Dad's House » dating

A Decade of Divorced Dating!

dadshouse — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:07:05 +0000

My marriage ended ten years ago.

That’s a decade of post-divorce dating experience under my belt!

What was dating like ten years ago?
And what’s it like now?

Today, Dad’s House is guest posting over at The Real World: Venus vs. Mars. Ride a love rocket on over for a look at:

A Decade of Dating, How Things Have Changed

Then come back and help me figure out what to do with the next ten years of my life.

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Drunk Texting Marriage Proposal

dadshouse — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:13:36 +0000

I go on a lot of bad dates. At least those are the ones I tend to blog about. Sill, proof does exist that not all of my first dates suck. A woman I recently went on two dates with texted me at 2am.

She texted: Sleelunb???
I texted: Huh? What’s up?
She texted: I’m drunk!!!

Gotta love a drunk text at two in the morning.

I texted: Do you need a ride someplace?
She texted: No. I’m home. And sad!!!!
I texted: Why sad?
She texted: Will u marry me?
I texted: Ha. U r drunk
She texted: I need u to marry me or I have to go back to Peru!

Nothing like a foreign national looking for a green card after just two dates to suck the romance right out of a relationship. Not to mention doing so drunk at 2am. I’ve heard some crazy requests in my days (remember the woman who wanted to be nude in chains, in a cage?), but this took the cake. I ignored the drunken texting.

She sent another text message.

Her text: Marry me???

She must have passed out asleep, because she didn’t text again until morning.

Her text: So u gonna marry me??
My text: Not today.
Her text: When? I miss my parents! I need u to marry me so I can visit them and come back and stay here.
My text: I barely know u
Her text: U will know me good when we marry. I will stay with you 3 years!!!

Oh, she hadn’t mentioned we’d stay married three whole years. That changed everything. Of course, after three years, we’d… get divorced? Sigh.

Two days later, she sent another text mesage:

When u gonna call? We need to go on a date so u can know me.

Warning to Dad’s House female readers. Dating David can result in you wanting to get married right away. Anyone with marital desire lasting more than 48 hours needs medical assistance immediately, or risk a permanent loss of wedding bell potency.

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From Sizzle to Fizzle Before the Second Date

dadshouse — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:15:33 +0000

I had a rockin’ date this past summer. I saw a woman in a wine bar, tried to chat her up, failed miserably – but then got her number a week later from a friend of hers who it turns out I knew. Apparently, he did some serious wingman post-op triage and talked me up to her when I wasn’t around. She told him to have me call her, and call her I did.

She and I had a cocktail date at one of my favorite upscale restaurants. The mood there is cozy, the lighting dim, the drinks stiff (the bartenders know me, ahem). We had a lot in common, and the conversation flowed. All in all, a great first date.

Before we could have a second date, though, she left town for a few weeks (it was summer, remember). Once back, we reconnected with a phone call, and I invited her out for dinner.

Now then, she’s a single mom of teens, and I’m a single dad of teens, so our custody schedule shouldn’t be too hard to sync up. After all, our kids are old enough to be left alone for an evening. But this woman was tough to pin down. Seems she’s a bit of a socialite wannabe. (She swore she never went out, but she kept talking about how her girlfriend was married to a Venture Capitalist, i.e. man with a mega personal bank account, and I got the idea this woman wanted the same sort of prize.)

To make a long story short: we picked a night for a second date, and she cancelled on me last minute, saying something else hd come up. She suggested I try her again the following week. Try I did, only to find out her every night was booked.

Can you say, she didn’t want to date me, but didn’t want to tell me that?

I checked with the mutual friend, and he said I should probably just stop pursuing her. Okay, no big deal. I’m not going to hit it off with everyone. I mean, this woman and I had definite chemistry, and we connected on a very grounded level. But I’m not a Venture Capitalist, never pretended to be. My wallet isn’t as big as the Rock of Gibraltar.

Fast forward to this past week. I was in that same wine bar with a buddy, and who’s there but Miss Wants-to-Marry-a-Wallet! We locked eyes, and she abruptly turned away, pretending not to see me. She said something to her lonely houswife friend (the one married to a VC), then threw back her head and laughed – Hahahahahaha. One of those carefree laughs hot women toss out in bars so that men will notice them.

My buddy insisted I go say hi, if for no other reason than to see fireworks. I was totally down for that. This woman’s summer-time reaction to not wanting to date had been so junior high worthy, I hadn’t lost any sleep.

We went over to her and her friend, and I said hello. She looked at my like I had some nerve even pretending I knew her. I introduced my buddy, and introduced ourselves to her friend. But Miss One Date turned away like I wasn’t even there.

Damn, I must have pissed her off plenty over the summer. Maybe I was supposed to have called and pressed for that second date. Some women like playing hard to get.

