My Ex-Wife’s Cousin
My ex-wife has a huge family living in our area – parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews. Yet, in ten years of divorce, aside from one aunt and uncle who live nearby, I’ve never run into any of my ex-wife’s extended family unless the meeting was pre-arranged.
So it was weird as heck to be out wine tasting and see one of her cousins tossing back Pinot Noir just down the tasting bar from me.
I went over and said hello. It had been seven years since I’d seen this particular cousin of my ex. He’s a contractor and I had hired him to do some work around my house back then. He was in the winery with a woman – his fiancée who he is marrying this spring. He’s a divorced dad like me, and she’s divorced but childless, and I was very intrigued about how they met, and how she got along with his kids.
Turns out the world is a very small place. They met through the woman who helped redecorate my single parent house, and that decorator is someone I met through my ex-wife. It also turns out the fiancée is friends with a neighbor of mine.
That she’d once been married is huge, she said. She knows better what to expect this time around.
We chatted a bit about his kids, and the fiancée’s relationship with them. They get along fine, and it sounded like she’s trying to hone in on a role that works for everyone (dad, mom, kids, and herself.)
“Your kids are so great,” the fiancée said to me, now talking about my kids. “Your daughter is smart and athletic. And your son is so funny. I hear he has your sense of humor.”
Huh? What did she know about my kids? Although, I supposed they would have met once or twice since the fiancée started dating my ex-wife’s cousin two years ago.
“We go camping together!” she said. “And we barbecue all the time. I really enjoy being around them.”
Okay then. Seems my kids have quite the life with their mom and her family when I’m not around.
Or rather, my ex-wife’s family has quite the life with my kids.
- Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
- Dating After Divorce
- Marriage Advice from a Divorced Dad
- Should an Ex’s Significant Other Attend Kids Events?
- Birthday Traditions for Children of Divorce
| 
Subscribe | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| January 19th, 2010
Huh, small world, indeed.
Do you miss your ex’s family? I’ve found the separation from my ex’s family to be very difficult to get over. I also agree with the fiancee that having been married before helps when entering a relationship with someone else who’s been married before. The one guy I dated who hadn’t just didn’t “get it.”
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Totally Music Tuesday
Comment by Vinomom
| January 19th, 2010
I wouldn’t think that would be that surprising, although I guess it’s odd the kids never mentioned it. I’m sure you do plenty of stuff with the kids that they never think to mention to their mom.
I think Ginger poses an excellent question. I happen to be very close w/ my exes family still. But when The Boyfriend and I were nearly going our separate ways I found myself very upset over the idea of losing his friends, which is more like family to us than his actual family.
Vinomom´s last blog ..Catching Up
Comment by Elizabeth
| January 19th, 2010
How did you feel when “the fiancee” said she knew your kids?
I would have felt, just for a few seconds, like someone on the outside looking into a room where I knew some of the people, but couldn’t enter.
But it’s great that they like your kids. It’s a compliment to you and to your ex as well as to both of them.
Elizabeth´s last blog ..3, 2, 1…back to normalcy
Comment by Kat Wilder
| January 19th, 2010
Yes, our kids do have a life outside of ours, just as we have one outside of theirs. But, ultimately, we want them to be happy and healthy with those other people; the more people who love our kids, the better.
Now you know how new moms who hire a nanny to go back to work feel; yes, we want someone else to care for our kid, but we still want to feel like we’re No. 1!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Going out of town is risky business
Comment by Mindy@SingleMomSays
| January 19th, 2010
The degree of seperation is pretty small around here. But then I have two exes, my kids, LO’s father has an ex and other kids – on of whom my Aunt is teaching this year, my recent ex b/f has a kid, I’ve been dating for 8 years…
*sigh*
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Your Relationship & Your Kids – Who Comes First?
Comment by Tim
| January 19th, 2010
You’re a better man than I. I see my ex’s family and I turn and run. Tried too often to be kind to find it doesn’t work.
Doesn’t hurt I live couple hundred miles from them, though!
Tim´s last blog ..How I hurt my son’s self-confidence
Comment by Cece
| January 19th, 2010
There are so many things we have to grieve when we divorce or break up! It seems to never end and sneaks up on us at unexpected times.
Cece
Cece´s last blog ..Start with Me: Haiti Relief Effort and “Heal The World”
Comment by Big City Dad
| January 19th, 2010
It is weird to think that our kids have this whole other life away from us that we don’t know about. Good for you for going up to him. That whole thing still weirds me out. I don’t have the opportunity to run into Ex’s family since they live overseas, but I avoid her friends. It’s just too weird right now.
Big City Dad´s last blog ..Searching for Whitopia
Comment by QTMama
| January 19th, 2010
So … does this bother you?
Am I the only one wondering that?
