Relationship Test – Who Picked the Wedding Cake?
Whether you’re married or divorced, take this one question relationship test: who picked your wedding cake?
According to wedding planner Samantha Goldberg in an article she wrote for Cosmo, when the bride chooses the cake, it’s a sign she’s too controlling, and the couple may very well end up getting divorced.
The general concept sort of makes sense. Brides are often involved in every little detail of the wedding. What colors should the bridesmaids wear? Which flowers should decorate the church? What hors d’oeuvres should be served at the reception?
But if the bride is so controlling, she won’t even let the groom do one thing, like choose the flavor of wedding cake, it might be a sign the couple will have trouble making decisions together.
(In her article, Goldberg points out that it doesn’t have to be cake the groom chooses. She suggests it’s a good when the bride finds out how the groom wants to be involved, then gives him control in that area. That’s one sign of a happy couple.)
Thinking back to my own wedding, my bride was involved in every little detail, though she did consider my opinion when picking out our formal china pattern (flatware that we subsequently almost never used.)
The cake was more complicated. Together, we chose to split the cake into two flavors we thought our guests would enjoy. (Together! Great sign for a lasting marriage!)
But the top of the cake – the part we froze with the intention of eating one full year later to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, i.e. the lasting part of the cake that we shared in the privacy of our home – was something my bride picked out by herself. Carrot cake. She insisted on it.
We ended up getting divorced.
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Comment by debbie
| July 2nd, 2009
ha ha! Interesting subject! My first marraige..he did not care..we were 18! I think my mom picked out the cake flavor! LOL! it lasted 15 years and ended. second marraige he did it ALL…the cake, the music, the order of ceremony..everything except the dress and it lasted just long enough for us to eat that darn top layer!!!:)
Comment by Just me...
| July 2nd, 2009
It wasn’t that I picked everything out..
It’s that he chose not to be involved in the planning process at all..
Hindsight is 20/20.. :):)
Just me…´s last blog ..No surprises..
Comment by QTMama
| July 2nd, 2009
He could have cared less on most of the things that needed to be “chosen”, he just wanted me to be happy and thought that letting me do everything was the way to make that happen. Apparently he was wrong. ;)
QTMama´s last blog ..Chemistry and Drunk Dials and Chemistry
Comment by Sandy
| July 2nd, 2009
Here’s an answer you’re not expecting…..NEITHER of us! A good friend is a baker and it was his GIFT to us. One less thing to pick out.
The first time around…..I have absolutely NO memory of the cake! Probably me but I don’t know!
Sandy´s last blog ..Christmas in July
Comment by Cathy
| July 2nd, 2009
I did it all, cake, flowers…everything. He told me that whatever made me happy was fine with him.
I heard that for 17 years. “Whatever makes you happy.” I assumed he meant it. Silly me!
In the end I was a “controlling bitch who had to have everything her way.” And it all started with the damned wedding cake!
Cathy´s last blog ..Is it Wrong to Slam Deadbeat Dads on TV?
Comment by Danielle
| July 2nd, 2009
What does it say if we didn’t have a cake or a wedding for that matter? :)
Danielle´s last blog ..Not your average "pick a color" kinda place
Comment by Paula
| July 2nd, 2009
We went to the jp, then out for a cheap meal with our one year old. Returned home so baby could nap. No cake. No honeymoon. No frills.
22 years and going strong.
Weddings are, I guess, nothing more than expensive fund raisers. What do they have to do with anything like reality?
Paula´s last blog ..My Little Pussy
Comment by OMG chronicles
| July 2nd, 2009
The second time I got married, by a judge under a tree in Balboa Park, we didn’t have a reception or cake at all; just a lunch with the couple who stood witness. We divorced after 14 years.
The first time I married, a tiny affair in the Rocky Mountains (he wore the overalls I’d embroidered and a shirt I sewed him, I wore my Frye boots and a dress with feathers and beads!), we had a small reception for about 15 (not including the dogs) in our backyard and I honestly can’t remember the cake. I might have baked it. I’m pretty sure he didn’t have much of a say in it, though; he wasn’t a take-charge kind of guy. That marriage lasted 3 1/2 years. However, I did faint right after saying “I do.” I’m positive that was a sign!
