Funny Condom Story
I recently went out of town for a business conference. I’ve been to plenty of conferences in my day, and so I know that beyond professional networking, a conference can be a great place to unwind, have some drinks, flirt with an attractive attendee, and hook up for sex.
Now, now, I’m not saying this happens often, or to many people. But business trip sex does happen to some folks, sometimes. While it wasn’t a goal of mine to hook up, I figured it was prudent to be prepared with appropriate protection.
Wouldn’t you know, in my rush to pack, I forgot to pack condoms.
After checking into my room, I went to the lobby gift shop. A cute young woman with a pierced lip was working the cash register.
“Do you have a drug section?” I asked.
“Drugs?” she asked, taken aback. “I don’t sell drugs here!” As if she was the local pusher.
“Not drugs,” I said. “A drug store section.”
“Oh, sure,” she said. She led me to a little island of shelves and gestured. “What medicine do you need?” They had cough drops, antihistamines, ibuprofen, etc.
“Not medicine,” I said. I looked around to make sure no conference attendees were within hearing distance. Then I leaned toward the salescleark and shielded my mouth with my hand. “Condoms,” I said.
“Ohhhhhh,” she said, as if I’d just let her in on a dirty little secret. I wondered if this was the first box of condoms she’d ever sold. She looked about twenty.
She grabbed a box of three, then held it out for me. I suddenly became uncomfortable. I didn’t want anyone at the conference to see me buying a box of condoms, then later see me chatting up a female attendee. Awkward! Especially since my conference agenda was professional. I was here to build business connections first. The condoms were a precaution.
“Why won’t you take them?” the clerk asked. “Are you allergic?”
“Can we be discreet about this?” I asked.
She bugged her eyes, like this was the first time she’d been an accomplice to someone else’s sexual dalliance. But she deftly palmed the box and went back to the register.
“Big date tonight?” she asked, ringing me up.
“No,” I said. “I’m attending the conference. And the hotel has a bar.”
She flashed a devilish grin. “You’re here alone, aren’t you!”
I sighed and nodded my head, feeling equal parts silly and sad. I knew the chances of me actually hooking up were quite slim. Still, if there was even a remote possibility that I’d bring a woman to my room for sex and spooning, and I didn’t have protection, well that’s just dumb. Or a crying shame, however you look at it.
“Do you want me to open the box so you can hide them in your wallet right now?” the sales clerk said. She’d become quite the co-conspirator.
“No,” I chuckled. “I’ll put the box in my pants pocket and head straight to my room.”
I passed through the hotel gift shop two more times during the weekend. On both occasions, the young salesclerk with the pierced lip flashed me a “go-get-‘em tiger” smile. I didn’t bother telling her the truth about my conference, that my business networking was focused and professional and going great, and that was all that mattered to me. I simply returned her gaze and let her imagination run wild.
Rawr.
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Comment by mama llama
| February 1st, 2010
LOL!
If only that exchange had been with your French financial planner…
Thanks for the giggle, Dads. The “rawr” at the end got me. I needed that today.
Be well.
mama llama´s last blog ..a mere dusting…
Comment by Nicki
| February 1st, 2010
Hmm. Why don’t I have any funny condom stories? Nooooo, mine are more like cautionary tales.
Timely piece.
Nicki´s last blog ..Someone to run to…
Comment by Heather
| February 1st, 2010
LOL wow. “Go get em tiger!”
Comment by Cece
| February 1st, 2010
You tell a great story! Thanks for the early morning giggle!
Cece
Cece´s last blog ..Why did the Chicken (soup) Cross the Road?
Comment by Rob
| February 1st, 2010
Great story. So I guess nothing happened? I was waiting for you to say you and the store clerk got in on. My mind is in a sick place right now. LOL.
Hope you had a great conference.
Rob´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day Party-Wilton Cupcake Theme review and GIVEAWAY
Comment by Travis
| February 1st, 2010
Woah….. I’ve heard that rawr before… I assumed she was just being funny…
dang…
crap…
Now I have regrets.
