Older Men and Younger Women
If youth is wasted on the young, perhaps old age is being wasted on me. I was recently in a coffee house when two younger women checked me out. Yes, the older men younger women fantasy flashed through my mind.
Now, now – I know the difference between people looking at me and looking past me at someone else or to a clock on the wall. I was sitting by myself in the corner, and there was nothing for them to see but me. My fly was zipped up, there was no food stuck in my teeth, no purple monkeys on top of my head.
These women were giving me the eye, pure and simple.
I was struck with a dilemma – do I give them the eye right back?
I’m a big fan of meeting women in real life situations, and know that simply starting a conversation can work better than using any supposed pick up lines that work every time. I guessed these two younger women were in their early twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an older man who has no problem ogling an adult female, no matter the age. If my head turns, it turns, hopefully without giving me whiplash.
But I’m also an older man in my mid-forties, a father to a seventeen-year-old girl. I’m aware that older men sometimes eye my teen daughter. (By older, in her case, I mean any man over college age. Though I have seen men in their 30s check her out.) When I see that happening, I give those older men the stink eye, and send telepathic ass-kicking brain waves for them to stay away from my little girl.
So here I was in the coffee house, a virile middle-aged single man with two young hotties at the next table, aware just how creepy the older men younger women thing would be if my own daughter was involved.
For the record, a Stanford study says it’s actually good for the survival of the species for older men to chase younger women. From my own personal experience, I know that a 20-something woman works well as a lover for a 40-something man like me. I hear in France, they take a man’s age, divide it by two and add seven to find the perfect age for his mistress. I think that’s too many years apart for a committed relationship, but the older men younger women age difference works great when it’s all about physical intimacy. Here’s why:
- Older men are established and have no problem paying for dates
- Younger women are full of life and energy
- Older men are experienced sexually. In bed, they can focus on giving rather than getting off, and when it comes to sex have lots to teach
- Younger women have naturally beautiful bodies (the female form is a wonder to behold)
- Older men and younger women who realize the relationship will never last can simply have fun in the present moment and not worry about the future. (Even single parents need intimacy.)
I realize older women and younger men can make similar claims. Cougars are out there. And older men and older women can be great together. This older men younger women blog post isn’t a dissertation.
I suddenly noticed these women were studying from test prep books with the letters “SAT” on the cover. Doh! Talk about an older men younger women nightmare. But then I figured they must be high school girls, friends of my daughter who recognized me and wanted to say hello.
Oh, but wait. I eavesdropped a bit and heard them talking about law school. I looked at the books again. Turns out they were LSAT books. These younger women were college graduates prepping for law school entrance exams.
To make a long story short – yes I chatted them up (did you think I wouldn’t say a word? Flirt daily! It’s good for you.) No, I didn’t ask for any phone numbers.
Though I wonder if I should go into the LSAT test prep tutoring business.
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Comment by BigLittleWolf
| September 28th, 2009
Great post! And very thoughtful. There are many reasons that younger women seek out or are attracted to older men – including the ones you cite above. It is generally – not always – a phase, and part of a sort of “education” that women may undertake. And it isn’t only sexually, it’s in the “ways of the world.”
Believe it or not (and not just in France!) younger men do the same thing, perhaps in fewer numbers (and less openly); teens may seek out women in their 20s and occasionally 30s, for the same educational aspects. This being less acceptable in our society, it’s discussed less often.
I am wondering… where did you get that particular French statistic? (Perhaps I ought to do some followup research… and oui oui oui, the younger man-older woman coupling plays out far more often – and in the open – in Paree.) By the way – we women “of a certain age” still check out men who are younger, enjoying the view. But mmm, mmm, a man from 35 to 50 is about as good as it gets. On any continent.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Rampant robotics – helpful in a pinch?
Comment by Just Me...
| September 28th, 2009
I’m all for people dating who they want to date.. But like you said, “Older men and younger women who realize the relationship will never last can simply have fun in the present moment and not worry about the future.”
But, when do these types of relationships become ’serial’ and indicative of a hedonistic life? Or does it matter?
Just Me…´s last blog ..Computer Woes..
Comment by Andrea
| September 28th, 2009
I’m curious if an older woman and a younger man is a Cougar what’s the reverse?
Why is there never a label for that?
Personally, while my husband is only just over a year older than me, I always preferred dating older men (most was a nine year difference) because of a lot of the reasons you quoted. I just seemed to fit better with someone who was more established personally and professionally.
Andrea´s last blog ..Monday’s Muse with Cinnamon and Honey: Autism Speaks
Comment by Cathy
| September 28th, 2009
I think I may be offended…”Younger women have naturally beautiful bodies” It isn’t only younger women who have naturally beautiful bodies. Us older gals can put some of those younger women to shame when it comes to bodies.
Great post though and you are right, all those reasons you site for older men and younger women working are the same in reverse.
I do wish someone would explain why there is a label for the older women when not one for the older men.
Cathy ´s last blog ..Children and Divorce: Minimizing the Trauma
Comment by T
| September 28th, 2009
Funny, most of the middle aged guys I know who are with younger women enjoy it at first. Then they start complaining because the only goal of the younger women is marriage and children.
So, yeah, it would definitely have to be a mutual thing if its “all about physical intimacy.” You’d be at different life stages.
T´s last blog ..Competitive Spirit
Comment by Danielle
| September 28th, 2009
Why would you want to teach someone when you could have experience and confidence in bed. Speaking from an old chicks point of view.
Danielle´s last blog ..Blame it on Mindymom!
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| September 28th, 2009
I’m with Danielle! Really, women in their 20’s (and I know b/c I have been there, done that) can’t hold a candle to a woman in her late-30’s – early 40’s in bed! Plus, may of us ‘older’ women have rockin bods to go with our experience, confidence and brains which many 20-somethings just haven’t honed yet.
Personally I get pretty turned off if a guy in his mid-40’s will also date a woman in her 20’s but I do find men who are almost 10 yrs my senior very attractive, mostly for their maturity and self-awareness.
Comment by QTMama
| September 28th, 2009
I’m going with T on this one, at least for the older men I’ve known who’ve dated younger women. At first it made the men feel … well virile! And awesome! “Look this young chick DIGS ME” but it always seems to turn into the men changing their minds, “She bongs beers.”
*Laugh* I see nothing wrong with it, really. Unless it was my dad and he was dating someone my age. That would freak me out a bit.
