Dad’s House

David Mott is on vacation this week, but he left the keys to Dad’s House with some of his favorite bloggers (they’re behaving, right?). Today Laila, the sexy author of Lulu Notewordy, relaxes in the backyard and ponders love…

I was sitting on Dadshouse’s patio(not really) and thinking about the differences between men and women. I pondered the wonderful, sloppy, mistake-ridden trapse through the backyard of love and relationships…

The crisp sound of chirping, and sight of humming birds bring to mind the flutter and sail of one’s heart; the quest for that calming and chaotic feeling in a new crush. I see ants marching in lines dutifully; and I think of the sometimes inevitable fall into line of marriage, child-rearing in tandem, and the lost sparks necessary routine turning to mundane. I lean back into the beaming rays of the sun, knowing its rays (like an ex) can burn me, or brighten me with equal measure.

The art of attraction has always seemed infinitely flawed to me. I am the first to raise my foolish hand in a crowd asked: “Do you know what you want in a partner?”. It seems simple enough. Right? Just by looking at my handy-dandy Spectrum of Ex you can see I have tested that silly question with equal measure of face-plant falls into love-lust fantasy long distance relationships, and real founded(albeit, ultimately unsuccessful) connections.

Sitting here I find a very small clarity in moment of stillness. I realize that it is so easy to project your best self out to the dating world. Why wouldn’t I? I am still learning, but I think there can often be a great divide between the The man you want and the man you need. I guess self-awareness plays far more into all of it than I originally expected. I am a married commitmentphobe (one of my many personal oxymorons). I have read more books than I will ever admit. I have too great an understanding of the obstacles the human heart faces. The passive avoider, the needy, the active runner, the sex-a-thonist…just checking that you are paying attention.

I write with honesty, I suck at relationships most of the time, but I am smitten with the concept of love, so I say with a rueful smile and the hope that every day is some small step of improvement. Life is short. Love is so rich with experience, finding someone to share your conversations, grilled veggie burger, orgasm(why not)…in the backyard is fun. It is part of the “good stuff” that helps us maintain a level of sanity managing the bad.

There is no doubt we can do it alone, sometimes even enjoy it…but I once heard a quote that stuck with me. I will paraphrase: “Falling in love is learning someone else, hard and fast. If it is real love, you start to see your best self through their eyes, almost as if you are falling in love with yourself….”

It is summertime. You are ripe with the possibility of yourself. That is far greater a tool than anything else. Grab a drink, a patio chair, and take the time to notice what you need vs. what you want. Take the time to find the beauty in the moment and spinning world around us. Love outwardly if you feel the inclination, if not, love inward. There are no wrong turns there.

© 2008 Lulu Notewordy. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

David Mott is on vacation this week, and guest bloggers have the keys to Dad’s House. The party continues today as Lance from HoneyAndLance.com hangs out at the pool and offers dating advice for 40-something men… (btw - if that brunette is still in the Dad’s House pool when I get home, she can stay for good - DM)

Since DM talks a fair amount about dating as a single parent, I thought I would try my hand at some dating tips aimed specifically at DM’s demographic, that is forty-something single men. Since I’m not a forty-something, this is partly based on what I understand about the principles of attraction, but also what I know from a few guys I’ve talked to. Much of this advice would work for a woman also (I think).

Before we start, I want to establish something right out of the gate. Forty-something men are usually looking to date younger women. Shocker, right? That’s a reality, and you can find overwhelming evidence on every online dating site where older guys post their preferred age range. If you’re a younger, attractive woman on one of these sites, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not hating, I’m saying that’s the way it is.

Alrighty, here’s my advice for 40+ guys looking to snag/shag younger women.

Get a cool haircut. If you’ve got a dorky haircut, time to ditch it. Grow it out a bit, go to an expensive stylist and tell them you want to look cool. You don’t have to look like a rock star, but you certainly don’t want to look like the Geico rep either. This is an actionable item right now.

