Jon and Kate Gosselin – Is it Fair to Blog About Them?
After I was interviewed and quoted by CNN for a single dad’s opinion about Jon and Kate Gosselin, I asked and answered this question on my blog: where do Jon and Kate live? In denial.
My feeling was that Jon and Kate hadn’t even started processing the painful junk from their divorce, and it served no purpose to them, their kids, or the public, to continue their TV show. The public is not getting an unfiltered view of the grief of divorce, like they might get from the single parent blogosphere. They’re getting a polished view, with clips filtered and chosen by a producer for ratings. What will anyone learn from that?
A Dad’s House commentator immediately gave me grief. She said:
“Your highlighting another families misgivings and pain for your own blog growth and benefit. Oh…and you speak about your children on your “single dad” blog publically. tsk tsk put the rocks down …you’re surrounded by glass.”
I asked myself – am I judging Jon and Kate Gosselin for the choices they make? And what business does any blogger have in writing about their pain?
First off, I’m not judging Jon & Kate. I’m divorced, I’ve dated as a single parent. I know there are ups and downs, and plenty of mistakes to be made.
What I am doing when I blog about the Jon and Kate divorce is giving my opinion. I realize I haven’t walked in their shoes. If I had, I’d probably make the exact same choices they’re making. But the beauty of rendering an opinion is that I have experienced some of the same stuff they’re going through. I’ve been divorced almost 10 years. I’ve crashed emotionally to the lowest lows, and risen back up to some incredible highs. (No, not that kind of high. Where’s Dave? Dave’s not here!) I have some general wisdom to impart about single parent life.
Is my wisdom the prescription for Jon and Kate and every other divorced parent in the world? No! It’s just one opinion, and I throw it out there to initiate conversation and spark debate.
Part of the reason the public is fascinated by celebrity train wrecks like Jon and Kate Gosselin’s divorce is that we can look at the people impersonally, without our own junk thrown in the mix. How many of us actually know them? Not many. How many watch their show? A lot. Because we know something about them, we can ask each other for opinions. “What would you do in that circumstance?” It helps us glean insights and mold opinions of our own.
None of us has walked in Jon and Kate Gosselin’s shoes. But some of us are divorced. Some of us have dated after our marriage ended. Some of us deal with two-home living situations for our children. Life goes on.
I think Jon and Kate Gosselin would benefit from the tabloid media and paparazzi giving them a break. They need time to work through the emotional and psychological trauma of divorce. (Then again, Jon Gosselin is apparently in talks to do a Divorced Dads Club reality show with Lindsay Lohan’s dad. They seem to relish the spotlight.)
Should bloggers give Jon and Kate a break too? Nah. Look, I’m not trying to expose Jon and Kate for any lurid affairs. I’m simply trying to spark a conversation on how one might choose to go about life after marriage ends.
If pointing to a well-known couple fosters discussion, then hopefully it can be done without passing judgment.
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Comment by Dawna
| August 26th, 2009
The very reason that reality TV is so popular is because people can relate to what they are watching and identify with what the people are going through. Naturally, people love to discuss that which they can relate too. We watched as they struggled with parenting a large family. We shared their excitement at buying a new house, twice. We cringed when Kate ripped Jon a new one for forgetting to use a coupon. We knew how they felt and discussed each episode with friends and family, declaring how we would have handled this or that situation.
Now that they are going through a nasty break up, why would it be any different? Anyone who has been through a rough divorce can feel their pain. We want to compare their story to ours. We try to predict what they will do next. We wonder how this is affecting the children. They went to great pains to involve viewers in their lives during the good times and reeled us in, hook, line, and sinker. Now they want to throw us back, because things went down the crapper? Not happening.
I love reading your blog and am always interested in the opinions of others on popular subjects, including Jon and Kate. Keep up the great work.
Comment by debra
| August 26th, 2009
Is it ‘fair’ to blog about them? It depends entirely on how you approach the topic. If you make efforts to get your readers to think about how though we may have similarities, as divorced parents, none of us has walked in their shoes, and can’t possibly know how we would react if in their situation, yes, that’s fair. If you blog in a way that makes people think about how judgemental they are being, and helps them to temper those reactions, I think you’re sharing a positive opinion.
I almost didn’t read this post, I’m so over the Jon and Kate thing. But I did read it, to see the perspective of someone who typically brings a non-judgemental positive perspective to things he writes about. You did not disappoint.
Comment by Just Me...
| August 26th, 2009
Dear, it’s your blog.. You may blog about anything you like.. Is it fair to blog about these people? Well, if one chooses to put their entire life on television for all to see, they have to expect that people are going to have an opinion on their lives… And since the majority of blogging is opinion anyway, blog away!!
