Planning a First Date is So 2000 and Late
Call me old school, but I grew up thinking it was a good idea to actually plan dates. You know, pick a night, a time, a place, and then go do it.
Women I’ve recently come in contact with are making me think planning dates is outdated.
I was introduced to woman A through friends. We emailed a bit, texted once or twice. I called and left voicemail, but she didn’t phone back. No problem, I realize some people prefer texting communication to actual conversation. I went back to email and texting, and she responded.
But when I tried to pin down an evening when we could meet, she gave me nothing.
Finally, on a Wednesday afternoon she told me she was free Thursday night. Great. We set a time and agreed to pick the place when we spoke Thursday. But when Thursday evening came around, she texted a cancellation. WTF? I haven’t heard from her since.
Keep in mind, this is someone I met through friends, blowing my old adage out of the water that meeting through friends breeds a more respectful interchange between potential daters. I asked my mutual friend what was going on, and he didn’t know.
Huh.
Woman B is someone I met online. (Yes, online dating sucks. But it’s also a useful tool to meet people.) We emailed back and forth, trying to pin down a date to meet. She said she was free on the weekend. I had plans Saturday night but was otherwise free. When I told her this, she got all snotty and said she didn’t want to know my personal calendar, she simply wanted to text me when she was free. If I could meet at that moment, great. If not, no big deal.
Double huh.
It reminded me of the billionaire’s personal assistant who could never commit to a time. She finally texted me last minute and we enjoyed one perfectly normal date. Her over-loaded schedule didn’t allow more than that.
Look, I realize people are busy. I’m no stranger to spontaneous dates. And these are all first-date meet-and-greets I’m talking about. But come on – don’t people plan dates any more?
Or have we become such a twitter loving, flash mob gathering, nothing matters but the present moment society that making a plan is passé?
Black Eyed Peas, Boom Boom Pow, Official Video on Youtube
- Tips for a Better Online Dating Experience
- Romantic Compatibility – On Paper
- Twitter is Bad For You
- Single Mom Dating a Single Dad – A Month Between Dates?
- There’s an Order to a Single Parent’s Relationship Universe, an award winning post (okay, so it was just a blogging contest. It still took 1st)
| 
Subscribe | © 2008-09 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
Comment by The Exception
| September 22nd, 2009
The anticipation of a planned date is delightful. What will you wear? How will it go? Talking about it… And perhaps it is a lot more pressure than people want these days. It is easier to just date when the time is good for everyone – last minute – over seeing “date” on the calendar and knowing that the time is near…the butterflies, the countdown, the planned date that turns some into teens again? ;)
The Exception´s last blog ..Thinking
Comment by Heather
| September 22nd, 2009
When I was single, I always liked to have the date planned out! Times sure have changed! And I”m only 32!
Comment by Paula
| September 22nd, 2009
Date, time, place, and for gods sake, don’t be late. I don’t “date,” but we have dates with friends and such. One couple, who we really enjoy, is always late. The wife takes hours to get ready. To go kayaking. She does her hair & make up. Yes, to kayak. We were all so glad to see her flip and come up wet. Maybe she will learn something…it’s called a pony tail, you won’t have to worry about your hair and you’ll be ON TIME.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| September 22nd, 2009
Sounds like these are not women you’d want to be with anyway.
Count yourself lucky (and with the extra $$$ you would have spent still in your pocket)
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..You always pay for sex, one way or the other
Comment by Andrea
| September 22nd, 2009
That is just weird. I want a time, a date and preferably a location if I’m meeting someone (especially for the first time).
I have friends who are like this though. I thought with now two kids they’d plan but they call at 8:30 at night and go, “So you wanna have dinner?” Eh? I’m in for the night but thanks.
I’ve got a blackberry, it has a calander and I actually like to use it.
Andrea´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Contributing to the economy
Comment by jason
| September 22nd, 2009
that is crazy.
bummer that a friend of a friend flaked out, at least you should be able to get some kind of explanation through the grapevine
lady B, i think more fits into the normal mode of operating for many people in our modern day-and-age. somewhat typical and very sad. What do you think, does she warrant a second date? Was there chemistry?
Good luck dad! Keep up the flirtin’
Comment by CJ
| September 22nd, 2009
OK, not that I’m dating or anything :), but in this day and age, if it doesn’t get planned, it just simply doesn’t get done. Who are these strange creatures that assume the world revolves around them and you should jump and run when they text? Yeah….I’m thinkin’ you don’t really wanna date this type of woman David.