QTMama´s last blog ..Click-ity Click!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 28th, 2009
I’m with C,T,D,M and QT. :)
I must admit, whenever I hear or read the words, “I’m attracted to younger women because they have naturally beautiful bodies,” it turns my stomach. I have known many, many men who honestly appreciate the beauty of a woman’s body throughout her entire lifetime. And I don’t mean “inner beauty.” I mean physical beauty.
A woman’s body is beautiful when she’s young. And it’s beautiful when she’s middle-aged and it’s beautiful when she’s older. But this is based on whether or not she is healthy and strong. Younger women are not more beautiful than older women, nor is the reverse true. I can’t tell you how many women in their twenties have come up to me and told me how sexually intimidated they are by me. They think I am more beautiful than they are. Which, of course, is not true.
But I digress. ;)
In general, becoming involved with someone where there are more than 15 years difference in age is hard to work with. But I have found that any relationships within that range are… well, as easy as relationships get. (Which we all know, ain’t easy, even at best!)
Not being a man, I have no idea what kind of attention I would receive from the female world. But being a woman, I will tell you that I get attention from men of all ages, but especially men in their twenties. I dislike the term “cougar,” but only because its predatory connotations. I have never pursued younger men. They have pursued me. And I know PLENTY of women in their forties who succumbed to the seduction of a younger man, and who felt very well used in the afterglow. (They are often gone before the glow even begins to fade.) What do we call those young men who are preying on the so-called cougars?
But again, I digress. :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..Whoa Is Me!
Comment by dadshouse
| September 28th, 2009
My best lay ever was 32. We were lovers for several months. It was awesome. I have slept with women 20s to 50s. It’s true that women in their 30s and 40s are more confident. But sometimes that can mean they are set in their ways. I’ve met 20-somethings who aren’t as experienced in bed, and are willing to explore. A lover relationship is what it is. If it’s older men younger women, so be it.
It did creep me out that these women were so close to my daughter’s age. I don’t think my daughter would be the only one who was freaked – I’d be too!
Cathy – sorry, didn’t mean to offend. I know older women in rockin’ shape, and younger women who aren’t in shape. What I meant by “natural” beauty is that most women (and men) reach their peak physical condition in their 20s and 30s, then it’s a long downhill slide. Trust me, I’m in my 40s – I’m sliding like everyone else.
And Teri is right – physical beauty is a thing for all ages, and isn’t tied to what sort of shape someone is in. My preference as an athlete, though, is for women who work out and stay fit. No older men younger women factors at work – just fit/fit, healthy/healthy. And only my personal preference.
Comment by Senorita
| September 28th, 2009
You may be offending a couple of women, but you aren’t lying. There are a lot of older men who do go looking for women who are in their early twenties. It’s just what happens and it’s not going to change. I know what you said, how you meant it, and I think you said it just fine because that is what really happens.
It’s fun for older men to go after younger women at first. But usually they just wear each other down in the end with their differences.
I am 28 and have dated older especially a few years ago (and yes, I get shit for it). Mainly because men my age were too busy getting drunk all weekend with their homies and manscaping their bodies in a ridiculous fashion. I just wanted to spend my time with someone who was educated, intelligent, and had his act together.
But knowing what I know now and looking back, I respect the men that were older that turned me down to pursue someone in their age range.
I see a lot of personals ads around my area where men do look for women their own age. Like if they are 40, they want a woman in their age group. They do exist.
Senorita´s last blog ..Why Is Colonel Angus So Popular With the Ladies ?
Comment by Barry
| September 28th, 2009
From very personal experience, I think the problem is in the seeking of an age group, younger or older. If it happens naturally, it happens. I have recently remarried. She is a lot younger than me. She nor I searched for this. In fact, I was the one who was a bit intimidated.
But, I have always been a relationship guy. I was always happier spending my time coaching my youth teams then on the prowl. The beauty of it, I found my new wife where I was coaching because she was the athletic director. No pick -up lines needed. Already had common interests. No drinks needed.
But hey, that is just this “older guys” opinion.
Barry´s last blog ..How Do I Fight My Ex Wife’s Use Of Parental Alienation?
Comment by Honey
| September 28th, 2009
I think they call older men who date younger women, “lechers.”
:-)
Honey´s last blog ..Adventures in YouPorn
Comment by kmn
| September 28th, 2009
I think they’re called dirty old men!
Seriously, good topic. The younger woman/older man thing has been around for a long time. The younger man/older women is a more recent trend. Not that it didn’t exist before, just more taboo and women were frowned upon for it. But in either case, the pros and cons are the same. Lots of men like older women for the same reasons dads stated. The chance of it becoming a long term relationship, not so likely, but if your expectations are more about the fun and physical side temporarily that’s different.
I don’t like the term “cougar.” I’m in my mid forties and have never pursued younger men, but I have had 30ish guys interested in me and not on line. Friends of friends. It’s not right or wrong, but it might be fun ;) Date who you like and don’t worry about it. Besides women live longer.
Comment by cellogirl
| September 28th, 2009
I’ve heard that stat before about the older man’s age divided in half and add 7, except for that it was called the “ick factor”. Follow the formula and you are ok. Younger, and it is icky.
Another friend of mine who had many siblings and whose dad was dating made the rule that a man shouldn’t date anyone as young as the younger half of his group of offspring. He ended up marrying a woman two years older than his oldest daughter and all were very happy. With only a few snickers.
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| September 28th, 2009
Here’s part of what is offensive about the statements initially said – and I don’t think offense was intended. Part of why SOME men (not all) are still athletic and fit in their 40s and 50s is because they weren’t the ones having the babies in their 20s and 30s (or 40s).
It isn’t about “working out and staying fit” – that’s an incredibly common (and offensive) assumption. It also isn’t about letting oneself slide. There are realities to a body that has wear and tear on it from pregnancy, childbirth, and its after effects. For some of us – the fact that men our own age, many of whom are paunchy and far less active than we are, date considerably younger, pre-pregnant bodies. It’s as though once we give birth to children, if we aren’t sliced, nipped, tucked (or even if we are), we’re more disposable.
I dislike generalizations (and I know I just made one), and I will say that it isn’t all men, all women, or all anything. I will also say that in my experience, the “whole woman” is more appreciated in Europe – with or without the story of a full and interesting life which may leave its traces on her body. A body, incidentally, which knows the joy and gift of giving life.