My buddy and I strolled off, and he muttered something about her being a bee-yatch.

A little later that night, two older men approached this woman and her friend. The men were comfortably dressed, drinking from special glasses reserved for expensive wine, totally oozing money. VC’s, for sure. With her gold digger attitude, I figured they had a chance to score.

Not two minutes into their flirty approach, she pulled the same I’m so bored with your company shit she’d pulled on me.

I’m thinking Miss Money Crazy has a bit of a complex. (If anyone can think of a good urban slang term to describe her, feel free…)

Coming soon: I’ll post about a second date I recently had with a different woman, that led to a totally different reaction on her part… (drunken texts are a very good thing)

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Blind Date – Ugh

dadshouse — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:02:57 +0000

I’ve been on some bad blind dates in my day – women who fudged their age by 10 years, trimmed their weight by 50 pounds, turned out wanting a sexy arrangement (yeah, that kind of sexy arrangement.) But none prepared me for one I endured at Starbucks this past weekend. Trust me, I’ve never downed a moccha-caramel-skim-milk-extra-hot-double-latte* so quickly.

Background

The woman and I met online, and she refused to send a pic. Warning sign for sure, but she insisted she was attractive, just private. Fair enough. Once we swapped cell numbers, she refused to text. Now, now, don’t worry – I did call her, and we did talk. Texting vs calling can be a bone of contention, for sure. But it took a few weeks to get our schedules aligned before we could meet. During that time you’d think she’d be fine swapping a text message or two (and I wasn’t even sending dirty text messages.) It struck me as weird.

The Date

When we finally met, I was immediately put off by her expression. She was attractive enough, but she didn’t smile. She had these huge Eeyore eyes – knitted eyebrow, drooping expression, like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I asked if everything was fine, and she said yes. But she just didn’t look at all happy. Was she displeased with me? She didn’t seem to be. I had sent her my pic, and she thought I was handsome. I think she was just depressed about life. Look, I know we all go through stuff. But for meeting someone, it’s important to smile when you flirt.

Miss Eeyore wore a mini-skirt, which was oozing hot sexy confidence. But I hate to say, her panty line was showing. That wouldn’t be a problem if she’d worn boy-shorts or a thong. But her panty choice wouldn’t raise the heat in a nursing home. Yep, she wore granny panties. You know, those big ones that pretty much cover everything in site. Like a big pair of Depends. Decidedly not sexy.

Once we started talking, the conversation became very one-sided, and decidedly un-sexy and un-hot. She gave me a long-winded speech about the mortgage crises. WTF?! I have to admit, she was knowledgeable, dishing me nuggets I hadn’t even read in US News and World Report. But for a first date? Aren’t we supposed to ask each other questions, share witty banter, flirt like crazy and make me want to get into her panties? (Oh, wait – we already covered that.)

Maybe the mortgage crisis had given her that Eeyore look.

She finally said, “Oh, sorry, I’m talking too much. You talk for a while.”

Huh? What should I talk about? The war in Afghanistan? The high cost of health care? The proclivity of David Brooks for lumping divorce with drug use and crime? No! I should ask probing questions. Get to know her a bit.

“Ummmmm, how long have you lived around here?” I asked. Doh!

Okay, if I start saying shit like that, you know the moccha-caramel-skim-milk-extra-hot-double-latte isn’t going down nearly fast enough. (Hey, it was extra hot! I could only down it so fast!)

When we finished at Starbucks, she suggested we grab a bite. To which I thought, W!! T!! F!!

“I really need to go,” I said.

I think Miss Eeyore might need a Winnie the Pooh playmate in her life. It would probably make her smile.

Too bad for her, I don’t eat honey!**

Footnotes

(* My coffee drink was actually an Americano, but I changed that detail so my date wouldn’t know I was blogging about her. Shhhhhh….)

(**I actually do eat honey, but I won’t be dragged into another lecture on the mortgage crisis. Double shhhhhh….)

Flickr image by Laren Javier, some rights reserved.

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Single Parent Dating Takes Patience

dadshouse — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:36:34 +0000

For privacy reasons, I tend not to blog about relationships I’m actively involved in. As such, Dad’s House readers get a skewed view of my single parent dating life. I blog about hookups gone awry, lovers texting goodbye, funny sexy stories, and date-stacking flakes who bail before the first date.

My single parent love life isn’t quite that woeful.

Since I’ve recently had several relationships come to a close, I figured it’s time to give a summary version of what I’ve been up to these past few months.

In short, I was dating four women at once.

Okay, before you get all hot and bothered, know that I use the term “dating” loosely. Three of the women I was seeing were single moms, and single moms dating single dads can be complicated stuff, with long stretches where you don’t actually see each other. At least that’s how it’s been for me here in Silicon Valley.

