Comment by dadshouse
| May 15th, 2009
Kori – I love the long comment! I know there are more deadbeat dads in the world than I come into contact with. But there are also a lot of involved divorced dads who don’t get much exposure in books and movies. The more I read single mom blogs, the more I’m aware that a lot of moms don’t come into contact with these involved single dads. I think there are plenty of compelling stories to tell without making a single dad deadbeat or abusive. Pursuit of Happyness is one case in point.
btw – I agree with your strip club assessment. (Sorry Marisa Tomei)