Giving Back Starts Young
Michelle Obama recently gave a commencement address to the pioneer graduating class from UC Merced, urging the new graduates to give back to their community.
Seems some Silicon Valley residents may not have gotten that memo.
Are kids in our community learning bad habits, or teaching the adults a thing or two about giving back?
Dad’s House wanders into the topic of community service with a volunteer post at the Silicon Valley Moms Blog:
Feel free to give back by leaving a comment…
Giving Back Starts Young is a Dad’s House nationally syndicated post
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Comment by hamsterkitten
| May 19th, 2009
I think volunteering is awesome and a great value to instill in kids!
But, when you require them to volunteer to graduate or to pass a class, how is that volunteering?
One of the colleges I attended has a program called “Responsible Student Involvement” where you HAVE to volunteer like 120 hours and then write up a big speech on it. You have to have your hours documented as well. If you don’t, you can’t graduate.
How is that volunteering or instilling the value of altruism?
hamsterkitten´s last blog post..The CP Chronicles: Chapter Three (Tawny)
Comment by mama llama
| May 19th, 2009
I feel like the spirit of volunteerism is lost on so many. Since we were children, we are expected to do everything for some sort of a reward or remuneration, from getting decent grades to our household chores, to picking up trash on the street. It’s a requirement at the least, not driven by our good will toward others and toward our community but rather by the “greater good” of working toward yet another goal or earning another dollar.
I guess the way I’m attempting to get around that is by making my volunteer time with my children something that is not really seen by others. I don’t want them getting used to the idea of getting praise for the good they do for their community; they should feel proud of what they have done just in that they can walk down a street they know they just cleaned by picking up the trash. The motivation needs to come from within.
We, as a global society, are also used to having to pay or tip for absolutely everything, even that which does not necessarily merit tips. I joke about dropping out of life to juggle at street lights in Argentina, because people do that for money. Money is everything, money talks, and those who can think of offbeat, entrepreneurial ways of earning more money are highly regarded and hugely praised.
I cannot slam the Scouts, as they do so much and teach children many wonderful skills. But when I am asked by my Scouting friends (read: parents) why I don’t subscribe, I say that I am teaching my children basically the same things they learn in Scouts, without it being a necessary activity to earn yet another badge. I really want my children to learn how to be self-motivated, not constantly motivated to get something more. We already have too much…why do we always need to have more?
So that’s my two cents. Please don’t consider it a donation (j/k)
Be well, Dads.
Comment by Sandrita
| May 19th, 2009
Great post, I couldn’t agree with you more.
My grandparents were the ones that taught me about volunteering, not through saying anything, but through their actions.
It was their actions alone that inspired me. My Austrian grandma volunteered with the mentally ill and threw parties for them at her country house, and helped a few manage their finances. She helped me change my attitude towards the mentally ill as a teen by her actions alone.
On my dad’s side both grandparents help the homeless, and my grandpa used to bring cakes to the little old ladies at the church who lost their husbands. Unfortunately they all passed away.
I definitely think kids here in the SF Bay didn’t get the memo.
Sandrita´s last blog post..A porno idea that just doesn’t translate well in Craigslist Land
Comment by T
| May 19th, 2009
What a great article and lesson for young children. But perhaps the older woman just wanted to give the child some money because she was touched? Besides, everyone looks at money differently, no?
I should do more of this with my kids. They are already very aware of environmental concerns and poverty. They keep me VERY aware of it too. They are always watching, aren’t they?
Comment by notasoccermom
| May 19th, 2009
Great post.
I grew up watching my parents and the way they treated others. We were certainly not well-off and that may have made a difference.
I feel that when you have not lived in poverty or gone without in your lifetime, it is harder to understand fully.
I am sure she meant no harm in donating but maybe she could have volunteered her time, or offered it to the rotary club for thier own charitable funds.
