Dad Moved Away, and Now He Wants Back
A single mom named Stephanie recently left a comment on my post about divorced parents with one parent moving away.
Seems one day her 39-year-old husband admitted he was in an older man younger woman relationship, and left his wife and 18-month-old son to live in another country with his 21-year-old mistress. Sad and tragic, to say the least. And while I don’t mean to judge – I haven’t walked in his or anyone else’s shoes – in my book, dads who desert their families pretty much suck.
I understand divorce can happen for a variety of reasons. Tiger Woods had a zillion mistresses and his wife Erin is contemplating divorce. Jon and Kate Gosselin had marital problems of their own.
But when a parent walks completely away from their child, I just don’t get it. Parenting is awesome. I didn’t know what love is until I became a parent. Being a dad is my greatest joy. (Like I said, though, I haven’t walked in the deserting dad’s shoes.)
Single mom Stephanie raised her son by herself, with some help from her mom. The dad saw the boy on weekends every two months until the boy was three, and then only saw him once. He contributes financially every month, so technically he’s not a deadbeat dad. Money aside, he’s out of the picture.
Now the boy is five, and dad wants back in. At the very least, he wants his extended family to meet his son.
Stephanie wants to know what Dad’s House readers think. Should she give her ex the proverbial finger? Or take the higher road and let him see his son?
As a single father who encourages dads to stay involved with their kids, you might think I’d say let him back in. But given the circumstances of this situation – with dad leaving his family for a much younger woman in a different country, and barely making an effort to see his child – makes me cringe.
Granted, maybe the dad was going through stuff and has changed. Surely he deserves to see his own flesh and blood. But single mom Stephanie shouldn’t do a thing to make that happen. He can come to them.
As for the dad getting more involved… I really don’t see how Stephanie can trust him again. Will he stick around for a few weeks, then split again? Granted, he sent money every month. But she took care of the boy every day! Physical presence counts for a lot in my book.
Dad’s House readers, the floor is yours.
- Parenting is a Contact Sport
- Coparenting – How To Deal With an Ex
- Single Dads are Pathetic Womanizers and Partiers? WTF!
- Single Parent Downsizing Home Life
- Divorce Advice Books
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Comment by MommaSunshine
| February 23rd, 2010
The situation makes me cringe, too…however, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s been what – four and a half years? A person can do a lot of growing and changing in that time, and it’s possible that this man wants to try and make amends for what he did wrong.
If it were me, I’d allow the father back into the son’s life, but slowly and tentatively at first, with plenty of conditions and rules to make sure that the little boy doesn’t get hurt if dad still turns out to be a douchebag after all.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Words of Wisdom from my Six-Year-Old
Comment by BigLittleWolf
| February 23rd, 2010
No easy answer, and not enough data to offer a suggestion. But some of us has lived this, and worse. You put whatever is best for the kids first.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Colonel Mustard in the library with a … mop?
Comment by mama llama
| February 23rd, 2010
Perhaps he has grown. Whatever. In her shoes, I know I wouldn’t let him in and I would fight it and resent him while letting all older resentments back in to back my fight. That is who I am and that isn’t necessarily right.
The pessimist in me asks if there is some benefit here that he’s attempting to establish? Why is he wanting in now? How can it be acceptable to show your child that it is okay to leave the mother and child for a younger model, then once creating a comfort zone so Dad’s ego won’t suffer, become an active parent again? What could that possibly say to the child as to acceptable ways of treating others?
I may seem cold-hearted, but he made his choice. Now he can live with it.
Be well, Dads. And best of luck to you, Stephanie.
mama llama´s last blog ..(blush)…and Normality, part 3
Comment by Cece
| February 23rd, 2010
I am not a parent, but I am an educator. I have worked with children and counselled children for many years. I have seen both sides of this issue work well and horribly.I have seen the scars on children from absent parents and also parents that are present.
Ultimatley, I believe that the adults need to step aside and put their feelings, anger and resentments aside and think of what is best for this child? Does he miss his dad? Does he want to know his dad better? Does he want the chance to get to know him better? All these questions need to be looked at and then if yes, limited availablility to test the waters with the father. Nothing is mentioned about the dad’s character except his sexual dalliance…this does not make him a perfect father, but does it make him a bad father…or just a bad husband?
