Dad’s House

David Mott is on vacation this week, but he invited his favorite bloggers to take over Dad’s House while he’s gone. Today What Men Think pokes around the walk-in closet…

Jimmy Choo Pumps. $600
Louis Vuitton Hand Bag & Wallet. $2500
Chanel Sunglasses. $300
True Religion Jeans. $250
Ed Hardy Basic Tee. $60
Tiffany & Co Pendant. $950
Victoria’s Secret Bra & Panty $75
Dior Watch. $1800

Total? $6535

This would be the average of what I see on Rodeo Dr. or Melrose Ave. in Los Angeles, California. Fortunately, most of America isn’t like Los Angeles. Unfortunately, this is a pretty thrifty outfit for many in Hollywood (including the men).

If I didn’t have to dress up for my business, I would wear a plain T-Shirt and Jeans/Shorts most of the time. Men are simple when it comes to fashion. We like simplicity and comfort. I state on my “About the Blogger” section that I like “back to basics fashion”. I think that a healthy body looks great in a pair of blue jeans a simple white t-shirt. Health and simplicity is a timeless fashion. I see a lot of women get preoccupied with the latest trends and designer goods.

Sadly, the truth about, “What men think about luxury fashion?”
Answer, “Huh?” Don’t ask a man about women’s fashion.

Can I get an amen?

© 2008 What Men Think. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

David Mott is on vacation this week, but he left the keys to Dad’s House with some of his favorite bloggers (they’re behaving, right?). Today Laila, the sexy author of Lulu Notewordy, relaxes in the backyard and ponders love…

I was sitting on Dadshouse’s patio(not really) and thinking about the differences between men and women. I pondered the wonderful, sloppy, mistake-ridden trapse through the backyard of love and relationships…

The crisp sound of chirping, and sight of humming birds bring to mind the flutter and sail of one’s heart; the quest for that calming and chaotic feeling in a new crush. I see ants marching in lines dutifully; and I think of the sometimes inevitable fall into line of marriage, child-rearing in tandem, and the lost sparks necessary routine turning to mundane. I lean back into the beaming rays of the sun, knowing its rays (like an ex) can burn me, or brighten me with equal measure.

The art of attraction has always seemed infinitely flawed to me. I am the first to raise my foolish hand in a crowd asked: “Do you know what you want in a partner?”. It seems simple enough. Right? Just by looking at my handy-dandy Spectrum of Ex you can see I have tested that silly question with equal measure of face-plant falls into love-lust fantasy long distance relationships, and real founded(albeit, ultimately unsuccessful) connections.

Sitting here I find a very small clarity in moment of stillness. I realize that it is so easy to project your best self out to the dating world. Why wouldn’t I? I am still learning, but I think there can often be a great divide between the The man you want and the man you need. I guess self-awareness plays far more into all of it than I originally expected. I am a married commitmentphobe (one of my many personal oxymorons). I have read more books than I will ever admit. I have too great an understanding of the obstacles the human heart faces. The passive avoider, the needy, the active runner, the sex-a-thonist…just checking that you are paying attention.

I write with honesty, I suck at relationships most of the time, but I am smitten with the concept of love, so I say with a rueful smile and the hope that every day is some small step of improvement. Life is short. Love is so rich with experience, finding someone to share your conversations, grilled veggie burger, orgasm(why not)…in the backyard is fun. It is part of the “good stuff” that helps us maintain a level of sanity managing the bad.

There is no doubt we can do it alone, sometimes even enjoy it…but I once heard a quote that stuck with me. I will paraphrase: “Falling in love is learning someone else, hard and fast. If it is real love, you start to see your best self through their eyes, almost as if you are falling in love with yourself….”

It is summertime. You are ripe with the possibility of yourself. That is far greater a tool than anything else. Grab a drink, a patio chair, and take the time to notice what you need vs. what you want. Take the time to find the beauty in the moment and spinning world around us. Love outwardly if you feel the inclination, if not, love inward. There are no wrong turns there.

© 2008 Lulu Notewordy. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

My kids are back from vacationing with their mom, so I am no longer a lone wolf. It was a great three weeks running solo. Some highlights:

• Sailing
• Wine tasting
• Watching the end of Euro 2008
• Watching the start of the Tour de France
• Dates that didn’t pan out
• Dates that did (sorry, I don’t kiss and tell)
• Unmanly acts of Cooking and Reading
• Manly acts of Hooking Up (you’d love details, wouldn’t you…)

And with my kids here, we are promptly leaving for one of the best single parent vacations ever – to a SoCal beach house with my brother and his wife and kids. Woohoo!

