Dad's House » sex

Bad Sex or No Sex

dadshouse — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 11:39:43 +0000

Over at Honey and Lance, the question was asked: how important is sex in your relationship? It generated good comments, of course.

Lance is a firm believer that great sex is very important to a relationship. If the sex sucks, he’s out of there. As for me? As a man who has been married and divorced, I second that notion. Good sex is key for intimate connections.

But what if you’re single, and in-between relationships…

Is great sex with a friend-with-benefits a good reason to step-up a casual relationship into something more substantial?

Is bad sex with a lover better than no sex at all?

In ten years of divorced dating, I’ve had several girlfriends, and I’ve also enjoyed my share of friends-with-benefits and hook up relationships. When a single parent wants intimacy, but hasn’t yet found a suitable partner to bring around the kids, a lover can be a wonderful thing.

I’ve had lovers who were rock stars in bed. Even though I haven’t seen them for years, if a sexy ex texted me for booty tonight, I’d tell her to come over. Yet, those lovers stayed lovers for a reason. They just weren’t right for me in the long haul. Maybe they did drugs (I’m clean as a whistle), or maybe they wanted kids ten years from now (I could be a grandpa by then).

In those cases, great sex was not enough to push things into something committed.

What about bad sex? Is it worth the risk, if your other option is no sex at all?

You might think I’d say any sex is better than no sex. You’d be wrong.

I’ve had hookups with terrible lovers. Their sexual skills were lacking, or they’d selfishly lay back and receive without giving one bit. Usually, if we had chemistry and otherwise got along, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and hook up again. But if the second or third roll in the hay was as bad as the first – bzzzzzt – I was out of there.

For me, quality of sex is key. Great sex is all about sexual energy. If a woman and I both raise our energy up through the chakras, the orgasms are that much more intense. Make it all the way to the crown, and you have a full body orgasm. (Here are some couples tantric breathing exercises.)

If the energy goes nowhere – it does nothing for me.

And so I say if you’re in lock step with your partner, keep them around – whether for a long term commitment, or occasional booty.

If the sex is bad, I’d rather have none. At least none with that partner.

None none really doesn’t work for me.

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Car Sex

dadshouse — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:28:08 +0000

What is it about women I date, and car sex? A few recent dating relations wanted to get it on in the back seat of my car. Actually, the front seat, too. Didn’t matter if we were parked or driving. Didn’t matter if we were actually dating. These women simply wanted car sex.

Yes, these are some of the same women who were crazy for couch sex in my TV room. Leather car seats, leather couch, …. you think there’s a connection?

I have to admit, car sex is incredibly hot. Mainly because it’s so friggin’ immediate – like, you gotta do it right now! No waiting to get where you’re going, get indoors, get into bed. Car sex can be an intoxicating rush. (Remember my sexy and funny wine country date with a latina who wanted to do it in the car, in broad daylight, during a traffic jam?)

Rebound Sex Coffee Date

But there are some major downsides to having sex in a car.

One, if it happens while I’m driving, it’s dangerous! I mean, there are laws against texting or talking on your cell phone while driving. You think car sex is any safer than that? (It’s probably just as illegal. But I like playing dumb.)

Of course, if you’re Bill Clinton with Monica Lewinsky as passenger, you might contend one form of car sex while driving is not really car sex. To which I say, you try driving when not having sex like that. Sheesh! Plus, there are some car sex positions while driving that make my head spin. (Advertisers won’t let me link to those sites, but you can google them all you want. And if you’re still reading, you probably should.)

A second drawback to car sex is that it’s incredibly uncomfortable. Doing it in the front seat with the shifting knob in the way? Or in the driver’s seat with the steering wheel poking at you? Back seat is a little better, but not exactly a king size bed (or even a couch!)

Finally, car sex when you’re a single parent with kids can mess with your head. Doing it in the very seat where my kids ride when we head to soccer practice is not something I take lightly. It’s not something I say no to, either, but that’s a different point. (I’ve learned to stock up on Armor All.)

And yet… more than a few women (and ex-girlfriends) in my recent friends-with-benefits past have wanted to get it on in my car. They’ll have me park on a dark street, or even just in my driveway. One sexy lover wanted car sex in traffic, on a busy road. Then they want to be taken. Or they jump me. It’s like caveman days.

And maybe that’s part of the allure.

Third Date Sex – Taking it to a New Extreme

While I’m not really complaining about car sex, (Fred Flintstone can eat his heart out), I am curious why – years after high school, when both of us actually own a bed in a comfortable room where we can spoon naked in ten-billion thread-count sheets – why is uncomfortable, dangerous, dirty car sex such an allure to some single women I meet?

Then again, I think I just answered my uncomfortable dangerous dirty question.

If this car’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!

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I Love Sleeping With You!

dadshouse — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:16:02 +0000

A friend with benefits drifted out of my life and then drifted right back in. “I love sleeping with you!” she said.

Kaching! Talk about your booty call ego boost stroke of the decade! Of the century, even. Hell, those are millineal props.

“I feel so rested in the morning,” she said.

Doh!

For some reason, this woman gets a really good night’s sleep laying next to me in my bed. Not sure why. I don’t have the latest posture-pedic, hand-wound spring-coil, vibrating heart-shaped bed. And it’s not that Swedish firm foam stuff the astronauts use.

