My Teen Son Wants Ripped Abs
My teen son asked me the other day if he could workout at the YMCA with his friend. They’re both eighth graders and they wanted to start lifting weights. His friend had a guest pass to loan.
“Sure,” I said. After all, I had started lifting weights in seventh grade. My son’s school doesn’t have a weight machine, and lifting would probably be good for him.
“Can we become members of the Y so I can workout all the time?” my son asked. “They have family rates.”
Er… as much as I think weight lifting could be good for him, especially if he’s motivated, I didn’t want to join the YMCA or any other gym. I keep fit through cycling and running. With California weather, it’s great to be outdoors.
“Just do the guest pass tonight,” I said.
“But I really want to join!” he said.
I sent him off to the Y with his friend. They worked out with his friend’s brother, under the supervision of the YMCA staff. My son was hooked.
“I really really want to join,” he said.
Sigh. I’ve joined gyms before, and hated it. I just don’t like being confined indoors, let alone doing the same weightlifting motions time and time again. It bores me. I’d rather cycle! I’d rather run! Of course, my body does the same repetitious running or cycling motions. But whatever. Both sports clear my mind. Plus, we’ve done some dad son cycling, and he liked it.
“You know, if you lift too many weights and get super buff,” I said, “by the time you’re an old man you’ll have man boobs.” That got my son’s attention. “But if you cycle and run, you’ll be lean and strong like Lance Armstrong and me.”
My son considered this logic. I’m actually not worried he’ll get too ripped. He’s pretty lean and strong already. All that wrestling, and his mom’s genes.
[Ed. Note: I was kidding about the man boobs, and my son knew it. Welcome to my sense of humor! Some readers didn't understand this mild attempt at humor. See comments below.]
“I won’t lift too much,” he said. “I really want to join the Y.”
Get Ripped Abs – Navy Seal Workout
As much as I wanted to support his newfound fervent desire to get ripped, I just can’t justify joining a gym I won’t use. Especially since my kids are only with me half time. “Sorry, I just can’t do it,” I said.
My son shrugged. “No problem,” he said. “I’ll ask mom. She likes working out.”
Two home family with different workout routines? Problem solved.
A teen boy wants ripped abs, story continued: YMCA Weightlifting for Teens
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- Healthy Diet for Teen Athletes
- Spinach for Breakfast
- How Tall is Lance Armstrong?
- Micro Bikinis and Body Paint – Thanks SI!
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Comment by Rob
| January 6th, 2010
I hope your son gets ripped like he wants.
I am a huge cyclist so I know what you mean about getting outdoors. Unfortunatly I do not live in CA so I can only ride outdoors about 7 months of the year and the rest of the time is inside on the trainer. Cycling is the BEST sport!!!!!
Rob´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday-Hat Hair
Comment by Nicki
| January 6th, 2010
Yeah, you would have thought the man boobs warning would have made a difference. Maybe next time add that man boobs are a huge turn off? Love it! Sounds like you and your kids have a relationship so similar to me with mine…
Nicki´s last blog ..Random musings…
Comment by Cece
| January 6th, 2010
I am a cyclist too…facing shoulder surgery from a hit and run driver. Surgery is Thurs. hope to be back on the bike in a month..let us hope. I am going to clean my bike tonight so when I stare at it and lust over it, at least she will look pretty! Yellow bird Colnago!
Cece
Cece´s last blog ..Cece, when You Go Under, Dream of the SEO….
Comment by MommaSunshine
| January 6th, 2010
That’s one of the good things about kids having two homes – the balance that it can provide them – not just with working out, but in many aspects. :)
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Black Mood
Comment by Heather
| January 6th, 2010
Good problem solving skills your son possesses
Heather´s last blog ..Christmas Pics and 2 of Casey
Comment by QTMama
| January 6th, 2010
I am wondering if mom will say yes. :)
QTMama´s last blog ..A Peekie Peek
Comment by Shay
| January 6th, 2010
I don’t understand your post. You don’t want your son to be able to lift weights or train in a gym, because it’s not YOUR preferred way of keeping fit? Seriously? Wow. Plus, your “scare” tactics that a seventh grader is going to get man-boobs and “buff” by weight training a few times a week are flat out ridiculous and wrong. And your analogy to Lance Armstrong is totally inapt. Lance trains to be able to ride stage races and to ensure that he has ZERO excesss upper body strength, because even more lean muscle mass is excess weight to haul up a mountain on a bicycle.
