Marry Him! Lori Gottlieb Book Out Feb 4
In her Atlantic essay, Marry Him, Lori Gottlieb suggested women should give up on the search for their ideal perfect man, and instead settle for Mr. Good Enough. That raised a worldwide ruckus, with countless articles and discussions on TV, blogs, radio, newspapers, magazines.
Her new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
But wait! You’re holding out for Mr. Right! Fine, but do you really expect some guy who’s a 10 to come galloping along? Or is an 8 good enough? And if so, which good enough 8 is right for you?
Lori’s book answers the questions: What does healthy compromise look like? How good is good enough? What will you value ten years down the road? Dad’s House took a look at the latter topic after my Turandot opera date spurred women to ask why I’m still single. Seems some single women look for different qualities than married women value in a man. And that’s part of Lori Gottlieb’s point.
For her book, Lori Gottlieb turned to experts: marital researchers, matchmakers, scientists, sociologists, divorce attorneys. And she applied their advice to her own dating life. As a human dating guinea pig, she put it all to the test. The book takes an often funny, sometimes embarrassing, serious and revealing look at Lori’s dating life. Was she successful in finding the right Mr. Good Enough for her? You’ll have to read the book to find out!
In her research, Lori Gottlieb found that women are pickier than men when looking for a mate. While men tend to look for a woman who is cute, warm, nice, fun, whatever – women have long lists with very specific details: tall, but not too tall; successful, but not a workaholic; blogs, but isn’t obsessed by blog stats; etc. (Is there a Mr. Good Enough Blogger in the house?)
With the help of experts, Lori Gottlieb hones in on what factors are most important for long-lasting relationships. The book seems a must-read for any single parent wanting to land a partner again, and for single women, whether older and ready to land a man now, or younger and not wanting to make the same delay-marriage-while-looking-for-Mr.-Perfect mistake that Gottlieb made. The book will help women consider their real requirements for a partner.
Marry Him is getting rave reviews from the likes of Juno director Diablo Cody, who says:
“What Lori Gottlieb is saying isn’t subversive – it’s smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more.”
Lori Gottlieb will appear on the Today show February 4, 2010 to talk about her book. The book will be discussed by the likes of Time, NPR, Oprah’s magazine, the Washington Post, Newsweek. (And DadsHouseBlog.com!)
Oh, and Marry Him was optioned for film by Spider-Man himself (Toby Maguire’s production company.) How cool is that?
As a single dad, I’ll be reading Lori Gottlieb’s book to learn which of my Mr. Perfect qualities are good enough for some of you women out there. (Haha. Just kidding. Though I will be reading the book.) I can’t wait for the book’s February 4 release.
Marry Him seems a great way for any single woman to gear up for Valentine’s day. Rather than spinning your wheels with unrealistic notions of romance that lead to bad dating choices, read the book and learn how to find a good enough man who is right for you.
ORDER NOW! Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb
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Comment by Nicki
| January 11th, 2010
Okay, for a start…he should be in the same time zone, and area code. I’m willing to negotiate on the zip code. (I know, such lofty standards…)
Sounds like an interesting book. I’ll probably be checking it out…
Nicki´s last blog ..I’m cursed…
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| January 11th, 2010
Sounds like this is a book to pick up – for its quality of storytelling, whether we end up agreeing or not. As for “Mr. Right,” I have never believed there was a single “one” but many possible people to be well suited to, at different points in time.
Good enough is more than good enough – but there are still essential match-ups of values and compatible personality traits, libido and character – that are non-negotiable. It will be interesting to see what criteria she feels fall into those categories.
Why aren’t you looking for Ms. “Good Enough” then? :)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Travel time needn’t mean headache
Comment by mama llama
| January 11th, 2010
That sounds fascinating. I am currently finishing the PBS series, “This Emotional Life.” The first episode did go into the fact that expectations and ideals are very different for women than for men as well, and what kinds of things couples and singles alike need to do to improve their interpersonal relationships of all kinds. It is a fascinating topic, the very careful choreography between two people.
I’ll have to check that out. Another on my list is Eat, Love, Pray. One day I’ll have time to read a book again…!
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog ..Sharing in simplicity
Comment by Cece
| January 11th, 2010
This book sounds very interesting! I think as singles each person needs to decide what habits and traits are deal breakers…and then be flexible on the other things.
If you read our latest post, you will see how easy dating can be!
Cece
Cece´s last blog ..Dating 101– The Return to Innocence!
Comment by *Juliette*
| January 11th, 2010
I think I’m pretty flexible on most traits as long as we are attracted to each other. The one thing I won’t deal with is a man who can’t be monogamous. I’d like to read this book.
*Juliette*´s last blog ..Misfits or Eligible Men Online?
Comment by Mindy/Single Mom Says...
| January 11th, 2010
I haven’t read the book yet but from the title, I’m pretty sure I agree with the concept.
I had an idea of what my “ideal” man would be like – and then I met and started dating a man who met almost none of the criteria on my “list”. I never expected it to last or to get along as well as we did and because of my preconceived ideas about what “Mr. Right” should be like I held back with that relationship – thinking it would never last. Eventually we broke up and I started dating other men. When it seemed I had found my “ideal” man I realized he wasn’t what I wanted after all – I wanted what I had before with my “non-ideal” man. Luckily, he was still there for me when I woke the F up!
Mindy/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Hoop Earrings, Cougars & Dick
Comment by Danielle
| January 11th, 2010
Now that I am single and am apparently a bad picker, I am going to check this book out. I will need all the help I can get when and if I decide to date again.
Danielle´s last blog ..I am a follower!
Comment by Honey
| January 11th, 2010
I’m interested in this as well…I think that most people will acknowledge that compromise is important in the abstract, but are terrible at actually doing it in the moment. Which makes a kind of sense. Also – as you sort of hint at here – which things seem important now versus the things that will ascend in importance and/or remain important over time.