Who’s controlling isn’t a good predictor of marital happiness; contempt is.
OMG chronicles´s last blog ..Moms are going to pot
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| July 2nd, 2009
LOVE the above comments! This one stirred up some cool sharing. :)
In my wedding, the man decided how he wanted the ceremony to be. He wanted something very simple, with virtually no guests (immediate family plus maid of honor and best man). That was fine with me. My parents threw a very nice party in the back yard for us and I believe I did pick out the flavor of the cake. A white sheet cake with fresh strawberries in the center and whipped cream frosting. (I hate wedding cakes. I’ve yet to taste one I like, so really… this cake thing was the only thing that mattered to me.) In short, I did everything his way. As long as I could choose the cake. How was the marriage? He was unbelievably controlling. I lasted 18 years before I had enough. In hindsight, there were many tell-tale signs that he was controlling. And believe me, the wedding cake test was not one of them. I can’t even imagine a more idiotic theory than this one.
Okay, I probably can. There are a lot of them out there!
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Hauling Ash
Comment by staciesmadness
| July 2nd, 2009
ha, well, guess I was doomed from the start…
don’t mess with my cake. ;)
Comment by Momma Sunshine
| July 2nd, 2009
In the case of my marriage, neither one of us picked out the wedding cake. It was given to us as a gift by a friend of the family, who made and decorated the cake herself. It was chocolate – and delicious.
Honestly? I think this whole theory is a little bit silly, to be honest. But maybe that’s just me. ;)
Momma Sunshine´s last blog ..One Year Ago Today…
Comment by debra
| July 2nd, 2009
Have to agree with JustMe. I would have gladly considered his opinion, had he mustered one up. Hindsight indeed!
This is a silly theory (keep in mind its source, a wedding planner), but the stories it’s prompted are fun to read!
Comment by CJ
| July 2nd, 2009
1st marriage
Me: So what do you think we should do.
Him: I don’t care. That’s your problem, just tell me when to show up.
Me: Be there (sober) at 1:00
Me on wedding day: Sent out a friend to bust up the tailgate party 10 minutes before the wedding.
Duh! Is anyone surprised it lasted less than 2 years????
2nd marriage
No cake, no frills, no reception. He planned, I paid…lasted 10 years.
Comment by Kimberly
| July 2nd, 2009
ha ha good ending to your post! This is an interesting idea that wedding plans by the couple can demonstrate their influence on the marriage. My husband and I discussed every thing because we were excited to do so but also wanted to keep it very simple and natural. For our cakes, however, I did surprise him with a second cake, a grooms cake, that was chocolate with U.S. Navy anchors on it. Surprise cakes intended for the spouse are a good sign in a marriage I think!
Kimberly´s last blog ..Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop
Comment by Laura
| July 2nd, 2009
HA! I chose the wedding cakes – they were cupcakes! LOL I dont even know if I asked him what he thought *blush* – I wanted cup cakes so organised it!!
Ja should have KNOWN then!
Laura´s last blog ..I want a Poken
Comment by Sandra
| July 2nd, 2009
I think that article means nothing at all when it comes to predicting the length of a marriage.
But what do I know ? I’ve never been married.
I am a total cake whore though. I will definitely be involved in the process on my wedding day.
Sandra´s last blog ..Half Baked
Comment by MindyMom
| July 2nd, 2009
Hmmm, interesting. My ex could have cared less about the cake or any of the wedding details. He just showed up for the party. In fact that is a term I’ve used to describe how he was throughout our marriage, “he just showed up for the party.” He often behaved like a guest instead of a host when we entertained or for anything else that wasn’t all about him or him or his work. He put little to no effort into our marriage but “just showed up for the party” and when it stopped being a party, he left for another one that “just showed up” for him.
