Jon and Kate Gosselin are Separating
Jon and Kate Gosselin announced they are separating and have initiated legal proceedings. On the June 22, 2009 episode of their reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, they shared their feelings about their impending divorce.
I have to say, as a divorced dad, I could relate to their pain. Divorce was the hardest thing I ever went through.
While I watched them announce their divorce, I felt a nagging sense of sadness for them and their kids. So much of what Jon and Kate Gosselin talked about brought back feelings and memories from my own divorce.
Jon related that he and Kate had been going through rough times for eight or nine months, and they felt it wasn’t good to keep arguing in front of their kids. Kate said she’s not fond of the idea of divorce, she worries about the failed marriage label, and she doesn’t want to be alone. I nodded my head, knowing the feelings exactly.
Both Jon and Kate Gosselin said they want to put their kids first, and make sure the kids know they are safe, healthy, and loved. Life simply took an unexpected turn for them. As Jon said, life is a roller coaster ride, and things for them went off the track.
I wouldn’t assume the affairs reported by the media are what drove the couple apart. I’m guessing those indiscretions were signs of deeper troubles between the couple. Jon said that he had let Kate make all the decisions for the family, but as their shared life became further and further from what he wanted, he finally took a stand for himself.
Could their marriage have been saved? Hard to say. I imagine Jon speaking up would make Kate feel judged for the choices she’d been making on behalf of the family. For the Gosselin marriage to be fixed, they’d both have to change, and that would be hard to do. It’s possible that once Jon reached a tipping point and took a stand for himself, he had pretty much decided he couldn’t continue in the marriage.
Apparently, Jon and Kate Gosselin’s kids will live in their house full time. Each parent will come live in the house when they have custody. I don’t know anyone who has pulled off an arrangement like that, but Jon and Kate feel the house and land was bought for the kids, so I applaud them for trying.
Jon and Kate Gosselin said they want to remain friends. They want to both be there for birthdays and holidays. They don’t hate each other, and they love each other as the parent of their children. They also admit divorce is a brand new experience for them, and they really don’t know what to expect.
Ironically, the divorce announcement was tacked onto the end of an episode where the kids were given playhouses that weren’t exactly ordinary – they houses were crooked, off kilter in a charming way.
Maybe that’s a sign of things to come for the Gosselins and their new two-home family.
- Jon and Kate Divorce – What the Future May Hold
- Should an Ex’s Significant Other Attend Kids Events?
- Birthday Traditions for Children of Divorce
- When a Divorced Parent Wants to Move Away
- Marriage Advice from a Divorced Dad
- Coparenting – How To Deal With an Ex
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Comment by Paula
| June 23rd, 2009
I don’t watch the show but I’ve been following the drama. If Kate wasn’t such a nasty controlling bitch they could probably work it out. John has allowed hiself to be a doormat, now he’s stood up to her & Kate will have none of it. I don’t know her, but boy she looks nasty and can she even smile?
As someone who has been married for 23 years, an eight or nine month disagreement doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. I think in a long term relationship you WILL have years you even hate each other. Then, with work, the love comes around. Of course, you have to both want that and be willing to get through that year.
If you can make it past ten or fifteen years, it seems life calms, you calm and marriage is much easier. In my own experience, anyway. But it does take two…
Comment by Jules
| June 23rd, 2009
I wanted to cry for them both last night. I think it is very commendable that they each take such a strong stand on the home being for the kids. I have my kids ALL the time. When they do go to their dads they don’t even have their own room and they always feel like guests. Having the children enjoy both parents in this wonderful home they have created will certainly provide stability and comfort for the children. It would be nice to see the couple rebuild a friendship and remember what it was they once loved so much about the other. Our generation seems so willing to quickly throw in the towel. I can remember as a child my parents hitting peaks and valleys in their marriage and through it all they returned to the commitment they made to one another. They realized you fall in and out of love but on a daily basis you choose to love. I wish more people would choose to love!!