I agree with the fact that it doesn’t make sense to pay for an expensive gym membership that won’t be sufficiently used. Your son needs to demonstrate that this isn’t an impulse decision. That means being willing to get cheap weights off craigslist to use (while being supervised by someone older and more knowledgeable about training) and/or paying the guest fee in the short-term when he needs access to a bigger gym. It might mean finding a hole in the wall gym, not using the Y (where you are probably paying for a pool or fancy cardio machines or other non-essentials).
I have nothing against cycling and running. I wish I lived in a location that made being outdoors so easy, especially if it meant I didn’t have to give up my favorite winter sports (snowboarding & hockey). But strength training can provide gains in fitness that can not be achieved through cycling and running, just as cycling and running can provide gains that strength training can not). Strength training can help your son train for wrestling, in a way that cycling and running can not.
Whether your son’s Mom can get him the gym membership he wants or not, if your son is genuinely interested in weight training, I would hope that you would take the time to inform yourself better about this, so you can give your son the accurate scientific information he’s going to need. Otherwise, he’s quickly going to meet plenty of other athletes who use weight lifting as part of a complete training that are lean and strong, and he’s going to learn that you are full of it here.
More important, there are young teenagers at gyms everywhere who are getting lousy advice about how to get ripped, making them more susceptible to harming themselves with improper form, poor diet choices, use of supplements or worse. You have a choice to be involved or not. As an advocate for co-parenting after divorce, I don’t see how punting this important issue over to your ex-wife, simply because you don’t like weight lifting or being at a gym indoors, is something to be boasting about.
Comment by Big City Dad
| January 6th, 2010
I’ve been both a gym rat (big and buff) and then turned triathlete. Both served their purposes for what I wanted at the time. He can still get “cut” if he wants by working out at home with dumbells, pushups, isometrics, etcs. Lifting is good for gaining mass if he wants but if he wants to cut up, it’s more about diet. Lean protein, low carbs, lots of veggies.
Big City Dad´s last blog ..Favorite Moments of 2009???
Comment by Danielle
| January 6th, 2010
I am a gym rat, so I understand his interst in lifting and being in a gym. Maybe a couple of hot girls go there and that is his motive. :)
Maybe you should see if you can do a month to month for a while for just him and see if he keeps his interest up.
Could be a phase or a girl.
I am sure the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. :)
Danielle´s last blog ..I am a follower!
Comment by dadshouse
| January 6th, 2010
Wow, Shay – take a chill pill! (Not one with steroids). The man boobs comment was a joke. My son understood it as such. My readers tend to get my sense of humor. As for “my” preferred training vs his – my son does TONS of activity. Lacrosse, soccer, wrestling, cross country, track, basketball, skateboarding. This on top of playing trumpet, volunteering in the community, working summer art camps. He’s only 13. He has plenty going on in his life.
He tends to start things and keep them up for a few months, then move onto new interests. I’m not going to pay for a gym membership that he won’t use. I’m also not going to schlep him across town at his whim. He has plenty of exercise alternatives.
I know Lance trains. He has incredibly low body fat from cycling. Lance and I are the same height and weight. I happen to have low body fat as well. (Not as low as a pro athlete like him, but close to 8%).
I’d say I’m pretty damn well informed on exercising. I’ve completed 7 marathons and a few century rides in my day. This post was NOT meant to be medical or psychological our counseling advice. It’s dry HUMOR. What are your qualifications to go off like you did?
Not sure why I touched such a nerve with you, but your comment is about the longest one ever left on this blog.
btw – my son read this entire post before I published it, and he thought it was funny. He even picked out which photo to display with the post. Welcome to my family’s sense of humor!!!
