Dad’s House

David Mott is on vacation this week, and guest bloggers have the keys to Dad’s House. The party continues today as Lance from HoneyAndLance.com hangs out at the pool and offers dating advice for 40-something men… (btw - if that brunette is still in the Dad’s House pool when I get home, she can stay for good - DM)

Since DM talks a fair amount about dating as a single parent, I thought I would try my hand at some dating tips aimed specifically at DM’s demographic, that is forty-something single men. Since I’m not a forty-something, this is partly based on what I understand about the principles of attraction, but also what I know from a few guys I’ve talked to. Much of this advice would work for a woman also (I think).

Before we start, I want to establish something right out of the gate. Forty-something men are usually looking to date younger women. Shocker, right? That’s a reality, and you can find overwhelming evidence on every online dating site where older guys post their preferred age range. If you’re a younger, attractive woman on one of these sites, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not hating, I’m saying that’s the way it is.

Alrighty, here’s my advice for 40+ guys looking to snag/shag younger women.

Get a cool haircut. If you’ve got a dorky haircut, time to ditch it. Grow it out a bit, go to an expensive stylist and tell them you want to look cool. You don’t have to look like a rock star, but you certainly don’t want to look like the Geico rep either. This is an actionable item right now.

Get some cool threads. This one is huge. In your off hours, make sure you don’t dress like the high school physics teacher. Find a look that suits your body type and get clothes that flatter. Are you tall and thin? Try the long sleeved shirts from Express. If you’re the clean cut type, shop Banana Republic. Also, get a couple pairs of expensive jeans, like don’t be afraid to blow $150 or more on a pair. Also, buy some expensive shoes, again well over $100. Women notice this stuff immediately. Young women will see that you’re hip and with it. This is another actionable item.

Find Commonalities. This includes music, television, movies, websites, books, places to eat and go out, etc. Hey, if you’re going after the 28-year-old hottie and you’re 45, you better know who Incubus is when she starts telling you about their latest concert. Find out what the young chicks are into. If you’re woefully behind the times on music, I suggest spending an afternoon browsing Youtube vids or listening to Pandora.

Play sports or go to the gym. DM is in terrific shape so this doesn’t apply to him, but if you’re a forty-something and obese and balding, you’ve got no shot at the young babes unless you happen to also be a billionaire or Salman Rushdie. Get your butt to the gym and burn off the spare tire. You’ll look better, feel better, and be better positioned to attract any woman.

Be social. Can’t emphasize this enough. This means going to bars and social venues and interacting with the younger set. I would go further and try organizing parties at your house or forming a social group based around your interests. You’re never too old to throw a pool party on a Saturday afternoon or organize a cool dinner party. Don’t limit yourself to online dating…take charge and be a social organizer.

The great thing about throwing parties is that it gives you an excuse to talk to women. That’s right, go to a nice bar on a Friday night with your buds, open the hotties, and towards the end of the interaction invite them to the pool party you’re throwing at your pimp pad in two weeks. Get a number or a Myspace address while you’re at it. It’s much easier to number close if you have something of value to give the chick, that value being the great party you’re inviting her to.

Make a Myspace or Facebook page. It’s dawned on me in the last few months how relevant social networking is to dating, and how effective a good page can be. Race and Kelly, who specialize in social network game, say having a good Myspace page is like having a PR firm working for you 24/7. I totally agree. Get yourself an account, customize it, and put tons of good pictures on there. Not only will this help get you noticed, but it’s a great way to screen potential dates. It’s also easier to get someone’s Myspace info than getting a phone number.

Those are some of the basics to make you more attractive to younger women. Since you’re a 40+ guy, I’m assuming you’ve got your money handled and a solid place to live, which solves much of the social value problem. Keep in mind, chicks are looking for confident, ambitious, secure men, and you’ve already got that. Do the stuff above and you’ll be fun and cool too.

Ladies, do you agree or disagree?

© 2008 HoneyAndLance.com. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

David Mott is on vacation this week, but he left the keys to Dad’s House with some fabulous guest bloggers. Today, Single Mom Seeking’s Rachel Sarah visits the kid’s room…

If my kid had it her way, I’d never have a boyfriend. I’d never go on another date.

My daughter was seven months old when her father walked out and I became a single mom. At that point, I thought my life was over. At age 28, I’d concluded that men were the antagonists.

Well, that didn’t last long. One year later — when my ex clearly wasn’t returning from his European adventure — I was back in the game.