Comment by Sandy
| June 23rd, 2009
I don’t watch the show either but it’s been difficult to avoid the drama. I’ve only seen clips so I can’t venture an opinion about either Jon or Kate. I wouldn’t have expected to identify with much of their life but reading your post and the comments you reported I do.
I divorced after 10 years and no children. Had there been kids, I think we would have stuck it out. What I identify with is her feeling about a failed marriage. I felt like a failure at the time. I didn’t want the stigma either but you get over that.
I wish them well, they have a lot to overcome and I hope they keep their promises to their kids and each other to remain friends and keep an even keel for the kids. Once you have children, you are connected for life, like it or not. Might as well make the best of it.
Comment by Just Me...
| June 23rd, 2009
You know, anytime a marriage fails, it’s rarely one spouses fault.. And mostly, it’s because you don’t love the spouse as you think you should. I could sit here and lay the blame completely at my husbands feet.. But to what end? To make myself feel better? I know my faults and I know his.. I’m just choosing not to live with his anymore..
They had major stessors in their lives.. My marriage couldn’t stand up to the addition of one child. Eight? We’d have split just before those six arrived..
And I feel sorry for the whole family. The parents tried and didn’t make it.. Now, just to make life as easy as possible for the kids..
Comment by Me Thinks
| June 23rd, 2009
I agree with your comments – I only watched the last 10 mins of the show but it brought back all the emotions I had when I divorced (and some I still have). It was hard enough with 2 kids, I can’t imagine facing that challenge with 8.
I think sharing the house makes sense for the kids but wonder how that will work out in practice. Especially if they have significant others, how will that work? Maybe its something they just try to maintain as long as they can. With that many kids I would guess you are always thinking of alternate ways to make things work.
One thing I have to say I noticed was the difference in their attitudes. Jon said something like “I’m excited for what the future brings, I’m only 32 years old” which struck me as odd. Yeah, she is controlling but guess what? She was like that when they met. So there is more to this, 10 years is a long time to be together if you meet when you are so young.
Comment by Sandra
| June 23rd, 2009
I don’t watch the show, but I am glad that they are leaving the house alone, and that they aren’t trying to fight over selling it. Plus, they also know that they would get blasted for it by the public.
It’s too bad that their divorce is so public like this. But they did sign up for making their lives public.
Honestly, I think the cameras in their faces were a big factor in adding stress to the marriage. I bet a lot of marriages now would fall apart if the cameras were in their homes and it was made into a reality show. Your fights are public, and the effects of those fights last longer, especially when you have footage and it airs all over again at a later date, and you get to relive the drama.
Comment by ilinap
| June 23rd, 2009
I can’t say I’m surprised. And hey, good luck with that set up. Parents lugging their suitcases in and out every other week. Whatever. Every parents wants to put their kids first (I hope). I just hope they get out of the media spotlight now and try to live a normal life for those kids.
Comment by katherine.
| June 23rd, 2009
Probably a three-home family?
The sequel will probably be “The mates of Jon and Kate plus Eight.”
Can you imagine being the significant other of either one of them? That would be a daunting tribe.
I watched the show a couple times back when it first started.
I am kinda surprised not many people point at the cameras and realize any problems a couple may have can only be exasperated by a film crew in your face.
And while she does come off as a bitch sometimes, I think we have to keep in mind the editing emphasizes her personality…and not so much his. Until his…um… indiscretion.
Comment by MindyMom
| June 23rd, 2009
I’ve also never watched the show but I have to wonder how much it was a part of the couples troubles and ultimate seperation. It’s sad that their marriage is ending – for them and for their kids.
Until you go through one, you have no idea what a divorce is like. Or what being a single parent is like. When I know of someone who is comtemplating divorce I always share my struggles with them and try to show them it’s not necessarily better to be divorced than to try to work things out. And I think couples should at least try. If you can’t get along as a married couple and work together chances are it will be much worse when you’re divorced.
