Dad’s House

My son and I were eating at the bar in our favorite Mexican restaurant. The owners are fine with that on slow nights - tons of people eat at that counter solo - and we’ve done it before. Without my daughter along we thought we’d keep it manly and casual. Plus, there was a TV. Always an attraction for a twelve-year-old.

A woman sat down two seats away from me, along with two young kids and a man. Damn, a family, and she was hot. Slim, cute, sexy, olive skin, nice smile. Her husband was the luckiest guy in the room. But then she ordered a beer, and the man and kids left, and I realized she was alone.

Women NEVER eat out alone in Silicon Valley.

I worried it might be awkward talking to her with my son there, but what choice did I have? Chances like this come along once every couple of years (so it seems.) I absolutely had to chat this woman up. Besides, kids are sort of chick magnets.

I asked her if she’d eaten at the restaurant before. A fair question, since we eat there a lot and I didn’t recognize her. Plus, she hadn’t ordered a margarita. Everyone orders a margarita here. This restaurant makes the best ones in town. (La Llorona is my fave.)

She was friendly, and we started to chat. Turns out she was in town visiting from Colorado on business. Her smile was killing me, and I couldn’t see if she had a ring or not. I introduced my son, and he seemed a tad embarrassed, then went back to watching the ballgame on TV.

I felt conflicted – I should bond father/son style. But WTF. If there was a chance with this woman, I had to take it.

A group of guys came into the bar and one totally started hitting on her. She gave him the cold shoulder and changed seats to be right next to me. I was in heaven! (My son smiled. He knew I was pleased.)

We talked while we ate. She explained the meaning of my margarita’s name (La Llorona – the crying woman. Which I knew from reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, but I was impressed with her latina knowledge.)

My son was fairly quiet, but when I brought him into the conversation by having him brag about playing lacrosse or trumpet, he perked up. He’s extremely social, and has no problem talking to adults or girls. He did great.

I finally saw a flash of bling on her finger. Damn! Talk about mood killer, I know I should have looked beforehand. But she had her hand in her lap the whole time, and scoping out a ring would have been so obvious. Plus, sometimes women wear rings when they aren’t married, to ward off men. (Just as sometimes men don’t wear rings when they should.)

I’m pretty direct, so I asked if there’s a lucky guy in her life. Yep, she’s married. But she said she was totally flattered that I hit on her. She ordered a margarita to match mine (La Llorona!), and was bummed when my son and I needed to leave before her drink was done. We exchanged biz cards because she has a girlfriend (in Colorado) to set me up with.

As soon as we left, I talked to my son about what went down. I apologized for chatting so much with someone else, but explained there aren’t that many single women in Silicon Valley, at least not ones who put themselves out there. (I’m convinced they all hide out in the Googleplex.) I explained that when a beautiful woman sits down next to you, you don’t hesitate, you do whatever it takes to start up a conversation. He understood. He got it.

He’s not shy, he’ll be fine with the ladies when it’s time. But I feel it was good for him to watch me interact with this woman. My parents are still married, so I never got to see my old man in action. My son saw me stick my neck out with a woman, strike out, and still hold my head high.

In other words, he saw what it’s like to be a man.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Salsa Dancing - Hot Latin Nights
• Is the Dating Pool Really That Small?
• How to Grill Asparagus (pick-up potential here)
  
• Birds, Bees, and Axe Body Spray
• How to Start Dating a Single Dad

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Wanna wrestle?

And so began a flirty, dirty text message sent to a female friend of mine by a man she knew and had once dated. Only problem, they’d broken up 5 months before. Not only had she moved on from that relationship, she barely remembered his name. Sending a text message can be a great way to flirt when you’re dating. But this one made her wonder, is text messaging any way to ask someone out?

I met a woman online this week (my first mistake, since I already knew online dating doesn’t work; but in a small dating pool it’s easy to fall back on old habits). She was a single mom with great online pics – super cute smile, rockin’ fit body, dare I say a hottie. (I need more than just looks from a romantic partner, but there’s a reason why men stare - we’re visual creatures who can’t help but notice physical beauty.)

I wanted to call Hottie Mom and talk on the phone, but she texted me saying she was at work and exchanging text messages would be more discreet. Fine. We texted all day, swapping info, getting to know each other, ramping up the heat as we went.

Do u get time 4 sexy fun dates? I texted. She had nearly full-time custody of her 10 year old.

Depends how interesting I find the date lol, she texted back.

Interesting is my specialty, I wrote.

Hmm we’ll c how interesting u r, she wrote.

