Texting Goodbye to a Lover
My friend with benefits texted me: You should know I met someone interesting who wants to date. Consider me off the market for the time being.
I wasn’t too surprised. We’d been seeing each other off and on for the better part of two months. But neither one of us had felt a spark to take things further than the occasional sleepover. We were each filling a temporary need in the other’s life. For me as a single parent lacking intimacy, that was sort of enough.
The part that got to me was the last line, “for the time being”.
Did she think once her interesting dating relationship ended, she’d waltz straight back into my bed? Even I have more self-respect than that. Granted, we were merely lovers. But even a lover relationship can have some decorum.
I texted her back: I guessed that! Have fun. Take care.
And that was that.
- Sexy Flirty Dirty Text Messages
- Drunk Text Marriage Proposal
- Can Friends With Benefits Still Be Friends?
- When a Lover Wants Friendship and Romance
- Losing FWB Benefits
- Booty Call Calendar – One Year Late
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Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| October 7th, 2009
That’s an odd way for her to put things. I do believe I’d be miffed, too.
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Protected: Ugh
Comment by Me Thinks
| October 7th, 2009
I don’t think its weird at all that she said “for the time being”. I would take it to mean she enjoys being with you and sees the FWB relationship for what it is, not that she’s putting you on the back burner. Really, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you not feel the same way? I seem to recall MANY posts of yours where you discuss a former lover who pops back up and piques your interest…
Men and their egos! :)
Comment by Kat Wilder
| October 7th, 2009
Dads, I think you might be expecting more from a FWB relationship than just someone who’s in it for the sex.
I thought that’s what FWB is all about!
If her relationship ends, and she wants to resume having sex with you, really, what’s changed?
As Me Thinks says, haven’t you done the same thing?
What “decorum” would you like to see? Think about it.
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Women don’t bite, unless you want them to
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| October 7th, 2009
I agree. Given the nature of your ‘relationship’ I don’t see what’s wrong here. She wants to explore something more meaningful than FWB (which you say is not in the cards for the two of you) but we all know there are no garantees.
I think she’s just telling you that you are a good enough piece to consider coming back to if it doesn’t lead anywhere with the new guy. ;)
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Single Mom’s Open Letter to President Obama
Comment by T
| October 7th, 2009
Yep, I have to agree with the majority here.
I’m sure she is just leaving the door open in case you’re still up for a FWB situation in the future.
If not, then it sounds like she’d completely understand.
T´s last blog ..Fork in the Blog
Comment by Barry
| October 7th, 2009
Going to have to agree with the majority here. Can’t have it both ways. Either a FWB or emotional commitment. Sounds like even a FWB has still given a twinge to the ego buddy. Which is cool.
Barry´s last blog ..4 Strategy Tips for Child Custody Battles
Comment by katherine.
| October 7th, 2009
I was a little surprised with the brevity of your post.
Curious if you met someone who was “interesting”…and if it didn’t work out…would you want to go back to previous “friends” with benefits…or would you search out new ones?
katherine.´s last blog ..frolicking in The Wave
Comment by Senorita
| October 7th, 2009
Um, that’s exactly what she was thinking ! You even said it yourself that you guys were just temporarily filling needs in each others’.
She’s not deluded in thinking that either because you opened her bed to her for “sleepovers” with the unwritten understanding that you guys weren’t gonna actually take it to the next level. So yeah, whatever level that was, you both stooped to it.
If you met your match, you’d probably text her or call her to to stop the FWB situation too. I think she was just a little more blunt about it.
Reminds me of a shirt I once saw. It read “I may not be Mr. Right, but I’ll fuck you until he shows up.”
Oh, and can you do me a favor and talk about your workout routine ? How do you stay in shape, and any tips for us ladies ?
Spank you very much. I mean, THANK you very much !
Senorita´s last blog ..My 5 Things and My 5 Words……….
Comment by Ambar
| October 7th, 2009
I’m going through that… at this moment with a lover (ex lover.. i guess). And i’m quite sad must say.
Comment by Mark
| October 7th, 2009
Time and hormones will tell …
Mark´s last blog ..Living!
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| October 7th, 2009
For those of us who’ve been single a long time, most relationships feel “temporary” – because they are.
She was expressing a reality that is no reflection on her feelings of friendship or attraction for you. Only an appropriate, self-protective stance. However, I can imagine being on the receiving end, however, and being affected by it. That seems only natural.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Better sex life? Cosmetic surgery.
Comment by Danielle
| October 7th, 2009
I am going to go all in with the others. It’s a compliment that she would want to come back.