While I’m gone next week, I’m leaving the keys to Dad’s House with some fabulous guest bloggers who I respect and adore. They each plan to take over a part of the house. You won’t want to miss it! Drop on by, weigh in with comments, visit their blogs, watch your karma grow.

And meanwhile, I’ll be hitting the beach with my kids and niece and nephew, sipping sunset cocktails with my brother and his wife. Can’t wait!

Hasta la vista, baby!

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Family Weekend
• Reggae Radio Bob Marley
• Um, Good Morning, America?
• Go, Daddy, Go! (But in Dockers?)
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Thursday night is always a great night for a cocktail. (Actually, any night is. But I digress…) I try not to gender stereotype, but tonight’s cocktail tends to have a girlie reputation. Cosmos are that pink drink that so many girls-night-out women adore. As a man, I typically won’t order one in a bar. A three-olive martini not only gives me a stronger image, it usually hits the spot.

But at home, with dinner guests, I’ll shake up some Cosmos, no problem. The key is using Cointreau instead of Triple Sec, and not just for the liqueur’s Global Brand Ambassador. I also use a bit more cranberry juice than some other recipes – it gives the Cosmopolitan more color and tang. As for vodka, there are so many flavors mixed in this drink, I’m not sure the brand matters. I drink Ketel One, and keep a big bottle of it in my freezer.

Glass chilling tip – fill martini glasses with ice and water before you mix the cocktail in a shaker. The glasses will be plenty cold when you’re ready to pour.

Cosmopolitan Recipe

2 parts vodka
1 ½ parts cranberry juice
1 part Rose’s lime juice
1 part Cointreau
Shake sharply with ice
Pour into a chilled martini glass

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Perfect Gin Martini Recipe
• Vodka Martini Recipe with a Lemon Twist
• Friday Night Cocktails - Gimlet Recipe
• Negroni Cocktail Recipe
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Over the long weekend a buddy and I spent a day wine tasting in the Santa Cruz mountains. Which is to say, rather than tasting we socialized and drank. As it should be for a single dad like me. (My buddy is married, which could spell wingman trouble, but he’s a good and respectful companion, not someone who lies to women.)

No matter the region - Napa, Sonoma, Monterey, Paso Robles, Santa Barbara, Santa Ynez, Santa Cruz – wineries are great places for singles to meet. Simply step up to the tasting bar next to a pair of attractive women. In ten minutes, you can rub shoulders, engage in conversation, amuse with wit. And you don’t have to know a thing about wine. If the tasting ends with no connection, everyone goes their merry way. But if there’s a spark or you simply get along, you can suggest meeting up at another winery. All these things happened this past weekend, so it was a typical good day.

And then I fell hard for one of the pourers.

We entered a less-trafficked winery and she immediately turned my head. Thirty-something, cute, athletic, nice smile, a little shy. Like an older, down-to-earth, Lost in Translation Scarlett Johansson. Now then, when it comes to bars and clubs, I have practically no game. I’m terrible at approaching women, making small talk, flirting and raising the heat. But in a tasting environment or a bar in a nice restaurant where the banter is witty and low key, I definitely hold my own. And so it was with all the confidence in the world that I stepped up to the bar right in front of this pourer.

For story-telling purposes, I’ll leave out the wine pouring small talk and cut straight to the chase.

There were horses near the winery and one galloped into view. The pourer was wearing Wranglers, an aggie-style jean. I asked if she rode.
“No,” she said.

Okay, no problem, I’d try a different approach. Country music played softly on the radio, and I’m more of an alt-rock fan. Everyone has their preference. I asked the pourer what music she liked.
“Country,” she said. It figured. “And alt-rock.”

Ding-ding-ding!

I immediately told a funny story involving San Francisco’s infamous alt-rock radio station, the One and Only Live105.
“Live105,” she said. “Is that classic rock?”
Um, no.

So much for that tack. I looked for another approach. She was in great shape, lean and strong, so I figured sports and activity might be my in. I asked if she was a gymnast.
She brightened. “I used to be! Now I run marathons.”