Are you kidding me? With that body of hers, I’d be more interesting than a Miley Cyrus sexy photo debate (and hotter than a Miley Cyrus Playboy centerfold). I’d run more game than pick-up artist Lance could shake a stick at. There was no way I’d let myself fail.

With that smile of yours I’ll be extra motivated, I texted.

We picked a time and texted about where to meet.

Can u cum here? she wrote as way of asking if I’d be willing to drive the forty-five minutes to her town. How I could refuse a dirty innuendo like that? I’ll cum wherever you want.

We finally chatted on the phone to iron out plans, and that’s when things went downhill fast.

• I didn’t feel any conversational chemistry – you can tell a lot about a person by talking to them. What they say, how they say it, passion, pauses, word choice. Hottie Mom and I just didn’t click.
• She’s a fitness trainer – hence the hottie body. I’m a runner and cyclist and love a woman in shape. But I’m also very well educated. While I’ve dated women who didn’t have college degrees, and I’m not an intellectual elitist, I do need a girlfriend who gets my dry wit. Hottie Mom didn’t. I sense we’d bore the crap out of each other.
• She wanted to meet at Chevy’s – isn’t that where families take their kids to watch the tortilla machine, enjoy the whacky balloon-animal guy, eat watered down Mexican food and down Pontiac Margaritas (i.e. decidedly un-Cadillac)? Since when do adults meet there for drinks and romantic flirtation? At this stage of my life I feel an upscale restaurant bar is the best place for singles to meet.
• She starts work at 5 am, leaving her 10-year-old alone – I was a bit of an after-school latch-key kid growing up, so I know it sucks when a child is forced to fend for themselves. Imagine that child waking up in an empty apartment, fixing herself breakfast and getting to school. It breaks my heart. Granted, maybe economics forced Hottie Mom into this situation, but that just means there’s a huge economic disparity between us.

Still, the date is set. My gut tells me to cancel. It would be simple enough to send a text message that says I have to bail. But my it’s spring! male-in-heat raging hormones tell me to focus on the date as a chance to hook up as lovers. After all, she did say she wanted me to cum there. But I need more than cheap sex these days; I’m looking for kid-friendly companionship with benefits.

Most would agree that texting is a bad way to meet someone, and a desperate way to reconnect. After all, did my friend’s 5-months ago date want to talk to her? No. He was shamelessly, facelessly trying to score some booty.

Old habits die hard. I already know you can’t text for chemistry – it has to be felt. But when a flirty dirty text message arrives on your cell phone, it’s hard not to give in to temptation.

If she texts me: Wanna wrestle?
I might answer: When can u cum?

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Putting the EX in SEX
• Texting for Chemistry - Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 2
• How to Pick-Up a Woman in Front of Your Son
• Flirty Text Messages on Craigslist
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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As a divorced dad in my forties, I don’t have a lot of single guy friends. So when a married buddy offers to be my wingman for an evening out, I gladly accept. Having a friend along for drinks is fun on its own, but when you’re trying to meet women it can be a necessity. Drinking alone at a bar can make even the nicest of guys look like a creep. With a friend you’re laughing, smiling, and more at ease, all of which makes you look more attractive.

(Dining alone at a restaurant bar is a different story, and is a great way to meet people, be they business travelers or locals who are single.)

The problem is, some married men use their wingman role as a ruse to meet women. Sure, any married person deserves some playful sexual sparring with members of the opposite sex other than their spouse. It’s healthy to flirt. But how much is too much? A married man as wingman can be bad for everyone involved.

• I’ve had married buddies compete with me for a woman’s attention. It’s hard enough to meet people to date, even tougher when your friend butts his head in with nothing at stake.

• I’ve had married buddies charm the girlfriend of a woman I’m talking to, so much so that the girlfriend wants to date him. Didn’t she ask if he was married? Didn’t he tell her? (Some married men don’t wear rings, at least not in bars.)

• I’ve had married buddies’ wives ask me why I kept their husband out so late – on nights he didn’t even go out with me!

Please know that not all married guys are like this. (From my experience I’d say most married guys are not like this.) But some are. They betray their spouses and friends, and smile and lie to the women they meet.

Why do they do it? Some men are unhappy in their marriages. Some like the thrill of the chase. Some need to feel the spark of sexual conquest. A lot simply need women to love them. They’ll say anything to make a woman think he’s the most fabulous creature on earth, sometimes by simply noticing things about her and helping her feel great about herself. It’s an ego need. (Random pop psychology note: often when a person feeds off the adoration and love of others, they are doing so because they don’t love themselves.)

As for me, next time I’m out I might go by myself. Just don’t automatically think I’m a creep for drinking alone. I might be doing it to help a married friend stay out of trouble. Or at the very least, let him find trouble without my help.

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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