CJ´s last blog ..I Quit…
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| September 22nd, 2009
That’s odd, and I think the women must be also. Sure, we’re all busy but I don’t think its that hard to arrange a time for a date and stick to it – IF you’re really intersted. Granted it is harder to make time for someone you don’t really know than someone you do but still…
Better to move on and wait for a woman who can and will make the time.
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Decisions, Decisions
Comment by T
| September 22nd, 2009
Yeah, I have to be a planner too. As a single mom, this last minute stuff doesn’t always work for me. I seriously need to know in advance!
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| September 22nd, 2009
I agree with Kat’s take, particularly in the context of a first or second date. The juggle of blended families and kids makes things tough, so once you determine that you “like” someone, flexibility needs to come into play. But if you like someone, you ALWAYS make time. Even if the “date” is just driving together to get someone’s child, or sharing coffee and making out in carpool line. (OK, wayyyyyy at the end of carpool line.)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Time spent online: symptom, solution, or nothing new?
Comment by Honey
| September 22nd, 2009
I am not spontaneous AT ALL (in fact, I struggle with why other people seem to think it’s a virtue). I would have a really hard time with this.
Honey´s last blog ..Creative Strategies For Getting Your GF/BF To Change
Comment by Me Thinks
| September 22nd, 2009
I think anyone who is reliant on text and e-mail as their primary form of communication is not willing to invest much to start. I think this is a case of meeting some non-committal and/or not fully available women and not necesarily a “trend”. I would agree that date planning is probably less in advance than even a few years ago, everyone has alternate ways to communicate. But these women I think have something else going.
Last guy that was reliant on texting, I called him on it and asked if he had something else going on. He copped to not really being all the way out of his last relationship and was relieved to be honest about it. Not that I’d go out with him though…
Comment by Senorita
| September 22nd, 2009
I love your use of language that your kids probably use. I bet that you are one of those “hip” dads.
People are busy, but it’s simple dating 101 that dates should be planned, even if it’s just for a simple coffee to determine if there is chemistry.
As a woman, I always have believed that when a man calls and makes plans, I should always return his calls promptly, unless of course I am not into the guy. But even if I am not into him, I usually reply back early on and get out of it.
Which brings me to this next point………… they are probably treating you like that because they are not that into you. Either that or they aren’t immediately cancelling and stringing you along because there is another guy around the corner, and you are the backup.
I think your concerns are very valid, and I think you shouldn’t change a thing. Men from the old school are a rarity these days.
Guys have pulled this on me too before, but I usually don’t give them a second chance after that. Neither should you.
Personally, I think it’s just better to call to plan a date instead of text, as it’s easier for someone to say that they didn’t see your text for a while or that they simply didn’t get it, when they really did.
Senorita´s last blog ..By the way, I am married…………..
Comment by Florinda
| September 22nd, 2009
I don’t get this. Not when you’re talking about adults, anyway. I’m with several of the people who have commented ahead of me: I prefer things to be planned. Maybe not weeks ahead of time, but we’ve all got so much going on already, how do we fit other things in without a plan?
I met my second husband via online dating. We planned our first date via e-mail.
Florinda´s last blog ..Book Talk: "Shelf Discovery," by Lizzie Skurnick
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| September 22nd, 2009
At the very least, the way these women acted was rude. It’s not difficult to be courteous.
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Totally Music Tuesday With A Side Of Blurg
Comment by ilinap
| September 22nd, 2009
I say planning a date is more romantic; the anticipation can make you downright giddy, which is awesome. This texting/tweeting thing seems rude to me.
Comment by Danielle
| September 22nd, 2009
I have actually had men tell me that they date women that don’t want men to hold doors for them. How the hell do people know how to act anymore. I personally am all for the good old days of Chivalry. In fact, I kinda demand it.
Planning is the only way for me to do anything.
Danielle´s last blog ..Holy cougar, how did this happen?
Comment by Lance
| September 23rd, 2009
I’ve had this thought often as well, although my market is younger and seemingly a little less busy, so it’s not as prevalent. If I would have gotten the line about personal calendars I would have dropped her right then and there.
Lance´s last blog ..Creative Strategies For Getting Your GF/BF To Change
Comment by Erik Giles
| September 23rd, 2009
Planning a date… so 2000 and late! :-)
Here is what I’ve figured out. A planned date is too much of a commitment in this day and age. It is something that you’d do after a couple of get togethers. A planned date in 2008 is the weekend getaway of 1998. Think how you’d feel if a women you exchanged a couple emails with wanted to take you to her cousin’s wedding in Denver.
I do it this way. Get together a couple of times and if there is Chemistry and it seems to be going well, propose to take her on a “real” date. If she says yes, you are probably on the same page; if she puts you off, she may just be killing time.
Just my 2 cents.