Dating with a toddler was easy-peasy. But as Dad’s House knows, as you get savvier, so do your kids. Also, since it’s just the two of us, Mae and I have quite a super-glue bond.

The last time I went on a date, eight-year-old Mae wanted to know:

• “Where are you going?”
• “Who are you going with?”

I hope that she’ll be honest with me when she’s a teen, like David’s kids. So, I try to model openness.

Me: “I’m going to out for dinner with a friend.”

Mae: “Which friend?”

Me: “His name is Mark–”

Mae: “How do know him?”

You get the picture.

This year in school, Mae’s teacher led a whole course in poetry, and Mae’s favorite style was haiku. If she was going to write a haiku about our future, I think it would go like this:

Mom, don’t get married
Our family is perfect
Just the way it is

Still, I never imagined my life like this. I was sure that I’d be deep into a long-term relationship by now. I’m turning 36 this month (July). I probably won’t have any more kids. But will I ever have a real partner?

The longer I do this — single parenting — the easier it gets. While I haven’t given up finding some strapping, easygoing, here’s-a-love-note-in-your-pocket kind of man, I’m not sure if I want to add a man to our little duo. Maybe my kid is right. Maybe our little family is perfect.

Maybe I just want a man after dark.

Let’s hear from you…. Do see marriage in your future? Or, do you simply want someone after hours?

Rachel Sarah
http://www.singlemomseeking.com/blog

Author of Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World (2007, Seal Press/Avalon).

© 2008 SingleMomSeeking.com. All rights reserved. Published by DadsHouseBlog.com with permission from the author.

My sixteen-year-old daughter recently got her driver license, and I added her to my auto insurance policy. Despite her being a girl, getting good grades, driving only occasionally - her rate is through the roof, as it would be for any first-time driver.

At least I can split the cost with her mom. Right?

Wrong!

Insurance companies in California insure a driver for a specific car. They rated my daughter for my vehicle, but they won’t insure her if she drives her mom’s car. On the surface, that seems reasonable. We’re a two-home family and my daughter spends equal time with me and her mom. Two homes, two cars, two insurance policies.

Since she only lives with me half time, I should pay half as much to insure her. Right?

Wrong!

The insurance company explained it this way: your daughter has 24/7 access to your vehicle, so we need to insure her on it 24/7.

What a load of crap. My daughter only lives with me half time, and I only have one car. She has access less than half the time. Compared to other teens, that’s less than half as much chance for her to get into an accident in my car.

In a traditional (non-divorced) home with multiple cars, the teen gets rated for primarily driving one of the vehicles. However - if that car isn’t available, the teen is allowed to drive a secondary vehicle in the household, and they will be insured.

So, my ex-wife’s car be considered a secondary vehicle. Right?

Wrong!

The insurance company wants nothing to do with my ex-wife’s car. Unless… if my ex-wife moves her auto policy so we’re both insured by the same company, then they will create a policy that covers my daughter on both cars, without charging us double.

Sounds to me like single parents are being discriminated against by the insurance industry. Unless we’re willing to shill and sell an auto policy to our ex.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• You-Know-What-us Interruptus
• How to Talk to Your Daughter About Sex
• MySpace, Facebook, Yahoo IM - How Do Parents Eavesdrop Anymore?
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Over the long weekend a buddy and I spent a day wine tasting in the Santa Cruz mountains. Which is to say, rather than tasting we socialized and drank. As it should be for a single dad like me. (My buddy is married, which could spell wingman trouble, but he’s a good and respectful companion, not someone who lies to women.)

No matter the region - Napa, Sonoma, Monterey, Paso Robles, Santa Barbara, Santa Ynez, Santa Cruz – wineries are great places for singles to meet. Simply step up to the tasting bar next to a pair of attractive women. In ten minutes, you can rub shoulders, engage in conversation, amuse with wit. And you don’t have to know a thing about wine. If the tasting ends with no connection, everyone goes their merry way. But if there’s a spark or you simply get along, you can suggest meeting up at another winery. All these things happened this past weekend, so it was a typical good day.

And then I fell hard for one of the pourers.

We entered a less-trafficked winery and she immediately turned my head. Thirty-something, cute, athletic, nice smile, a little shy. Like an older, down-to-earth, Lost in Translation Scarlett Johansson. Now then, when it comes to bars and clubs, I have practically no game. I’m terrible at approaching women, making small talk, flirting and raising the heat. But in a tasting environment or a bar in a nice restaurant where the banter is witty and low key, I definitely hold my own. And so it was with all the confidence in the world that I stepped up to the bar right in front of this pourer.

