Parenting – Competitive or Cooperative?
Should parents compete with each other to ensure the best for their own kids?
Or work together to make a great community for all children?
I’ve been a parent in Silicon Valley for nearly 18 years, and it’s shocking to me how competitive some parents are.
Today, Dad’s House takes a look at competitve and cooperative parenting styles. Race on over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog… or stroll hand in hand… and read about
Parenting – Competitive or Cooperative?
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Comment by Cece
| January 27th, 2010
Why am I up so early? luckily coffee is helping! Loved the post! As in all things, cooperation and good communication are key. It’s about being able to see the other person’s perspective and the willingness to negotiate through it.
Cece
Cece´s last blog ..Dating 101: Are Relationships like an Engineering Project?
Comment by Mindy@SingleMomSays
| January 27th, 2010
I think the competitive parents have a screw loose somewhere. They have many resons for being that way (all dysfunctional) but sadly, none of them have to do with what’s best for their kids.
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..The Simple Things
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| January 27th, 2010
We live in a competitive society, and increasingly so. It’s no surprise that parents compete with each other (divorced parents always have, but with less visibility to it, and less gadgetry and activities involved). It’s not a “spectrum” from competing to cooperating. They’re different dimensions. You can have parents who compete but still cooperate, those who do neither, and so on.
I do think we need to take care in all our actions as parents to not overload our kids in the competitive arenas – whether for our affections, our attention, taking on ridiculous stresses too young, and so on. Something I’ve observed – competitive parents who compete with their kids. Bad news. http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2009/07/05/competitive-kids-competitive-parents/
As Mindy said, if we thought less about our needs and more about the best interests of our children, we’d all be better off.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Why you shouldn’t air your dirty laundry on the Internet
Comment by Travis
| January 27th, 2010
competitive parenting is as dysfunctional as trying to drive with a flat tire… sure you may get to your location but everyone is grumpy and agitated along the way.
parent’s need a unified front with strong unification of communications… oh did I say it it needs to be unified?
parenting is like commanding a massive ship. having two captains that want two different things (competitiveness) will never get the boat to the right location without fighting and bickering. Having two captains that work together to direct and lead as needed, with one direction in mind? pure gold.
Travis´s last blog ..This Night Is Winding Down, But Time Means Nothing
Comment by Danielle
| January 27th, 2010
Thank God I don’t have to compete for anything with anyone when it comes to my daughter. For me it makes things easier, but for my daughter it can create a whole different problem. I think healthy competition is good, but not when it hurts the child.
Danielle´s last blog ..The damn thing lied to me
Comment by kmn
| January 27th, 2010
You can be cooperative with other people and still teach your child to be competitive by working hard and do their best, but kind of hard when you teach them “winning at any cost” to expect them to be cooperative with others. I think some parent’s lives revolve a little too much around their children’s “success.”
I work from home too. Door swings open and it’s “Hey mom, guess what happened today!” Love that.
Comment by Keith Wilcox
| January 27th, 2010
I can be sorta competitive sometimes about my parenting. I know it’s not the greatest use of my time, but it’s also a part of my personality. Definitely something to work on.
Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Spanking: What do the Experts Say?
Comment by Kelloggsville
| January 27th, 2010
Many people live in ‘me and my family’ land and it is a very different planet to those who even start to understand ‘value of community, let try to do what’s best for all’. I am sure many people are just trying to give their kids the best they can so they can be at the front no matter what and sometimes I think this is a valid thing to do. But when it involves manipulation, cheating or walking over people it teaches the kids that that is an ok way to behave and so the cycle continues. Yes I think it’s probably ok to pay for extra tuition if your child will benefit, no it’s not good to lie about it happening or not share tryout dates. All hail to the ‘Our boys have known each other forever’ mum. I try to be like her and I hope manage to be so in the future.
I do enjoy your posts – thank you
Kelloggsville´s last blog ..Mudski – a muddy walk thought
Comment by Sandra
| January 27th, 2010
I think some competition is healthy, but I feel many parents overdo it.
But on the other hand, it is really tough to secure a great education/financial future for yout child. Sometimes a parent’s gotta do what a parent’s gotta do.
But really, what do I know ? I will get back to you after I have a few kids.
Sandra´s last blog ..Bitch.
Comment by krn
| January 27th, 2010
Competition is a reality, but healthy team focused competition allows for everyone to have a share in success. Soccer is still a team sport, right? ;)
Yikes. Makes me glad we live in a laid back coastal community, though ours has some other issues. It can be a bit too quiet here and some kids have trouble remaining motivated and/or forming broad, diverse ideas on global issues and opportunities.
Comment by mama llama
| January 28th, 2010
Perhaps the competitive parents feel that they missed out in their childhood somehow, thus they must live the “best you can be” through their children. After all, whatever your children do is a direct reflection of their parents, right????
I’ve been asked to write other parents’ essays for their kids’ GT program entrance “brag book” applications. Evidently the parents feel that only the children with the best words on the part of the parents can get in to this program–again, all dependent upon the parents, not the children’s merit.
I have made my choice to not engage in the competitive culture, and my children are not suffering as a result. It’s too stressful–I can’t live with so much stress.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog ..Busybodies