Comment by Keith Wilcox
| January 6th, 2010
There’s nothing that can be done at a gym that can’t also be done at home, especially for an 8th grader. I am a big fan of strength training, but I prefer lean muscle over bulk. I used to be a runner (ran for U of Oklahoma), and that was great, but it left me seriously weak in the upper body. Today I feel much better than I ever did running because I do a bunch of everything. Weights, running, biking, swimming. I’m not a big guy, but I’m much healthier than before.
Your son sounds like he maybe isn’t thinking through the whole lifting weights things. I didn’t either when I was in 8th grade. Just wanted big muscles to impress the ladies :-) He can get plenty strong with push ups, pull ups, chair dips and squats. If he gets motivated by doing those sorts of things then maybe he’s serious. Otherwise it’s probably just a fleeting thing. You’re right — no need for a membership that’ll never get used.
I can’t stand the gym. They’re diseased places with ugly sweaty people. That’s just my opinion.
Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Need money now? My secret to Internet millions!
Comment by T
| January 6th, 2010
Love it. Two family homes come in handy sometimes, right?
So glad your kids have a natural interest in staying fit. I love the triathlons that I’ve done but I do want to balance that with upper body strength. I will start lifting more this year.
Every body is different. Everyone’s workouts fit their body.
And yeah, there may be a girl he’s trying to impress…
Just keep encouraging the good habits. Sounds like they’re there on both sides of the family!
T´s last blog ..Ready?
Comment by DadLogic
| January 6th, 2010
First of all – Shay needs to lighten up. It really made me laugh to see someone get so fired up over a couple man boob jokes.
That aside, I think it is good that your kid wants to work out. My jr. high and high school had a weight training room so I was able to do weights for a number of years. It was a good way to relieve the stresses that come with being a teenager and to get buff for the ladies.
You may want to encourage your son to do a mix of weights and cardio, since weight training alone won’t get him in shape. He might get huge muscles with weight training alone, but he’d be out of breath trying to run a mile.
A realtively inexpensive set of dumbells at home could be an easy fix for now. There’s a number of exercises you can do with that. And if he combines the weights with cycling, I’m sure everyone in the house will be happy.
DadLogic´s last blog ..The Pain of Football
Comment by QTMama
| January 6th, 2010
@Keith Wilcox – I heard an ad on the radio this morning you would have gotten a kick out of.
“Come to our clean, NON-JUDGMENTAL gym …”
I cracked up.
QTMama´s last blog ..A Peekie Peek
Comment by dadshouse
| January 6th, 2010
T – why did I read your comment as I love the triathletes that I’ve done… ? Haha. Sorry.
DadLogic – dumbells are great advice! I actually have some, and my son has access to them, and he never uses them. He also has a pullup bar he never uses. He also could do situps and pushups and… My point being, his interests come and go. It’s so not worth getting him a gym membership. But definitely worth encouraging him to do both weights and cardio. You’re right that both matter!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| January 6th, 2010
Hey — I just learned how to boost my own boobs!!!
Back to the gym!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..This should come as no surprise
Comment by Travis
| January 6th, 2010
My oldest is a soccer addict, and he is built. Loves lifting weights, but he will run and run and run… and run some more.
It reminds me of my high school days… now not so much.
Travis´s last blog ..Love Is Something That’s For Sure
Comment by Vinomom
| January 6th, 2010
When your son can pay for it himself he can work out wherever he wants! I never heard of 13 year olds working out in a gym though. Who supervises them? Maybe Mom will be willing to spring for the membership.
Vinomom´s last blog ..Weigh-In
Comment by Sandra
| January 6th, 2010
Man boobs aka “moobs” or “moobies” usually happen only when a man gets fat, not when working out.
I was so shocked to read that you won’t get your son a gym membership.
With all the kids out there who are fat because they’ve grown up on the TV or played video games I would’ve definitely paid for a gym membership. I would totally welcome a kid that wants to get ripped.
My brother and I used to be involved in the martial arts and my brother wanted ripped abs. My parents totally loved it.
I think your son will grow out of this phase, though.
Sandra´s last blog ..Titillating Tuesday
Comment by Elizabeth
| January 6th, 2010
Here in the East, in the YMCA where I work out, there are lots of kids who spend part of their nights working out.
David, I think the teens like to lift at a gym so they can socialize, too. Guys like to hang out and do manly things with others — even at that young age.
