Children and Divorce at the Holidays
When children and divorce are concerned, the holidays take on a very different flavor. For instance, the other day my son asked if we’d be roasting a chicken for Thanksgiving.
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“Yeah!” he said. “With roasted potatoes and yams. Like we made two years ago.”
That exchange might sound strange for someone accustomed to eating turkey on the Thanksgiving holiday.
But my kids are children of divorce, splitting time equally between mom’s house and dad’s house. They’re with me half of each week, alternating weekends, and a jumbled alternating mix of holidays each year.
This year, they’ll spend Thanksgiving with their mom and Christmas with me. Next year, Thanksgiving with me and Christmas with their mom.
One thing I’ve learned in the ten years since my marriage ended, children and divorce doesn’t have to mean sinlge parent holiday loneliness. Granted, we’ll be having our roast chicken Thanksgiving dinner on a day other than Thursday. But is that so bad? We often celebrate birthdays on a weekend before or after the day. My kids sound genuinely excited to have a Thanksgiving dinner with me, even if it’s on Saturday. And they’re looking forward to a big meal with their mom, too.
Back to that chicken. Since there are just three of us in my single parent house, a full-on turkey would be way too big. Turkey breast might do, but it’s fun to roast an entire bird. (Apologies to my vegetarian readers). Don’t worry, we’ll still have our favorite pumpkin pie recipe (Libby’s!)
And so when it comes to children and divorce at the holidays in my house, we won’t be saying gobble, gobble, gobble, this year.
Bock-bock-bo-caw! will do just fine.
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- A Holiday Custody Schedule That Sucks
- Secrets to Single Parent Success
- Co-parenting Tips From a Single Dad
- Negroni Cocktail Recipe – Great Thanksgiving Drink
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Comment by debra
| November 23rd, 2009
We have the same issue with roasting an entire turkey, or chicken, in my house. With just two of us, and usually my brother, it seems too much to spend the day cooking. Last year we went out, intending to have a turkey dinner. We all ordered Greek dishes instead. This year, my 8yr old has requested that we have our ‘traditional’ Greek dinner out for Thanksgiving! (No, we’re not Greek.) Happy Thanksgiving everyone, no matter what it looks like at your house!
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| November 23rd, 2009
Even when I was married, the holidays were often spent just the three of us (the kids and me). We’d cook a big meal of whatever we felt like, and eat off of the “fancy” dishes. The boys always loved this, because it made them feel like grown ups. Now that we live in a house with extended family, we have the huge holiday meals. Kind of longing for the smaller ones again!
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..My First Bullets
Comment by Nicki
| November 23rd, 2009
This is the first year I’ve had a really big Thanksgiving since I moved 1000 miles away from my family. The kids and I have embraced the fact that we have our celebration early…yesterday in fact. And so we use it as an opportunity to spend it with friends…you know, the family you choose for yourself. There were eleven of us yesterday in my cozy apartment. And it was perfect. And who knows? Next year it could be twelve…or more…
Nicki´s last blog ..And the bellies were happy…
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| November 23rd, 2009
My ex always has the older kids for Thanksgiving so usually LO and I will be invited to a friend’s home.
Last year though, it was just me, LO and my boyfriend. I love to cook and love the whole Thanksgiving meal so I made a turkey and all the fixin’s for the three of us. I had plenty leftover but the older kids would be home soon to eat it too. I also made a turkey soup with stuffing dumplings (YUM!) and turkey tetrazini and even had enough to freeze and eat another time. I was a cooking machine but it was a great way to spend my ‘alone’ time.
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Arranged Relationships
Comment by Kat Wilder
| November 23rd, 2009
Parenting, whether single or married, is always a balancing act that requires a lot of flexibility. And once the kids get older and realize they have a say in things, they sure start saying things!
Communication is key, right?
I also have to split The Kid between households, and I always miss him when he’s not with me. But, you can make any day a celebration, and it looks like you do. Me, too!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Touched for the first time, regretted ever since?
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| November 23rd, 2009
I will admit, we have our own bit of juggling as well, though I love doing the traditional thing at the holidays, around the juggled schedule. And I manage to find SMALL turkeys (the kind with pop-out timers), and teens do enjoy their massive quantities of food, including leftovers.