We have heard the phrase “Blood is thicker than water” and
biology is a huge driving factor for all concerned if the dad honestly wants to re-establish with his son.
If there is a chance that the father and son can re-establish a healthy relationship, I think it should be supported.If this happens the bio parents will need to deal and cope with each other and the hurt that has been inflicted on their marriage.I suspect this might be the major problem surronding this issue.
cece
Cece´s last blog ..Do We Need A GOOD Reason To Feel Good?
Comment by Heather
| February 23rd, 2010
I’m kinda torn on this one. My parents divorced when I was 2.5, but my dad was always around. My older brothers, from his first marriage, and I always got to see him every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer until we were about 8 or 9. Then we went every weekend, and spent most of the summers with him. We alternated between holidays each year.
As for Stephanie letting her ex back into her son’s life. WOW. I just don’t get how you can walk away from a toddler and expect to come back into his life 4 yrs later. Yeah he’s knows you’re his sperm donor, but you’re not Dad or daddy. That is earned.
So, ultimately, maybe gradually let him back in to your son’s life. Then see how that goes and if it goes well, then progress a little further. But you don’t have any guarentee’s that he’ll split after he’s had his fill, so to speak. What does her son say? I know he’s 5, but he’s got his own opinions I”m sure!
Comment by Pippi
| February 23rd, 2010
This is a tough one. I agree with Cece and Momma Sunshine’s comments and feel that if a healthy relationship can be re-established and the father will be a part of the boys life on a regular basis, maybe Stephanie should consider letting the boys’s father re-connect. Big Little Wolf is right though, the child comes first. Stephanie should let her gut make the final decision.
Pippi´s last blog ..Freak a Leak
Comment by Nicki
| February 23rd, 2010
Ouch. In situations such as these I always strive to be the better person. At the same time, the child needs to be taken into consideration. How much upheaval will this cause? Will he be a more permanent fixture in his son’s life or will this be a hit and run?
He’s really young to be given a voice, which makes the decision all the more challenging. Still, if she doesn’t at least try, ten or fifteen years from now she could pay for it. Chances are the two would connect online and she’d be the mom who kept her son from his father. Tough call and I don’t envy her having to make this decision.
Let us know how it turns out.
Nicki´s last blog ..My first giveaway!
Comment by Mindy@SingleMomSays
| February 23rd, 2010
Without knowing the details its hard to say what’s best in this situation. I think it’s pretty clear the “father” is very selfish based on his past behavior so I would be cautious going forward and anticipate that his intentions on renewing a relationship with his son now are also self-serving. What he needs to do is have the child’s best interests in mind but his track record shows otherwise.
Personally, I think that even a man who pays court-ordered support (and thereby avoiding jail or other consequences) but does not actively PARENT or see his child IS a deadbeat.
Stephanie should hope for the best but expect the worst.
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Bacon, Butter, Chocolate & Sex
Comment by batticus
| February 23rd, 2010
I agree that a slow controlled introduction is a good thing, until trust can be gained this might mean only visiting at the kid’s home or “away” activities with a trusted friend (a football game with grampa along too). People change and mature, look at the positive but be careful.
Comment by Yun
| February 23rd, 2010
I definitely vote for YES!!! This is NOT between Stephanie and the walked away husband, it is for the best interest of the child. A child needs a father, even a ’saved’ one or less than worthless one. We must be careful when making decision, not ‘my feeling’ or ‘my perspectives’, rather what would be the child’s perspective, and what a child wants. Children’s needs should be at the center no matter what the parents are ‘fighting’ personally… FRom what I read, he is not that deadbeat, just plain selfish….
Yun´s last blog ..Do We Need A GOOD Reason To Feel Good?
Comment by Jen
| February 23rd, 2010
So, obviously this is beyond complicated. But my first thought was like Nicki’s. If she doesn’t let this douchebag (and I am judging) back into her son’s life, someday the kid is going to look at her and say, “But mom, he came back for me and you were the one who stood in his way.” The chances of that teenage/young adult boy understanding she did it for his own good are slim. I say let him back in, slowly, cautiously, but she has to, if for no other reason than to protect herself from the terrible irony of that future conversation.
Comment by Daddy Geek Boy
| February 23rd, 2010
It does seem on the surface that the dad is a d-bag. Yet if he’s genuine about wanting to re-engage with his son, he should be given the chance. Not all at once. He will need to slowly earn back the trust of his ex and of his son. But for the sake of the kid, the mother should at least try. However, this guy should not be given any chance to screw it up.