For story-telling purposes, I’ll leave out the wine pouring small talk and cut straight to the chase.

There were horses near the winery and one galloped into view. The pourer was wearing Wranglers, an aggie-style jean. I asked if she rode.
“No,” she said.

Okay, no problem, I’d try a different approach. Country music played softly on the radio, and I’m more of an alt-rock fan. Everyone has their preference. I asked the pourer what music she liked.
“Country,” she said. It figured. “And alt-rock.”

Ding-ding-ding!

I immediately told a funny story involving San Francisco’s infamous alt-rock radio station, the One and Only Live105.
“Live105,” she said. “Is that classic rock?”
Um, no.

So much for that tack. I looked for another approach. She was in great shape, lean and strong, so I figured sports and activity might be my in. I asked if she was a gymnast.
She brightened. “I used to be! Now I run marathons.”

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

This time I had her, for sure. I’d run seven marathons in my day, before sore knees encouraged me to take up cycling. Turns out she’d run two, including Boston. That meant she’s fast, since you actually have to quality for Boston. She’d run the 26.2 miles in 3 hours and 12 minutes.
“Have you run Boston?” she asked.
“No,” I said. My marathon best was 3:29, and I needed a 3:15 to qualify. “Missed it by fourteen minutes.”

She raised her eyebrows, as if surprised I was slower than her. Whatever. Everyone’s different, and no two races are the same. That she was faster didn’t make me feel unmanly. But the conversation sputtered. She wasn’t giving me an inch, let alone opening up, and I resigned myself to having struck out.

As my buddy and I finished our last taste of wine, we chatted about the Tour de France. Cycling is one of my favorite sports. Turns out the pourer was just getting into cycling for triathlons. Wish I’d known that right off the bat. Oh well, We drained our glasses and left.

Outside, my buddy berated me for not getting her phone number.
“She deflected everything I tossed at her,” I said.
“You could have invited her cycling.”

Good point. But my flirtatious energy had been sapped, and I needed to gear up for another winery. After all, there were sure to be more singles at the next wine tasting bar.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Supermarket Dating – Cure for the Common Online Date
• How to Marry a Millionaire
• Best Single Parent Family Vacations EVER
  
• Is the Dating Pool Really That Small?

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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This advice comes about nine months too late for the Gloucester High teenage girls with the pregnancy pact, but there’s been enough reaction to what they did that I figured some prevention talk was in order.

As a single dad with a teenage daughter, I have first-hand experience in giving the talk to a girl. I told my daughter about the birds and bees in explicit detail when she was eleven and heading into sixth grade. This in response to news that local 6th-8th grade boys were persuading girls to perform oral sex on them in the school bathroom.

My daughter and I talked for an hour. I wasn’t nervous, I remained calm and spoke openly. My candor eased her into having a real conversation with me.

1. Biology – I explained the reproductive system of men and women, building on whatever knowledge the school had given her. I asked leading questions to see what she knew, then wove in new information. I described intercourse. (I didn’t get into crazy monkey sex. I’ll leave that to Honey and Lance.)

2. Love – we talked about falling in love, getting married, caring unconditionally for another person, and how sex can enhance all that. Without getting into tantric sex, I explained that great sex can feel spiritual.

3. Enjoyment – sex feels good. If it didn’t, no one would procreate.

4. Entertainment – it’s possible to have sex for entertainment and fun, without being in love, and a lot of people do just that. It really helped having a visual aid for my daughter. I showed her the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, and explained how hooking up and sex without attachment leads to empty feelings, not to mention the risk of disease.

5. STDs – some sexually transmitted diseases are passed through an exchange of fluids, and others from skin-to-skin contact. Safe sex, including condoms, is a must.

6. Peer pressure – we talked about how some people go along with the group, even if the choice is wrong. Locally, girls were told they had to give blowjobs if they wanted to hang out with the cool boys. Some were even promised the status of girlfriend. This gave the girls a sense of self-esteem that maybe they weren’t getting at school or at home. Problem was, the next day some of the boys turned a cold shoulder and moved on to their next conquest.

7. Oral – the boys in our local community were telling girls “it’s only a kiss, just not on the mouth.” So, yes, I explained to my daughter how oral sex is peformed. She was kind of grossed out (what eleven year old wouldn’t be?)

8. Parenting – I reminded her that having a kid changes the course of the rest of your life. Parenting is hugely rewarding, but also a giant responsibility. Let pregnancy happen when she’s ready for everything that goes with it.