Get some cool threads. This one is huge. In your off hours, make sure you don’t dress like the high school physics teacher. Find a look that suits your body type and get clothes that flatter. Are you tall and thin? Try the long sleeved shirts from Express. If you’re the clean cut type, shop Banana Republic. Also, get a couple pairs of expensive jeans, like don’t be afraid to blow $150 or more on a pair. Also, buy some expensive shoes, again well over $100. Women notice this stuff immediately. Young women will see that you’re hip and with it. This is another actionable item.

Find Commonalities. This includes music, television, movies, websites, books, places to eat and go out, etc. Hey, if you’re going after the 28-year-old hottie and you’re 45, you better know who Incubus is when she starts telling you about their latest concert. Find out what the young chicks are into. If you’re woefully behind the times on music, I suggest spending an afternoon browsing Youtube vids or listening to Pandora.

Play sports or go to the gym. DM is in terrific shape so this doesn’t apply to him, but if you’re a forty-something and obese and balding, you’ve got no shot at the young babes unless you happen to also be a billionaire or Salman Rushdie. Get your butt to the gym and burn off the spare tire. You’ll look better, feel better, and be better positioned to attract any woman.

Be social. Can’t emphasize this enough. This means going to bars and social venues and interacting with the younger set. I would go further and try organizing parties at your house or forming a social group based around your interests. You’re never too old to throw a pool party on a Saturday afternoon or organize a cool dinner party. Don’t limit yourself to online dating…take charge and be a social organizer.

The great thing about throwing parties is that it gives you an excuse to talk to women. That’s right, go to a nice bar on a Friday night with your buds, open the hotties, and towards the end of the interaction invite them to the pool party you’re throwing at your pimp pad in two weeks. Get a number or a Myspace address while you’re at it. It’s much easier to number close if you have something of value to give the chick, that value being the great party you’re inviting her to.

Make a Myspace or Facebook page. It’s dawned on me in the last few months how relevant social networking is to dating, and how effective a good page can be. Race and Kelly, who specialize in social network game, say having a good Myspace page is like having a PR firm working for you 24/7. I totally agree. Get yourself an account, customize it, and put tons of good pictures on there. Not only will this help get you noticed, but it’s a great way to screen potential dates. It’s also easier to get someone’s Myspace info than getting a phone number.

Those are some of the basics to make you more attractive to younger women. Since you’re a 40+ guy, I’m assuming you’ve got your money handled and a solid place to live, which solves much of the social value problem. Keep in mind, chicks are looking for confident, ambitious, secure men, and you’ve already got that. Do the stuff above and you’ll be fun and cool too.

Ladies, do you agree or disagree?

© 2008 HoneyAndLance.com. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

David Mott is on vacation this week, but he left the keys to Dad’s House with some fabulous guest bloggers. Today, Single Mom Seeking’s Rachel Sarah visits the kid’s room…

If my kid had it her way, I’d never have a boyfriend. I’d never go on another date.

My daughter was seven months old when her father walked out and I became a single mom. At that point, I thought my life was over. At age 28, I’d concluded that men were the antagonists.

Well, that didn’t last long. One year later — when my ex clearly wasn’t returning from his European adventure — I was back in the game.

Dating with a toddler was easy-peasy. But as Dad’s House knows, as you get savvier, so do your kids. Also, since it’s just the two of us, Mae and I have quite a super-glue bond.

The last time I went on a date, eight-year-old Mae wanted to know:

• “Where are you going?”
• “Who are you going with?”

I hope that she’ll be honest with me when she’s a teen, like David’s kids. So, I try to model openness.

Me: “I’m going to out for dinner with a friend.”

Mae: “Which friend?”

Me: “His name is Mark–”

Mae: “How do know him?”

You get the picture.

This year in school, Mae’s teacher led a whole course in poetry, and Mae’s favorite style was haiku. If she was going to write a haiku about our future, I think it would go like this:

Mom, don’t get married
Our family is perfect
Just the way it is

Still, I never imagined my life like this. I was sure that I’d be deep into a long-term relationship by now. I’m turning 36 this month (July). I probably won’t have any more kids. But will I ever have a real partner?

The longer I do this — single parenting — the easier it gets. While I haven’t given up finding some strapping, easygoing, here’s-a-love-note-in-your-pocket kind of man, I’m not sure if I want to add a man to our little duo. Maybe my kid is right. Maybe our little family is perfect.