QTMama´s last blog ..Nude, Naked and Vampires
Comment by staciesmadness
| January 19th, 2010
i think we’re all asking and saying the same in the comments here…what a compliment that she thinks that of your children…and it’s great that they have a fun life with your ex.
staciesmadness´s last blog ..I am a winner…
Comment by Tent Camper
| January 19th, 2010
That is weird!!
Anything to do with my ex, her friends or family would have me doing a 180 and hightailing it the hell outta there.
Funny though how small a world it is sometimes.
Tent Camper´s last blog ..It’s Enough to Make You Puke!
Comment by T
| January 19th, 2010
WOW. How funny!
Recently, Rascal told me about a guy that he’s known since high school that he hunts and occasionally plays golf with. When he said the guy’s name, I nearly fell out of my chair. Rascal’s long time friend is married to my cousin! We’ve since gotten together and laughed at what a small world it is.
It does sound like your kids are having a blast with your ex. But from what I read here, they certainly have a darn good time with their daddy too!
T´s last blog ..Out of air
Comment by dadshouse
| January 19th, 2010
My ex’s family closed ranks around her after the divorce, and pretty much cut off all communication to me. Except for my ex’s mom – she made strides to keep our relationship as positive as could be (given the circumstances of divorce). The other family members were polite when forced into situations with me, but otherwise we didn’t interact.
It was very weird for me to meet the fiancee and hear how much time she’d spent with my kids. I knew the kids hung out with that particular cousin. It did make me feel a “little” bit sad, since I used to be part of those big family celebrations. Even ten years after divorce, I miss that. But I’m not shedding tears. I have my own things going do I do with my kids. It did sort of sneak up on me, though, as being a little weird.
Comment by Sandra
| January 19th, 2010
I think it’s nice that you got compliments like that.
I am lucky my ex lives all the way on the east coast, that way I am 99.99% sure I will never run into him or his family.
Sandra´s last blog ..Married and looking for you babe !
Comment by notasoccermom
| January 19th, 2010
It is weird when bits of our past connect back together. But your kids are still a part of both of you. And it is only natural that they would be spending time with both families.
My ex moved far far away from my kids and I. I had to be the bigger person and make sure that the kids spent time with both sides of the family..and now, we are friends.
Divorce is horrible but in time it is good to be able to put it in the past and become acquaintances again for the kids sake
notasoccermom´s last blog ..“They will be given challenges based on phenomena such as hurricanes, fog, tornados and tsunamis. So you see this year it’s pretty relevant.” -Julie Berry
Comment by Danielle
| January 19th, 2010
From the title, I totally thought that this was going in a different direction. :)
It is a nice compliment that people like your kids. 50% your doing!
Danielle´s last blog ..What, am I invisible?
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| January 19th, 2010
There are whole parts of my kids’ lives I don’t know about. If they want to share those parts with me – some they do – then I listen. But those parts of their lives, that I am now expressly excluded from, once “my” family as well, I don’t ask too much about. Enough to know they enjoyed themselves and that people I loved are doing fine. And that’s as much as I can do.
When the ex’s family – once yours, for many years – cuts off all contact, it is weird. And yes, the world is small.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..What ISN’T in your wallet?
Comment by Just Me...
| January 19th, 2010
Bittersweet… You’re very glad that your kids have a great relationship with your ex’s family. On the other hand, it’s not such a good feeling when you know that (even for very good reasons) you aren’t there to witness that relationship firsthand..
{{{{Dad}}}}
Just Me…´s last blog ..Nicky-Noodle and the Puppy Palace…
Comment by mama llama
| January 19th, 2010
I want my children to have a good relationship with Soon-to-be-Ex Mr. Llama’s side, but they are even farther away than my family is, and mine is separated by a continent (his family is in Hawai’i.) However, I have disconnected myself from his side, for all practical purposes. My mother, however, still sends him birthday gifts and presents and the like–I’m trying to figure out if that is an effort to undermine me or to simply be nice in a bit of an overboard manner.
Be well, Dads. That can be tough to digest, even if best for the kids.
mama llama´s last blog ..Blue week?
Comment by Nicki
| January 20th, 2010
Sometimes it’s hard hearing the kids have this life with their dad. He gets to be fun dad, while I have to be the mature responsible parent. And I think sometimes they don’t tell me things because they worry how I will react. Or…maybe they just don’t even think about it because being with me is so awesome that everything else just slips away… ;)
Nicki´s last blog ..Meet my blog family…
Comment by oshea12566
| January 22nd, 2010
Ouch buddy, that must’ve stung a bit.
oshea12566´s last blog ..DANCE!!
Comment by Sandy
| January 26th, 2010
Again, I say be happy your kids are so well adjusted. And you are talking about half their family, too.
I know of what I speak. I married a man with two children and I have what I call my ex-wife in law. We now have five grandchildren who have several grandparents and great grandparents. You can never have too many grandparents. We all get along although his ex likes me more than I like her but the kids have never seen any unkind words between any of us. You can do it if you try.
Sandy´s last blog ..There’s a Party Going on Right Here