Maybe it’s the chakra clearing sexual energy rising trick I take her through before retiring. Great sex with an amazing release!! Kaching! Booty call ego boost points scored again!! Then again, any sex can make a person feel relaxed and ready to snooze.

Or maybe it’s the reiki energy I run every night before catching my twenty winks. Reiki is energy healing, and I know how to give it. She admits to having wild-ass dreams when she sleeps over, a common artifact of receiving a reiki treatment.

Then again, maybe I’m just so darn exciting to be with that she nods right off and doesn’t even bother waking up until morning. Hahahaha. Self-deprecation is a wonderful thing. Er… you all are laughing with me, right?

At any rate, forget booty call spooning. Apparently, I give good snore.

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Couch Sex

dadshouse — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:20:20 +0000

I don’t know what it is about the leather couch in my TV room, but women love having sex on it. Yes, I said women. Cut me some slack. I’ve been divorced ten years, and I’ve owned this couch for seven. I’ve dated more than one woman in that time. (Please know that any couch sexy activity is couched on blankets, and the couch is kept clean for normal use.)

Why do women love getting it on, on my TV room couch?

I have a few theories:

My TV room is manly – the couch is brown leather, the walls of the room are sangria red, the coffee table is wrought iron and glass. This room is decidedly masculine. It’s sort of a man cave. Women love it!
I have music DVDs that are great for sex – depeche mode | devotional (oozes sex!), The Cure – Trilogy (classic background make-out noise), U2 Go Home – Live From Slane Castle (Bono on stage, what’s not to like?)
Being taken anywhere besides bed is hot – I once had a girlfriend want me to do her right on the dinner table. Sort of like The Postman Always Rings Twice. Um… my kids and I eat there? Another wanted to do it in the great outdoors (backyard sex rocks – but beware wild animals!)
We start out chatting and drinking wine, and then… (do I really need to explain this one?)

Just know, if you’re on the couch with me, there’s always the chance of an unexpected visit from one of my kids. You-know-what-us Interruptus will test even the horniest lover’s desire.

And on that note, I need to go watch Survivor (recorded on Tivo) with my kids.

On the couch!

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Do You Spoon Naked?

dadshouse — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:04:54 +0000

When you hit that magical night for third-date sex (or a sooner night, later night, whenever night; who’s counting?) – and you’re spooning all night with a new partner – do you wear pajamas? Sleep in your skivvies?

Or do you do it commando style and spoon naked?

I know my answer. And one woman I slept with was surprised at my choice.

On the one hand, if you’re laying all night with someone special, shouldn’t you enjoy a bit of contact, skin to skin?

On the other hand, if you’re sleeping, you’re sleeping. You don’t need bits and parts flailing about. On a cold night, you want to keep warm. Plus, some people like a feeling of softness, or a naughty look, in whatever they wear to bed.

Today at Dad’s House, I figured I’d open things up to readers and find out who spoons naked, and who prefers their partner stays buttoned up. I’m curious if there’s a generational difference, or if men and women have a different approach.

As for my preference? I didn’t give that away in this post. Feel free to guess.

Better yet, if you’re a woman – come find out for yourself.

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Husband Wants to Watch

dadshouse — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:23:10 +0000

When it comes to dating and sex, I’m an open-minded guy. Older men younger women fantasies aside, sometimes I interact with women my age. Or even a little older.

A 50-year-old woman contacted me through an online dating profile. She asked if I would be into something casual, no strings attached.

Okay, I admit – as much as I’d love to be in a committed relationship, with emotional support, long term commitment, and built-in sex – I’m not opposed to the occasional romp with someone I’ve just met (when I’m unattached.) Single parents tend to miss out on intimacy, so even faux physical intimacy will do in a pinch.

This woman didn’t want to screw around with email tag. She suggested we talk on the phone.

“I’m blonde with a tight ballerina’s body,” she said.
Nice. (Do you really need this authorial view into a single man’s mind?)

“Just one thing,” she said. “My husband wants to watch.”
Huh. (Ibid.)

Okay – at this point, I was totally checked out of the conversation. I’m not going to sleep with a married woman, let alone do so when her husband is in the room, watching his wife and me get it on.

But I have a blog to write, and this is fodder, so I just rolled with it.

“A second thing,” she said. “We can’t host. Our apartment has paper-thin walls, and a nosey neighbor downstairs.”

Hey, we ain’t screwing at my place! But no problem, they wanted to meet in a motel. (With me paying half. Doh!)

“We don’t want to meet you in a bar or coffee house,” she said. “Those are too loud. We want to meet at the motel room.”

Okay, creep alert – who in their right mind would meet two strangers in a motel, get naked and start getting it on while a man watched – a man who could beat you senseless, tie you up or handcuff you (remember Something Wild?), kill you, steal your wallet, and leave you to rot – who on earth would agree to that?

Let’s just say she lost me at “husband wants to watch.”

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Virile In My 40s

dadshouse — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 10:10:06 +0000

Men over 40 can’t get it up!

Or so some women say.

At least they’ve said that to me, before we dated. After? That’s a different story entirely…

Head on over to the Silicon Valley Moms blog as I corrupt the moms with a dad’s view of old guy virility.

Virile In My 40s

(If that pre-programmed link doesn’t work, try this link to all Dad’s House posts at SVMoms.)

I promise you won’t need any blue pills to read this post.

Just as I don’t need blue pills for…oh, you know.

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