The Boys are Back – Movie Review by a Single Dad
I recently saw The Boys are Back, a movie starring Clive Owen (who gave an outstanding performance), about a single dad who gets in way over his head trying to raise two boys after his wife suddenly passes away.
The film is at times sweet and sentimental, and other times wild and overreaching. It gives a unique view of how one man who knows nothing about parenting copes with being forced into a full-time parenting role.
Joe Warr (played by Clive Owen), the single dad character in this story, hits all the stereotypes for a single dad trying to run a household solo:
- His house isn’t just a mess, it’s a disaster, with week-old pizza boxes laying out on the counter, dirty dishes, a chicken defrosting in the bath tub. (The secret to single parent success? Let things slide!)
- His parenting style is “free-range” – he basically says YES to any request his son makes. (Did David Lee Roth grow up in a home like this?)
- He drinks way too much (we’re talking brown liquor here)
- Confronted by normal parenting problems, Joe Warr hasn’t a clue what to do
To which I thought – WTF?! Did the movie industry really need to create yet another cliché depiction of a single dad as bumbling oaf? Some single dads actually know how to cook, communicate with kids, clean house, and be an active part in their childrens’ lives. Hell, a lot of married dads do, too.
As a divorced single dad myself, who has been raising kids half-time and running a household solo for ten years, I had a hard time relating to Joe’s utter lack of competence.
But then I remembered, this movie was based on a true story, having sprung from Simon Carr’s memoir of the same name. I know there are men in the world who are clueless when it comes to cleaning house and caring for kids, and Joe Warr happened to be one of them.
More than that, Joe Warr wasn’t just a single dad. His history would shell shock anyone:
- Deadbeat dad – he left his first wife and child and moved halfway around the globe for some other woman he knocked up
- Widower – he’s forced to deal with the sudden death of his second wife
- Full-time single parent – he goes from workaholic sports writer, somewhat absentee father, and casual observer around the house, to full-time dad
With all that in his life, it’s no wonder he sort of let things go. He did the best he could.
The best part of the movie for me is when Joe’s first son, who Joe left behind when he chased after his second wife, comes to live with Joe and Joe’s second son. Joe is forced to deal with why he became a deadbeat dad. He’s forced to see how his choices affected his son, who is dealing with his mom’s boyfriend, and wrestling with the question of why Joe left him. There was much here I could relate to. (I’m not a deadbeat dad, but my ex is dating, and my son and I both have both been forced to deal with aspects of that.)
Overall, I enjoyed the movie, with the reservation that it promotes single dad clichés. For that reason, I can’t call this movie “vital” like another reviewer did. But I understand not all single dads can be like the characters in Pursuit of Happyness and Kramer vs. Kramer. Seeing all sides of a situation adds depth. In the end, it balances out.
- Oh great, Another Bestseller with a Deadbeat Dad
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Comment by Paula
| October 19th, 2009
Todays movies seem to take every topic to the extreme. That’s why most movies suck. Few are worth the $3 rental fee. At least he didn’t have a giant helium balloon!
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| October 19th, 2009
I haven’t seen the movie yet (like many of my gender, I may plunk down the few bucks for the movie rental just to see Clive Owen). I think there are some wonderful single dads out there. But there are also many who do what he did the first time around, and who have spent their lives being taken care of women, and certainly not their children, which put them in the category of his cluelessness the second time around. Cliché? From what you said, sounds like it. Nonetheless, there are reasons clichés are what they are. Because the situations that inspire those generalizations are fairly widespread – and more prevalent than you realize.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Blindsided, lopsided: Can we ever see clearly?
Comment by Senorita
| October 19th, 2009
Well, thank God you have a clue.
It’s such a big deal when a man has to be a fulltime dad or be competent in parenting. It’s like they are getting gold medals and a spectacle is made for doing something that they should already be doing.
Senorita´s last blog ..Hey Ladies, Don’t Fall For This Scam……..
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| October 19th, 2009
Unfortunately David, you are the exception and not the rule. Out of all the single parent households, less than 20% are headed by the fathers and out of that 20% some ARE ‘bumbling oafs’. And then there’s the other 80% who are bi-weekend Disney Dads with major ‘oaf’ qualities.
If Joe were represented in the movie as a guy who had it all together I think it would be even less believable to the majority of people who see it.
And have you noticed how single moms are portrayed in Hollywood? We’re all strippers on welfare looking for a man to save us, for cryin’ out loud!
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Proposed Solution to Reform Child Support Laws & Enforcement
Comment by T
| October 19th, 2009
I agree with Mindy. Although my ex loves a clean house and cooks like someone on the Food Network, I don’t think that there are lots of men out there like that. And, as you said, his history explained quite a bit.
Also, as Mindy said, single mothers aren’t always portrayed in a good way either. But usually we look like a victim and single dads look like heroes.