But if your ex will take him, that’s wonderful, too.
Elizabeth´s last blog ..The second time as farce
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| January 6th, 2010
Man boobs! Hysterical!
I do understand your wanting him to enjoy the extra benefits of fresh air and sunshine, not to mention the mutual pleasure you two can have. But the addition of some moderate gym time isn’t a bad idea. He needs his own “turf” at this point, DM – some things just for him. Normal. There’s also something about this age with boys when they are driven to want to be more ripped, as you say. I saw it with both boys – 13, 14 – despite swimming and tennis and cycling. So, some of this may be developmental on a number of fronts. It can’t hurt, but I wouldn’t pay for the Y just yet either. :)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Okay Parents – Use your words!
Comment by ditz
| January 6th, 2010
When I joined a gym, I added my my 15 yo dd. She meets friends or goes with me. The hilarious side note is that she is learning to fend off the college guys who see her Boston U tshirt and want to make small talk. She laughs at how fast they back up when she tells them she attends the local high school.
Comment by Daddy Geek Boy
| January 6th, 2010
Dadshouse…Don’t let Shay bully you into putting and editor’s note in your blog post. It doesn’t need it. Man boobs are always funny.
Comment by Sandra
| January 6th, 2010
Wow, you do know how to get reactions !
I wouldn’t worry about Shay. I think she secretly wants to bang you.
It’s probably the pent up frustration that’s talking, or shall I say screaming at you.
Sandra´s last blog ..Titillating Tuesday
Comment by dadshouse
| January 6th, 2010
Sandra – don’t you know? Women want to fondle my man boobs…
Comment by Sandra
| January 6th, 2010
May I ? Just tell me when and where ! Just as long as they aren’t bigger than mine……..
Sandra´s last blog ..Titillating Tuesday
Comment by mama llama
| January 6th, 2010
Yeah, I’ve been trying that “man boob” ideal in the gym for years now and that has yet to pay off for me. What gives?
It’s good to give lots of things a try, especially while young. When he’s older and earning his own way, he can pay his own gym membership, if it were my decision to make.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog ..Wind chill
Comment by Just Me...
| January 6th, 2010
I understand you not wanting to join a gym.. We’ve all done it.. Some times it works for you and sometimes it doesn’t.. If he REALLY wants to join, there is always Christmas money (pick the celebration of your choice, Shay)!!! It might not be a bad lesson to learn at his age.. You want it, you pay for it.. :)
Just Me…´s last blog ..Warning – Rant Ahead
Comment by Jim H.
| January 7th, 2010
I think Shay’s comment was more toward you influencing your son to “do what you do” instead of following his own interests. I read your comment yesterday moring, and thought about it through the day. I think Shay is dead on.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 7th, 2010
Jim – Shay’s comment was longer than my entire blog post. My post was meant to amuse, not advocate the proper way for parents to talk to teens. I’m not writing a treatise. I’m glad you feel Shay’s comment was dead on. Bravo for you two. But neither you nor Shay were present to the actual conversation I had with my son. This short post went straight for the punchline, and didn’t even try to cover all the ground on the topic. I don’t want to bore the hell out of my readers. I would suggest we all go read yours and Shay’s views on your blogs, but I don’t see that either of you blog.
With regards to my cycling preference, I suppose I might have written in this post that we could sell my son’s lacrosse gear, soccer gear, skateboarding gear, and running shoes in order to pay for the gym membership. That would certainly have made the point that he’s already got a ton of interests, and many of them cost money, and in today’s economy tradeoffs need to be made, especially in a single parent home. Running and riding a bike are free! (once you have shoes and a bike) Gyms cost money. And if I’m not going to use the gym, and neither is his sister, why would we join? He’s too young to join on his own.
Sure, someone could make the point that parents should always put their kids interests first. To which I say… pffft. I consider my kids and their interests, and they are a high priority in my life, but do their interests trump everything? No. And they shouldn’t.
Could this post have detailed more of the conversation my son and I actually had, rather than skipping to the punchline? Sure. Could it have detailed more of the issues involved with teens lifting weights? Sure. But that’s not why I wrote the post. My son and I both thought this post was funny. I’m sorry you and Shay didn’t get that humor.