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

This time I had her, for sure. I’d run seven marathons in my day, before sore knees encouraged me to take up cycling. Turns out she’d run two, including Boston. That meant she’s fast, since you actually have to quality for Boston. She’d run the 26.2 miles in 3 hours and 12 minutes.
“Have you run Boston?” she asked.
“No,” I said. My marathon best was 3:29, and I needed a 3:15 to qualify. “Missed it by fourteen minutes.”

She raised her eyebrows, as if surprised I was slower than her. Whatever. Everyone’s different, and no two races are the same. That she was faster didn’t make me feel unmanly. But the conversation sputtered. She wasn’t giving me an inch, let alone opening up, and I resigned myself to having struck out.

As my buddy and I finished our last taste of wine, we chatted about the Tour de France. Cycling is one of my favorite sports. Turns out the pourer was just getting into cycling for triathlons. Wish I’d known that right off the bat. Oh well, We drained our glasses and left.

Outside, my buddy berated me for not getting her phone number.
“She deflected everything I tossed at her,” I said.
“You could have invited her cycling.”

Good point. But my flirtatious energy had been sapped, and I needed to gear up for another winery. After all, there were sure to be more singles at the next wine tasting bar.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Supermarket Dating – Cure for the Common Online Date
• How to Marry a Millionaire
• Best Single Parent Family Vacations EVER
  
• Is the Dating Pool Really That Small?

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Her ad last Tuesday was simple and direct:

Summer Romance - I’m 35, attractive and active, take good care of myself. I’m educated with a successful career. Looking for an intelligent, fit, emotionally healthy man, 35-45. Let’s meet for drinks tonight and see where things lead.

Summer romance with an attractive woman who wanted to meet tonight? Sounded perfect to me. It was already 8:45pm, and she’d posted at 8:30pm, so I had a real shot. Some women posting on Craigslist received 300 responses. For a guy to get picked, sending the first compelling reply was key. I emailed a note and a pic of my smiling face.

Hey – I like how you sound. I’m a SWM, early 40s, educated, in shape, nearby. Drinks tonight sounds great.

The best thing about Craigslist is its immediacy. Forget match.com and yahoo personals with their checkboxed descriptions of an ideal partner, prolonged emails, and lengthy search for the one. On Craigslist it was all about who wants to meet right now? Chemistry is felt in an instant in person, after all. The important thing is to meet.

Half an hour passed.

Surely she’d picked someone by now. If she was real. I’d been around the Craigslist block enough times to get burned more than once. But I’d also met some really great women – for coffee, drinks, hiking, cycling, dinner. I just figure you have to break some eggs to make an omelet. And if said omelet is made for two the morning after an evening date? I won’t complain.

She sent an email. Her pic was attractive. Her note was brief:

Looks good. Where do you live?

I know enough not to give personal details online to a stranger, so I side-step questions like that. The key was to meet, especially when her ad said tonight. She was looking for summer romance, not looking all summer for the perfect partner. I wrote right back.

I’m one town over. Are you in the mood for cocktails or wine?

Another five minutes passed, not a good sign. She might be considering a handful of guys. And why not? If she was out clubbing, she’d have an entire venue of men to flirt with. Finally she wrote and suggested we chat on Yahoo IM.

Her: hi!
Me: hey, how are you?
Her: I’m good. Getting a little late.

(Fair enough, she’d posted an hour before.)

Me: I live nearby. Let’s meet right now and chat over drinks.
Her: that would be fun, but I have to get up early.

(Granted, it was a weeknight. But she’s the one who’d posted looking for tonight.)

Me: you’ll be in bed early. It’s just a drink
Her: maybe you want more than that

(From summer romance to one-night-stand – maybe she was testing my intentions)

Me: no, just a drink to see if we click. Summer’s just getting started. Plenty of time for fun.
Her: good! But I really do have to get up early. Maybe tomorrow night?

(Sigh. I wouldn’t push. Best to play on her terms.)

Me: I would, but I already have dinner plans with a buddy. Sorry.
Her: no problem. How about Thursday?
Me: sure! That would be great.

We agreed to chat some more during the day on Thursday to iron out plans. Craigslist immediacy was being tossed out the window, but at least I had a date. With an attractive, educated, sexy woman, no less.

On Thursday I couldn’t wait for our evening date. Drinks with romance potential. This could turn into a very good summer, indeed. Too bad we hadn’t exchanged cell phone numbers, we could swap some flirty text messages or actually talk. I sent her email. The response was immediate:

From: MAILER-DAEMON@yahoo.com
Sorry, we were unable to deliver your message. That account has been deactivated.