To wit:

Single Mom A – a full-time single parent with two kids several years apart. We seemed to hit it off well enough, but she wanted a man with societal connections and money – $100 million or more. (Silicon Valley gold digger? You be the judge!) I learned these details from a mutual friend. Why was she spending time with me, then? She liked that I was smart, funny, and self aware. But, it appears she wanted that bank account even more. (Why was I spending time with her? Um, I’m not anymore.)

Single Mom B – a 90% custody parent with two kids much younger than mine. She never had time to go out, and she didn’t want any man meeting her kids. I think she’s still in love with her ex-husband.

Single Mom C – an empty-nester (yes, she’s older than me.) We’re just not at the same life stage, and things didn’t work. She’s already planning vacations to Europe where she can stay two months at a time. Hey, travel is great, but I have two kids to raise. I take my half-time custody schedule seriously, and cherish my time with them.

Bachelorette number 4 was my friend with benefits. As a single parent, I don’t get near enough intimacy. She was childless, and not interested in seriously dating a man who’s done having children. (Which begs the question: do divorced dads need to have more kids to find love?) But we enjoyed each other’s company, and we loved the physical touch. Spooning is a very good thing. But now she’s dating someone for real.

Of course, since I tend not to blog about relationships I’m in, it’s quite possible I’m already dating some other woman.

Or maybe I’m dating four other women… you never know!

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Older Men and Younger Women

dadshouse — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:00:02 +0000

If youth is wasted on the young, perhaps old age is being wasted on me. I was recently in a coffee house when two younger women checked me out. Yes, the older men younger women fantasy flashed through my mind.

Now, now – I know the difference between people looking at me and looking past me at someone else or to a clock on the wall. I was sitting by myself in the corner, and there was nothing for them to see but me. My fly was zipped up, there was no food stuck in my teeth, no purple monkeys on top of my head.

These women were giving me the eye, pure and simple.

I was struck with a dilemma – do I give them the eye right back?

I’m a big fan of meeting women in real life situations, and know that simply starting a conversation can work better than using any supposed pick up lines that work every time. I guessed these two younger women were in their early twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an older man who has no problem ogling an adult female, no matter the age. If my head turns, it turns, hopefully without giving me whiplash.

But I’m also an older man in my mid-forties, a father to a seventeen-year-old girl. I’m aware that older men sometimes eye my teen daughter. (By older, in her case, I mean any man over college age. Though I have seen men in their 30s check her out.) When I see that happening, I give those older men the stink eye, and send telepathic ass-kicking brain waves for them to stay away from my little girl.

So here I was in the coffee house, a virile middle-aged single man with two young hotties at the next table, aware just how creepy the older men younger women thing would be if my own daughter was involved.

For the record, a Stanford study says it’s actually good for the survival of the species for older men to chase younger women. From my own personal experience, I know that a 20-something woman works well as a lover for a 40-something man like me. I hear in France, they take a man’s age, divide it by two and add seven to find the perfect age for his mistress. I think that’s too many years apart for a committed relationship, but the older men younger women age difference works great when it’s all about physical intimacy. Here’s why:

Older men are established and have no problem paying for dates
Younger women are full of life and energy
Older men are experienced sexually. In bed, they can focus on giving rather than getting off, and when it comes to sex have lots to teach
Younger women have naturally beautiful bodies (the female form is a wonder to behold)
Older men and younger women who realize the relationship will never last can simply have fun in the present moment and not worry about the future. (Even single parents need intimacy.)

I realize older women and younger men can make similar claims. Cougars are out there. And older men and older women can be great together. This older men younger women blog post isn’t a dissertation.

I suddenly noticed these women were studying from test prep books with the letters “SAT” on the cover. Doh! Talk about an older men younger women nightmare. But then I figured they must be high school girls, friends of my daughter who recognized me and wanted to say hello.

Oh, but wait. I eavesdropped a bit and heard them talking about law school. I looked at the books again. Turns out they were LSAT books. These younger women were college graduates prepping for law school entrance exams.

To make a long story short – yes I chatted them up (did you think I wouldn’t say a word? Flirt daily! It’s good for you.) No, I didn’t ask for any phone numbers.

Though I wonder if I should go into the LSAT test prep tutoring business.

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When a Date Wants to Polish the (blank)

dadshouse — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:00:44 +0000

Recently, a date wanted to polish the (blank) in my home.

Now, now, get your urban-slang minds out of the gutter.

This post is about polishing actual things.

Glass things. And silver things. And shiny chrome things. Okay, and maybe a knob.

Head on over to the Hot Dads blog and polish up on the subject:

When a Date Wants to Polish the (blank)

Then if you feel like polishing something else, come on back, and by all means, polish away…

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