MindyMom´s last blog ..My Ten Honest Things
Comment by Honey
| July 2nd, 2009
I think those who say the cake part is silly are missing the larger point (that DM says the author made), which is that BOTH people should have a say in whatever is the most important to them. The cake is just one (amusing) example of compromise, chosen because of the author’s profession.
I don’t think I will feel comfortable making many of the decisions surrounding the wedding because a big wedding is way more important to him than it is to me. Cake also falls into that category – I don’t like cake (or dessert of any kind, for that matter) so I am sure that he will choose and it will be fine.
But save the date, folks – we are looking at May 12, 2012!
Honey´s last blog ..Good News Follows Good News: Or, LinkedIn Works!?
Comment by dadshouse
| July 2nd, 2009
Wow, a wedding announcement! Congrats Honey!!! 2012 is a bit off – plenty of time to pick that cake and compromise.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| July 2nd, 2009
Of course the idea of gauging anything by “just the cake” is a silly idea, which is what I thought DM was saying that the wedding planner is presenting as a tangible measure. The idea that DM further reached for that often the bride is a freak about the details and wants to make sure everything goes right is closer to a good judge of what the marriage will be like, but even then it could just be a case of our culture impressing on the bride that it’s her job to take care of the details.
But the reality of having to plan this big event together before heading into a “life together,” certainly can tell people something about one another. By this point, it is probably too late to do anything about it, but still. It is a stressful time and I fully believe that stressful events (even good stress) are the real measures of what a person is like and what two people will be like together.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Hauling Ash
Comment by Barry
| July 2nd, 2009
Do guys really care about the cake? Isn’t that the purpose of having us look at all those China patterns to lull us to sleep while all the other arrangements are made?
I better start paying better attention!
Barry´s last blog ..The Scent of a Man
Comment by krn
| July 3rd, 2009
Dad’s~ do you not like carrot cake? Yummmmm! It would have been thoughtful to ask your preference, though.
Our cake was gifted to us. We had an elegant island wedding with twenty or so guests, including a couple of crashers. The cake was small, pretty and delicious, just like the wedding. We cut the cake with a military sword. Not having grown up in the military, that seemed bizarre to me. So, I had a last minute urge to go all Gallagher-like with that big ‘ole sword on the small, defenseless cake, but some of our guests wouldn’t have caught on or appreciated my dark humor, so I resisted. In hindsight, being “the vision of lovely” that I wanted to be that day, resisting was probably a good move on my part. The cake was delicious and had such precisely cut slices.
Having previously been a bit of a runaway bride, my main goal was to show up wearing heels (versus running shoes) and commit. I ended up being a pretty calm, confident bride. The groom was a bit nervous and tense, since I did arrive at the altar slightly late and he was aware of my history. I explained later that I was simply on “island time.” My usual.
Comment by Queen Lindsay
| July 3rd, 2009
Wow. I can’t say I know too much about picking cake out because I”ve never been married…picking it out? No..Eating it? Oh hell yes! I’m curious to know how true this is…I’m going to start asking divorced friends!
Queen Lindsay´s last blog ..FYI Women Do Need Sex Also (X Rated)
Comment by cyndi
| July 4th, 2009
HA! So much for that theory. He picked the cake. It was ugly, and outdated and hideous to look at(dang yummy though) but he picked it and I stayed out of it. Actually he picked everything. The colors, the menu, the cake, the outfits. He was Groom-zilla on crack. HIS wedding. Definatley not the one I had envisioned but I figured it didn’t matter because the wedding was just one day. Should have seen that red flag a mile away in retrospect.
Comment by LEB
| August 4th, 2009
I (the bride) picked the cake, and planned about 95% of the details myself. Why? Because my husband-to-be lived in another state. I would have really liked my husband to have been more involved, but that’s a little tricky from 1700 miles away!
So he’s planning the 1st anniversary vacation, ha ha!
Comment by LEB
| August 4th, 2009
Oh, I should add that the cake was delicious. Groom was very happy. ^.^