Honey´s last blog ..Watch the Hotel Chevalier Short Film NOW
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| January 11th, 2010
This one, having thought about it, I’m going to read. And I do indeed hope she takes a humorous approach at the topic, yet the language used even to market it makes me bristle! And raises so many issues about pop culture and our intolerance for real relationships, and their care and feeding.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Pregnant pause after “Mr. Good Enough”
Comment by Just Me...
| January 11th, 2010
Sounds like an interesting book… A little shot of reality is good for us all!! :)
Just Me…´s last blog .."After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Comment by dr err
| January 11th, 2010
I’m interested…. I wonder though if it is really about standards and how close you come to hitting the pinnacle of each one you set…. or is it a matter of what defines your standards?
Instead of a ‘tall and athletic build’ standard you may have a need for someone who enjoys outside activities/sports/etc as much as you do. While you don’t get taller as a runner/biker/etc you should be more fit than someone whose sport of choice is the couch potato games.
Ambition but not a workaholic may be less a matter of hours and more a matter of values and what is at the forefront of someone’s priorities (family/work balance vs financial achievement or stability).
dr err´s last blog ..Snowdays, Happiness and Philosophy
Comment by dadshouse
| January 11th, 2010
Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy wrote a great blog reaction to this post, talking about the tag-line of Lori Gottlieb’s book: “the case for settling for Mr. Good Enough”
http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2010/01/11/pregnant-pause-after-mr-good-enough/
Comment by Sandra
| January 11th, 2010
I would like to check this book out.
I have gone over what I’m looking for in a man and I think my “requirements” are reasonable enough. I am not asking for something that I can’t bring to the table.
I am not settling for a man that is just good enough or good because all my friends think he’s good enough. I will be happy when I meet a man that is great for me. Otherwise, I am content being single for as long as it takes.
Sandra´s last blog ..Take a chance and bang me for a change !
Comment by Vinomom
| January 11th, 2010
I pretty much subscribe to this theory. For a long time I worried that The Boyfriend wasn’t the right person for me. But do I want to leave a happy healthy relationship just in case there *might* be someone better out there? I think women (and men) are constantly wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.
Vinomom´s last blog ..Crap, I forgot a Title
Comment by Marc
| January 11th, 2010
I remember when the article upon which the book is based came out, and I told a female friend about it. She assumed I was inadvertently telling her to settle, and she stormed out of my apartment. It took her a month to cool off and speak to me again.
Marc´s last blog ..AT LEAST MEN AREN’T WALRUSES
Comment by Travis
| January 11th, 2010
I really believe the whole “good enough” is a really incorrect way to look at finding a man (or women for that matter).
That long list of traits should be a short list of needs. A foundation of what all other characteristics should rely on.
And don’t settle for anyone that doesn’t meet these needs.
The key is to find compatible needs. And let everything else become part of the ever changing dynamics of this marriage.
Travis´s last blog ..You’ve Been Stretched To The Limits
Comment by notasoccermom
| January 11th, 2010
I would love to read this insight. I dont believe that any cookie cutter approach to finding who is right for me or anyone else will work. But I would love to see this from a new perspective.
I have not been single for the past 11 years because I was holding out for Mr perfect more that I have been raising my kids. Can hardly wait for the male perspective too.
notasoccermom´s last blog ..
Comment by dadshouse
| January 11th, 2010
Big Little Wolf’s post about Lori Gottlieb’s book made it into Forbes. Nicely done BLW! (And thanks for the link love to Dad’s House)
http://www.forbes.com/2010/01/11/marry-him-lori-gottlieb-love-forbes-woman-time-good-enough.html
Comment by Lance
| January 12th, 2010
I’ve read Lori’s essay several times and I think her central argument there is that if you’re looking to start a family, you’ve got to settle just a wee bit for a stable, regular guy and not so much the perfect 10 hottie. Common sense but still sage advice. I think it raised such a huge ruckus because of the language she used (”settling”) but really it’s something we all know as we get older and date around a bit.
ALSO, how about recent events? If Tiger Woods feels compelled to cheat on his uber-hottie wife, that tells me there is no such thing as a “perfect” mate. You’ve got to make some compromises with yourself at some point and embrace reality.
Lance´s last blog ..How Important is Sex in Your Relationship?
Comment by Sarah Timbers
| January 15th, 2010
I don’t think that settling down for “some usual guy” is the way to go. There are plenty of 10s out there (ok, I’m classifying here but hey) and there’s no reason to settle down for less than that.
If you are average, maybe that’s what you want. But people who are extraordinary want’s to find alike partners. It’s better to be alone than with a partner that is average. It’s boring. It’s annoying to be with someone like others.
No sane woman would want a husband who sits at home all day and watches football or whatever. No man want’s a nagging woman. Why settle down for someone average? Why not find a person who is great in every way? They are there, I’m dating one.
However if you have a bad opinion about yourself, then you will just sabotage your own attempts to find mr right. You have to have confidence in who you are.
Comment by Evan Marc Katz
| January 20th, 2010
I read an advance copy of Lori’s book and it is F’ING BRILLIANT. A consolidation of wisdom from scientists, authors, professors, married folks, and matchmakers. All of whom echo each other about the need for compromise. Still, it’s remarkable how hard this message is to hear.
“Marry Him” is going to become required reading for all of my clients, and I couldn’t recommend it more highly… and not just because I’m featured in it. :)
Thanks for promoting it to your readers. It’s an important book.
Evan Marc Katz´s last blog ..(Video) How To Get a Second Date
Comment by Joseph
| February 1st, 2010
I was just wondering. besides, English Is it going to be also in French? Please keep me posted anyone.