The one thing I really hate, and have already spoken with my kids about, is when charities are only used for tax breaks. Although it is put to good use. I see it as dirty money
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Girls Night Out- Then Climbing the mountain
Comment by notasoccermom
| May 19th, 2009
oh and btw- I love street fairs and art festivals… even if I cant afford purchases.
notasoccermom´s last blog post..Girls Night Out- Then Climbing the mountain
Comment by krn
| May 19th, 2009
Being involved in the community and giving back is important to pass on to our kids. I don’t have issue with requiring community service as part of an educational program. While I agree that self motivation, giving from the heart and sincere generosity is the spirit of “true” volunteerism, it’s also a good lesson to be involved for any reason, then later realize how the work benefits everyone involved. Even those who are self motivated usually understand that volunteerism goes both ways, it helps the receiver and the giver. Let’s not kid ourselves, there is some selfishness in altruism, as it simply feels great to help out. Many of us are return volunteers due to that really good feeling we get making a connection with a person who needs help or by supporting a cause that we believe in.
Sounds like a fun family outing. It’s weird that the woman didn’t get the concept of a free program. I do hope you asked her if she’d be willing to loan out her yacht for a week or so to help support single parents in need of a vacation (the 1st annual dad’s house readers party, of course!). ;)
Sooooooooo Dad’s, I know I’m not the only one wondering if you met any interesting women at the art show. Spill, por favor.
Comment by dadshouse
| May 19th, 2009
Krn – yes, there were interesting women there! I love artsy people. But, um, let’s just say it was more of a senior citizen crowd. So, no, I didn’t score any numbers, or even try.
Comment by Mark
| May 20th, 2009
Great article, thanks for the link. A good reminder to us all.
Mark´s last blog post..White Knuckles or Hands In the Air – How Do You Ride?
Comment by Brandy
| June 1st, 2009
So, am I NOT supposed to say “Thank You”!? Or “You’re my HERO” when someone does something nice for me? My kids, ages 16 and 18, have volunteered for several community non profit productions that benefit the food bank (or another part of the community in some other way). We’ve organized a Pirate Treasure hunt…which became an annual event. We’ve donated time to design and maintain the website as well. We started a Cruise in to drive out hunger. We have designed and printed and donated the t shirts to sell to raise even more money. I make SURE to say thank you to every person involved whether it’s my kids or their friends or strangers.
Have you ever opened a door for someone who didn’t say thank you? It happens often. When you teach your children to volunteer and not expect any kind of thank you or recognition…you’re teaching them to NOT say thank you when people do things nice for them. “Do it for your own benefit” “Be proud of what you did” that’s all well and good, but we’re now in a world where recognition is of only BAD behavior. Recognize the good! Reward it! (Not with money, but with recognition) We don’t need to raise martyrs. “I’ve even heard “I shouldn’t have to say thank you because you did what you were supposed to do” SURE you should! When your husband takes out the trash – kiss him and say “Thank You”!
Respect and gratitude have gone out the window. Volunteering benefits everybody. I recommend it to my clients who are going through a divorce and are focused only on their heartache. It’s really a boon to the soul. But say “Thank You“!
In mid September 2001, after the twin towers went down, my daughter and I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. My daughter has always loved the 4th of July. She collects flags, we have big parties, red white and blue are her favorite colors. (Still to this day). We had gone to the lake house to get her flag collection to take home and display in our yard at home.
As we approached the toll booths we noticed that only one of the booths didn’t have a flag displayed in the window. I paid our toll to the bored looking toll operator, then I handed her one of my daughters flags. She gasped, and then her smile lit up the night. She screamed and announced to the other toll booths over the intercom “I have a FLAG!! I have a flag! These people gave me a flag!!” The other booth operators gave us a thumbs up and pounded on their windows. The bells were going off and lights were flashing. She told us that she couldn’t find one anywhere. All the stores were sold out of flags. She had tears in her eyes. She told us thank you at least a dozen times. She was still smiling and bouncing up and down as we drove off. My 9 year old daughter was silent for a full minute then she whispered “That was cool”
In one scenario she learned how wonderful giving was and she learned how to make a giver feel wonderful as well.
Today, she loves volunteering and she goes over the top to say thank you when people give to her or volunteer in any community project she has her hand in. There’s never a lack of volunteers on her team.
If we want to teach our kids how to give. Show them how good it feels – and tell them you’re proud of them.