We are a throw-away society. Women are thrown away on a regular basis. We are also dismissive of those who age – again, particularly women. It’s a shame. As for young women being more open-minded about sex? Another fallacy.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..I wish I may, I wish I might, understand my teen tonight!
Comment by dadshouse
| September 28th, 2009
Great points, all. BigLittleWolf – I agree women are celebrated in Europe more so than here. On the other hand, men in Silicon Valley are treated as somewhat disposable. Don’t make enough millions? You’ll be dropped like a hot potato. I have multiple male buddies whose wives divorced them when they only made a million or two, but the guy down the street made a hundred million. It’s pathetic. Also, I didn’t mean to say all younger women are more open-minded about sex – but I can definitively say that the younger women “I” have slept with were more adventurous than the older women I have slept with.
CelloGirl – yes, the icky factor in the older men younger women dating sweepstakes is important! That’s the main reason I did not be a lecher and get any phone numbers from these younger women in the coffee house.
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart
| September 28th, 2009
I think men are at their sexual best in their thirties. Just sayin’ …
I have a male acquaintance who says he “refuses to even look” at women who aren’t at least five years older than his youngest daughter. His youngest daughter is 22. He’s in his mid fifties.
Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..Spanderella
Comment by Kat Wilder
| September 28th, 2009
Gee, I would date men around my age, but most of them are overweight, balding and don’t have the stamina to keep up with me.
How does that sound?
But, it’s true.
If a man or a woman is attracted to someone older or younger, why the hell does there have to be a label attached to it?
I am a much better lover now that I’m middle aged because I know what I want and know how to ask for it — and give it. And I love it when a man, older or younger, can understand that whatever relationship we have is about the present, no “future” attached to it.
Dads, it seems like you’re feeling that you have to defend your lust for younger women. Why?
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..All the good men are taken, but don’t let that stop you
Comment by Zeina
| September 29th, 2009
I am a 23-year-old female, and honestly, older men, 40+ eyeing me or flirting with me used to creep me out. But recently I started going out with a 48-year-old man, divorced with 3 children. His eldest daughter is thankfully younger than me (though not by much). And regarding this article, I agree about older men being much more experienced sexually, and if I can add a comment, much more stable emotionally. Though the relationship can never become very serious, at least that, is made clear and established. And it does not interfere with the fact that he cares about me a great deal, is attracted to me, and is committed to me – until, I imagine the contradictions inherent in the relationship bring about its collapse. But for the time being, dating an older man is a big ego boost for me, I don’t need him to pay the bills or for dinner, I have a great job that pays well, but the sex is great, and he is not afraid of intimacy, and he feels lucky to be be with me. He takes me seriously, listens to my opinions and picks up the phone when I call.
Comment by dadshouse
| September 29th, 2009
Zeina – I love your last line, that the older man picks up the phone when you call. I find it so frustrating when people don’t answer their cell. My kids do it to me all the time. People these days tend to avoid voice time and real time. They’d rather text. On one of the local college radio stations (KSCU – Santa Clara University), a student DJ told a story about how she hates actually talking to people. It makes her nervous. She’d much rather text and IM.
So, I’m glad there are older men like your bf who still give voice time, and younger women like you who appreciate it. Older men younger women relationships offer some good things (same as older woman younger man might do.)
Comment by Matt
| October 5th, 2009
Yes, there are a lot of reasons that older men and younger women can be really good for each other.
However, there is one pretty major obstacle that often pops up when you’re with a woman much younger than yourself: It can be hard to find things that you both enjoy talking about.
Maybe this is something that can be overcome with practice. But I’ve had a couple of dates with younger women and this was the thing that made them feel a bit awkward. I just feel that women around my age are a lot easier to develop rapport with because they’ve been through a lot of the things I have.
Matt´s last blog ..Sport stars split
Comment by Gabrielle
| October 9th, 2009
I am in my early 20’s and I only date men that are older (atleast in their early 30’s). But I am very much marriage minded. I have found that older men suit me better. I have gone out with a couple of men in my age group and it was terrible (we don’t listen to the same music, hang out at the same places, or have very many interests in common). Older men generally are more laid back and are normally well established (I am not just talking about the financial but emotional and life goals as well) and they tend to have a pleatra of knowledge and I generally have more in common with them. As far as getting married I don’t know why people are saying that it has to be temporary because when I find the man that I intend to marry it will definately be an older man. Also, older men are often more prepared to settle down. Although I have found that if they don’t have kids already (and sometime even if they do) they want to have kids soon which as I am still in college I am not interested in for at least another 5 or 6 yrs.
Comment by Laney Landry
| October 16th, 2009
I’m also in my 20’s and prefer older men. I like that they know how to be considerate. I like that they are more calm and passed the rebellious stage that so many younger men are involved in. They don’t worry about being “cool” as they know who they are already. They’re financially comfortable and really don’t have to impress anyone. I feel very special on the arm of an older man. I know I’m respected and will be treated like I’m special. I know that when the lights are low, there will be passion. Older men are just the best.
Comment by meg
| October 23rd, 2009
I don’t really know if there is a reason behind but I’ve never dated anyone my age. They are older men. I don’t think its because they are better or anything. I don’t go looking for them(I haven’t “dated” in like 4 years this is a hilarious comment to me). If I meet them and I feel a connection then so be it. This is my age and thats theirs. We like it each other and we are going to rock it.
meg´s last blog ..Gone Platinum Or Crazy!
Comment by Matthew
| October 27th, 2009
I just recently turned 30, which I know really isn’t that old but lately I have been noticing/getting a lot more interest from the local college girls. Luckily I work near a major university campus, which of course helps, but it’s almost a completely different kind of attraction than what I was getting in my early to mid 20s. I think it must be a maturity thing, not sure.
Matthew´s last blog ..Vegetarian Dating Options?
Comment by Dugl
| November 7th, 2009
I am 54 and my gf is 31. She is a drop dead gorgeous blonde with sultry blue eyes and teaches water aerobics. She is with me partly because she was tired of guys who still enjoyed farting for effect, binge drinking with buddies or HAD to have a boys night out, and watched football in their underwear. She knows I appreciate her and she is the focus of all my attention. She says I make her feel loved, safe and give her security. We take cruises together and road trips….and we like the same music…in fact, she knows more about 70’s rock than I do. The sex ?…we’ve both learned from each other and it’s not all about our own personal pleasure. It also doesn’t end in 5 mins….she says she likes that.