Comment by Bo
| February 23rd, 2010
This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything on a blog.
I played in the NFL for five years and have witnessed the tragedy of boys growing up not knowing their fathers. And how that non-relationship gets passed down generation after generation.The kid needs to have a relationship with his dad at least until he’s old enough to decide for himself.
Bo´s last blog ..Blog Post One
Comment by Travis
| February 23rd, 2010
One small note… he is going to have the law on his side. He’s been financially paying for child support. All he has to do is go to court, and that proverbial finger will mean nothing.
He will still have parental rights, and if she wants less of a fight, and… for her son to know his father (Mind you it’s his father, and no longer her husband) and more of his extended family, I would think it would be beneficial for her son to know his father better and get to know an extended family…
That is…
Unless, it’s worth the fight to protect her son, from a family that has no interest in having a sane and safe environment.
Travis´s last blog ..This Thought Brought To You By The Chewbacca Defense
Comment by Sandra
| February 23rd, 2010
First of all, that guy to me is a douchebag for deserting his kid like that.
But, it doesn’t matter what we think, since the law states he has every right to see the boy. Especially since he is contributing financially.
I don’t think she should jump through hoops to make it happen, but if he comes she should give him a second chance.
He is the child’s father, and the family also want to get involved, and they have the right as well. Family who should not be faulted for Mr. Douche’s behaviour.
Plus the child should never be denied a father or extra family. Especially since he could grow up to resent his mother. I grew up to resent my mother for all of the bad she did against my father.
Sandra´s last blog ..For Everything Else, There’s Mastercard………………..
Comment by kmn
| February 23rd, 2010
The law will be on his side. I agree with everyone who said that a child should not be denied a parent who wants to be in their life. That being said, I think he would need to convince me this will be permanent and he will be seeing his son on a consistent basis. If that is his intention, he should be allowed to be involved. If it’s not, he needs to know how much damage he would be doing.
Comment by a single mom
| February 23rd, 2010
Legally, Stephanie probably doesn’t have a choice as to the role the dad will play in the child’s life. The law in states differs but because he did pay support, he has a strong foot in that door. The courts only view things from a logistical stand point which is a very hard pill to swallow.
The child’s age helps because she is still young and that gives Stephanie more say but it also might prove to be an emotional plus for the child who will be potentially impacted less bit the choices of her father.
As for trust – that may never happen completely, but it is a choice that Stephanie has to make – to trust or not to trust… and sometimes it will come with time. (I am not there yet and am not sure that I can ever choose to trust the dad again)
Primarily, it isn’t an issue of “should” he be involved but the extent to which she can allow the involvement so that the child receives the benefits while there is little impact on her stability. Maximize the benefit with minimal exposure – that is what I have been told to do and that is something that can be legally and psychologically supported.
Yes men can change their minds toward their kids. They can change who they are as well. They don’t seem to understand that they are not the only people involved in the situation – which is the difficult part for the kids depending on what they know of their fathers and what they have been told etc.
I want to say that a man who walks out on his kids is accountable to those kids. It is not the job of the court or the mother to right the wrong or clean up the mess or make a father out of such a man – it is that man’s responsibility just as it is the mother’s responsibility to be a parent. I would like to say that the man has to work to change the situation and to bring forth trust and stability and a desire, in that child, to be a part of his life.
Comment by Kelloggsville
| February 23rd, 2010
I would let him back in but gently preposition the child that it may be a short term ‘fun’ thing. I would also have a very stern chat with Dad first about not promising anything to child that he does not guarantee he can keep. I would take baby steps, one off visits, preferably with mum around too until trust and routine re-establishes.
I think it is a very difficult thing for a mum to do requiring a lot of mental strength (as a mum, let alone as a spurned wife). Allowing the access may prove positive but if it doesn’t work out she has to be strong enough to mop up the emotional aftermath. But if she denies access completely later in life resentment may build from the child. *sigh* if only things didn’t have to be so dreadfully hard.
Kelloggsville´s last blog ..I could have an axe in my head….
Comment by Shay
| February 23rd, 2010
The child’s best interest comes first, and any court would allow him visitation rights based on the theory that it is better for the son to have a relationship with his father. So the ball is really *not* in Stephanie’s court, if this is something the Dad wants to pursue. My best friend is in a situation where not only does she have full custody, the Dad does not even pay child support, and she STILL was expected to provide visitation.
