Single Parent Dating Takes Patience
For privacy reasons, I tend not to blog about relationships I’m actively involved in. As such, Dad’s House readers get a skewed view of my single parent dating life. I blog about hookups gone awry, lovers texting goodbye, funny sexy stories, and date-stacking flakes who bail before the first date.
My single parent love life isn’t quite that woeful.
Since I’ve recently had several relationships come to a close, I figured it’s time to give a summary version of what I’ve been up to these past few months.
In short, I was dating four women at once.
Okay, before you get all hot and bothered, know that I use the term “dating” loosely. Three of the women I was seeing were single moms, and single moms dating single dads can be complicated stuff, with long stretches where you don’t actually see each other. At least that’s how it’s been for me here in Silicon Valley.
To wit:
Single Mom A – a full-time single parent with two kids several years apart. We seemed to hit it off well enough, but she wanted a man with societal connections and money – $100 million or more. (Silicon Valley gold digger? You be the judge!) I learned these details from a mutual friend. Why was she spending time with me, then? She liked that I was smart, funny, and self aware. But, it appears she wanted that bank account even more. (Why was I spending time with her? Um, I’m not anymore.)
Single Mom B – a 90% custody parent with two kids much younger than mine. She never had time to go out, and she didn’t want any man meeting her kids. I think she’s still in love with her ex-husband.
Single Mom C – an empty-nester (yes, she’s older than me.) We’re just not at the same life stage, and things didn’t work. She’s already planning vacations to Europe where she can stay two months at a time. Hey, travel is great, but I have two kids to raise. I take my half-time custody schedule seriously, and cherish my time with them.
Bachelorette number 4 was my friend with benefits. As a single parent, I don’t get near enough intimacy. She was childless, and not interested in seriously dating a man who’s done having children. (Which begs the question: do divorced dads need to have more kids to find love?) But we enjoyed each other’s company, and we loved the physical touch. Spooning is a very good thing. But now she’s dating someone for real.
Of course, since I tend not to blog about relationships I’m in, it’s quite possible I’m already dating some other woman.
Or maybe I’m dating four other women… you never know!
- How to Date Four Women at Once
- Woman of My Dreams, Manifested
- Single Parent Dating is Tougher than a High School Crush
- Romantic Compatibility – On Paper
- Dear Jon Gosselin, I Can Relate
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Comment by Andrea
| October 8th, 2009
Maybe you should step back from dating four at one time and try just dating one woman. It may work out better ;)
Andrea´s last blog ..Ah the good old days…
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| October 8th, 2009
FOUR WOMEN AT ONCE? What kind of vitamins do you take?
Clearly, my current conclusion relative to regional sexual activity is not off the mark…
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..More sex on the Left Coast? California here I come!
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| October 8th, 2009
Something I’ve noticed while dating more than one man at a time is that I’m less motivated to make spending MORE time with ONE of them a priority. Also, at least for me, when I see someone less than once a week it’s pretty hard to progress into anything more than casual dating. It can be hard to work out sometimes which is why we end up dating more than one person at a time. It’s a catch-22 really. If neither can devote enough time to one person it just aint gonna happen. I get it David.
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Single Mom’s Open Letter to President Obama
Comment by Danielle
| October 8th, 2009
It seems to me that none of them are/were really a fit for you or vise versa. I am betting that when you do find that fit, it will only be 1 and you will both make the time.
My dad calls all of these girls his tweeners. They are in-between the real deals.
Danielle´s last blog ..Things that make me go Hmmmm
Comment by Honey
| October 8th, 2009
I think that dating multiple people at once actually makes you MORE likely to realize which person (if any) you’d like to up the ante with. Most of the time, however (as was the case with you here) the answer is: none of them.
During the 3+ years that I was actively dating on Match, I probably went on over 100 first dates, only 50 second dates, only 25 third dates…you get the idea. I only had the “exclusive” talk two or three times, and once it was with a guy I’d met IRL. Otherwise, while I don’t think I ever double-booked myself, I certainly would go on a first date with someone new even if I’d planned a second date with someone else already.
Best of luck with whatever secrets you’re keeping from us currently!
Honey´s last blog ..Life. Just Life.