Maybe I just want a man after dark.

Let’s hear from you…. Do see marriage in your future? Or, do you simply want someone after hours?

Rachel Sarah
http://www.singlemomseeking.com/blog

Author of Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World (2007, Seal Press/Avalon).

© 2008 SingleMomSeeking.com. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

This advice comes about nine months too late for the Gloucester High teenage girls with the pregnancy pact, but there’s been enough reaction to what they did that I figured some prevention talk was in order.

As a single dad with a teenage daughter, I have first-hand experience in giving the talk to a girl. I told my daughter about the birds and bees in explicit detail when she was eleven and heading into sixth grade. This in response to news that local 6th-8th grade boys were persuading girls to perform oral sex on them in the school bathroom.

My daughter and I talked for an hour. I wasn’t nervous, I remained calm and spoke openly. My candor eased her into having a real conversation with me.

1. Biology – I explained the reproductive system of men and women, building on whatever knowledge the school had given her. I asked leading questions to see what she knew, then wove in new information. I described intercourse. (I didn’t get into crazy monkey sex. I’ll leave that to Honey and Lance.)

2. Love – we talked about falling in love, getting married, caring unconditionally for another person, and how sex can enhance all that. Without getting into tantric sex, I explained that great sex can feel spiritual.

3. Enjoyment – sex feels good. If it didn’t, no one would procreate.

4. Entertainment – it’s possible to have sex for entertainment and fun, without being in love, and a lot of people do just that. It really helped having a visual aid for my daughter. I showed her the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, and explained how hooking up and sex without attachment leads to empty feelings, not to mention the risk of disease.

5. STDs – some sexually transmitted diseases are passed through an exchange of fluids, and others from skin-to-skin contact. Safe sex, including condoms, is a must.

6. Peer pressure – we talked about how some people go along with the group, even if the choice is wrong. Locally, girls were told they had to give blowjobs if they wanted to hang out with the cool boys. Some were even promised the status of girlfriend. This gave the girls a sense of self-esteem that maybe they weren’t getting at school or at home. Problem was, the next day some of the boys turned a cold shoulder and moved on to their next conquest.

7. Oral – the boys in our local community were telling girls “it’s only a kiss, just not on the mouth.” So, yes, I explained to my daughter how oral sex is peformed. She was kind of grossed out (what eleven year old wouldn’t be?)

8. Parenting – I reminded her that having a kid changes the course of the rest of your life. Parenting is hugely rewarding, but also a giant responsibility. Let pregnancy happen when she’s ready for everything that goes with it.

My daughter asked great questions – Does it hurt? How old was I when I became sexually active? She called her aunt the next day with well-thought follow-ups.

The fact that I’m divorced and dating helped me relate. It also meant I felt a little awkward at times – like any normal adult, I usually have sex just for fun. Sometimes that’s with a Friend-With-Benefits or booty-call partner who I’m not in love with.

But I kept all the awkward feelings to myself. It was more important to arm my daughter with knowledge, and empower her to feel good about herself, enjoy sex when she’s ready, and become a mother on her own good time.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Who Needs Protection? It’s Only a One Night Stand
• My Daughter’s On Facebook – Can I Still Join?
  
• Honey and Lance.com: How Much Sex Ed Are You Giving Your Kids?
• Miley Cyrus Sexy Vanity Fair Pics – She’s Younger Than My Daughter
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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More than one person commenting on my Calling All Matchmakers post said that men who cook, read, and try tantric sex are perceived by women as unmanly. One came right out and said those behaviors are gay. No offense to homosexuals, but a man perceived as gay is assumed to date men – not women. These readers suggested, if I want to date more women I need to take a more manly approach to life than preparing my own food, talking about books, and trying sexual positions beyond missionary.

Please tell me they’re in the minority.

Cooking - As a single dad with half-time custody of two kids, I wonder what my manly dinner options would be?

a) Restaurants and take-out every night
b) Grill steaks every night
c) Remarry quick! Let my built-in cook/housekeeper prepare the meals

Sorry, but I’ll take the unmanly approach of cooking. And I won’t be heating cans of chili or stew. I want good food and real recipes to fuel my marathon running and century bicycle riding and keep me healthy in general. (Maybe a beer gut would be more manly than my fit physique.) Aren’t there enough famous chefs on TV – Wolfgang Puck, Bobby Flay, Rick Bayless – that male cooking is mainstream?

