Want to grab a single dad’s undivided attention? Put Scarlett Johansson in a sexy threesome with Penelope Cruz. It doesn’t matter who the third wheel is – single dads and single men the world over will fantasize themselves in the role.
I’m guessing Woody Allen knew that when he filmed the sexy sirens in a threesome for his new movie,Vicky Christina Barcelona, which premiered at Cannes this year. When reporters asked him if he’d ever entertained the notion of a threesome, he said, “You know, it’s hard enough to get one person.”
But let’s ground things for a moment and fantasize about Dates a Single Dad Might Actually Go On.
• Coffee date - Mischa Barton drinking Starbucks in Berlin reminded me our world is truly a global village. As a single dad with deep roots at home, I’d love to date a woman who lives in my village, global or not.
• Cocktails – I certainly wouldn’t choose one of those party girls like Lindsay, Paris, or Britney. Too much booze is not a good thing. Cocktails are all about getting dressed up, chatting, flirting, getting to know someone new and totally different. Beyonce or Halle Berry, perhaps?
• Hiking – I know, hiking first dates are a bad idea, but I do enjoy getting out in nature. I might consider Parvati Shallow the Survivor winner, she’s got some outdoor skills. Or for a hike in a bamboo forest, Ziyi Zhang from House of Flying Daggers would be perfect.
• Cycling – Shakira. Hips.Don’t.Lie.
• Opera – Keira Knightley is graceful and elegant. And post-opera, she might be up for another kind of indoor fun.
• Cooking – you might think I’d go for a celebrity chef like Top Chef Padma Lakshmi or Rachel Ray. Nah, they’d take charge and have me mincing onions. Cooking on a date should be fun. How about sexyMariah Carey. Love her voice and that big smile.
• Dining – dinner is a mix of conversation and looking great. Why not Jessica Alba? For starts, we can talk about her acting career.
• Book Club – Padma Lakshmi, of course. She’s Salman Rushdie’s ex, and he’s a big famous author. And yes, I do know what he said about being her partner, “A mortal who makes love to a goddess is doomed, but once chosen cannot avoid his fate.” Let’s just say I wouldn’t kick Fate out of bed for getting crumbs in the sheets.
• Beach date – the beach is for sun tanning, body surfing, and napping. Ludivine Sagnier from Swimming Pool has lounging down pat. But for beach activity, Jessica Biel gets my vote. Plus, her smile makes me melt every time.
As for threesomes, beggars can’t be choosers. If Woody Allen insists on casting me across from Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz, I’ll just have to go with the flow.
I finally saw Ironman. Wow, great flick! And to think I almost missed it. After all, it’s a kid movie (so I thought.) And my kids saw it with their friends during custody time with their mom. (Single parents with shared custody have to call dibs on certain summer movies. Batman Dark Knight is mine!)
Back to Ironman – this film was decidedly not just for kids. As a Silicon Valley single dad who dates, there were several elements I totally related to:
• Cocktails – Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) loves his drinks, especially when chilled in a bullet-proof chest suitable for any combat zone.
• Booty – Stark makes quick work of an attractive female reporter (loved those boy shorts!) In finest bachelor form he ushers her off before morning sex. Granted, he didn’t do it himself, but at least he didn’t text her!
• Quick Wit – with director Jon Favreu of Swingers fame, did you expect anything else?
• Mega Brains – Stark is the ultimate bad-ass technologist. And just like Silicon Valley greats, he works out of his garage!
• Rockstar Ego – Stark is a confident stud, and Ironman is even studlier. What’s not to like? Every guy would dream of this life.
Add a theme song by Black Sabbath, and voila - a classic. The only thing missing was a dad. Oh wait, here’s Ozzy Osbourne. Isn’t he a patriarch?
So when I saw the photograph of Miley in satin bed sheets, bare back, sexily messy hair, I was fairly non-plussed. She’s a celebrity singer/actor likely trying to dispel her good-girl Disney image to attract a wider audience and land adult acting roles. I’m not immune to the idea of broadening a demographic base. And it wasn’t like she was totally buck naked.
But then I realized – Miley Cyrus is younger than my daughter.
What message does this bedroom shot send to high school girls? Will my daughter, 16 years old and a Hannah Montana fan, doubt herself and wonder whether she’s taking things too slowly with boys her age? After all, she’s only recently started hanging out with boys, testing the waters with harmless flirting. I know she’s more woman than child, but I’d like for her to mature at her own pace.
I’m certainly no prude, as any Dad’s House reader can attest. I’ve had my share of hookups, booty calls and one night stands. But I’m an adult. When I was my daughter’s age, I was happy to simply make out with my girlfriend under the bleachers. We weren’t waking up together in satin sheets.
I know some high school kids are having sex, just look at pregnant Jamie-Lynn Spears. But Jamie-Lynn never missed curfew, she probably snuck off with her boyfriend for romps during the day. It wasn’t like they were sleeping over. And she did her deeds in private – she didn’t pose naked in bed for publication in a national magazine.
Miley Cyrus is already the richest child celebrity with a $1 billion franchise. If she feels the need to up her game and grab an even bigger share from a more adult pie, that’s her business. But couldn’t she have done so without thumbing her nose at the very fans who made her rich? Her bedroom pics tell the world she’s no longer a kid.
I’m disappointed in Miley Cyrus. And for now I’m keeping my daughter in cotton sheets.
David Mott is a writer, blogger, and divorced single dad offering stories, tips, and expert advice on single parenting, two-home families, and relationships formed in an age of online dating, text messaging, friends with benefits, hookups, and booty calls. Voyeurs welcome. Get Dad’s House Updates via RSS - OR - Email
Want to grab a single dad’s undivided attention? Put Scarlett Johansson in a sexy threesome with Penelope Cruz. It doesn’t matter who the third wheel is – single dads and single men the world over will fantasize themselves in the role.
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I finally saw Ironman. Wow, great flick! And to think I almost missed it. After all, it’s a kid movie (so I thought.) And my kids saw it with their friends during custody time with their mom. (Single parents with shared custody have to call dibs on certain summer movies. 
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