Travis´s last blog ..Can’t Stand It, Know You Planned It
Comment by Mindy@SingleMomSays
| February 1st, 2010
I’m confused; what was the big deal about buying condoms? I would’ve just walked in, picked them up and paid without all the drama and conspiracy. That would have been more discreet than making it an issue. Why in the heck do you think they sell them there? It IS a hotel WITH a bar, right? ;)
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..One Month In
Comment by Sammy Nams
| February 1st, 2010
It has been some time since I’ve been to your site David! Entertaining as always. I couldn’t help, but laugh! I had the exact same problem at a conference, but when I got to the room there were condoms there (also some lube, scentend lotions and other goodies) go mandalay bay!
Sammy Nams´s last blog ..Writing SEO Content For Long Tail Keywords
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| February 1st, 2010
I guess there were no French women at the conference, hmm?
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..The Fairness Doctrine
Comment by dadshouse
| February 1st, 2010
Mindy – I had no problem buying the condoms. I didn’t want the conference attendees to see me buying them since I was there alone! The only reason for me to buy condoms was if I hooked up for sex with some woman I met there. It would have been awkward chatting up female business connections if they thought I was only doing it to take them to bed. I needed to work with a lot of these women.
BLW – actually, there was a French woman there and she turned my head in a major way. But she was married. (Her husband wasn’t there, but I don’t cross that line.)
Comment by Sandra
| February 1st, 2010
Hahahahahhaha !
This is great ! OMG, good thing I wasn’t that cashier ! I probably would’ve started asking for details.
Sandra´s last blog ..Blank
Comment by Vinomom
| February 1st, 2010
Cute Story – I could understand your reasoning as to being discreet. If a guy chatted me up and I’d seen him buying condoms earlier I would probably definitely think it was a little sleazy. Or depending what I was in the mood for – I’d make it a point to chat you up later!
Vinomom´s last blog ..To Sum it Up
Comment by Danielle
| February 1st, 2010
It’s good that you are always thinking with your head, I mean ahead! :)
Danielle´s last blog ..The damn thing lied to me
Comment by Kelloggsville
| February 1st, 2010
See a guy buying condoms, meet in a professional atmosphere or bar and he doesn’t try it on then I would be like: “What’s wrong with me then creep?!” See a guy buying condoms, meet in a professional atmosphere or bar and he DOES try it on :”Creep!”
Best kept under the covers but you get soooo many extra cool guy points (again) for having the cognitive intelligence to know it and for being prepared!!! Why the heck are you single ?!!!!
Kelloggsville´s last blog ..Mudski – thoughts
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| February 1st, 2010
Just like a Boy Scout!
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Teacherly Things
Comment by T
| February 1st, 2010
That’s cute! I can only imagine….
Then again, that was kind of your point, wasn’t it?
;)
T´s last blog ..Conscious Connection
Comment by jason
| February 1st, 2010
dad there are a lot more reasons for buying condoms than just: ‘The only reason for me to buy condoms was if I hooked up for sex with some woman I met there.’
there has gotta be at least 20 reasons to buy condoms there, hey maybe you just go through condoms as fast as i do! ;-)
Comment by Carrie
| February 1st, 2010
Very funny! First time reader and I will be back.
Carrie´s last blog ..The Chinese Massage Place at the Mall
Comment by notasoccermom
| February 1st, 2010
I am not sure who was more excited to be ‘discreet’ you or her. haha that is a fun story thanks for sharing. I guess we can make the assumption that there is not a part two to this story?
notasoccermom´s last blog ..Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Comment by Amira
| February 1st, 2010
Everyone else already said what I would’ve. But I was thinking that by the end of the post you were hooking up with the sales clerk. She was probably a wild thang. ;)
Amira´s last blog ..Facebook Addict Alert, and On the Seventh Day (of NCR with TF)…
Comment by Kat Wilder
| February 1st, 2010
This is why I’m happy not be buying condoms anymore; I can’t handle the drama!!!! ;-)
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Let’s get it on, but when?
Comment by Lilginjer
| February 2nd, 2010
First time I’ve read your blog – very insightful and funny! Looking forward to reading more and exploring the site more! Rawr…….hilarious! Go get’m Big Boy!
Comment by AngryDad
| February 2nd, 2010
that’s why its best to use the found object condom. nothing says security like a hershey wrapper and rubber band.
AngryDad´s last blog ..How to Avoid a Fight with the SheBitch
Comment by Lance
| February 2nd, 2010
Dude, you should have picked up the store girl. That was a perfect opener and opportunity. I would have been on that like white on rice!
Lance´s last blog ..Why I Wouldn’t Pay to Send My Kid To College