My daughter asked great questions – Does it hurt? How old was I when I became sexually active? She called her aunt the next day with well-thought follow-ups.

The fact that I’m divorced and dating helped me relate. It also meant I felt a little awkward at times – like any normal adult, I usually have sex just for fun. Sometimes that’s with a Friend-With-Benefits or booty-call partner who I’m not in love with.

But I kept all the awkward feelings to myself. It was more important to arm my daughter with knowledge, and empower her to feel good about herself, enjoy sex when she’s ready, and become a mother on her own good time.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Who Needs Protection? It’s Only a One Night Stand
• My Daughter’s On Facebook – Can I Still Join?
  
• Honey and Lance.com: How Much Sex Ed Are You Giving Your Kids?
• Miley Cyrus Sexy Vanity Fair Pics – She’s Younger Than My Daughter
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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Summer’s in full swing. Friends and family are taking trips, my kids are on vacation with their mom, making me a lone wolf reminiscing back to my best family vacations ever.

1. Santa Barbara Beach Vacation - my younger brother and I rented a house in Santa Barbara last year for our two families to enjoy for a week. The backyard had two decks, a hot tub, ping-pong table, BBQ grill, and a magnificent view of the Pacific Ocean. My kids were great baby-sitters for their toddler cousins, my brother and I cooked, and his wife enjoyed 7 days of relaxation. Our dinners were based on a food pyramid featuring cocktails at the base. (Martinis tonight? Let’s have steak! Sangria? Let’s make paella.) Two days after we returned home, my sister-in-law called to ask where we’d be going in summer 2008. (I’ll blog the answer to that in a few weeks.)

2. Virginia Farm Vacation - my older brother and his wife lived on a 200 acre farm in Virginia horse country. Talk about summer camp! My kids rode horses, played with three dogs, swam and fished in a pond, drove the tractor, swung on giant rope swings, collected eggs from the chickens, picked corn, shoveled horse shit in the stable. My kids were in heaven! (Not for the horse shit, but for the collective experience.) We also stole time in Charlottesville, walking the mall, strolling UVA (Wahoo-Wa), wine tasting, visiting Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello home. My brother makes a mean mint julep, btw.

3. Maui – Hawaii is great, and Maui is extremely family friendly. We had a blast! A lot of my friends take their families to the Grand Wailea, but we prefer the condo approach. We had funning hitting beaches like Kaanapali, swimming with sea turtles, exploring the Hana coast including its waterfalls and sea caves, watching a sunset from the top of a Volcano. Couldn’t have done all that while sitting by a fancy pool. We also went to the Big Island and took ranger hikes around the volcano, with a night-time visit to the active lava flows. It was unreal! Fires everywhere, streams of lava heading to the sea. We literally stood 3 feet from hot lava. Amazing!

4. Camping in Sequoia National Park – my kids and I like to car camp. We drive into a site, pitch the tent, get out our beach chairs, and while I sit relaxing, reading a book, my kids chop wood for the fire. (Give a kid an axe and some wood, and he/she can happily chop for hours.) We didn’t just sit around, of course - we did a ton of hikes, saw the General Grant and General Sherman trees, and generally explored nature. Smores and a roaring campfire made every night good.

5. Boston – on an east coast visit where we toured from New England through Manhattan and Philly to Virginia, Boston was our favorite stop. The city is walkable, with tons of interesting sites, especially the Freedom Trail. We saw the Old North Church, ate in the Italian North End, strolled The Commons, hung out near Harvard, rode the T (the subway). A highlight, for us, was hanging out for two hours in a North End café, watching World Cup soccer. Forza azzurri!

Looking forward to my kids getting back for my vacation with them this summer!

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Greg Norman’s Yacht has Nothing on This
• Family Weekend
• The Kids and their Mom are skiing for Ski Week… how can I compete?

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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First, some news:

Dad’s House posts are now available as FULL feeds

(rather than summary), through Feedburner. This will no doubt delight multitudes of people who read blogs from feed readers and email programs rather than visiting this blog. The content is the same, but pushed to you rather than pulled by you. I sound nerdy. I used to be an engineer. Sorry. (And speaking of nerdy - I had to change some internal links to make the jump to full feeds. So if you see broken links, let me know.)

If you’d like to receive updates to Dad’s House content via RSS or email, click away…
Get Updates to Dad’s House via RSS - Or - Get Updates by Email

On to the main event!

The Dad’s House post today appears on Silicon Valley Moms Blog –

Calling All Matchmakers.