Books – I know most men prefer techno-thrillers. But since when are men who read literary fiction and books on spirituality considered unmanly? Commentors mentioned SNAG as the real unmanly culprit – Sensitive New-Age Guys should be friends, not husbands or lovers. Last I checked, men have been reading for eons, both literary and spiritual stuff. Reading is not New-Agey. Maybe it’s the talking in the kitchen with any senstitivity about books, rather than grunting about sports on the backyard patio. Hey – if there’s a conversation about Serie-A or World-Cup soccer, I’m right in the mix. But I find American sports boring – overpaid crybaby athletes acting like boys. Who’s the unmanly one here?

Tantric sex – it’s ancient, not new-agey. The act of using sexual energy for transcendence and connecting with God is mentioned in the Old Testament, the Koran, and other spiritual texts. Countless celebrities have tried tantra, from Sting to Scarlett Johansson. I’m guessing anyone who summarily dismisses tantric sex as weird simply hasn’t tried it.

Destructive thought patterns are hard to break, especially when they are deeply rooted in our culture. There are characters in best-selling books (unmanly!) that perpetuate outdated stereotypes. Tom Perrotta takes a wack at single parents in The Abstinence Teacher, with a single-dad character incapable/not-allowed to raise his daughter, and a single mom whose only male friends are gay. There are plenty of other books and movies similarly stuck in the stone-age. With drivel like that, how can our culture evolve?

Cooking is sexy. Reading is sexy. Tantric sex is sexy. It’s the fast-food guzzling, sports blathering, selfish lover sorts of men who are unmanly.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
• A Creepy Writing Vibe
• How To Grill Asparagus
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Imagine you’re a single parent. You have your first free night in a week without the kids. You enjoy a nice evening date with someone you’re attracted to and have been around the block with more than once. You’re on the couch together, ignoring whatever’s on TV, engaged in some serious lip-lock, hands well beyond the fumbling with zippers and buttons stage, all systems go to take things from PG-13 to XXX.

When all of a sudden, there’s a knock on the front door.

WTF?! It’s dark out. The porch light is off to discourage salesmen, missionaries, and other visitors. Who could it possibly be? Screw it. You don’t have to open the door everytime someone knocks. If you ignore them they’ll go away. Besides, your pants are at your ankles.

Ring-ring-ring goes the doorbell. Pound-pound on the door. Ring-ring-ring.

“Daaaaaaad!” your son’s voice calls out.

You have no choice. He might have his key. You dress in a flash, smooth your hair, hope nothing’s hanging out that shouldn’t be, and head to the front hall. Your date grabs her garments and dives behind the couch.

You open the door, and there’s your son and his friend. You’d heard they were having a sleepover at their mom’s house, and can’t imagine why they’re here now. “Hey, what’s up?” you ask.

They try to bound inside, but whoa-whoa-whoa! you stop them. The last thing you need is them meeting your not-quite-girlfriend (more like friend-with-benefits), especially since she might still be half-dressed.

“Can’t we come in?” your son asks.
“No,” you say.
“Why not?”
“I have a friend over.”
“Who?” your not-shy son asks.

The ex is supposed to call whenever she or the kids need to come over and pick something up. Exactly to avoid awkward moments like this. But the car idling in the driveway isn’t your ex’s. It’s her boyfriend’s.

“No one you know,” you say. “What do you need?”
“My new toy,” your son says.
“Stay here and I’ll get it.”

Remember when you were married, and the kids always needed something right when you were trying to sneak in some much needed nookie? This is a little different. It’s your ex’s custody night. You’re supposed to have your own house to yourself, until morning. You’re not exactly dating four women at once, so evening’s like this are rare. And what exactly is your son doing riding around with his mom’s boyfriend this late?

You get the toy and send your son and his friend on their way. Then you call your ex and ask if she forgot the call-before-coming rule.