Comment by Lyn
| November 9th, 2009
I don’t think men mature till at least their 40s, its a sad fact. Women as they age often enjoy being on their own, but men have much more trouble. Frankly I don’t know what they would do without them( women I mean). Recent research suggests men have trouble with retirement,h m m. Something to do with the fact they don’t tend to have a lot of interests, and habits die hard i.e. its harder to start new ones, habits I mean. Younger women are a distraction,they’re probably happy to please you. An older would rather be your equal, and not just in bed.Shes not interested in whether you are well hung, or have lots of sex appeal, and just a little older than her son. Nah, it takes a bit more than that. And frankly, if it doesn’t, then i’m not interested.
Comment by loriann
| November 9th, 2009
Plethora? ~ it’s the late forties part of me that couldn’t let it go….
Comment by Anni Taylor
| November 18th, 2009
I went out with a 49 year old when I was 20.
He was Italian with great skin – I thought he was in his 30s until later. I also didn’t have a clue how wealthy this guy was – he ended up asking me to live with him in Fort Lauderdale. He said I could spend every day painting – or he’d buy me my own business if I wanted it. No housework – he had maids for that, and we’d eat out every night.
I guess to many 20 year olds, that would all sound very attractive.
But – he hated the TV shows I liked, he hated the music I liked. His tastes in music, movies, his interests – started to seem pretty boring. We had very little in common. We went out to functions – and people looked down on me for being so young.
And his body – well – it was the body of a 49 year old male – even though his face looked young.
Women are very visual – and appreciate a nice male body. His body was nothing like the bodies of guys my own age. (Being dead honest.)
I think a relationship of greatly different ages CAN work – but only if the pair have a lot in common (just the same as any relationship.) That way, you overlook faults (that everyone has) and can build something meaningful.
Anni Taylor´s last blog ..Are we becoming swivel-chair potatoes?
Comment by Dugl
| November 22nd, 2009
Women are very visual – and appreciate a nice male body. His body was nothing like the bodies of guys my own age. (Being dead honest. [quote]
There may be isolated cases of women being very visually stimulated, but that’s not the focus of media and cosmetics empires. Men are visually spoon fed what the desirable woman looks like. Industry research is definitely targeting the visual arousal of men with Playboy, Revlon, Avon, Cover Girl, a barrage of hair colors, Fredricks, Victoria’s Secret, Beauty pageants, Exotic dancers….it’s all focused at male visual stimulation right down to stilettos and micro-minis. Give a man shaving cream, deodorant and toothpaste,…and he’s pretty much covered at any age.
Comment by Denisha
| December 6th, 2009
I find this issue all the time but from the side of the younger women. I always get hit on by older guys which would be fine if they didn’t think I was so much younger. In your situation you weren’t going to make your move when you thought the women were high school girls. In my experience guys always guess I’m 15/16 years old and I call them pedophiles and we part ways. These are 24- 30yr old guys and I’m actually 25 but if they thought I was that young why would they ever want to be with me in the first place? These aren’t men looking for anything beside a fling with someone too dumb and over sex to know better. To this I say if your purpose is a fling then make it known up front as these younger women may want more. Just b/c we are young and have more years to recover from the damage doesn’t mean we don’t want meaningful relationships, and to older guys, we aren’t toys to live out fantasies with so proceed with caution.
Comment by Laura
| December 13th, 2009
hey, just happened to stumble upon this when browsing blogs and just thought i would leave a comment.i am 21 and my boyfriend is 40, that seems very strange to many and we’ve taken some shtick about it but we’re so utterly happy and in love and have been for the past 3 years! i know many of you wont believe this anyway as ‘cradle snatcher’ and ‘gold digger’ notions are already embedded in peoples heads but i just thought id let you know that some of these relationships do last! i myself dont want to have kids, he hasnt got any nor does he want any.our tastes in music, movies, books, food, friends, drink and life are the same, all in all we’re kind of like the perfect couple, no arguements or disputes (just read that back and it sounds a little sickly sweet but its true :S ) and also id like to say bodies of any age can be beautiful, as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder…or beer holder :/
Comment by Whoagirl
| December 15th, 2009
I’m a 29 year old female. My current boyfriend is 43. We’ve been dating for almost 4 years and we live together. Our relationship has been great up until now. I’ve always loved older men, but I can feel him pulling away from me. I’ve always feared that our relationship would come to an end soon because of our age difference. He is attracted to younger women and women his age. I believe now, he wants someone his age. I am still attracted to him and love him very much. I agree with some of the above comments about the relationship between an older man and younger woman not lasting to long. Well I’m still happy that mine lasted as long as it did, but I fear that I may have to call it quits soon : (
Comment by MoonPatrol
| December 21st, 2009
I am not a parent and am divorced and found my self with strong feelings for a twenty year old. We have not been intimate and are taking it slow but she has problems and I have been helping her financially (and shopping with her). I find myself happy when I’m with her. She is attractive to me and I am paralyzed about how to proceed. I am afraid to introduce her to my family and society at present because I am struggling with my own doubt. When I do the math, she is 25-26 years younger than I. She is not naive or inexperienced with regard to the world. I am able to envision marrying her as a sort of solution to all the heart aches I’ve had from women thus far in my life. Someone please help me find my compass heading on my ship so I can sail again.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 21st, 2009
MoonPatrol – based solely on what you wrote here, it sounds like she might be taking advantage of your willingness to help financially. I have no doubt you’re head over heels for her. But does she feel the same way in return? Right now it sounds like a sugar daddy relationship. If you cut off the financial help, will she stick around? Your gut seems to be telling you something is off – you don’t want to introduce her to family and society. That’s telling.
btw – I’m around your age, and I’ve dated women in their late 20s, and it worked to a point. The stickler for me was when they wanted to have kids of their own, and my kids are teens. Then the age difference made a bigger impression. (I’ve also dated women in their 30s, 40s, 50s. Equal opportunity!) When I’ve met women in their early 20s, it was more of a father/daughter vibe, and that didn’t work for me dating-wise.
Good luck!
Comment by MoonPatrol
| December 22nd, 2009
Thanks for the input. Of course I’m a sugar daddy! That was the premise in which we met. Only problem is I’m thinking more long term and she is questionable about where she wants to go with this. She listens to my stories and is fun to be with. If I married her, I’d never see her grow old, and where is the guarantee that I’ll live to be old anyway? (my observation about retirement accounts) I have to look at the now and not the future, because I might be miserable waiting for it if I don’t follow my passion.
