How to Date Four Women at Once

dadshouse — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 06:05:43 +0000

I already know what you’re thinking. How on earth can I write about dating four people at once when most single parents can’t find the time to date one person? I’m here to tell you, the roadblock isn’t time, it’s desire.

Easy for me to say, seeing as I’m dating zero women at the moment. But two summers ago when my kids were traveling with their mom for a month, giving me loads of free time, I did an experiment.

I gave up on my search for the ideal partner, and simply dated to have fun.

I met four women – two through friends, one a stranger I approached in day-to-day life, and one online (an online dating success that wasn’t sarcastic.) Each was different from the others – there were a couple of single moms, a couple of non-natives, a 20-something, two 30-somethings, a 40-something, a few highly educated, one of them not. (All looked cute and sexy in a summer dress.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not polyamorous or a player, I wasn’t swapping bed partners each night. In fact, I only slept with one of them. I simply spent time planning and doing fun activities with whoever was available. Forget The Rules and The Game. I called whichever of them I was in the mood to see, whenever I liked, for whatever activity struck my fancy.

I’d call Bachelorette #1 (B-1, for short) on Thursday for a weekend hike. I’d call B-2 on Friday for drinks that night. I’d call B-3 for a bike ride any day of the week. I’d plan dinner with B-4 several days in advance. If they couldn’t meet, I found out when they could. And – this is key – as long as there weren’t conflicts, I always made myself available.

By not sleeping over, it was easy to keep things light, and we all could date non-exclusively. (It wasn’t sexless – B-2 and I fell into a booty call relationship where we slept with each other while we both looked for someone else to date long-term. We agreed we’d stop the booty part as soon as one of us got involved with someone. It worked great for a few months, and there were no hard feelings when things ended between us. I didn’t tell the other 3 bachelorettes about this arrangement. I figured there was no need, since I wasn’t sleeping with any of them.)

By dating four women, I always had something fun to do. On the rare occasion none of them was free, I didn’t stress about a lack of plans. I hung out with other friends, or enjoyed alone time, and tried again later.

With my kids gone and the time obstacle removed, I was able to focus frustration-free on desire. I didn’t ask, Who would make the best partner? I asked, Who did I want to spend time with now? The answer changed depending on the day, activity, mood.

When my kids came back, I kept dating the four women. I was less available, but by then they had gotten to know me and were willing to see me even if it took a few weeks to meet. To help things, I allowed myself to occasionally go out on custody nights, as long as I returned home at a reasonable hour.

How did it end? B-2 met a guy, and she and I stopped our liaisons. Soon after, I decided to get more serious with B-3, and we dated for a few months. First, I told B-1 and B-4 that I had met someone who I wanted to pursue a more serious relationship with. They understood, and B-1 is still a good friend.

To recap, here are the keys to dating four women at once:

Keep things light and activity focused
Don’t involve booty, unless one of them is your FWB
Be open to a variety of new activities
Make yourself available any day or night of the week
Have the desire to date, relate, and have fun

Who knows, maybe the zero women I’m currently dating will turn into four sometime soon. It’s all about desire.

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How to Date Four Women at Once