Ah, but she knows the rule. In fact, she’s confused as to what’s going on. Your son was supposed to end up at her house from wherever her boyfriend took him. She has no idea how he ended up at your door.

Two words: friggin’ boyfriend. (Or, friggin’ ex for giving her boyfriend so much freedom.) Sure, you could blame it on your son. He wanted the toy, and he certainly knows about the call-first rule. But he probably doesn’t really know why it’s in place. Besides, who’s supposed to be more responsible, a pre-teen kid or an adult?

Back in the TV room, your date is dressed and ready to roll. For her as a woman who doesn’t have kids, the you-know-what-us interruptus made for mood-us disappear-us real quick.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Kid-Friendly Companionship With Benefits
• Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
• There’s an Order to a Single Parent’s Relationship Universe

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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As a single dad going it solo (half-time custody) for eight years now, I’ve learned to lead a fulfilling, satisfying life without a partner. But… if you’re a single parent like me and a lot of the bloggers I read, you’re probably missing out on intimacy, sex, adult love.

MsSingleMama recently asked the question, Who Needs a Husband, Anyway? She feels strongly that single moms rock on their own (they do), and that their kids will be fine without a father figure present in the home (they might). But what she ignores is the intimacy needs of the single parent.

Lest we forget the importance of intimacy, the dictionary reminds us its meaning - belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature. Sounds important.

Intimacy comes in many forms. Touch, communication, shared experiences. From a sex point of view, a hookup can certainly feel intimate. (Lord knows I’ve blogged about hookups enough, mainly sharing my frustration with them as a source of adult closeness for me as a single dad living in the suburbs where there are hardly any singles my age.)

But are booty calls enough?

Hookups provide the rush of a temporary feeling of closeness. It seems to me if you had that feeling of closeness all the time, it would lead to a different, deeper sense of fulfillment. (And if not, why do people seek out sex or hook up at all?)

I’ve been in some great relationships post-divorce, and while I haven’t remarried, I know my kids are fine. They are happy, healthy, loving, strong, evolving people. But I also know I’m not modeling an adult romantic relationship for them, and that’s a sad thing.

In Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav writes about spiritual partnership – partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth. Like MsSingleMama, Mr. Zukav suggests we no longer need marital partners for survival. Women and men both are separately capable of working, raising kids, and running a household solo. But he suggests you need that equal partner to learn how to care for another person more than yourself. That is the root of compassion.

As the Dalai Lama says, the purpose of life is to be happy, and the way to happiness is through compassion. As parents, we certainly experience this by putting the needs of our children first. As adults, we can experience this on some level with everyone we meet.

But infusing unconditional love into an intimate relationship – for me, that’s the missing link.

I think it’s great and important for single parents to feel fine about their lives. Accepting your own situation is the first step to internal peace and happiness. Being a single parent doesn’t mean we’re flawed. We don’t have to spend all our time seeking a partner.

But there’s also nothing wrong with allowing an adult in your life. For me as a single dad, the lack of feminine energy and adult intimacy feels incomplete.

In short, I’m tired of sleeping alone.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Feminine Energy is a Very Good Thing
• Pass The Kleenex, I’m Tearing Up
• Single Parent, Empty House, Full Life
• Kid-Friendly Companionship With Benefits

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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The Dad’s House I ROCKED THE HOUSE: First Date Tips and Horror Stories Contest has come to a close. Eighteen self-selecting bloggers submitted entries for a chance to win the $25 Amazon eCard First Prize and $20 eCard Second Prize.

There can only be one true champ (scroll to the bottom for that result). But in my book, everyone’s a winner:

First Date Horror Stories

• Best Fuzzy Picture Sent Through Craigslist: Kat Wilder’s date at a bakery cum coffeehouse
• Best Use of a Drunk Psycho Dude: Mapi Princesa and her date from hell in Ecuador
• Best Beer Goggle Pickup: DC Nicole is saved by a beer at the cinema
• Best Angry Texting: Lisaq of 40s Singleness and her Most Bizarre Date Yet, a dinner date with a horny guy who clearly has anger texting management issues
• Best Erectile Dysfunction Product Placement: QTMama and her dinner date companion with a Cialis burning a hole in his pocket
• Best Check Splitting: One Date Wonder and her date who tallies every last cent of the dinner check
• Best Wet Dream (It’s a Metaphor, People): What Men Think and a drunk doe-eyed girl in white pants and black thong. What’s not to like about that?
• Best Blood Effects: Uncabled Heart and a Starbucks blind date with a bleeding nose
• Best Lactating Breasts: SingleMomSeeking on her first date as a nursing mom