Danielle´s last blog ..Ups and Downs
Comment by Laura
| October 7th, 2009
I will admit – I may have sent a text or two like that! Not right but sometimes it happens :-p
Laura´s last blog ..Almost love
Comment by Edgar
| October 7th, 2009
David – your post poses many contradictions. You take offense at her comment about an interesting dating relationship with someone else, but you note that you were not “dating” her. In fact, you say that you were just filling each other’s needs until something better came along. So, why are you miffed? If you wanted something more from her, you should have asked for it, but you note that you did not feel the spark to do so.
I’m confused by your reaction.
Comment by dadshouse
| October 7th, 2009
Edgar – no contradictions here. I took no offense whatsoever that she met someone else. The offense was that she expected us to resume our FWB thing if her other thing didn’t work out. That’s not my style.
Is that ego? Emotions? Safe sex? Wanting to move forward when something ends?
Kat – I think FWB in San Francisco and Marin mean something different than it does to me. Folks your way tend to move in and out of each other’s beds more readily, from what I’ve read on your blog and in talking to women up there. I prefer monogomy, even if it’s a friend with benefits. If the FWB thing ends, time to move on. You can’t hold your spot forever.
I have tried to reconnect with former girlfriends, but typically I wasn’t sleeping with other women in between.
Comment by kmn
| October 7th, 2009
I don’t see anything wrong with what she said. She’s not assuming your bed will be available. She’s just saying that for now she is unavailable. She’s pursuing a possible relationship. She might be available at another time. You might be involved at that point. Who knows?
Every woman you have sex with, be it FWB or a dating relationship, has had sex with someone else before you. Moving on doesn’t make it safer. I would think the FWB thing works better with someone you come back to and know when neither are in a relationship. That might be considered safer sex than moving on to the next meaningless relationship that exists only to fulfill physical needs with someone you barely know.
I think there’s an ego thing here. You don’t want to go back to someone who moved on first. Just a thought. I could be wrong.
Comment by dadshouse
| October 7th, 2009
Kmn – having a partner dash off and sleep with other people, then come back to my bed is not safer sex. I’m not jumping into bed with random people. I move slowly to a new partner, then stick with that person for a while.
Sure, there’s probably ego involved. But really, I don’t see how what you’re suggesting is safer sex.
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| October 7th, 2009
Something you just said, DM, made me remember an event from a year ago. I dated a guy met on the internet, very nice, very attractive. Enjoyed his company, and we were probably headed to Fifth Date Sex (yeah, sometimes I’m slow). We had 3 great dates I think, then I got tied up with a work-or-kid thing and was unavailable for 2 weeks. He has 50% custody of his kids, so that should’ve been comprehensible. Right after that, I got a “Dear John-BLW” email. He’d met someone else. Okay… 5 months later I got an email from him that things hadn’t worked out, but he’d love to start seeing me again.
No thanks. Not exactly your FWB text message, but being on the receiving end of that email made me feel like “a contingency plan.” That sucks.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Better sex life? Cosmetic surgery.
Comment by Solo-Dad
| October 8th, 2009
I used to live in both San Francisco and Marin County and I don’t think San Franciscans or Marinites hop in and out of bed with any greater frequency than they do in Silicon Valley. I know that’s not exactly what you said but I think that line was a bit offensive to SF/Marin veterans like me.
I’ve had a FWB before and we agreed that if the other began another sexual relationship, we’d share that info and then decide how best to proceed. I see your point of view, but it may be a bit unrealistic.
(…and btw, what’s up with the ads for health insurance companies? Eeeoouww. )
Solo-Dad´s last blog ..Solo-Dog
Comment by Kat Wilder
| October 8th, 2009
Solo-Dad — Right on! To show you my appreciation, may I hop into your bed ….
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Women don’t bite, unless you want them to
Comment by kmn
| October 8th, 2009
I was assuming she was a friend “with benefits.” Those are the circumstances I’ve seen most often. A good male friend, neither are in a relationship, filling that temporary intimacy need. Each may meet someone and then it becomes only friendship, but when both are single, the FWB works for them. In that situation, yes it is safer sex. You know the person and there is more trust. The other situation that I think you are talking about is more of a f**ck buddy” not a friend. Of course I live in the midwest so what do I know?
I still think she didn’t mean it the way you took it.
Comment by notasoccermom
| October 20th, 2009
‘For the time being’ doesn’t exactly sound like she is sure of that relationship yet. It is a new relationship but she feels more of a spark with him.
But maybe she is not sure where the two of you really stand. you dont mention if the two of you have discussed just how much chemistry you both feel beyond the bedroom.
Maybe she feels a bit of a spark with you just not as much as with this guy…..
notasoccermom´s last blog ..Baby John