She is in trouble with the law and has broken parole so is at risk to being picked up and going to jail for 3 months! Why didn’t I blow her off when She said that? I might be in love, or in love with the idea of love. She has treated me less-well than I desire, but we are real new in this relationship still and I can let her lead and not control or force a thing except like you said, cut off the rent money and see what happens. I may be too impatient, but that gives me time to look deep and see if this is what I want.
My past relationships have been either brief, or unfulfilling, or both. I have dated 3 women from the 32-44 age range recently, and find that the older woman are not any more reliable (with the exception of 1) than my young friend. The ones I dated were not as joyful or naturally beautiful either. In my own opinion I have never been satisfied with anyone in my whole life. And yes it could be me but I think My standards are too low is why. Made a lot of poor choices. I don’t like web-dating as all the women say the same thing about themselves and I am poor at selling myself. These are interesting and trying times for me, and like one woman I am seeing told me .. Relax..
Comment by dadshouse
| December 22nd, 2009
I’m guessing if you cut off the money, she’ll find another guy who will provide it. That’s a factor for a lot of older men younger women couples. And as long as it’s money that’s keeping you together, there’s not going to be love involved. If you’re fine with that, have fun! There are plenty of men and women in the world who couple up that way.
But, I’m guessing what might eat away at you is that you’re buying her companionship and affection. Maybe deep down you feel you desever better (and you do!) But that’s just my generic advice. Every person, every situation is different. Just try to be honest with yourself about what your relationship is really all about, and whether that’s fulfilling for you right now at this stage in your life. Good luck!
Comment by MoonPatrol
| December 24th, 2009
My Young GF:
I have not heard from her and i assisted her generously with some bills last Sunday. I will not call her as I left a message and a nice text on Monday. So why is she not responding? I don’t do drugs at all so I have a hard time being paranoid. It looks like she was scamming me in her own intelligent way. I really don’t feel she is a cheat , but without any feedback or communication with her, I can’t know much. ( kind of like a mystery) I wonder what the gut reaction is for her when she sees me. I sensed a genuine playfulness and affection. It really twists my guts to think she is on to some kind of game. Without contact, one knows very little and I don’t want to call her and get the answering machine again! The world was different when I was growing up. I don’t want to characterize her as a villain even if she is, because I can forgive her but cannot be involved in her life anymore. I already met another woman who is so much more attentive to me! I don’t know how to be when this young woman calls me in the future for something. Should I accuse her and condemn her or laugh it off and say it was a fun ride but no thanks!
Comment by Jack D
| January 4th, 2010
I’m almost 30, and well I can’t understand why older men want younger women. Well I understand the attraction bit, but in terms of mentality they are not there. If I was 40 and my girlfriend was 20, I’d hate having long talks with her because most of the time she won’t understand what I’m going through due to the huge gap but heck if its true love I won’t stand in the way of anyone’s love
Comment by holly .A
| January 18th, 2010
ok i’ve got a bit of a problem but im not sure if anyone on here would know how to help me and to be honest i think this is my last resort.
im 21 years old and have been going out with my parter for a year and a few months give or take. he’s 44.
The age has never bother me, not even when i first met him and he said he didnt want to pursure a relationship as he thought the age gaps was to big. after getting to know one another we dicided to give things ago and to be honest its been great, im extreamly mature for my age and have been since the age of 13, ive always felt a good few years older then i actually am.
but things are starting to change slightly and im not sure weather thats because of me, him, otehr people or the age gap
if somebody could messege me back if they could help me out id be so greatfull
thanks
Comment by jana
| January 25th, 2010
The last message from BonBon sounds fake. Anyways, women are highly visual creatures which is why women love color, decorating, clothing, beautiful homes, jewelry and gorgeous men to look at. There have been scientific studies proving that women are visually aroused.
Comment by BonBon's
| January 26th, 2010
Fake my 25 year old ass.. face it older ladies are pretty much conditioned by their upbringings. They came of age in eras where they were conditioned to be submissive,dependent and basically square; And many times live miserable,unfulfilled lives because of their collective influences, i.e.
Joan Cleaver.
AND hormones play a huge part. Take it from a child who was tortured by a menopausal mother who drove her last 2 husbands out of her life with her lack of interest in sex,hot flashes and Cybil-like mood swings.
1970’s-1980’s view of ‘Women’s Lib’ LOOK:
“I can work 40 hours a week in a career, take an online course,clean the house, make a fantastic meal, balance the checkbook,raise a baby,pay half the bills, look gorgeous,make a beautiful home, buy him a diamond ring,tailgate,entertain and Still rock your world Big Daddy”
Comment by lynn
| January 28th, 2010
When I was younger (teens/twenties) my great uncle Otto died suddenly of a heart attack. He and his wife were never able to have children. They babysat for neighbors and friends and were well-loved and respected in their small community. Otto was a purple heart veteran of Patton’s 3rd Army. He was gentle and humble and had a wonderful smile that made his eyes twinkle (always reminded me of Roy Rogers).
After Otto’s death, his widow was inconsolable, for nearly 20 years. I saw her annually at family reunions. Being the only single woman in the family other than herself, she would confide in me her terrible loneliness, how much she missed Otto every single day. She would burst into tears on my shoulder, year after year after year.
As a result, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to be interested in a man more than 2 or 3 years older than myself. I see the greying hair, the thickening middle, the slightly greyish pallor of their skin which indicates poor circulation or hardening arteries, and I think to myself: “widowhood”. I just can’t do it. I can’t marry or even consider falling for an older man.
I am 41, never married, and yes it is probably because I just can’t bring myself to date older guys, or I would have had more opportunities for marriage (the over 50s seem to like my age group). I just can’t condemn myself to spending the last 10 to 20 years of my life alone, without companionship. Ideally, if I could find a guy 30 to 43 who thinks he’d love to grow old with someone my age, I’d jump right into the marriage racket. I just can’t be with someone older when the age gap just looks like death and a lonely widowhood for me. I can’t do it!!!
Comment by Joe
| February 1st, 2010
I really had to comment on this subject. I’m in my mid-50s, I’m told I look about 10 years younger. I’m a musician. I was in Brazil with a world famous show, which kind of put me in a unique position I guess. I met, and flipped completely out for a younger woman, (21 yrs old). I’ll admit she was very mature for her age. I fell in love, or maybe it was lust. The sex was the best I’d ever had in my life. I never felt that hot for a woman ever. I’m sure most woman reading this will be utterly discusted, but I’m only telling the truth. Unfortunately this story had quite a sad conclusion for me. I doubt very much an opportunity like that will ever come my way again, but even if it did, I may think twice.