Offering a reminder to all the moms, dads, married folks, coupled folks, and anyone else who voyeuristically follows affairs of the heart: sometimes us single parents need some matchmaking help. Going on a date with a friend of a friend beats the hell out of match.com. Trust me.

I think you’ll like this matchmaking post. Come on over and comment. Bullhorns optional. (Whether you rip me like the first commentor did, or come to my support is entirely up to you… )

Now then, can someone please help me out of this glee-club sweater? I’m really not an argyle kind of guy.

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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With my kids on vacation, and given my dislike of online dating, you might wonder how I actually meet someone new. Here are some ways to say hello to a stranger.

1. I couldn’t help noticing you, and I wanted to say hello – when I first heard this, I thought it was the cheesiest pick-up line ever. But a former girlfriend of mine told me it actually worked on her, as long as it sounded heartfelt. And she’s right! It’s worked plenty for me. Use this in a bar or coffee house. Anyplace where you catch eyes with someone across the room.

2. You ladies look like you’re having fun – use this when you approach a group of women. It doesn’t matter what they’re doing; if they’re out together, chances are at least one of them will want to meet a man. And believe me, if there’s only one at the table who is available, if you’re a quality guy the others will let you know who she is. The great thing about this line is it doesn’t commit you to any one woman. It’s flattering to all of them and gets them all involved in the conversation.

3. Good book? – perfect for a coffee house, the park, or the beach. That is, if you can find someone reading. A lot of times people are staring at laptops, cell phones, and blackberries, texting away. But if you do find someone with a book, it’s a good start. If you haven’t heard of the book, ask them about it. Or ask them for other titles they’ve liked. An alternative to try with someone who is texting: nice text message? (Ha! Leave those tech gadgets at home!)

4. Have you been here before? – (or the cheesy counterpart, Come here often?) This is great when you’re in line, or at the bar, waiting to order. I used this line to hit on a woman in front of my son, and it works. What do you like here? is an easy follow-up. DO NOT ask What’s good, or What do you recommend, because those questions force the person to offer their opinion as a critic. No one wants to give bad advice. Telling you what they like tells you something about them, and that’s flattering already.

5. Hi, I’m David – just saying Hi and giving your name can actually work if you’ve made some eye contact, and there’s an obvious charge. I saw this in the film American Gangster when Denzel Washington meets Miss Puerto Rico. Whether art imitates life, or life imitates art, doesn’t matter – they’re one in the same.

For the single parent in the park or at the beach, say ANYTHING about the kids. For instance:

1. Which one’s yours? – you learn a lot by their response. The rascally boy (she likes a man who isn’t tame), or Miss Never Wants to Get Dirty (her own life is too tame, and she wants some action)

2. Cute kid! – complimenting a parent on their child is an instant winner

3. Can we pet your dog? - getting your kid to pet their dog allows you two adults to talk

Now put yourself out there wherever singles hang out.

Smile. Be noticed. Say hello.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• How to Pick-Up a Woman in Front of Your Son
• Supermarket Dating - Cure for the Common Online Date
• The Apple Store - Best Place for Singles to Meet?
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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My kids left on vacation Friday with their mom, and I’ll be a lone wolf for three weeks. Full-time parents might cheer that break. But if you’re a single parent sharing custody, like me, chances are you’d rather have the kids around. Time spent with children is precious; they grow up quick.

Their mom and I alternate summers for taking them on big vacations. Here’s how I’ve dealt with summer alone-time before.

• Newly divorced – the first time they took off with their mom, I dated like CRAZY. I had just discovered internet dating and thought it was manna from heaven. Interestingly enough, the two relationships I entered that summer were from someone I met at a wedding, and someone I was set up with by friends. (So much for online dating, eh?)

• Two years after divorce – I had just broken up with a girlfriend, and friends were still conflicted about my divorce: they hadn’t taken sides between me and my ex, and they ended up leaving us both a bit out to pasture to fend for ourselves. With my kids gone, I was LONELY (and depressed). Like any good single, I fled to Club Med for a week of drinking and hooking up (in my case, with a gorgeous and sexy Cuban woman, who made fun of my salsa dancing skills, but otherwise liked me).

But debauchery only carries you so far. At some point, I hit rock bottom. No friends to hang out with, no kids to take care of, no girlfriend to smooch. Like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love, I was wondering what’s the point of this thing called life. Let’s just say, since then I changed a lot. That summer was cathartic, and I’ve gone on to write two novels about the spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social shifts that arise from divorce and single parenting.