Comment by dadshouse
| October 8th, 2009
You all are taking the “four women at once” part too seriously. I wrote that I used the term “dating” loosely. I’ve been plenty available for dates. These women would go a month between nights they could break free from work and kids and other obligations. We were hardly dating. The problem wasn’t me unable or unmotivated, it was the lack of willing partners.
Comment by QTMama
| October 8th, 2009
Dating “loosely” can be a fun thing David. As long as you’re okay with it, really.
QTMama´s last blog ..Musings. Stuff. Nitty Gritty.
Comment by T
| October 8th, 2009
Well, either way, it sounds like you at least had some feminine energy in your life. And that’s never a bad thing.
Here’s to one of the next four being one that sticks!
T´s last blog ..Perfect imperfection
Comment by jason
| October 8th, 2009
dad,
Great post, you take something that should be really exciting and you show how frustrating it can be in the middle of it. It is obvious that you are looking for an exclusive relationship and a bunch of dating is a no substitute for that, though a bunch of random dating does seem better than no dating at all :-)
I love ‘woman A’, i know down in the valley 100 million bank roll is more common than other places, but do you think she really thought she could pull it off? With 2 kids nonetheless, was she gorgeous? what did she bring to the table?
‘Woman B’ hits close to home for me, someone said that about me lately and it definitely made me think about it. I am not sure if i am still in love with my ex, but I miss the connection that i had with my her. How long has she been split up?
The gossip is good, thanks
Someone is out there for you, i am certain of that, i just cant tell you when or where you will run into her ;-)
have a good one!
Comment by Senorita
| October 8th, 2009
You’re such a secret squirrel ! lol.
I definitely don’t think you need to have more children to find love. You just need to find that person you are compatible with and you haven’t found her yet.
How do you expect to find your match while you are dividing your time between four people ? When you described those women above, you didn’t sound like you made a real connection with any of them and one was just to “fill the void”. No wonder Ms. Right isn’t in the picture.
You once wrote about The Law of Attraction and asking the universe to send you a hot, sexy woman for you. It sounds like you’re settling for now, and how is your match supposed to find you if you aren’t setting the bar higher for what you really want ?
Maybe you should take a dating break, or only date people you would get serious with, if you are serious about finding Ms. Right.
I know I sound harsh, but I am currently taking my own dating advice.
Senorita´s last blog ..Cake Whore
Comment by Senorita
| October 8th, 2009
P.S: You wrote in a comment that we are taking the “four women at once” too seriously and that you were hardly dating.
Information that would’ve been useful to us earlier to help us write better pearls of wisdom for your viewing pleasure.
But to me it still sounded like you were settling for less than you really wanted.
Senorita´s last blog ..Cake Whore
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| October 8th, 2009
Hmmm, yes, yes, I’m familiar with all of these except the empty nester. I think the worst are the ones still in love with the ex (very familiar with THAT one, unfortunately).
Thanks for sharing your secret life with us, it’s always
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..For Lola
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| October 8th, 2009
Whoops, accidentally hit submit before I was ready!
I meant to say it’s always fun to get the scoop. :D
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..For Lola
Comment by loriann
| October 8th, 2009
Not A,B,C, or 4 ~ though a non-polyamorous, age-appropriate single woman who is attractive, compassionate, intelligent, grounded, vibrant, fun, sexy, sweet? Dark hair and olive skin, preferred! Keep her in your mind’s eye :-)
Comment by Lisa
| October 8th, 2009
Sorry none of these relationships worked out! But at least you keep trying. I’m sure you will succeed in finding the right woman eventually.
Lisa´s last blog ..Main Reason I’ve Been MIA
Comment by saint nobody
| October 8th, 2009
ooooooh….mysterious! that last line is a head-scratcher ;)
Comment by Keith Wilcox
| October 8th, 2009
Seems like all of those women (especially A) had some pretty compelling defects. Maybe you’re all worn out. Need a break maybe? :-) I’ll tell you one thing — I would never be able to keep it all straight in my head.
Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..The Winner of the Pirate’s Booty
Comment by Vinomom
| October 9th, 2009
I can tell that you were loosely dating because it seems as though you would have picked up on these defects fairly early on. I can’t imagine you dated any of them more than three or four times in 4 months – am I right?
HOpe the next one is a better match!
Vinomom´s last blog ..Some More of What I Just Said