Comment by Marcus
| February 1st, 2010
I’m 38 and currently dating a 20 year old and 22 year old. I used to date >30 women but found they’re boring, emotionally messed up, and anti-men due to multiple failed relationships. Also they are not as physically attractive as 19-26 year olds, despite what some middle aged women here claim. As Hugh Hefner once said, “I may have gotten older but my taste in women hasn’t”; I feel the same. I do get stares primarily from other 30+ women when I’m out with my dates. My 30-something female friends also have a thing or two to say about it, but hey, I’m not doing this to please them. I’ll keep doing this as long as I can, which I suspect will be mid to upper 40’s. By then I’ll settle down with the first high quality 22 year old I can then reminisce on 25 years of dating bliss.
Comment by marzi
| February 2nd, 2010
i think the only problem with having an older boyfriend is the way others will look at u.and u might be an isolated couple…
im 23 and in love with a 53 year old man we so happy together but when it comes to social life and long term relationship u will see how many problems it makes.
im a dentistry student and he is a plastic surgeon we understand each other very well we are so happy together but when i compare myself to my friends in school i feel weird.
i tried to tell some of my friends but it makes me isolated in school.but when im with his friend i dont even feel that they are much older than me we drink together we talk we laugh …
before him i have had some boy friends but i never enjoyed being with them we were always arguing,i was feeling like i cant trust them ,it was like im out with my kid if i had one.
but he listens to what i say,he respects my ideas,i feel protected with him,he is stable,sure of himself,respectful,perfect for me.
Comment by M
| February 5th, 2010
Ok. Here’s my two cents on older men younger women relationships, and I’m talking about two CONSENTING ADULTS OF LEGAL AGE in the US:
1)AGE & RELATIONSHIP: Age doesn’t determine difficulty in a relationship. At first glance a great difference in years can seem like a vast conflict causing variable in a couple, but the pair may have a ton of things outside of age that make them compatible and great together. Your age does not determine your ability to hold a lasting, healthy, successful relationship with someone. I really think it boils down to matching MATURITY, PERSONALITY, INTERESTS and NEEDS.
2)SOCIETY: There will always be people WHO DO NOT AGREE WITH WHAT YOU DO.People pick on things that are different — be it race, age, cultural practices, whatever. Humans are like chickens. If you’re different, you get pecked. IN THE EYE! I think as humans we crave CRAVE *crave* being liked and accepted. So we try to be like everyone else around us. Tuck our heads down and try not to stand out. Or, find your group of like-minded chickens who will hear you out or who date older/younger individuals themselves. Birds of a feather flock together, and there are good reasons for that. Like fending off other groups of flocking, pecking birds with mean beady little eyes and angry scowls.
3)FAMILY: Potential step-kids can be a pain in the ass even for a potential spouse who is the same age of the mom or dad they are dating. Building a new family out of the broken pieces of the old one is usually not an easy task. And if the kids have insecurity issues, ANYONE new regardless of age attemping to break into the circle of protection they’ve established for themselves will be viewed as a THREAT, and they will hold anything against you even if it doesn’t make sense because they just don’t want you there. ESPECIALLY if that person seems to be replacing them in the family — like dad’s new younger girlfriend, who is the same age as one of his kids. There’s a whole set of issues there the younger partner (let alone the adult kids) may not be able to handle well, if at all.
4)LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: AGE WILL CATCH UP ON YOU, as it does on everyone. The question is, can you deal with the changes that come naturally with ageing in an older partner? Can the potential children you have deal with this? Anyone can die at any time, but the possibility of sickness and infirmity occuring are more likely as your age advances. There’s nothing wrong with getting old, but caring for a sick and elderly spouse might cramp your style if you’re younger and enjoying a great career, etc. It will be like caring for a third ageing parent (if you have parents). So saying, there are those lucky folks who make it through life in great shape and still drive around in their 90’s and run businesses, etc. Life is like a box of chocolates Forrest, you can never tell what you’re going to get.
5) SEX! A lot of couples regardless of age have problems in this department. And a lot of people enjoy intimate relations well into their 80s and beyond. Suck it up younger folk, just because you DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, the old folk’s are still gettin’ it on. Wouldn’t you want to, if you were their age and still able and had the urge and had someone willing to do “the dirty” with you? Sex can be a factor though in individuals who begin to take on more illnesses and medications as they age. This could become a problem for a younger partner.
6)The “Money Train” works both ways. Yeah, he might be your sugar daddy now, but when he’s used up his pension in his 80s and you’re his spouse in your 50’s, you’re the one who’s going to be paying his nursing home bills. It’s funny because your life situations are now reversed. You become the Sugar Bunny! Then your older partner divorces you and takes half!! HAHA!! Never saw that one coming, did you? Again, a difference in income and a calculating partner can be be a really bad combination at ANY age.
7) My story: I’m 25 years old and my honey bun is outrageously too old for me at 61 years young. I’m a little full-figured and look like I’m 20. He’s slim and in great shape (better than mine) and is usually mistaken for 35. We have the same shoe size, we like to eat, watch movies, go fishing, etc., and when people see us they assume we’re a married couple with a couple years apart but nothing as outrageous as what I just told you. Yes, it did make my mother blink at first. He loves my mum and they get along great! But that took time. It takes time to feel a person out and let your family feel them out and see what happens, for any couple, regardless of age. I’ve had people of all ages give me a double-take when I told them our age-difference and most of them didn’t believe it at first. I’ve lost some potential friends, but then I’ve gained a whole bunch of others. Some people just can’t wrap their heads around it, but that’s ok. That’s their right as much as this is mine– to choose who to be with. He and I weren’t looking for a much older or younger person to date. We just happened. Our main concerns are family and frailty. Our issues: He and I are both concerned about the question of children together. Neither one of us like the idea of bringing a kid into the world only so that they will lose a parent at an early age. He doesn’t like the idea of leaving me as a single mother. In terms of honey-bun “getting on in years” and potentially having health issues, I don’t find myself minding it. If I were with a younger man I loved I would stick with him through sickness and health, because those are values I believe in. He worries about this because he doesn’t want to make me stressed out and sad caring for an elderly husband when I’m still young enough to run around and have fun (in my 50 and 60’s, I presume). He has two grown children from a marriage that didn’t work out 15 years ago, and they DO NOT like the situation. However, I am told this was their behavior towards any girlfriend he introduced to them over the past 15 years (they were both around his age), so I’m hoping it’s not my youth but their issues that they’ll eventually work out to realize I’m not out to get them. Otherwise I will have to accept a very distant relationship with two people who are very close to him, which is something I would need to come to terms with. I’m on great terms with his mum (82) and sisters and brother-in-laws (50 somethings)and his nephews (20 – 30) who are all very active people. His mum still drives, cooks for the entire family on holidays, volunteers, keeps active and seems very healthy at 82. We’re hoping he inheirited those genes.