T´s last blog ..HOT Curves
Comment by TentCamper
| October 19th, 2009
I should check it out.
Nice review. I agree about the cliches…I think that dads are a bit more on top of things than folks think.
TentCamper´s last blog ..Ask Hot Dads – Wisdom at its finest
Comment by Mark
| October 19th, 2009
Thanks for the review. I understand how you feel about the stereotypical display of a single father. It is a shame that we all get lumped in with the stereotypical male.
Mark´s last blog ..The Language of the Universe – Are You Listening?
Comment by jason
| October 19th, 2009
dad,
I hate to admit it, but sometimes, especially my kitchen, looks like a disaster.
maybe i dont have week old pizza out, but sometimes a pizza box might take a few days to make it down to the recycling. dont judge me because my house is a mess, plus i have a cleaning lady that comes, but just every other week.
my parenting style isnt free-range, but it is more laissez faire or at least, path of least resistance. i dont fall for everything, but i pick my battles
drinking, well, i dont down bottles of brown liquor, and dont crack my liquor cabinet too often, but i do like a glass of wine or 2 after my daughter goes to bed.
i’d say normal parenting problems could be hard for anyone, and if you (this movie character) was letting women take care of him, then of course he would be clueless. it would be more unbelievable if he actually did know what to do.
parenting is hard, parenting on your own is a bigger challenge (unless of course your partner is a negative) then maybe parenting on your own is better.
One more thought, it is always tough to judge (from the outside) if someone is a good parent or not, and i dont mind someone crap ex, who doesnt pay support etc. i just mean from the outside looking in. kids are different, parents are different. what works for one person might not work for someone else. I think it is the same thought that many people told me about marriage: You cant tell what is going on, in someone else’s marriage (from the outside)
happy monday!
Comment by The Exception
| October 19th, 2009
Parenting is hard – we all do it differently and hopefully we all do our best. Perhaps the key is not whether the parent is a man or a woman – but the parent that they are to their kids? We need to move off the stereotypes and just look at the parent, not the sex of that parent.
The Exception´s last blog ..Finding Words isn’t Always Easy
Comment by dadshouse
| October 19th, 2009
Jason – no judgment against Joe Warr’s parenting style, or yours, or anyone else’s. My criticism is at the movie makers and shapers of thought. Why promote negative stereotypes and clichés?
My house isn’t spic and span. I don’t always cook. Sometimes the fridge is empty. We somehow survive. But I don’t just give up and refuse to deal.
I just felt the Joe Warr character was more pathetic than sympathetic. Force a deadbeat dad to parent, and what happens? All hell breaks loose. Okay, fine. I guess I’m just saying there might be more value in making movies about single parents who are trying their darndest to do it right. The Boys are Back doesn’t hold a candle to Kramer vs. Kramer.
Comment by Lisa
| October 19th, 2009
I would agree that it is very cliche and I give kudo’s to everyone of the single dads who put forth those efforts to do whats right. It’s not about how clean the house is or the gourmet meals its that you are there for your kids.
Unfortunately my ex is the cliche, 6 years and they are still eating fast food more often then not, he burns the scrambled eggs and has no clue about raising his kids. He hasn’t attended a parent teacher conference in 5 years nor does he know what their report cards look like. So I give all of you credit for showing society that not all men are like that.
Lisa´s last blog ..The EX Factor
Comment by Blake
| October 19th, 2009
Nice review. I was just thinking myself the other day how tired I am of the lovable-loser role. Is there a scene in which the washing machine is left unattended, only to belch mounds of suds into the hallway, just as child services agent arrives at the door?
Comment by SDMktg
| October 19th, 2009
That’s a movie that won’t make my Netflix list. I actually wrote my local radio station to complain about the Lonestar song Mr. Mom because of how it portrays dads. I learned to iron when I was in Jr. High because of my mom and she taught us “if you can read you can cook”.
When my twins were babies I’d take them to Starbucks in the stroller, dressed, fed, and sleeping and every time without fail I got the same response from women there, “Twins…oh my, double trouble… their mom must be so tired.” As if I was no help at all; that was so frustrating.
They are now in second grade and their mom took a job out of state last week so now they are with me all the time. It’s an adjustment but the kids are great and I can’t imagine things being different. I guess I learned how to be a single parent from my mom. I do wish the media would portray dads in a better light. Many of us clearly do put our kids first.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| October 20th, 2009
I find it interesting that so many movies have to kill off the mom to have the dad be a full-time, hands-on parent (although, granted, this movie is based on a true story).
What the hell is that about?
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Hey, did you hear … gossip isn’t always bad
Comment by Joker_SATX
| October 21st, 2009
Thanks for the review…I am going to have to pick this one up. Although I have since re-married, I could probably relate to this movie as there was a time in my life where I was single again…