Dad's House » single dads

The Boys are Back – Movie Review by a Single Dad

dadshouse — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:05:53 +0000

I recently saw The Boys are Back, a movie starring Clive Owen (who gave an outstanding performance), about a single dad who gets in way over his head trying to raise two boys after his wife suddenly passes away.

The film is at times sweet and sentimental, and other times wild and overreaching. It gives a unique view of how one man who knows nothing about parenting copes with being forced into a full-time parenting role.

Joe Warr (played by Clive Owen), the single dad character in this story, hits all the stereotypes for a single dad trying to run a household solo:

His house isn’t just a mess, it’s a disaster, with week-old pizza boxes laying out on the counter, dirty dishes, a chicken defrosting in the bath tub. (The secret to single parent success? Let things slide!)
His parenting style is “free-range” – he basically says YES to any request his son makes. (Did David Lee Roth grow up in a home like this?)
He drinks way too much (we’re talking brown liquor here)
Confronted by normal parenting problems, Joe Warr hasn’t a clue what to do

To which I thought – WTF?! Did the movie industry really need to create yet another cliché depiction of a single dad as bumbling oaf? Some single dads actually know how to cook, communicate with kids, clean house, and be an active part in their childrens’ lives. Hell, a lot of married dads do, too.

As a divorced single dad myself, who has been raising kids half-time and running a household solo for ten years, I had a hard time relating to Joe’s utter lack of competence.

But then I remembered, this movie was based on a true story, having sprung from Simon Carr’s memoir of the same name. I know there are men in the world who are clueless when it comes to cleaning house and caring for kids, and Joe Warr happened to be one of them.

More than that, Joe Warr wasn’t just a single dad. His history would shell shock anyone:

Deadbeat dad – he left his first wife and child and moved halfway around the globe for some other woman he knocked up
Widower – he’s forced to deal with the sudden death of his second wife
Full-time single parent – he goes from workaholic sports writer, somewhat absentee father, and casual observer around the house, to full-time dad

With all that in his life, it’s no wonder he sort of let things go. He did the best he could.

The best part of the movie for me is when Joe’s first son, who Joe left behind when he chased after his second wife, comes to live with Joe and Joe’s second son. Joe is forced to deal with why he became a deadbeat dad. He’s forced to see how his choices affected his son, who is dealing with his mom’s boyfriend, and wrestling with the question of why Joe left him. There was much here I could relate to. (I’m not a deadbeat dad, but my ex is dating, and my son and I both have both been forced to deal with aspects of that.)

Overall, I enjoyed the movie, with the reservation that it promotes single dad clichés. For that reason, I can’t call this movie “vital” like another reviewer did. But I understand not all single dads can be like the characters in Pursuit of Happyness and Kramer vs. Kramer. Seeing all sides of a situation adds depth. In the end, it balances out.

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Lady of the House

dadshouse — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:32:22 +0000

Sunday morning, the doorbell rang. I hadn’t had my coffee yet, but at least this single dad was up. I looked out the window, and there’s some lady standing there. Was it a neighbor whose turtle crawled under the fence? (Hey, stuff like that happens in my neighborhood).

I opened the door, and she spoke seven words that ended the conversation for me immediately:

Is the lady of the house in?

I LOVE when people ask me that question. It tells me they don’t know me, or know anything about me.

I’m divorced. There is no lady of the house. I’m a single dad who does it all myself.

Occasions like this remind me of my college jazz band. Our conductor was a professor at the school, but we all called him “Chief”. Anytime a visitor came into our band room and asked for him by Professor Williams or Mr. Williams, we’d start snickering. The visitor usually thought they’d blundered into the wrong class.

Nope, you simply showed your colors – you’re not a friend, and you don’t know anything about us.

When it’s someone trying to sell me stuff, I just laugh it off. I’ll even happily tell them – there is no lady of the house – then I’ll close the door or hang up the phone. I don’t have time for their shit, and they don’t get a second chance.

It’s even better when it’s a mom from the local school. I usually roll my eyes and shake my head. Hey lady, some men actually are active and involved in their kids school life.

Even if I wasn’t a divorced dad, I find it presumptuous that they don’t want to talk to me, but would rather chat with the lady of the house.

So until there is a lady in this single dad’s house, I’ll enjoy this excuse to shake off unwanted visitors and callers.

Because in this house, the man wears the skirt in the family!

(Um, that sort of came out wrong, didn’t it? Haha. Oh well. Gotta love figures of speech!)

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Fathers Day Weekend

dadshouse — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 10:30:23 +0000

It’s Father’s Day weekend, and on Sunday I fully intend to sit my ass in a hammock and not lift a finger all day…

Well, unless that finger lifting results in a beer being consumed…

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads!!!