As for these particular people.. Their little show was just another in a long line of signs that the looneys are taking over.. :):):)~~~
Just Me…´s last blog ..Could Have Been Worse..
Comment by MindyMom/Single Mom Says...
| August 26th, 2009
Sure it’s fair to blog about them! For all the reasons you stated. Thing is, with the media sometimes it’s unavoidable; we hear it on the car radio, t.v, and see it in the checkout line at the grocery store. People who aren’t your regular readers and happen upon your blog with this title were SEAKING IT OUT! And I think it’s an entirely different perspective than what the mainstream media puts out there.
MindyMom/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..GNO, Hot Mamas & Blog Love
Comment by Eathan
| August 26th, 2009
Great point. They have put a huge target on their back for everyone to take shots at. You’re right on, their situation does spark conversations and debate. There are plenty of things that we can find in common with them, but they exhibit so many typical signs of emotional pain and stress. And everything they do is exaggerated by the media.
On the other hand, I can’t blame them for wanting to make as much $$ as possible while the market is hot. It makes me wonder what kind of life would they be able to provide for their kids if they didn’t have the reality tv show $$$. Having 8 kids has to be expensive and it doesn’t get cheaper as they get older.
Eathan´s last blog ..She Used My Toothbrush
Comment by ZenMom
| August 26th, 2009
I’ve never watched a single episode of John and Kate. Or any other similar “reality” show. I quite dislike the whole phenomenon.
Having said that, if people *choose* to put their private lives on display, they are giving tacit permission for public commentary on it.
I think that if the negative aspects of their private-public lives can inspire positive personal examination or conversation, well, that’s a good thing.
ZenMom´s last blog ..Feelin’ Flirty
Comment by T
| August 26th, 2009
Yeah, I second ZenMom. I don’t even know who they are, really, except for all of the publicity I see in the checkout line at the grocery store.
T´s last blog ..What kind of parent are you?
Comment by Honey
| August 26th, 2009
I haven’t seen the show, either, but they’re making piles of money no matter who’s talking about them, and they did it on purpose (though I think it’s exploiting the kids, since there’s nothing remarkable about a talentless husband and a shrew wife) so I think they went out of their way to be fair game.
Honey´s last blog ..Hello 30!
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| August 26th, 2009
I’m with ZenMom, T, and Honey. Wow – tea and honey. Sounds good about now. ZenMom, T, and Honey sounds like a rock group. Cool.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Teens are tots with facial hair!
Comment by Sandrita
| August 26th, 2009
I am not a fan of Jon and Kate, and wish they would just get off the airwaves.
Is it fair to blog about them ? Hell Yeah ! They signed up for this, accepted all the free goods, they wrote books, and made TV appearances. People can be mean and judgemental, they know that, yet they still made the choice to air that on TV.
You can’t elect to share your life to the world and then expect the world to not have an opinion about it. You can’t tell your audiences to just say nice things, and if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. I mean, look at your blog, not everyone agrees and they let you know. Sometimes people are mean, too. But you deal with it. You know you put yourself out there and not everyone has nice things to say.
Another thing, is that Jon and Kate projected an image as a normal married couple for a while during filming. People speculated that there were problems. Basically the media was calling them out for projecting one image of being a married couple when in reality they were having issues and Kate already left Jon (according to Jon). So they were kinda lying to the cameras and they got called out. And I think they deserved to be called out.
You went through a divorce too, but the difference is, you never signed up to share your life with the world. You didn’t stick your neck out there like Jon and Kate.
Sandrita´s last blog ..The Spawn of Satan Would Like To Bang You
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| August 26th, 2009
I just think they are a huge bore. Always have.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Angels Can Fly…
Comment by Kristy
| August 26th, 2009
Hey thanks for quoting me. I expect to be paid now. I didn’t give my consent to have my comment posted in your blog …another stupid blog post about the same thing. Give it up..these posts are boring.
Kristy´s last blog ..tenacity
Comment by Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach
| August 26th, 2009
I enjoyed the post. Thanks for posting! And I agree with many of the above, of course you should have the right to blog about it!
Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach´s last blog ..Mikko, Have I Lost Him? Should I Call Him?
Comment by thewildmind
| August 26th, 2009
Since when is life fair and since when do we bloggers care?
thewildmind´s last blog ..Off To University
Comment by notasoccermom
| August 26th, 2009
Of course we all have our own opinions, and bloggers love to give our opinions. I actually love the debates and love to hear others point of view.