MindyMom´s last blog ..PMS: The Emotional Tourette’s
Comment by vinomom
| June 23rd, 2009
Given your ex Mindy I am surprised to hear you say that!
Anyways I am with the other commenters that I think that the media had a HUGE part to do with their divorce. I know what people think of Kate, but she was like that when they met, and that works for a lot of men/marriages. I think what probably happened is that before being in the spotlight he was ok with their situation. Then hearing everyone say how he was Whipped, or a wuss, and Kate was a controlling bitch, changed his view. That has to be damaging to any man’s self image.
I think if they stopped doing the show and gave it another year after that, things might have worked themselves out. I feel for the kids, though. Not sure how that parenting arrangement is going to work out, but they’ve never had a shortage of help, thats for sure! I wish them both luck.
Comment by QTMama
| June 23rd, 2009
Add me to the Don’t Watch The Show list of people, and isn’t it interesting how we still all know what’s going on? Regardless, I’m sad for them. I can’t help but to wonder if without the show, this would still be happening.
QTMama´s last blog ..Ten Honest Things
Comment by Ashley
| June 23rd, 2009
Just thought I’d let you know I tagged you for the Honesty Scrap Award on my blog. Check out the details here.
Ashley´s last blog ..Honest Scrap: 10 Honest Things
Comment by Eathan
| June 23rd, 2009
Well said. It’s a hot topic today and I even got in on the act.
If their show has taught me one thing.. Treat your spouse nice and love them.
Over the years I couldn’t help but think that sooner or later that berating Jon would destroy their relationship. I’m not saying that’s the only thing that cause it, but it just seems like karma. Everyone’s relationship is different, but I don’t see how being mean to someone won’t have adverse effects on your marriage and family.
They both have a challenging road ahead.
Eathan´s last blog ..Lessons Learned, Jon & Kate
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 23rd, 2009
No one walks away from a good marriage.
The reality is, divorce devastates the children. But so does a flood. So does a fire. So does war. So does life, in general. They survive and recover. Our purpose is to help them live through it and thrive.
Comment by Ditz
| June 23rd, 2009
I did watch the show up until recently, when it became this train wreck that was painful to witness. I
Comment by Ditz
| June 23rd, 2009
Oops, hit the enter key too soon. I think they have no idea how much harder its going to be as divorced parents with 8 young kids, than it is to be having a rough spot in your marriage. Its easy for us to pick it apart when we only saw what the producers chose to show us. I feel bad for all of them. I also think this will be the beginning of the end for the show.
Comment by MommaSunshine
| June 23rd, 2009
I don’t own a television (by choice) and so I’ve never seen a single episode of the show. I think it’s terrible that this family has chosen to live such a public life – marriage is hard enough without placing yourself under that kind of a microscope.
I hope, for the sake of their children, that the two of them are able to manage a good working relationship.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 23rd, 2009
Vinomom – maybe Jon got married too young? He’s 32 now, and their marriage lasted 10 years. I’m a big believer that men shouldn’t marry until they figure out what they want in life, and I personally think that doesn’t happen until early 30s. Oh wait, that’s exactly the age Jon is right now. http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/05/06/marriage-advice-from-divorced-dad/
Jules – I never watched the show until last night, and I practically cried for them both, too. It has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the divorce experience they are about to go through. Divorce is hard!
Mindy – I agree with you, I tell people to stay married and try to work through problems. As Paula points out, there will be ups and downs. In two years, if Jon and Kate both do therapy or other introspective work on themselves, and become more self aware, will they suddenly wish they hadn’t blown their family apart?
