She said she would stay. She didnt know why she did it, she said she felt like she had fallen “out of love” with me. We cried alot. I cried because i truly loved her. I felt betrayed. I thought i had given her all that she wanted ,3 beautiful children, house, dog, girl trips etc. My heart.
I went to councelling, it helped a bit.
After some arguing she said she would come with me. She wanted to deal with this herself. We went once. It came out that she felt that she missed out on stuff (we met in college and have been together for 14 years). The whole grass was greener thing. But at the same time she couldnt see why she wanted anything more (she knows i love her and adore her).
She was told that maybe she should see a councellor on her own. She did, once. She would do it on her own.
Things slid back into the way they were. We got along as best we could with 3 boys and each others jobs. I was gaining my trust in her back.
Then a few weeks ago she started texting another guy at work, at first as a joke, then, flirting, then, i dont know what else (not sure i want to). I asked her to stop. She she told me it was nothing, she was just having fun. Then i told her to stop. She said i couldnt tell her what to do, that i was smothering her. She didnt have to answer to me. She wanted freedom. So i took of my ring and said she could have all the freedom she wanted.
Again, she didnt love me the way i loved her any more. We have drifted apart. She gave it a try. But being married wasnt for her. She feels like she missed out on things.

I told her to leave. If she wanted freedom, just leave.
She wont. She wont leave her house and her kids. She just wants to leave me. She said to give her space. She says -”maybe things will work out and we can come out of this stronger”.
Im not leaving. I never regetted getting married. Not once. Why should i leave. So im staying. We both wont leave the kids or house (and cant afford it either).
Now i sleep on the sofa. Her in the bed.
She is going to councelling in a few days. I hope it helps. I know she has some dark issues she needs to (and has never)address.
I go to councelling in the morning. So i let her work through her things. How do i give her the space she needs? How much space? How much time? She wants six months. If i do that, do i have the strengh?
Im scared that when she figures out what she wants, im not it.
Im scared that when she figures out what she wants, it will be too late, if i am it.
I know that i have to let her go, but i dont know if i can. It seems like a whole lot to risk, to find out, everything was infront of you. I hope it will be worth it in the end. Whatever the “end” is.

I am confused as to what leaving will do for our kids. We put on this great face when they are around, and withhold our anger and fighting for when the are gone. This all feels very fake to me. Our youngest is 10, so we think 8 more years and we are free from eachother. I do not know if this is going to be possible for 8 more years without the children getting hurt. Its harder and harder for us to withhold our emotions-

We purchased a home 8 months ago, and we did this for the children-this is their home-he will not leave, and I cannot leave without my kids-Im feeling stuck!

Thank you for sharing your story here-

I’m currently doing research on co-parenting and perhaps pursuing an angle about families living together even though they are separated. Would you be willing to be interviewed and discuss your experience and insight?