Enjoy these Father’s Day cocktails:

Hot Dad – Sexy or Old?

dadshouse — Tue, 12 May 2009 08:10:06 +0000

One funny thing about blogging is seeing the various comments that end up in my spam queue. As a single dad on the dating scene, it’s not too surprising the different types of products, services, and websites that get marketed to me.

But lately, there’s been a shift in tone.

Do spammers see a self-proclaimed Hot Dad like me as Sexy? Or just plain old?

Perhaps a bit of both.

Head on over to the Hot Dads Blog and see what spammers have been doing to my male ego, with the post: Hot Dad – Sexy or Old? Be sure to leave a comment, even if it’s just a snarky one-liner. Nothing like giving the other Hot Dads comment envy.

Whether you use a walker to get there or carry condoms in your glove box is entirely up to you!

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Single Dad Fireworks on Mother’s Day

dadshouse — Mon, 11 May 2009 08:00:55 +0000

As a divorced dad with half-time custody, I was on my own for Mother’s Day weekend. That’s as it should be, since my kids were celebrating the holiday with their mom. (I made sure they had gifts for her, and I called to wish her well on the day.)

The rest of my weekend? You’d think my calendar would have been filled! Especially with the annual KFOG Kaboom fireworks show on Saturday night. My buddies and I have sailed for Kaboom in the past, and watched fireworks over the water, from the water, next to the San Francisco Bay Bridge. It’s an amazing sight.

But Mother’s Day weekend got in the way of our sailing fun.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not blaming mom’s for the fact that we didn’t sail. Moms deserve their day and weekend in the sun.

It’s just that I’ve reached an age where my friends are married, and my dating prospects are divorced, and pretty much everyone has kids. For most of these people, Mother’s Day consumed the whole weekend.

Here’s what happened: my buddy and I tried to rally a crew and passengers to sail on Saturday. We hoped to sail all afternoon, grab gin and tonics or Bloody Mary’s at Sam’s in Tiburon, then keep sailing until dark when the fireworks started.

But, but, but…

Two potential crewmates were out of town with their wives and kids, celebrating Mother’s Day weekend
Another potential crewmate is a single mom, and she had her kids all weekend, and they didn’t feel like going
Most of the passengers I had in mind were single moms, either with kids too young to come aboard, or older kids who were treating mom to a special weekend

As for childless single women who I might have invited on the boat? No longer in my dating pool. (Most want to have babies and start families, and I’m done with that.)

And so there were no fireworks for this divorced dad over Mother’s Day weekend.

I did get some good reading time in.

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What Goes Down Must Come Up

dadshouse — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:11:25 +0000

Barf.

Vomit.

Toss cookies.

Throw up.

When too much good stuff (not to be confused with good food) goes into a twelve-year-old boy’s tummy, the result is easily guessed. Come join me as I wheel my Dad’s House mobile home over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog today, and you can find out what really happened on our vacation.

By the way – did you know the word puke was invented by the Bard himself?

I’m referring, of course, to Ralph Shakespeare. (Er, I mean William.)

Click here for the post, What Goes Down Must Come Up.

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A Great Vacation

dadshouse — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:00:45 +0000

I’m back from vacation! First off, I’d like to thank my guest bloggers for holding down the Dad’s House fort while I was gone.

Single Mom Seeking’s Rachel Sarah shared a heartfelt post on her daughter’s feelings about her dating
Lance from Honey and Lance provided dating tips for 40-something men like me
Lulu Notewordy’s Laila pondered love as a married mom
What Men Think gave us his views of luxury fashions
Honey from Honey and Lance shared some great vegan recipes

And a big thanks to all the readers who weighed in – looks like there were some spirited comments. You may have noticed I didn’t comment once on my own blog this past week. I was truly checked out. I’ll be sure to follow up in the coming days on some of the weightier topics from last week.

How did my kids and I spend our week? We rented a beach house in San Diego with my brother and his wife and two kids. We had a blast! Fabulous company. Great views of the ocean every night. Days at the beach boogie boarding, body surfing, skim boarding, building sand castles. Reading a ton. Trips to Sea World and the Zoo. Early morning Tour de France viewings. Nightly cocktails and home cooking featuring recipes from different countries, including:

Tapas night – garlic shrimp cooked by my daughter, gazpacho soup made by my sister-in-law, Spanish omelet by my brother, and a vegetable medley by me with beets, green chard, and Italian-style carrots
Italian night – rigatoni with sausage and tomato sauce
Kebobs – chicken, onion, bell pepper, tomato, pineapple
Grilled steaks – sorry, vegans like Honey
Enchiladas and nachos with margaritas! (The best margarita recipe ingredients are simple: tequila, cointreau, and lime.)

While I’m back on my Dad’s House blog, the vacation isn’t over yet. My daughter, her friend, and I will be traveling this week while my son is at lacrosse camp. But I’ll be posting, for sure.

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