Comment by staciesmadness
| June 23rd, 2009
it was painful for me to watch as well…
felt so familiar, so ugly yet hopeful…just like it is…
Comment by Alicia
| June 23rd, 2009
Hmmm, I find it interesting that no one so far has mentioned anything about either Jon or Kate’s makeovers – and if or how that changed them! Have ya’ll SEEN their BEFORE photos??? Jon now acts like he’s all that (gagging sound here) and every woman’s dream – and I really think he wants to get in on some action he feels he’s missed out on now while (he thinks) he’s hot. Kate’s has a tummy tuck among other things. I think perhaps they both feel “too good” for the other at this point. Too bad fore the kids.
Comment by Ashley
| June 23rd, 2009
I actually had to google “reiki”, so it’s safe to say I’ve not had it done. As for the clairvoyant or shaman or something….I’m doubting it, but I have some questionable incidents in my past that are similar to the NYC dream that have always bothered me and unsettled me because I don’t know how or why they happened.
::shrugs::
Who knows! :)
Ashley´s last blog ..Honest Scrap: 10 Honest Things
Comment by Canadian Bald Guy
| June 23rd, 2009
I never watch the show, but I think the majority of the divorced parents in the “Blogosphere” know exactly what they’re going through…at least to a certain extent.
I’ve no doubt that their VERY public life put extra strain on an already strained relationship. Was it the straw that broke the camel’s back? I have no idea. But when it comes to not wanting to fail and worried about how the children will react, I know exactly how they feel.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog ..My Father’s Day fall-out
Comment by this new place
| June 24th, 2009
I am not surprised, the stress of the media and cameras along with a gazillion children, would basically omit any energy I could ever have for a partner. In terms of them rotating through the house, keeping their kids in the home, I have heard it working for folks who are separated, but not once they are divorced and start their own separate lives (ie: boyfriends/girlfriends, etc). I imagine there are privacy issues with that and when I went through my divorce, the judge suggested we do that…my husband at the time was rifling through my papers and my computer and there was no privacy, so the judge suggested putting a padlock on my bedroom door for when I wasn;t in the house. There was NO way that would fly. Granted, I only have two children. Having eight, and a house that big, they could each have a wing that locked like apartments!!!! (or use the outbuilding for the wife…seriously, I don’t care for her)
Comment by shirley
| June 24th, 2009
When my ex and I separated, we took turns living in the primary house for two years. We shared 50% custody, and the house was large enough for each of us to have our own room. For those years (and the year we had split but stayed in the same house), our three daughters stayed put. That arrangement worked very well, but obviously it costs more and takes a total focus on the kids’ well being.
Comment by FJ
| June 24th, 2009
These two are a couple of goons who sold their lives out to TV. First, it was funny & cute, seeing all these kids and how this couple got by with all of them. Then Jon quite his job, TLC paid for them ot move into a new house with all kinds of nice new stuff, and the show became about Kate getting free washing machines and how much she loved her new appliances. They sold themselves & their kids down the river and back, and ought to be ashamed of themselves. these kids are going to be messed up, and I hope the state of pennsylvania has a case against them re: child labor laws.
Comment by Renee
| June 25th, 2009
I’ve been watching the episodes and following Jon & Kate from the beginning. And I must say that you can see that they have grown apart. And when they finally announced that they were seperating, I almost felt guilty. For what is happening to them, but most importantly, to their kids.
That’s because a lot of people have been saying that if they hadn’t done the show, everything between them would be a lot better. Because they wouldn’t have had to deal with the paparazzi and stuff like that. So by watching (I know that of course it wasn’t only me, but I was one of them) I made their series into a big success and with that the paparazzi came.
But I know that if they hadn’t done the show they wouldn’t have been able to provide for these kids in the great way they can do. Money isn’t all, but with 8 kids it surely helps!For the future I can do nothing but really hope that they figure out a way to stay friends so their kids won’t end up in a fight between their parents and having to choose who they want to spent their birthdays & holidays with. They both love their children more than anything and letting the kids stay in 1 house is a great first thing. So I’m convinced it will turn out okay in the long run. Let’s just hope that it will also go as good as it can go in the next year.
All the best!!