I liked your post on it and the comments but this subject is old news
More drink recipes!
notasoccermom´s last blog ..Breathing Easy- A rant
Comment by hipm0m77
| August 27th, 2009
I’ve never seen the show and really don’t care to share my opinion about a family who I only “know” from what the media has chosen to display…As far as the comment about what is fair to blog about, it’s really up to the reader to decide if they want to participate in the conversation or not.
We all share our opinion at times that other people don’t agree with, whether it’s on a blog or not. That’s the beautiful thing about blogs – and freedom of speech.
hipm0m77´s last blog ..Exceptional Websites for Children
Comment by Kat Wilder
| August 27th, 2009
Fair? They’re celebrities, and thus in the spotlight. I guess it goes with the territory.
Is it right? Hey, they’re your thoughts; there’s no right or wrong about that.
Is it worth paying attention to? Obviously there are many people who believe so.
Is the media going to give them a break? Uh, are you? You are the media now.
Do most divorces resulting from affairs look like theirs? Probably, but nobody else (except each couple’s inner circle) is paying attention.
Are there lessons to be learned from this? Probably not, because we are not celebrities and if we think we share anything in common with them, we are sadly deluded. And we should thank our lucky stars that we don’t have anything in common with them.
And my last question: Why do we know more about total strangers than we do about people in our immediate circle? And why do we want to know? That, more than anything, speaks to our crazy society.
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Nice guys don’t always finish last
Comment by Daddy Geek Boy
| August 28th, 2009
There’s a big difference between being on a reality show with all of the celebrity trappings that comes with it and being a fairly anonymous blogger who’s writing about their life.
I feel for Jon & Kate cause divorce sucks no matter who it’s happening to. But they have made their choices in life to be on TV, to be “celebrities” and to keep themselves in the public eye while this whole thing is happening.
Bloggers are in control of their own writing, their own representations in the world and the content they are putting out there. Very few of us are getting paid for writing. Therefore, I think the comparison is a false one.
As long as Jon & Kate are in the public spectrum, giving interviews, continuing their show, etc. People have every right to write about them and voice their opinions.
Daddy Geek Boy´s last blog ..The Double Down
Comment by Daddy Geek Boy
| August 28th, 2009
(Oh, and I think Kristy likes you.)
Daddy Geek Boy´s last blog ..The Double Down
Comment by Divorced Lifestyle
| August 29th, 2009
I haven’t watched since their divorce started. I feel sorry for those kids, and don’t think the show should be on the air, so I don’t watch. If everyone who felt they shouldn’t be on TV anymore stopped watching, the show would be cancelled.
Divorced Lifestyle´s last blog ..Anonymity
Comment by Just call me Suzy-Q
| September 3rd, 2009
I’m in disbelieve what I am seeing with my eyes… and hearing with my ears. I hate using the word (should) but I think they should NOT do anymore TV shows… Those kids will be stuck in the middle of all this mess…. NOT JON OR KATE! I do feel for those kids already…. hmmmm It is going to be a long and painful divorce it’s only the begining… But please someone or somebody protect those children!!!! GOD gave me one healthy son, which he is now 25 almost 26… and I wanted more kids which I wasn’t able to have do to the fact that I had endemetreosis. Well it breaks my heart when i see people popping babies and using them to make a show…. The Dionne’s Queentriplets in North Bay, they were ask to put there kids in the public eye and they refused to put the lives of their children in the public eye. Anyways…I could go on and on about this but I will not waste anymore of my time thinking about something I cannot change. My Wish is for the children to grow up without feeling to much of the negative side effected of this whole soon to be really messy divore.
I’ve always said to my husband that it take two to build a marriage and it takes two to brake it.!!!
Comment by Mark- 24 year old bouncer from louisiana
| October 17th, 2009
I believe you are correct in assuming that it isn’t right to blog about this family while judging them with a “holier than thou” attitude (like all of these shows, blogs, magazines, newspapers, tabloids have done repeatedly since this relationship started deteriorating). Don’t you love how these news anchors/columnists/etc, claim to “only care about the children”, when they are berating and baiting the couple while dangling money in front of them; as they are both soon to be unemployed, single parents of 8, in a dying economy. I feel for both of them and agree I would probably react very similar if put in that situation, but we have created certain false responses that must be followed or else face fake public outrage.
The, “Hey, they put THEMSELVES out there” apologists are just spewing the same ignorant bs that was intended more for people in the field of politics than for family television stars.
I do appreciate your candor as many people are just satisfied regurgitating what they heard their “fashion guru/news anchor” say on their favorite cable program. While everyone has a right to their own opinion, it seems that most, if not all, of the mass media has decided theirs is the only one that matters and they will shove it down your throat until you agree or shut up…. Ancyna Rankfa (I think that was proper pig latin)