This year, my elder is away at college and coming home wasn’t possible. Just my younger and myself for Thanksgiving. I’m hoping he invites a PILE of friends over afterwards, because I’ve got the baking bug big time this week – and pecan pie and pineapple upside down cake are both on the culinary agenda… (pecan pie secrets will be forthcoming in a day or so).
As for chicken? Why not??
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Joy Part 1: Red balloon on the ceiling
Comment by Rob
| November 23rd, 2009
That is cool that even though your kids will not be with you for Thanksgiving that they are looking forward to the roasted chicken meal on Saturday. Plus I like chicken more then turkey so what time is dinner on Saturday? LOL.
Rob´s last blog ..Monday Mingle November 23rd
Comment by T
| November 23rd, 2009
Mmmm… roasted chicken.
We’ll be celebrating as we’ve done the past few years. Mom and I will do a 5K on Thanksgiving morning while my children spend that time with their dad and his family. Then we’ll scoop up the kids and head to my sister’s house where we’ll chow on all the traditional fixins. My kids will have two meals that day and still complain that they’re “STARVING!”
Have a Happy Thanksgiving David!
T´s last blog ..The Affair, part 3
Comment by Honey
| November 23rd, 2009
Jake and I are picking out recipes today for what we will cook at his grandparents’ in Illinois…they’re not veggie, but since they’re 90 and not supposed to exert themselves, they will be for the day!
Honey´s last blog ..Here’s a Mega-Awesome Date Idea. Steal This.
Comment by Senorita
| November 23rd, 2009
I spend both Christmas with my dad and my grandparents on his side. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Although Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, I’ve never liked Thanksgiving food, even the Turkey. I would rather eat chicken.
My aunt and uncle are vegetarians so they bring vegetarian dishes.
Hey have you ever heard of fat salad ? It’s a cream based fruit salad.
Senorita´s last blog ..Slothy Saturday
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| November 23rd, 2009
Apparently, we are going to be having strawberries dipped in chocolate for our Thanksgiving dessert! (Compliments of my College Kid. Now THAT makes it easier to swallow that he won’t be at the table with us.)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Joy Part 3: Phone, mail, doorbell, all teens accounted for
Comment by Single Mom Paying Off Debt
| November 23rd, 2009
As an adult child of divorced parents, I make the rounds myself with my son on holidays. Luckily we all live with 20 miles of each other. I am thinking about hosting Christmas at my house with both families, to avoid darting from house to house.
Single Mom Paying Off Debt´s last blog ..Extra Money for Christmas
Comment by ZenMom
| November 23rd, 2009
I think that as long as you are celebrating the EVENT together, the DAY you celebrate is irrelevant.
I hope you al enjoy your chicken and you time together!
Oh, and speaking of non-traditional meals – we’ve done everything from cornish game-hens to tamales to lasagna for our holiday feasts. Screw tradition – have fun! :D
ZenMom´s last blog ..Life-size
Comment by dadshouse
| November 23rd, 2009
ZenMom – I agree, non-traditional feasts are fun. We did Mexican Clay Pot chicken for Thanksgiving one year growing up, and it was a blast.
Debra – ‘traditional’ Greek dinner. Too funny. Children and divorce love new traditions, eh? Ha.
Comment by Dual Mom
| November 23rd, 2009
Last year was the first time in 17 years my children were not with me on Christmas morning. It was much harder on me than it was on them.
Of course, when they arrived home after spending most of Christmas day with their father, they were full of turkey and had no interest in a full meal. We instead had our Christmas day on Boxing day, kids opened presents on Boxing day and we did a full brunch filled with delicious food.
You make it work right? For the kids……
Lasagne as a holiday feast is an excellent idea!
Dual Mom´s last blog ..Beaujolais Nouveau
Comment by staciesmadness
| November 24th, 2009
good point with the celebrating birthdays at different times, I hadn’t thought of that for the holidays…
thanks…
staciesmadness´s last blog ..Not ME monday…
Comment by Danielle
| November 24th, 2009
I guess I am lucky in this situation. I don’t have to share my daughter with anyone. I get her for every Holiday. It makes me smile.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Comment by Cory Aidenman
| November 25th, 2009
Thanks for the post, surviving divorce with children can be a challenge. Your post will help people with surviving divorce emotionally, I’ve experienced how surviving divorce financially is hard.