For older men younger women – I say, if you’re able to do it, it’s not illegal, it makes you both happy and you both feel GOOD then why not? Life is a one shot deal and who knows what will happen? You could cut off the BEST relationship of your life because the person is much older or younger than you and never find love again…or it could be waiting for you right around the corner! IT’S ALL A GAMBLE! And you can try and fix the odds all you want but in the end, what you get is what you get, and if it works, it works.
3 years strong, still going good, still in love. –M
Comment by elizabeth
| February 6th, 2010
it’s not right. when your father is having a relationship with a girl the same age as you it is NOT right. its sick. i am stuck in this situation right now and i wish that i could rewind this back 3 or 4 years so that it could be illegal… to all the old men out there – to all the fathers – don’t be sick and twisted. have a relationship with someone your own age and someone of your own emotional maturity. don’t prey on the young women. think of your daughters.
Comment by sally7
| February 6th, 2010
I am in my late 20’s and I have dated men, with the youngest being 2 years younger, the oldest 7 years older, and men my age. I have found that the younger men were more insecure, and needed more approval socially. The older men were more sure of themselves and felt more secure in who they are. They were more set in their ways, and I felt more stable in what I was doing. They showed me ways of being that I could not get from the younger men. They were less likely to dwell on things that were negative in the relationship, and into the practicalities of their life rather than partying and getting drunk. But older men also would get annoyed at some things that they felt was childish in me, which was true but a younger man would not care as much.
I am more attracted to older men. However, how someone else lives I don’t really care or judge. I don’t really care if a man wants to be with an younger woman, but if they have a daughter think of what is best for her and not yourself.
I think a woman can be beautiful for a long time if she takes care of herself. If you eat unhealthy, don’t work out, and smoke or drink too much you are not going to look good forever. I’ve been told I am beautiful all my life, and if I don’t take care of myself, I am not going to look good forever.
Comment by marzi
| February 6th, 2010
Miss Elizabeth I know It’s hard for u…
my boyfriend is separated from his wife for more than 10 years already.The daughter of my boyfriend is 14 and I’m 23,we do not have the same age but I can see that she does not want to be seen with me.when I asked her “why,is that because I’m too young or you don’t want your dad to have girlfriend at all?” she answered”It’s because your age is closer to me than my dad but I’m happy because you make my dad happy”!
That’s the problem I really don’t want to hear these things and make anybody sad just because I love him.even his sisters were saying she is so young for you,you have to take care of her…
these things bother me.he says that he does not care about anybody else but for me it’s important to be accepted at least by his family and not feeling odd and weird all the time.
Comment by eddie
| February 6th, 2010
Dear Zeina, Gabrielle and Laney,
I’m a guy, 42, looks 10 years younger (that’s not vanity, its what numerous people have told me recently — I have never smoked, I rarely drink and I have been working out regularly for the past 20 years plus I try to eat normal / balanced diet but I’m also not a gym rat) … and I have my act together and starting a new business. In a nutshell about eight months ago I met a girl at a university function (for people who were interested in pursuing their education for a master’s degree program) and so that we had in common as a starting point. I never went after her or hit on her but I did email her a few times and showed her that I cared about this new master’s program and was very positive / optimistic and supportive of her interests in this program. So we exchanged probably two emails over the past eight months and then out of the blue she has signaled interest in me, in a clever way which I think she is using to test the waters a little bit because she doesn’t know my personal background only my professional background (as it turns out, I’m never married and no kids but would love to some day). Although we live in different cities, I’d hop on a plane any minute to see her but at first I balked about this due to our age gap. But life can be short right? So is there any reason not to go for it and just see what happens naturally? In many ways she really does strike me as mature for her chronological age (she strikes me as a responsible young woman, having been a leader in some clubs at the Univ. she graduated from recently and just overall I like her personality from what I know of it). So really, is there any reason I should hesitate? Thank you.
Comment by M
| February 9th, 2010
Elizabeth, why do you feel that the relationship you mentioned is “sick and twisted”? Respectfully, if the lady in question is polite, mature, unobtrusive and genuinely good for your dad, why the hang up on her age? (I’m just postulating here, I don’t know the characteristics of the individual you are referring to — I’m just trying to understand your position better).
Comment by Fiver
| February 17th, 2010
Reading all this brings back so many memories and emotions. I am 54 and have been dating a 28 year old for the past 4 1/2 years. We live in different countries so we do not see each other more than monthly at most. We share holdays together at times. I met her because we lived in the same house for a short while and that’s how we got to know each other. I don’t think we would ever have built a raport or relationship had we met in a bar or at a party. I fell head over heals in love with this girl and my life became very complicated and emotional. Before I go on I should also say that I have done well for myself and money is not an issue and I have no habit dating younger woman. She comes from a divorced family, her father left for another woman when she was 13.
When we first started dating, things were pretty easy. We did fun things, travelled all over, stayed in nice hotels, ate in great restaurants and shopped often. I enjoyed spoiling her and things were very normal when we were together. I was much more conscious of what other people’s reaction were than she was. I was always looking for reasons why this would not work:
- age difference too large – she should really be with a man her age – maybe I am a fatherfigure to her – I am taking her youth from her – kids again at my age – how much is she attracted to my money vs me – what will my family think – will she get tired of me and I’ll end up hurt etc.etc.
All this different thoughts and emotions were really overhanging the relationship for me, not her, and the more good times we had, the more I thought about all the possible problems. She’s been wanting to get married and the preassure has been increasing. She feels she is approaching her 30s and all her friends are married and/or have children.
So, a week ago, I ended it. I felt like I had to let her go free. We have not talked since then and I am absolutely totally miserable. I feel like I am in a no-win situation.