Talk about simple and direct. Ah, Craigslist.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Internet Dating - Sadly, I’m a Bit of an Expert
  
• Texting for Chemistry – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 2
• A Sexy Flirty Dirty Text Message

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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When Tour de France cyclists rolled through California the past two years, my kids and I were there to watch, snapping photos and grabbing autographs from international cycling greats. We caught a couple stage finishes in San Luis Obispo (one in the rain) and a time trial in Solvang. And this year in Palo Alto, I actually rode with Team CSC’s Big Jens Voigt. (Okay, so he was on a training ride and I happened to be there, and barely kept pace with him for 200 yards. Whatever – I rode with him!)

As for the autographs – the cyclists were dining en masse in San Luis Obispo at the Madonna Inn. My son hovered near the dining room entrance and scored signatures from the argyle armada Team Slipstream riders Danny Pate and Steven Cozza. Then a woman involved with the race asked if he wanted to meet other cyclists. “Yeah,” he said. She led him into the dining room. We can almost make out all the names.

If anyone can figure out some of those autographs, feel free to chime in. Possible candidates: Ivan Basso, Tommy Danielson, Allan Davis, Jason McCartney, Brian Vandborg, Johan Bruyneel

First, my son met Team Discovery, the former US Postal Team that supported Lance Armstrong through 7 Tour de France wins. There was Levi Leipheimer, George Hincapie, Ivan Basso, and the rest eating dinner together. (Team Discovery has since disbanded, and the cyclists ride for teams like Team Astana, Team High Road (now Team Columbia), and the Argyle Armada - the former Team Slipstream, now Garmin-Chipotle.)

My son told them about his BMX trick bike with pegs. They asked if he had a road bike like ones they road, and he told them, “No, but my dad does.”

When a table full of international cyclists give their nods of approval, definitely Dad points scored.

“Does your dad race?” they asked.
“Nah,” my son said. “I think he’s pretty slow.”
Ouch.

He went on to meet members of Team CSC, including Jens Voigt (my aforementioned riding partner), Stuart O’Grady, and Christian Van de Velde. Everyone was super nice to my son, not only signing autographs but chatting him up in the process.

The great thing for cycling fans at Tour events is sitting right on the edge of the road. Here are photos from the 2007 Amgen Tour of California Solvang time trial.

Rabobank’s Mauricio Alberto Ardila Cano

Team Slipstream cyclist Danny Pate riding for the Argyle Armada

Hey, it’s Nacho Libre!

Team CSC cyclist Big Jens Voigt

Fast Freddie Rodriguez

Love the winged helmet and huge American flag

Stuart O’Grady from Team CSC

Levi Leipheimer en route to winning the Tour of California. (Sadly, Levi and Team Astana aren’t allowed to ride in this year’s Tour de France, through no fault of his own)

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Way Beyond Soccer Dad
• Go, Daddy, Go! (But in Dockers?)
• Greg Norman’s Yacht Has Nothing On This

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Grilled salmon is a treat, and it’s simple to cook. My technique is based on a recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks. And with the holiday weekend approaching, I figured it’s time to pull out this story from the family archives…

On Christmas a few years ago, my brother gave me a fabulous gift – a cookbook called The Best Recipe, by the editors of Cook’s Illustrated. They have a test kitchen where they try every method they can think of to cook different foods. And this cookbook tells all – what worked, what didn’t, and what’s best to do.

“Wow,” I said when I unwrapped it. “This is great.”
“It’s awesome,” my brother. “We use it all the time. We figured as a single dad, you might really enjoy it.”

I smiled and nodded, wondering what to do. This was a cook book I already had. Should I tell them? Or return it without saying a word?

“Read the inscription,” my brother said

To David – Buon Appetit! Love xox etc.

Ouch. “Nice,” I said.
But I must have grimaced, because they asked “What’s wrong?”
“I already have this book.”

Sighs all around. Then my brother took it back, opened it to the inscription, and scribbled with a pen. He handed it back. “How’s that?” he asked.

To Dad!! – Buon Appetit! Love xox etc.

“Perfect!” I said.

Our dad was very happy for the gift. And that’s what it means to be a family. (All except me blabbing it in my blog to the world…)

RECIPE

Start with salmon fillets (not salmon steaks), 6-8 oz. per person
Try to get fillets that are uniform thickness so no part cooks too quick
Sprinkle with salt and pepper
Place skin side down on medium-high heated grill
Cook 4 min. or so until top no longer looks raw – don’t over-cook! Skin should pull away a bit
Flip and cook 2-3 minutes more – cutting into the center should look translucent for medium rare
Peel off the skin
Serve on platter with the salt/pepper side up – it looks nicer that way!

