Dad's House » single parents

Single Parent Life – Stories, Tips, Advice

dadshouse — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:33:45 +0000

A friend recently asked why my single parent blog covers such wide-ranging topics. Of course, there are single parenting tips and advice about divorce separation, co-parenting with an ex, raising children in a two-home family, child custody agreements. There are sexy and funny stories about dating after divorce. Like any blog, Dad’s House is an outlet for me, and also a resource for single parents. Reader comments and insights provide even more help and support.

So what’s with the cocktails, booty calls, sex, books, movies, cooking, and self-awareness?

In short, this blog isn’t about how to be a single parent. It doesn’t focus solely on struggles, survival, money problems and emotional fallout from divorce. And it’s more than a daily diary about my single dad life.

Dad’s House explores how to be happy, enjoy life, and find contentment when you’re parenting kids by yourself and running a household solo. Tons of factors come into play – sex, spirituality, psychology, self-awareness, humor. The sheer joy of cooking, having fun with your kids, being present to the moment, enjoying time to yourself.

So sit back and enjoy the Dad’s House Single Parent Blog grand tour… There’s a ton of stuff here, so browse what you like. Or just scroll down to your favorite cocktail recipe.

Divorce, Child Custody, Co-Parenting

I’ve written quite a bit about marital separation and parenting in a two-household family. Dad’s House single parent and divorce advice posts include:

A 50 50 child custody schedule that has worked great for my kids, my ex-wife and me.
Concerns when a divorced parent wants to move away.
How to co-parent with an ex spouse in a positive way that works.
Divorce birthday party traditions when both single parents and their extended families want to take part.
A look at the fun parent in divorce.
Should an ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend attend school events?
School and doctor communication with divorced parents.
Finding contentment as a divorced parent alone when your ex has custody of the kids.
The Jon and Kate Gosselin divorce, and what the future may hold for this reality TV family.

More on divorce, separation, child custody, and co-parenting on the Divorce page.

Single Parent Dating After Divorce

Some single parents haven’t dated for years, other single moms and single dads (like me) keep cycling through bad first dates and blind dates, searching for a suitable partner to bring around their children, or looking for a lover to keep apart from the kids. I divorced ten years ago, and while I’ve enjoyed several long term relationships and almost remarried twice, I’ve also had my share of sexy, funny, and annoying dating stories. Some single parent dating highlights:

The challenges of a single mom dating a single dad when their schedules don’t match.
The odds of a single dad meeting women at a cooking, yoga, or wine tasting class.
Should a single dad date a hot school teacher if his child is in her class?
Funny stories about internet dating as a divorced dad.
Advice on how to start dating a single father.
Tips on when to start dating after divorce.
Relationship compatibility and life stages.
Single dads looking for love – do they need to have more children?
How a single dad can pick up a woman in front of his kids.

More on single parent dating after divorce on the Dating page.

Single Parents Raising Children, Parenting Teens

Raising children and parenting solo can be challenging, but it’s also quite rewarding. On one hand, as the lone parent you’re the responsible adult providing for your kids and setting the rules in your household. That can be stressful. On the other hand, you get the benefit of extended one-on-one time with your kids, and parent-child communication that can’t be avoided instead can be embraced. Single parent family highlights:

How do I talk to my daughter about sex?
What a father should know about his teenage daughter.
How one dad reacts when his teen daughter starts dating.
The importance of a father spending time with his teenage daughter.
The fun of a single dad cycling with his teen son.
Tips on raising children.

More on raising children, parenting teens, and family communication on the Family page.

Single Parent Sex and Intimacy

No, I don’t mean having sex by yourself! Though sex and intimacy can be a challenge for a single parent without a partner. While I prefer having a long-term girlfriend or lover, I’m no stranger to hooking up on occasion. Some single parenting related posts:

Single parent sex unexpectedly interrupted by kids when your ex has custody.
What to do when an ex girlfriend still wants to have sex.
Dating and intimacy with a single mom or single dad.
Can friends with benefits be friends?
For a single parent with intimacy fears, tantric breathing and sex can be a great help.

More on casual sex, hooking up, one night stands, and booty calls on the Hookups page.

Single Parent Books and Movies

I like to keep an eye on how single parents are depicted in popular culture. I also enjoy sharing good self-help, spirituality, and relationship advice books.

More book and movie reviews are spread throughout the category pages.

Spirituality and Self-Awareness

Any divorced parent might feel the need to heal from within before falling into their next long term relationship. I’ve found post-divorce comfort and guidance in non-religious spiritual wisdom.

More spirituality and self-awareness books on the Misc page.

Cooking, Food, and Recipes for Families

A lot of married men I know can’t cook to save their lives. But after divorce, you don’t have much choice, especially if you’re a single parent with kids to feed.