I just felt like sharing my experience with all the people on here making stereotypical comments about older guys and younger girls. It’s not always was it appears to be. But it is very complicated and I envy anyone who goes on and takes a chance. I definitely feel I have chickened out.
Comment by Anonymous
| February 19th, 2010
To Fiver,
If you can get that girl back then get her back. I was/am in a physical relationship with an older man and the reason we never became anything more was because he too, is very cautious about the age thing (our age difference is not quite as big as yours but there’s still 20yrs difference). I pretend I’m ok with it, but I not, it breaks my heart as I love him so much and I used to hope he’d change his mind and realise that age means nothing as long as they make you happy. In the mean time we both dated other people, he would date women more his own age and alot of the time they were mostly interested in his wallet! Funny eh? Apparently younger girls are the gold-diggers. He tells me he wants me but feels that he is “holding back my youth” too. He is a gorgeous man who doesn’t look his age at all. Another thing, if the idea of children at your age bothers you then I have something to tell you and I mean this in the nicest way possible; but at least you can still have kids. It is almost impossible for a woman to concieve naturally 45+ but it isn’t for a man. Also if you think you are taking her from her youth (I’m assuming you mean you feel you’re stopping her from having nights out with friends every other weekend etc.) I’m pretty sure at 28 she’s grown up and out of that lifestyle by now (girls tend to be like that between 16-21/23).
For me though I have told my lover that there will come a time when he will meet a women who he will want to settle with, and when that time comes I’m not going to stand in his way, and that it’s ok understand. I know he will never come round the age thing now. aA the end of the day I just want the man of my dreams to be happy.
Comment by Anamika
| February 24th, 2010
For whatever reason some women prefer men who are younger than themselves I think it is their own business. Age difference also should not be criteria to those who mutually respect and enjoy each others company. If an older woman and a younger man feel comfortable having a relationship then who are we to criticize them?
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Comment by NYASHA
| March 1st, 2010
IM A 23 YEAR OLD DATEING A 45 YEAR OLD MALE NOT BECAUSE OF HIS MONEY BUT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SOME PEOPLE SAY IM LOOKING FOR FATHERLY LOVE THATS NOT THRUE. WE DID BROKE UP BUT MADE UP BECAUSE WE CANT STAND BEING WITHOUT EACHOTHER,I ADMIT WE HAVE DIFFRENT VIEWS ON SOME STUFF AND DISAGREE FROM TIME TO TIME LIKE ANY OTHER COUPLE.I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME I DONT SEE A PROBLEM WITH THAT ALTHOUGH MY FRIENDS AND HIS FRIENDS DOES
Comment by JP
| March 2nd, 2010
I am 37 years old and 8 months ago today, I married my husband who is 57 years old. Our situation is like many of yours in that he has older kids (36,35,30,24,23,20) and I have somewhat younger kids (20,17,15,11). We met 5 years ago when I started playing tennis and entered my 1st tournament. He walked up to me, introduced himself and we have been inseparable ever since. I love him. My husband is not a rich man, nor has he ever been. He made $35k a year until he went on disability 1 year ago due to a knee replacement surgery, and I make $50k a year. Elizabeth, when people fall in love, they fall in love. Sometimes you meet that person that takes your breath away and makes you feel like you’re walking on air. I doubt your father was thinking of you when he started dating that woman your age.
Sex between me and my husband was awesome until his surgery, now it is challenging since he can only lean one way, but you know what? Who cares? I would rather go through every challenge with him than cheat on him. I love him.
I have come to love drag racing and he has come to love Law & Order because we both wanted to compromise and that’s what couples who love and respect each other do. And you know what? No matter what others say matters because I know that for the rest of our marriage together we will be happy because of our love and commitment to each other.
And guess what? He still takes my breath away.
Comment by JP
| March 2nd, 2010
Correction – no matter what others say doesn’t matter because I love him.
Comment by Alexis85
| March 4th, 2010
Your instincts about the old man young woman thing being creepy were right. It should be illegal for a man to date a woman more than 10 years younger than he is. Men need to stop chasing young women and get real. It makes me wanna vomit.
Comment by roadrunner
| March 10th, 2010
Well, I am here to tell you that it can work.
I am 45, my girlfriend is 27. This is the best relationship that I have have ever had. Like everyone else, I was also worried about the age difference at first. But she quickly put that to bed, plus her father is 55 and married with a 29 old, they already have two kids.
Someone once told me than once you listen to your heart, everything falls into place. Well, this is exactly what happened, I finally let go of what everyone thought…and who cares? In the end, the real people see the truth of this relationship and agree with it. And the ones that dont, you do not need them.
The key is to NOT play games, it can be scary at first, but if you find the one real person, ultimately everything else will fall into place.
Comment by WM1082
| March 12th, 2010
I just read the post by roadrunner. I am in the same situation, but I’m the younger girl. My boyfriend is 46 and I’m 28. We met four years ago at a bar in LA, just two people who happened to sit next to each other. He looks younger, and I was instantly attracted to him not knowing his age.
He is not from, nor does he live in the US, and was newly divorced then. The timing never added up for us until recently. We carried on a fling for 4 years, and would travel to see one another when we were both single. Now, that I’m a little older and more certain of what I want, we have decided to give it a real try. I will likely end up moving to be with him and try our life together.
I’m very close to my parents and they (especially my mother), are horrified by this whole thing. Other than the age, they remember when I first met him at age 23. My mom hated him then, since she thought he would take me away from her (the moving). Also, he is divorced with kids. She has never met him, and I think if she does, she will understand more where I’m coming from. Any advice on how to handle?
Comment by squiggles
| March 13th, 2010
I’m not a blogger but am considering this very issue because I have (after a long road) met the woman of my dreams. It is interesting to note that the icky factor seems to be less important than the true happiness involved for so many.
WM1082, your age gap doesn’t sound at all horrific although I cannot comment on meeting real/fake at a bar in L.A.! There is obvious interest and if you are prepared to bridge the chasms created here, best wishes to you. That you are prepared to mesh with a man who comes equipped with a family suggests that you are tolerant and like me pondering this topic. I will however suggest that perhaps it is not the age difference but in your case that you need some independence from your family nest. I advised a friend to put some space between her and her daughter and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. She moved a mere 150 miles and the animosity evaporated.
Think about my suggestion that perhaps you are looking at the wrong issue?