That said, I agree with the previous comments that the best way to reintroduce “Dad” and his extended family is in limited, controlled doses. Her son is young enough to get used to having a relationship with his Dad without resenting the absence, provided that Stepahnie is able to maintain a neutral approach to the situation in front of her son & the Dad can maintain a consistency in his visits. Though the son’s behavior may take a dip at first, the situation can be normalized – provided Dad is committed and Stephanie takes the high road.
The only situation in which I would suggest that Stephanie *not* accommodate the father and try to limit his access is if he has other behaviors that make him dangerous to his son(substance abuse, certain kinds of mental illness that require medication for safe/nonviolent behavior, etc.). The father sounds irreponsible, but not unstable. Instability is where you hsve to draw the line.
Comment by katherine.
| February 23rd, 2010
knowing only what are very VERY sketchy details…
He was an incredibly bad (immature?) father for walking away from his family. There is no guarantee he won’t emotionally abandon is son again.
However he has continued to maintain financial support. That says a great deal to me. Maybe not about his parental character…but about his sense of responsibility. It will also give him certain rights legally.
Fast forward ten years or so to when the boy has a say in these matters. If the mother fights the father now, and the boy grows up without knowing his dad, when the dad WANTED the relationship…how does the mother justify that to her son?
Even if the father hurt the mother deeply, if he is a halfway decent guy, does she want her son to grow up without his father?
If the father and son reestablish their relationship and then the father abandons the son again, it will be very difficult. But the boy not having his father in his life should not be because his mother prevented it.
katherine.´s last blog ..Looking at the Sky on Friday ~ Top of the Mark
Comment by AngryDad
| February 23rd, 2010
eh, got to let the guy have access to his son, but she shouldn’t go out of the way to make it happen. he should make all of the effort.
AngryDad´s last blog ..Poll of the Week: Would you Work For Your Ex?
Comment by Elizabeth
| February 23rd, 2010
I’d check with the courts to see how closely visitation could be supervised. If the courts allowed it, I’d try to meet with him and a counselor beforehand to set some guidelines. There’s such a thin line between people being irresponsible jerks (who can reform) and irresponsible dangerous jerks (not a lot of chance). Someone professional should help this mom make a decision she’s got to primarily live with.
Elizabeth´s last blog ..Ten confessions, or why the Choo isn’t on this foot
Comment by Danielle
| February 23rd, 2010
My daughters father decided to NOT be a part of her life before she was born. Although I think he is a douche for choosing this, I would let him in for her sake. It would be hard on me and I am sure I would be very controlling at first until he proved himself, but I think she deserves to know who she is from both sides. I actually have kept all of his and his families contact info just incase she asks for it someday.
That is a hard one, and I wish you well Stephanie!
Danielle´s last blog ..Her calling????
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| February 23rd, 2010
This is a very tough decision Stephanie has to make. I can empathize with her situation very much, and while my knee-jerk reaction is to keep the child away from this man who hasn’t wanted to have anything to do with him, but then she could be denying her son the opportunity to know his father and father’s family.
Since her son is too young to understand the situation, I would caution Stephanie to be extremely careful to maintain solid control of the visitation conditions. For all she knows, the ex could just be interested in the child until another new lover comes along, right? While it is important for her son to know his family, in the end it comes down to what’s best for the child, which would mean (to me) building a relationship with his father slowly. It can’t be rushed, and it has to be on Stephanie’s terms.
Good luck to Stephanie, hope you keep us updated on the outcome.
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Totally Music Tuesday
Comment by Lee
| February 23rd, 2010
As much as I would like to say screw the guy for being a douche and don’t let him see his son. Stephanie needs to put a side any resentment and allow her son to spend time with his dad. Now I do say he’s going to have to come to Stephanie and she has every right to be there to supervise these visits. Me being a single Dad with full custody of my 7yr daughter and no financial assistance from the mother; I know exactly how Stephanie feels. But I think it’s important to not have my feeling for my daughters Mom persuade her own feeling. When she grows up, she can look back and form her own opinion. Sure I wish her mom would come around and spend more time with my daughter. But just because she doesn’t make that effort doesn’t mean I should punish my daughter for it. I see how happy she gets when her mom calls her to talk on the phone. I guess it all boils down to just because I was feel burned doesn’t mean I should rob my daughter of that relationship that she needs with her mom. I mean making our kids happy is what it’s all about and it’s only natural that we feel the need to protect them from being hurt like we were.