More healthy recipes and cooking tips on the Recipe page.

Cocktails! Mixed Drinks!

After a long day of doing pretty much everything, any single parent deserves a stiff drink, taken in moderation of course.

More cocktails and mixed drink recipes on the Recipe page.

If you’re new to this blog, welcome! Whether you’re single or married, male or female, childless or a parent – poke around, chime in with opinions and questions. Dad’s House enjoys debate. We all learn, grow, and evolve by interacting with each other. Whether that’s over cocktails or a blog post.

And if you just want to look…? By all means, voyeurs welcome.

When a Single Parent and Child Both Get Sick

dadshouse — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:22:06 +0000

My son came down with a fever this past weekend. Stuffy nose, tired, achy. He had a mixture of cold and flu symptoms. No fun for him, at all.

When Monday hit, he was still sick. No problem, I work from home. He could recuperate all day under my care.

Except for one thing – I was sick, too.

After I got my teen daughter off to school, I went back to bed and slept. My son and I both woke up at 11am. I had chills, a massive headache, sore throat. And I was still tired.

But my son needed a few things…

He needed me to take his temperature (of course)
He needed cold medicine (we’d run out the night before)
He needed chicken soup
He needed one of our favorite old home remedies – grapefruit peel tea
He needed me to take his temperature again (why do kids like that so much?)

As a single parent, there was nothing for me to do but get up and take care of him. I went to the store and got the stuff he needed. While I was at it, I swung by the school to pick up work he had missed.

Of course, there was no one around to take care of me. But that’s part and parcel for parenting solo.

By 3pm, my son’s fever broke. I was worn out. Turns out he was tired, too, and we both managed to nap away the rest of the afternoon.

When my daughter got back from after-school sports practice, I had enough energy to put together dinner. (I had cooked all weekend – maybe my intuition told me to do that? – so all I had to do for dinner was heat a few things up.) And take my son’s temperature again (for the fifth time! Sheesh)

When a single parent gets sick, there’s often no one to take care of them. When their kids get sick at the same time, you just have to suck it up and deal.

If you liked this single parent sick post, you might also enjoy:

Single Dad Dating Advice for his Teens

dadshouse — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:07:17 +0000

As a single dad on the dating scene, I can totally relate to my teens as they date. I know full well that romantic relations can be equal parts madness and bliss.

What’s an old guy like me to do with all that dating wisdom? Impart it to my kids, of course!

Head over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog where I write an open letter to my teens about dating. Don’t worry, it’s chalk full of humor. I take this dating-wisdom impartation business with a shot of whiskey and a grain of salt.

Dating Advice from a Dad to his Teens

Then come on back and let me sell you one of them new fangled surries. It’s got fringe on top.

If you liked this single parent talking to teens about dating post, you might also enjoy:

Married Couples Partying Without Single Parents

dadshouse — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:10:08 +0000

This past weekend at a youth soccer game, one of the soccer dads was chatting with me about a mutual friend, George. “You should hear George go off at a party,” the soccer dad said. “He’s always telling funny stories!”

Rather than relish the thought of George being hilarious, I was struck by the fact I’m never invited to these adults-only events where George and the dad hang out.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard about parties that the married couples throw. There have been some ragers over the years.

I wondered – how come the married couples don’t invite me to party with them? I assume it’s because I’m divorced and a single dad. When I was married, I was invited to parties, plenty.

Please know I’m not a social bore. At soccer team parties and games, the parents are quite entertained by my company. And my kids and I do occasionally get invited to BBQ hamburgers or grill chicken with other families.

It’s the adults-only parties I get left out of.

Maybe it’s because the moms make the social calendar, leaving me out of the loop. Or because other married folks are more comfortable with other married people. Or maybe they all have a moral distaste for divorce. Who knows?

I do my part and throw at least two cocktail parties every year (Bushwackers were a hit with the soccer moms), and I host dinner parties and BBQs on occasion. The invites simply aren’t extended back my direction.

Thankfully, I have other social outlets. I attended a party this past weekend with a mix of couples and singles who aren’t in the soccer or school social scene. (It was a weird tantric new-agey wine-tasting fest, with a ukulele player and tattooed belly dancers. Hey, I live in NorCal!)

But it sure would be nice if the married parents at my kids’ school or on their sports teams (i.e. the people I see every week) included me in their next raging adults-only bash.

Or even invited me to a quiet little dinner party.

If you liked this married couples party without single parents post, you might also enjoy:

Single Parent Dating is Tougher than a High School Crush

dadshouse — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:10:21 +0000

High school crushes can be difficult for teens to navigate.

I know, because I have a teen daughter who is dating right now. Plus, I was a dating teen myself, back in the stone age. (I actually had a long term girlfriend back in high school. No hit it and quit it dating for me!)