First Date Tips

• Best Limo Ride From the Airport: Backpacking Dad’s creative suggestion to take a limousine from SFO to Golden Gate park
• Best Advice Involving a Goldfish: Happy Healthy Hip Parenting with tips for a First Date: How to Avoid Having it Be Your Last
• Best Pop Cultural Reference to Survivor: Diane from The Women’s Dish laments the modern fad of daredevil dates
• Best Embrace of Humidity: The Exception offers some great first date ideas, from outdoor concerts to wandering the wine country
• Best Wildebeest Impersonation: Lance from Honey & Lance on a first date video store pickup with an explosive climax
• Best Use of Blindfolds: Cathouse Teri’s sensual fantasy about getting to know someone inside-out. Sex first, questions later

Great First Dates

• Best Masturbation Lead-In: Honey from Honey & Lance on a first date so perfect, it turned into her current relationship
• Best Bearded Biker: Ms. Single Mama falls for a bearded biker and his Harley
• Best Use of Cleavage: Evil Woobie on cleavage and a twenty-sided dice

And the Winners are…

Honorable Mention - Mapi Princesa. Her date from hell in Ecuador was a true nail-biter, worth calling out for mention.

Second Place, and a $20 eCard goes to – What Men Think! And his First Date Horror Story.

Like I said in the contest description, humor is a good thing. I found this post Laugh My Ass Off funny. From the doe-eyed girl wearing white pants and a black thong, to the Halloween motif with a sailor suit that might have been a school-girl costume (does it matter?), What Men Think gave us details that just can’t be made up. And between a passed out girl in his car and his gentlemanly instincts, there were enough plot twists to keep me riveted.

Congratulations, What Men Think!

First Place, and a $25 eCard goes to – Honey! And her Perfect First Date.

This had a lot going for it – sexy preparation tips for a woman (shower, shave, blow dry hair, masturbate), great advice for meeting (someplace with beer, within walking distance of home – so you don’t need a ride, but if you want the other kind of ride, you can get one), clothes ripping, fingernail scratching, ravenous sex (multiple times). Her entry was part story, part advice column, with a perfect blend of straight talk, humor, and sex.

Best of all, it’s a true story – they’re still together!

In Honey’s words, a first date is a delicious combination of strategic planning, thinking on your feet, witty conversation, and natural sexuality. Making rules and not being afraid to throw them out the window. Taking something that was born to be a cliché and making it your own.

Congratulations, Honey!

Thanks to everyone who participated. There were definitely some great posts. Be sure to check them all out!

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Want to grab a single dad’s undivided attention? Put Scarlett Johansson in a sexy threesome with Penelope Cruz. It doesn’t matter who the third wheel is – single dads and single men the world over will fantasize themselves in the role.

I’m guessing Woody Allen knew that when he filmed the sexy sirens in a threesome for his new movie,Vicky Christina Barcelona, which premiered at Cannes this year. When reporters asked him if he’d ever entertained the notion of a threesome, he said, “You know, it’s hard enough to get one person.”

As a single parent whose relationship universe is quite complex, I have to agree. (Is that first-date advice contest done yet?) Woody (pun intentional) got me thinking (this is shameless, I know), who would I choose for a threesome?

A bedroom sexy Scarlett Johansson wouldn’t be a bad choice. Her youthful inexperience is a strike against her, but she gets props for having tried tantric sex. I might swap Penelope Cruz for another beautiful latina, Christina Aguilera. She’s a definite celebrity MILF, and in concert, it’s clear she knows how to treat a man.

But let’s ground things for a moment and fantasize about Dates a Single Dad Might Actually Go On.

