Comments on: When a Lover Wants Friendship and Romance

By: krn

krn — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:04:24 +0000

Great stuff here. Still, I’m not sure I believe that it’s ever just about one thing with anyone, only that’s what we sometimes know consciously. Men are so damn fascinating and yes, sometimes simple. When I’ve had sex with a man that initally is only about sex, I usually find other things I enjoy about him that once in a while, I’d like to be a part of. More times than not, the man is happy to hang out and share that interest or part of himself. It doesn’t mean that deep feelings or a greater connection develops, but friendship can. Maybe that interest is really just an unconscious longing for male energy or I enjoy having a male friend near that I’ve known physically so I can savor the memory, but I don’t think so.

I bet DH smells really good and his FWB wants to enjoy his scent more often. ;)

I’m overthinking this. LOL.

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 28 May 2009 05:38:05 +0000

One must be clear: A FWB is never boyfriend/girlfriend material. It's someone with whom you connect (strongly) on one level, and one level only: Sex. Because if you connect on more than that ... well, something's wrong with it being just FWB. Even if the timing is wrong ( I'd be with you but I want kids and you have kids and don't want more ....), it's still about one thing. I think more people say it's "FWB" than fully believe it. But, what the hell do I know? Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Is his equal the same as my equal?

By: cellogirl

cellogirl — Thu, 28 May 2009 03:00:12 +0000

I don’t hear anyone discussing one night stands. Where does this lie in scale of booty partner to relationship? Maybe even further to the right of booty partner? Is it possible to establish enough of a connection to feel good about the sex, but have different enough lives that it is clear it can only be once?

I’m realizing FWB/lover situation does not work for me either, and feel nervous about a whole relationship. Now I am working on wishing into my 30 something single-mom-with-kids life a few 20 something Brazilian surfers. ;)

By: steph

steph — Thu, 28 May 2009 02:07:13 +0000

This sounds like my situation. I actually am the one asking for a bit more. This has been a new concept (FWB) to me and I tried it. It worked for a brief period with another man, but I think that was because I was not ready for any emotional connection. However, in the present situation I was never after just the physical. So, I mentioned my thoughts and he said we are going to talk because the most important thing is the friendship for me.

I realize I am ready to move forward and want to be in a relationship. When I initally met the man I wasn’t ready for a relationship and we became friends. Funny that some of the things you have been posting recently, relate closely to my thoughts. I agree I don’t think you can be FWB. It is either the physical only or there is more of a dating relationship. Right now, I know I am falling into relatinship mode.

By: movin down the road

movin down the road — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:36:21 +0000

I agree!!! The one time I did the booty call thing, it lasted about three days (over the course of two weeks). And I realized I did it out of anger for how I felt my situation was at that time. If that makes sense. And then I didnt feel much self respect....so I stopped and started watching alot of reality tv. movin down the road´s last blog post..Transitioning Weekend

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:22:21 +0000

Krn – great points to ponder. This woman is actually just as educated as me. So it’s not an education thing. It’s that we don’t click intellectually. For instance, I don’t do politics. Period. I don’t get along well with someone who only ever wants to talk about political stuff. We just don’t click. Spiritually, I need a woman who is at least self aware. Without that, there’s no connection.

Also, I disagree with you on the “F” part – I don’t think it’s healthy to sleep with a friend. FWB is really just a wimpy relationship. FBuddy (i.e. the other “F”) is a different beast, and can work just fine. But mix the Friend into it, and you probably should be dating.

By: krn

krn — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:10:25 +0000

It can work~ if you truly are FWBs with the emphasis on the “F” parts. Both of them. ;) Are you sure she isn’t looking for friendship instead of a romance from you? Being in different places intellectually and spiritually presents an opportunity for growth for both of you. If you are the person who is more intellectually or spiritually focused, you have much to share that could bring richness to you. I’m sure she has some interests or attributes that you could learn from that are different from things you seem to be drawn toward.

I agree that making the space in your life for your future girlfriend is wise and necessary, but wanted to share another idea with you anyway. When given a choice between two alternatives, looking for a third choice can widen your life experiences. The third choice is usually something that you have to open up to, instead of following a usual pattern.

Is there any chance that you’re afraid of falling for someone that would change the plan you’ve made for yourself that involves being done parenting children roughly the same time your kids are grown, being with someone who adores you and is similar in education, life stage and her spiritual growth? All I’m saying is, is this the only option for you and if so, are you absolutely certain that this is your path?