Well, as hard as it can be to figure out relationships in high school, I think it’s even harder for single parents out on the dating scene.

Head over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog for a cage match of epic proportions, pitting the complications of Single Parent dating against the sheer bliss of a High School crush.

Single Parent Dating
is Tougher than a High School Crush

Then come back and meet me on the quad after class.

Oh, and don’t bring a chaperone.

If you liked this single parent dating post, you might also enjoy:

Is Divorce Coparenting Easy?

dadshouse — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:05:29 +0000

A Dad’s House reader politely pointed out that I have it much easier as a divorced man who coparents with my ex, than a full time single dad. To wit:

I don’t mean to diminish what you do as a single dad, but you don’t do it alone. You have 1/2 custody and they have a mom. If you think what you do is hard — try being a guy and doing it all. Everyone expects (rightly or wrongly) that women do this but you rarely see a man doing it all.

My boyfriend is barely making it – he’s exhausted and he’s broke, but he’s doing it all by himself.

My first reaction was to say: you’re right! I don’t think what I do is hard. I love it! Yes, it’s half time, and that half time is totally on my own. I have no family here, and neighbors tend to keep their distance. But I do get breaks half the time, and that’s when I pick up the slack. Hats off to your boyfriend for truly going it alone. That’s awesome. He sounds like a keeper.

And then I slept on it, and remembered there are hidden costs to divorce coparenting. Here are things divorced coparents deal with that full time single parents don’t even sweat:

I only see my kids half time
I only see my kids for half of the holidays
I have to deal with my ex-wife’s boyfriend
I have to deal with my ex!
I have no say in how my kids are raised in my ex wife’s house
The schools often communicate only with my ex-wife, and not me (she’s the mom after all!)
Doctor’s offices sometimes communicate only with my kids’ mom, and not me
Our families pay double the mortgage (or rent, if we didn’t own homes) than other families in our neighborhood, and double the car insurance for our teen daughter
Sometimes when I’m getting it on with a lover, the kids unexpectedly show up

I could go on and on. And a full time single parent could easily make a bullet list of their troubles that dwarfs mine.

Just as a married couple could list troubles they have to deal with (communication, cooperation, acceptance, support, etc.)

The point is: it’s not a competition. Parents raising kids – whether with a partner or without – face challenges.

We also have a hell of a good time. I love being a dad. I love raising teenagers. I wouldn’t trade my predicament for the world.

Is divorce coparenting easy? Who cares! It’s life. It’s fun if you want it to be.

I’m happy and grateful that I’m a dad.

If you liked this divorce coparenting post, you might also enjoy:

A Single Mom and Her Super Cute Daughter

dadshouse — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 09:53:36 +0000

This past weekend, I hooked up for lunch with single mom blogger Mindy from Single Mom Says. Mindy was vacationing in San Francisco, along with her 4-year-old daughter. No, it wasn’t that sort of hookup. We ate lunch, hit the beach, ate chocolate. (Though, judging by the way some women react to chocolate, maybe it was that kind of hookup…)

Let me just say for the record, Mindy and her daughter are both attractive, smart, and charming as all get out.

Let me also say, Mindy’s four-year-old was so darn cute, I almost want to be a new dad again. (For the sake of brevity, this post is going to focus only on the daughter. But know I had fun with Mindy, too.)

The daughter had a tiny little soccer ball, about 1-inch diameter, and of course she showed it to me right off. (We bonded over soccer! My daughter would be proud.) At lunch, Mindy’s little girl hid the ball in the sugar bowl and asked me to find it. I tossed sugar packet after sugar packet onto the table (making me sort of a sugar daddy, eh?) Of course, I pretended the ball wasn’t there. And she called my bluff.

This cute girl was one smart kid. There were all sorts of types of sugar in the bowl, in different color packets: pink, blue, yellow, brown. I played dumb and called every color by a different name: purple, orange, red, black. She would have none of it. To put things in perspective, I didn’t know my colors until I was five. Yeah, maybe I was a slow learner. But this little girl not only knew every color, but she also had the confidence to call me on my shit. Girl has confidence!

I threw every sucker punch I knew at this kid. I misnamed things (that’s not a car, it’s a horse! No, it’s trash!) I told her Ghirardelli had run out of chocolate (she didn’t believe me). At the beach I told her if there’s no “sand” in her “sandals”, they’re just called “als”. She didn’t believe any of my teasing jokes. She knew the truth. She flat out told me I was wrong.

I love a confident woman like that! Even if she’s only three. (I know she likely learned all that from her mom. Good going, Mindy!)

The day reminded me how much I love love love interacting with kids.

Almost makes me want to be a daddy again.

If you liked this single mom and her super cute daughter post, you might also enjoy:

Flickr photo by Mike Johnston, Some rights reserved (CC BY-ND 2.0)