• Four years after divorce – by this point I had a completely different set of friends, ones who were more accepting and supportive of me being a single dad and single man. We enjoy yachting, and we sailed the British Virgin Islands together for a week, sleeping on the boat, listening to reggae, and drinking way too many Bushwackers. I also hung out with good friends in Manhattan, running in Central Park, dining in fabulous restaurants, and sighting celebrities. (Celebs I’ve seen up-close in NYC over the years: Marisa Tomei, James Iha from Smashing Pumpkins, Toby Maguire filming Spiderman 3, Dustin Hoffman, Scarlett Johansson (I wish))

• Six years after divorce – I finally accepted the fact that I can’t force the outcome of my future. I went with the flow and dated four women at once. Rock concerts, wine tasting, weekend road trips, a lot of cycling. Fun times, for sure.

Which brings me to now. I have no plan. Even though I’m faced with three weeks alone, I’m not too concerned. I won’t throw myself into online dating, or rush off on a singles holiday. I’ll just take each day as it comes and see what enters my life. No expectations, but open to possibilities.

Sometimes a lone wolf just needs to howl.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Single Parent, Empty House, Full Life
• What Does a Divorced Single Parent Know About Successful Relationships?
• San Francisco Fireworks of Another Kind (Dad’s House post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog)
  

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.

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My son and I were eating at the bar in our favorite Mexican restaurant. The owners are fine with that on slow nights - tons of people eat at that counter solo - and we’ve done it before. Without my daughter along we thought we’d keep it manly and casual. Plus, there was a TV. Always an attraction for a twelve-year-old.

A woman sat down two seats away from me, along with two young kids and a man. Damn, a family, and she was hot. Slim, cute, sexy, olive skin, nice smile. Her husband was the luckiest guy in the room. But then she ordered a beer, and the man and kids left, and I realized she was alone.

Women NEVER eat out alone in Silicon Valley.

I worried it might be awkward talking to her with my son there, but what choice did I have? Chances like this come along once every couple of years (so it seems.) I absolutely had to chat this woman up. Besides, kids are sort of chick magnets.

I asked her if she’d eaten at the restaurant before. A fair question, since we eat there a lot and I didn’t recognize her. Plus, she hadn’t ordered a margarita. Everyone orders a margarita here. This restaurant makes the best ones in town. (La Llorona is my fave.)

She was friendly, and we started to chat. Turns out she was in town visiting from Colorado on business. Her smile was killing me, and I couldn’t see if she had a ring or not. I introduced my son, and he seemed a tad embarrassed, then went back to watching the ballgame on TV.

I felt conflicted – I should bond father/son style. But WTF. If there was a chance with this woman, I had to take it.

A group of guys came into the bar and one totally started hitting on her. She gave him the cold shoulder and changed seats to be right next to me. I was in heaven! (My son smiled. He knew I was pleased.)

We talked while we ate. She explained the meaning of my margarita’s name (La Llorona – the crying woman. Which I knew from reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, but I was impressed with her latina knowledge.)

My son was fairly quiet, but when I brought him into the conversation by having him brag about playing lacrosse or trumpet, he perked up. He’s extremely social, and has no problem talking to adults or girls. He did great.

I finally saw a flash of bling on her finger. Damn! Talk about mood killer, I know I should have looked beforehand. But she had her hand in her lap the whole time, and scoping out a ring would have been so obvious. Plus, sometimes women wear rings when they aren’t married, to ward off men. (Just as sometimes men don’t wear rings when they should.)

I’m pretty direct, so I asked if there’s a lucky guy in her life. Yep, she’s married. But she said she was totally flattered that I hit on her. She ordered a margarita to match mine (La Llorona!), and was bummed when my son and I needed to leave before her drink was done. We exchanged biz cards because she has a girlfriend (in Colorado) to set me up with.

As soon as we left, I talked to my son about what went down. I apologized for chatting so much with someone else, but explained there aren’t that many single women in Silicon Valley, at least not ones who put themselves out there. (I’m convinced they all hide out in the Googleplex.) I explained that when a beautiful woman sits down next to you, you don’t hesitate, you do whatever it takes to start up a conversation. He understood. He got it.

He’s not shy, he’ll be fine with the ladies when it’s time. But I feel it was good for him to watch me interact with this woman. My parents are still married, so I never got to see my old man in action. My son saw me stick my neck out with a woman, strike out, and still hold my head high.

In other words, he saw what it’s like to be a man.

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