• Coffee date - Mischa Barton drinking Starbucks in Berlin reminded me our world is truly a global village. As a single dad with deep roots at home, I’d love to date a woman who lives in my village, global or not.
• Cocktails – I certainly wouldn’t choose one of those party girls like Lindsay, Paris, or Britney. Too much booze is not a good thing. Cocktails are all about getting dressed up, chatting, flirting, getting to know someone new and totally different. Beyonce or Halle Berry, perhaps?
• Hiking – I know, hiking first dates are a bad idea, but I do enjoy getting out in nature. I might consider Parvati Shallow the Survivor winner, she’s got some outdoor skills. Or for a hike in a bamboo forest, Ziyi Zhang from House of Flying Daggers would be perfect.
• Cycling – Shakira. Hips. Don’t. Lie.
• Opera – Keira Knightley is graceful and elegant. And post-opera, she might be up for another kind of indoor fun.
• Cooking – you might think I’d go for a celebrity chef like Top Chef Padma Lakshmi or Rachel Ray. Nah, they’d take charge and have me mincing onions. Cooking on a date should be fun. How about sexy Mariah Carey. Love her voice and that big smile.
• Dining – dinner is a mix of conversation and looking great. Why not Jessica Alba? For starts, we can talk about her acting career.
• Book Club – Padma Lakshmi, of course. She’s Salman Rushdie’s ex, and he’s a big famous author. And yes, I do know what he said about being her partner, “A mortal who makes love to a goddess is doomed, but once chosen cannot avoid his fate.” Let’s just say I wouldn’t kick Fate out of bed for getting crumbs in the sheets.
• Beach date – the beach is for sun tanning, body surfing, and napping. Ludivine Sagnier from Swimming Pool has lounging down pat. But for beach activity, Jessica Biel gets my vote. Plus, her smile makes me melt every time.

As for threesomes, beggars can’t be choosers. If Woody Allen insists on casting me across from Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz, I’ll just have to go with the flow.

Mr. Demille, I’m ready for my close-up.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Men Who Read and Cook - Sexy or Unmanly?
• What’s More Natural Than Nature? Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 3
• How to Date Four Women at Once
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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While promoting Mary Pol’s new book, SingleMomSeeking’s Rachel Sarah recently blogged about the event that led to Mary’s child:

Then, there’s this one-night stand with an adorable but jobless guy ten years her junior — and, oops, they didn’t use a condom.

Oops? Excuse me, but I think that qualifies for more than an ‘oops’.

When two people are in a relationship, it’s their choice whether to use protection during sex or not. Maybe they’re in love, maybe not. Maybe they want to start a family, maybe not. Maybe they’re willing to live with the consequences, maybe not.

But for a one night stand? Having one-night-stand sex without protection is crazy. And socially irresponsible.

I’m not judging anyone. We all make mistakes. Lust and passion are strong elixirs. People get tipsy, fool around, hormones rage, stuff happens. And even when condoms are used there can be problems. The condom can break, be ineffective, or even fall off.

But choosing not to wear one is a far different beast.

First date sex rarely leads to a lasting relationship. A one night stand is just that, one night together. Chances are two people having casual sex together have had casual sex with other partners. The risk of STDs is significantly higher for them.

To be sleeping together without protection risks you, your partner, and the entire dating pool to disease.

A female friend reminded me that some guys absolutely insist on unprotected sex. They just don’t like the feel of condoms. They’ll ask, beg, plead, cajole to have bareback sex. Some act needy and wounded to trigger a woman’s nurturing instinct. Some play the co-dependent shame game and guilt her into going along with the idea. They’ll say whatever it takes to persuade her into letting him dip his stick without a glove.

Women – just say NO to these assholes!

These men are employing psychological manipulation of the worst kind. They are putting you at risk, and every one of your future partners at risk. They are peeing in the dating pool. These jerks need to be stopped, cold.

As a single dad out there dating and relating, I need to know my partners practice safe sex, same as I always do. And as I continue the ongoing dialog I have with my teenage daughter about sex and intimacy, I’ll make her aware of this issue. She already knows there are men who use physical force to have sex with women, and one defense is a hard knee to the groin.

That same knee might come in handy against guys who insist on one night of condom-free sex.

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