Comment by Ambar
| February 23rd, 2010
Ok, this is a very delicate subject for me. My mom raise me with the help of my grandparents (in fact, I still say that I have my mom, my mom (grandma) and my father (grandpa)).
My tale is a very common one, you know, the guy who goes far far away once his gilrfriend tells him she is pregnant.
He did made an attempt to meet me, once, I was a baby, then he disappeared. This was particularly difficult for me when I was young, because I was surrounded by friends with ‘normal’ families. But thankfully I was also surrounded by my lovely mother, my mother and my father.
I remember wanting to meet him when I was 7 or 8 years old, then that need came back when I was about 12. It wasn’t that I longed his love or recognition, I wanted answers. That was all, a conversation, and adult conversation (sounds crazy, but even when I was so little my concerns where very different from the ones that other kids of my age had).
Now I’m an adult, have amazing friends, adore my family, I’m also quite succesful for my age, all because of what I had: beautiful people around me.
Yet, I know that there is a conversation missing, you know, even though I don’t have feelings for that person, just to be able to talk with him a couple of times to hear his part of the storie would have been nice.
So, I do think the kid should be able to talk to his father, but the mom has to set rules in order to protect him. I think the child would like to have some answers, because I’m almost sure he has some very important questions.
(once again, I hope you can understand my english, it’s not super good)
Comment by Kathleen
| February 23rd, 2010
I can’t imagine putting anything in front of your children… my ex disagrees, hence his moving 2000 miles away for a woman and his marriage to her, his 4th wife, on our daughter’s 16th birthday, but… whatever!
I know that in my heart, I have been there for my girls… The children aren’t stupid and learn the truth.
there is nothing more important than your children!!!!!
Comment by Terri Wubben
| February 23rd, 2010
I agree w/Katherine – assuming the dad is a pretty decent guy – b/c of the continued financial support I have to believe he has some good in him – it’s going to be so very hard on Stephanie, but perhaps this is a way for all of them to finally heal and move on to a better place in their lives. Her son should not be denied the opportunity to know his dad and his dad’s family, again assuming the environment is safe for the boy. I wish them all the best!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| February 23rd, 2010
Go to go with Cece here.
Yeah, I just can’t see how a parent could abandon a kid. Maybe in these economic times someone might have to move to get a job, but to end contact and visits totally? Uh, not!
Still, if he’s wanting to be back in his son’s life, that is an important step in the right direction. At age 5, the boy is still young enough to not have long-held grudges (he may still have issues, however; abandonment ain’t pretty).
Parents make mistakes, and this dad may make another mistake. The past can’t be undone, but all we have is now; it’s never too late to sart anew.
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Dating, unplugged
Comment by Tracie
| February 24th, 2010
I think she has to try to let the dad back in the child’s life – cautiously, of course. She doesn’t want to live the rest of her life and wonder if she denied her son the right to know his dad.
Tracie´s last blog ..I Must Have Been A Very Bad Person In My Former Life
Comment by Jenni
| February 24th, 2010
She should give him the benefit of the doubt. If the dad really is serious and wants to get involved in his son’s life, GREAT! I see now harm in that. He’s been financially supportive from the start, so that’s an encouraging sign.
If he turns out to be a flake again, mom just has to remember that it’s all on HIM. When her son looks back, it’ll be her always in the picture and always there for him. No matter what.
Jenni´s last blog ..A Case Of The Blues
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| February 24th, 2010
My good friend lived through almost this same scenario. Dad came back into their lives after 4 years, and then took her to court for full custody. Of course she won, as she had been the primary caretaker all those years. Now they have a nice parenting plan in place, with both parents having access to the child. But it cost her thousands in unnecessary court $$s.
My advice to her would be to DEFINITELY let the father have access to his son– but get an agreement in writing FIRST — something along the lines of a visitation schedule, (probably supervised at first, transitioning into unsupervised as the child gets more comfortable with dad) make it legal — making it clear that he cannot swoop back in after 5 yrs and seek full custody of the child. That way she can maintain control – and maybe instill a schedule of visitation for her son. Just my 2 cents.
