When Sexy Texting Leads to Divorce
I earlier told the story of a Dad’s House reader who found a pre-paid GoPhone in his wife’s lingerie drawer. Turns out his hot wife was having a discreet affair. The secret phone had sexy text messages between his wife and her lesbian lover.
Dad’s House readers chimed in with advice – confiscate the phone, freeze financial assets, call an attorney, get the hell out of the marriage, pronto!
Recently, I was asked to tell the rest of the story. Here’s what happened.
Joe (not his real name) said his wife was away the night he found the sexy texting phone. He and his wife’s relationship was already ice cold, and they were mulling a divorce. Joe called his attorney first thing in the morning.
On attorney’s advice, Joe took the pre-paid cell phone and made note of the sexy text message phone number. (He already recognized it as belonging to a friend of a relation.) The attorney locked the phone in a safe in his office, and instructed Joe not to say a word about it.
Joe’s wife never let on that the phone was gone.
She must have figured she lost it at the gym, or someplace else, because two weeks later – while she was in the shower – Joe heard a cell phone chime in her athletic bag. He peeked, and found another pre-paid GoPhone full of more sexy text messages.
Joe took this phone, but his attorney said he didn’t need the evidence, so Joe put it back – in a different place. This time his wife noticed her phone was gone. She turned the house upside down looking for it. (She never admitted to what she was looking for). Joe said she was totally stressed until she found the prepaid phone two days later.
Meanwhile, the wife was pushing for full child and alimony support from Joe, and full custody of the kids. Joe’s attorney said with the sexy texting evidence, there was no way she’d get any of that. The plan was to confront her in court with the phone and sexy texts, in front of a judge.
The cheating wife tried to push things into mediation. Joe and his attorney wanted none of that. The attorney wrote a letter detailing all of the sexy texting evidence, and presented it to the wife’s attorney.
That was all the cheating wife needed to see. She dropped all her divorce demands, on the condition she would get joint custody of the kids.
Several weeks later, she moved into her own place. She and Joe now share half-time custody of their kids. Joe pays no alimony. His wife is still with her lesbian lover.
Joe said he wanted to thank Dad’s House blog and its readers for the advice and support. He said he pushed to have primary custody for himself because of blog posts he read here. Namely, he didn’t want to suffer having the schools and doctors send important information to his wife, and not to him.
His biggest take home message from Dad’s House readers was to not confront his wife alone. Had he done that, he feels she would have belittled him and cajoled him and co-dependently guilted him into something to her favor. He’s glad he was patient and allowed his attorney to do the confronting part.
Lesson to all you sexy texters out there: even pre-paid Go Phones aren’t safe, especially if you’re trying to cheat on a spouse and you’re dumb enough to bring the phone into the house.
Unless, of course, you subconsicously want to get caught.
- Dirty Text Messages
- Lonely Housewives
- Marriage Advice from a Divorced Dad
- Great Books for Relationship and Divorce Advice
- Since When Are Dads Not Important?
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Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| September 10th, 2009
Thanks for the follow up. I’m glad to know that Joe was able to retain joint custody without having to battle it out in court. It’s amazing the things we (people) do to one another, isn’t it?
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..It’s Here, It’s Here, It’s Already Here!!!!
Comment by Laura
| September 10th, 2009
WOW! What a story and how hard it must have been to NOT confront her!
Glad it all worked out in the end tho!
Comment by Ashley
| September 10th, 2009
Wow. Glad to hear the follow up and know that things worked out for “Joe” the way they should have. Glad the ex got put in her place without a nasty court proceeding.
Ashley´s last blog ..Lover of my Soul
Comment by katherine.
| September 10th, 2009
cheating is cheating…regardless of the particular details…
He was very wise to get a good attorney…bide his time…and not be pressured into mediation.
Hopefully he and his ex can figure out how to negotiate their relationship with a minimum of impact on their kids.
katherine.´s last blog ..spy deployment
Comment by Mark
| September 10th, 2009
Very interesting. There is much aggravation saved by bringing a detached person into the middle of this type of situation. Very good lessons here.
Mark´s last blog ..Confusion of Our Desires
Comment by T
| September 10th, 2009
WOW.
Well, I’m glad things worked out ok for the both of them and their kids.
Hope the emotional hurts don’t run too deep for any of them.
Thanks for sharing David.
T´s last blog ..PW
Comment by vinomom
| September 10th, 2009
That was an interesting story. Thanks for the update. I’m glad the father didn’t give into her demands. I wonder how the kids are feeling about Mommy’s new girlfriend?
vinomom´s last blog ..When Emails Get out of Hand – The Wives Club Debacle
Comment by krn
| September 10th, 2009
Thanks for the follow up. It’s great to hear that things worked out for him well. Sounds like his children will benefit from his being able to handle the situation so patiently and maturely.
Just wanted to share that mediation can sometimes work for those who are divorcing an unfaithful spouse. If the party that strayed wants quick resolution, i.e., a speedy divorce, it can pay off to state very firmly and clearly what you want and expect to receive (those are non-negotiables) and then negotiate on things like household items and/or vehicles that no longer are wanted and will probably be sold anyhow. The idea of spending money on litigation instead of using it to provide security for the two new households that resulted from our divorce just didn’t make sense to me.
Comment by Eathan
| September 10th, 2009
Nice follow up. Where was I when the original post was up? Ashamed there wasn’t some hot wild party with the lesbian lover. ;)
At least Joe ended up with some leverage to get what he wanted in the end. I’m sure happiness is in his future.
Eathan´s last blog ..Reconnecting With DB42
Comment by MindyMom/Single Mom Says...
| September 10th, 2009
Thanks for the follow up. And Joe’s lucky.
I live in a “no fault” state so it didn’t matter that my husband was cheating on me with my married best friend. And it didn’t matter one bit that he then moved in with her as soon as he moved out and flaunted that relationship in front of my kids. As you know the divorce was nasty and has remained so but parenting time and alimony were unaffected by the circumstances.
Glad things worked out well for Joe.
MindyMom/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Random Recap
Comment by Honey
| September 10th, 2009
That’s crazy! Glad he got what was probably the most fair thing for him.
Honey´s last blog ..WTF?? Don’t Be An Idiot Like This Guy…
Comment by QTMama
| September 10th, 2009
Well, this worked out well for Joe. What patience the man must have, I admire that!
And I too, live in the no fault type of state. Neither of us were cheating so it doesn’t matter, but man, I’ve seen some friends that have sure wished this state was a faulted state!
QTMama´s last blog ..Sex Advice. From My Mother.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 10th, 2009
Yes, as Mindy says, it does depend on where you live. In many states, it wouldn’t matter how much evidence of cheating you have.
But it sounds like this story has a happy ending. Good deal.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Angels Can Fly…
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| September 10th, 2009
Quite a tale! Glad that responses here were helpful for Joe, but my overwhelming feeling in reading this – and the comments – is one of sadness. For all of us who’ve lived these challenges and sorrows to varying degrees. I can’t help but wish our society were less stuck on marriage. Perhaps then we’d take more time, and if we discovered things about ourselves, or our partners, the exit strategy would be less traumatic.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Planes, trains, and automobiles. Mmmmm.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 11th, 2009
I agree with BLW. Again.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Angels Can Fly…
Comment by The Exception
| September 13th, 2009
Every situation is so very different. he was wise to consider his options and take his time. A great lawyer can do wonders – but mediation can be a wonderful option as well – especially when there are children involved.
The Exception´s last blog ..Like the Color Purple