Happy 4th. Merry Christmas. Jolly Whatever You’re Celebrating Today.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• How to Grill Asparagus
• Grilling With Grandpa
• Italian-style Carrots Recipe
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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This advice comes about nine months too late for the Gloucester High teenage girls with the pregnancy pact, but there’s been enough reaction to what they did that I figured some prevention talk was in order.

As a single dad with a teenage daughter, I have first-hand experience in giving the talk to a girl. I told my daughter about the birds and bees in explicit detail when she was eleven and heading into sixth grade. This in response to news that local 6th-8th grade boys were persuading girls to perform oral sex on them in the school bathroom.

My daughter and I talked for an hour. I wasn’t nervous, I remained calm and spoke openly. My candor eased her into having a real conversation with me.

1. Biology – I explained the reproductive system of men and women, building on whatever knowledge the school had given her. I asked leading questions to see what she knew, then wove in new information. I described intercourse. (I didn’t get into crazy monkey sex. I’ll leave that to Honey and Lance.)

2. Love – we talked about falling in love, getting married, caring unconditionally for another person, and how sex can enhance all that. Without getting into tantric sex, I explained that great sex can feel spiritual.

3. Enjoyment – sex feels good. If it didn’t, no one would procreate.

4. Entertainment – it’s possible to have sex for entertainment and fun, without being in love, and a lot of people do just that. It really helped having a visual aid for my daughter. I showed her the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, and explained how hooking up and sex without attachment leads to empty feelings, not to mention the risk of disease.

5. STDs – some sexually transmitted diseases are passed through an exchange of fluids, and others from skin-to-skin contact. Safe sex, including condoms, is a must.

6. Peer pressure – we talked about how some people go along with the group, even if the choice is wrong. Locally, girls were told they had to give blowjobs if they wanted to hang out with the cool boys. Some were even promised the status of girlfriend. This gave the girls a sense of self-esteem that maybe they weren’t getting at school or at home. Problem was, the next day some of the boys turned a cold shoulder and moved on to their next conquest.

7. Oral – the boys in our local community were telling girls “it’s only a kiss, just not on the mouth.” So, yes, I explained to my daughter how oral sex is peformed. She was kind of grossed out (what eleven year old wouldn’t be?)

8. Parenting – I reminded her that having a kid changes the course of the rest of your life. Parenting is hugely rewarding, but also a giant responsibility. Let pregnancy happen when she’s ready for everything that goes with it.

My daughter asked great questions – Does it hurt? How old was I when I became sexually active? She called her aunt the next day with well-thought follow-ups.

The fact that I’m divorced and dating helped me relate. It also meant I felt a little awkward at times – like any normal adult, I usually have sex just for fun. Sometimes that’s with a Friend-With-Benefits or booty-call partner who I’m not in love with.

But I kept all the awkward feelings to myself. It was more important to arm my daughter with knowledge, and empower her to feel good about herself, enjoy sex when she’s ready, and become a mother on her own good time.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Who Needs Protection? It’s Only a One Night Stand
• My Daughter’s On Facebook – Can I Still Join?
  
• Honey and Lance.com: How Much Sex Ed Are You Giving Your Kids?
• Miley Cyrus Sexy Vanity Fair Pics – She’s Younger Than My Daughter
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Two little lovers
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes baby in a baby carriage

Doesn’t always happen quite like that, but every new baby needs a name. And when the name picking happens in a stressful delivery room, well, … there lies the story.

Today on Silicon Valley Moms Blog, the topic is Birth/Adoption Stories. Writers from all the sister sites will share something in that vein. Does me being a man who has never been pregnant keep me from participating? No way.

My post today: Sex, Love, Marriage, Birth – Quick! Pick a Baby Name.

Last time I posted on SV Moms (Calling All Matchmakers), I took a beating in comments, getting called all sorts of names. It was truly a blood bath. But here I am, back for more.

Dad’s House readers are always welcome at the Moms. Come on over and leave your mark.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy my other SV Moms Blog posts:

• San Francisco Fireworks of Another Kind
• Tantric Sex
• Way Beyond Soccer Dad
• Calling All Matchmakers

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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