Comment by QandleQueen
| February 24th, 2010
I always vote in favor of the high road, but know it’s a steeper, rockier, more difficult route.
Ultimately mom cannot block dad’s attempts at some form of a relationship, no matter how convoluted, as long as the child is not in physical danger.
Trying to shield your child from hurt feelings, getting let down or whatever, is impossible. You can block it from a five year old only to have it manifest ten years later in a resentful fifteen year old, “you kept my dad away from me.” You can’t win either way.
If dad is making attempts at contact, allow it. Don’t bend over backwards for it, but also don’t make him jump through hoops. Keep the lines of communication open and be as accommodating as possible. You don’t have to shield your child from his father or try to explain what he’s like. His true colors will show through soon enough and you will come out smelling like a rose because you didn’t stand in the way.
QandleQueen´s last blog ..Cool Award
Comment by ilinap
| February 24th, 2010
Wow, this is a tough one. As a parent, I cannot imagine deserting my sons for anything, or anyone, in the world. How do you let 5 YEARS go by like that?
ilinap´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Because All Superheroes Wear Their Underwear on the Outside
Comment by Kelly
| February 24th, 2010
This story is so sad — What a total JACKASS!!! I feel bad for Stephanie and her wonderful baby boy. She should be proud of herself and her mom for being family, for better and for worse.
I think the answer is clear: While the father does not deserve a re-introduction, the boy does. One only has one father.
That said, I would grant such a GIFT only after a few criteria are agreed to; biological father (he hasn’t earned “Dad” yet) has to agree to prerequisite counseling with his ex. This would be to agree on ground-rules, timeline and serve to fend off the idea of a fleeting in and out of son’s life — a little commitment to a process. A professional getting involved will take the heat off of any potential off-topic arguments for the sake of arguements.
I sincerely wish you the very best with whatever you decide Stephanie.
Comment by Vinomom
| February 25th, 2010
Sorry so late chiming in on this – I’ve been swamped. I didn’t have time to read ALL the comments either so forgive me if I’m repeating. The dad has been gone approx 2 years +/-
If he’d been gone for ten years I think I’d feel more negatively about it. But the child is only 5 and can bounce back fairly easily from the possible abandonment issues he may have about his dad.
It’s important in my opinion for children to know who both their parents are. Let them form their own opinions. Otherwise YOU will be the bad guy for keeping the child away from his father later in life.
Also people do change, and they do mature and they do realize they made mistakes. At least once I would give him the benefit of the doubt and let him attempt to take a role as a father again.
Vinomom´s last blog ..Gratitude with Attitude Tuesday
Comment by The Trill
| February 25th, 2010
The kid did not ask for this. Encourage the kids to spend time with his dad. Hopefully the dad has changed.
Comment by Keith Wilcox
| February 28th, 2010
There’s something to be said for responsibility. This guy clearly doesn’t have it if he scurried off with some younger babe. Now, I can envision myself getting wrapped up emotionally with someone else, but you know what? I’d never forget my responsibilities and ditch my family. So, in the end, it’s not about me; it’s about what I’ve got to do. My feelings are a little irrelevant next to taking care of what I agreed to take care of years ago. Anyway, so this guy is a turd. I don’t know him, but judging by the fact as you’ve stated them, I don’t think I need to know any more to make that judgement. The only way he has any redeeming value is if this lady, Stephanie, did something to him to make him go away. And, even if that were the case and he had to go, I’d make a concerted effort to see my boys more often than this guy is. I’m guessing it wasn’t Stephanie who caused the split — it was him. And his follow up has been pretty non-stellar. So, no, give him the finger and move on.
Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..When to Let the Kids Take Showers by Themselves
Comment by Mother of an 18 yr old
| August 21st, 2010
I have the same problem only that my son’s dad was a deadbeat, alcholoic and I did let him see him when my son was 12 and did it slowly (he took off when my son was 1 1/2). His dad took off AGAIN! That left my son heartbroken an suicidal, which I have worked extensively thru). Now that my son is 18, he is seeing his dad and are like best friends! He has swept everything under the carpet and is now ailienating me (after raising the kid on my own for 18 yrs). Seems like my son has disregarded everything and is now treating me like I am not the parent, he has his dad now. How the heck do I deal with the feelings of disrespect, hurt, and shunning from my son? It really hurts!