I’ll write more on the topic of serious vs. flip/dry/humorous posts next week. The difference definitely touched a chord with a few (some who emailed me without posting a comment here)
And now my comment is longer than the post. Woo-hoo! Gotta love reader reactions.
Comment by dr err
| January 7th, 2010
I’ve been reading your blog since summer and not commented (though I almost HAD to email you over Hot Bus Girl…)
:)
I teach 8th grade. Man boobs is both hilarious and age appropriate.
I get the gym thing. I’m a runner and get bored in a gym. Though I do have a yoga studio and a studio where I do crossfit and Krav Maga.
dr err´s last blog ..An experiment in black beans…
Comment by Zoeyjane
| January 7th, 2010
You could let him know that if he overdoes it, he’s likely to stunt his growth. So he’ll end up short, with man-boobs AND smell like the gym. Girls love that, right?
Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On division
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 8th, 2010
Sorry. I’m mostly with Shay and Jim H. I know you. I’ve met you. Drank with you, laughed with you. And after reading this post, I did not at all get the impression that the man boobs comment was something you were kidding about. Yeah, maybe a little snicker snicker type thing, but still a wink with a goal. You were trying to demotivate your son and steer him toward activities that were more your style. Of course they are your style and of course they make sense to you. That’s why you choose them! But I thought Shay’s very important message got lost in the defensive rhetoric:
“I agree with the fact that it doesn’t make sense to pay for an expensive gym membership that won’t be sufficiently used. Your son needs to demonstrate that this isn’t an impulse decision. That means being willing to get cheap weights off craigslist to use (while being supervised by someone older and more knowledgeable about training) and/or paying the guest fee in the short-term when he needs access to a bigger gym.”
That’s some good advice.
The thing is, when a son or daughter expresses interest in something, it should never be taken lightly. But should also be approached in a balanced way.
Everyone here agrees that you are a great dad. But everyone, no matter how great or how smart or how experienced, can always use some good feedback. And that is what I had always hoped this blog was all about.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..From Andy Rooney?
Comment by dadshouse
| January 8th, 2010
Teri – does every short blog post I write need to be a dissertation on parenting? My son and I had those conversations you mention. I have dumbells in the house, and I not only encouraged him to use them, but also showed him how. But he has this infatuation with things mechanical which has gone and attached itself to weight machines. He wanted me to purchase a family membership to the Y, and I don’t have the time, resources, or inclination to do so. How is that bad? If he asks for a horse, am I supposed to buy him one? Where does it end?
btw – he’s now a member of the gym, thanks to his mom’s seemingly bottomless wallet. Will it last? Who knows. The dumbells are always here.
Meanwhile, I’d like to think I’m allowed to tell one snickery remark without explaining in gory detail every thought, word, and emotion that came before or after. I give tips on this blog, but I also joke around. And I don’t preach my view as being the only way to do things.
Someone pull my finger. (Sorry, 13 year old humor at work. Again.)
Comment by Sandra
| January 8th, 2010
Wow…. more comments !
All joking aside, it’s easy for people to misconstrue what you say sometimes and read you the wrong way because you leave important details out, like the fact that you bought your son dumbells and taught him how to use them.
I guarantee that if you said that, Shay’s reaction would have been a little different. Of course you don’t have include all the details all the time, but it wouldn’t hurt. I’ve noticed this happening in your other blog posts as well.
As for the comment about moobs, I thought it was funny, but then again I have the humor of a 13 year old boy and still laugh at fart jokes.
Sandra´s last blog ..A little thrust on Thursday…. On the ground, and maybe in your pants…….
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 8th, 2010
It’s probably just that I don’t like thirteen-year-old humor. *wink*
Cathouse Teri´s last blog ..From Andy Rooney?
Comment by Lance
| January 8th, 2010
Lifting weights at 7th or 8th grade is a little young…something about affecting growing bones. But you can safely do body weight exercises and certainly core workouts. I’ve trained high school kids his age before and I’m really careful about hitting them with power lifting lifting (no) or heavy weights. I do mostly aerobic based stuff.
Lance´s last blog ..Natalie Portman Won’t Get Naked–BUMMER!