I logged into Yahoo IM the other day and noticed an ex-lover online. Yeah, I still had her in my friend list. She must have had me in her IM friend list, too, because she promptly sent me an instant message.
God I’m horny! What are you doing right now? she wrote.
I had very fond memories of our FWB time together. But that was two years ago. And she’s no longer in the Bay Area, where I live. So what the hell did she expect me to do?
Talk dirty to me! she wrote.
Me being me, and maybe me wanting some sexy blog fodder, I asked her if the dirty messaging would lead to us actually getting it on in person.
Are you kidding me? YES!!! If you turn me on!!! she wrote.
The gauntlet was dropped. Of course,she lives hundreds of miles from me, and it’s been years since we’ve seen each other. But we’d had fun together, and the thought of rekindling old times was intriguing, if only virtually. Besides, maybe she’d actually road trip up my direction, or invite me down to her.
I IM’d something sexy and raunchy and fun.
(I’m sure Dad’s House readers are dying to know exactly what I wrote. To which I say, ha! How can I remember something dirty and sexy and flirty while my kids are in the other room watching TV? Rest assured, whatever I wrote got her attention.)
What was the best part about shagging me? she wrote. (Only, she didn’t exactly say shagging. Feel free to drop the F-bomb in your mind while I keep this blog post PG13)
I told her – I liked it when we … on the… in the… under the… . (Trust me, it was hot. Not only the sexy moment, but what I wrote.)
God, I remember that! she wrote. Keep going!!!!! I’m HORNY!!!
I kept going, reminding her about doing it on the couch, on the floor, in the backyard. We were chatting, reminiscing old times, raising the heat.
Stop! she wrote.
Are we going to do it in person? I wrote.
No. Been there done that.
Huh? Of course she’d been there and done that. So had I. Two years before. But she’s the one who started this chat. And she’s the one who said we might hook up, for old time’s sake.
So, what do you want? I wrote.
Nothing. I’m sleeping with someone else these days.
Then why did you write?
I was HORNY! Now I’m not. Thanks.
Okay, then.
Have YIM, will travel, and always aim to please.
If you liked this instant messaging an ex lover post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 16th, 2010
Posted in
dating |
18 comments
My thirteen-year-old son and I got a weekend to ourselves when my daughter and her mom took a short trip together. Father-son time like that doesn’t happen nearly enough for a divorced single dad like me, just as the mother-daughter time is precious for my ex. Usually, if I have the kids, I have them both. With children and divorce, you can miss out on one-on-one time.
The last time we had a dad-son manfest weekend, we spent it cycling, and thought about food during a fifty-mile ride. This time, food was again a theme. As it should be – my teen son is at an age where he’s equal parts boy and man. Eating is a pastime for him.
Saturday afternoon he played lacrosse. He hasn’t yet had his growth spurt, so he’s one of the smaller boys on his team. Of course, my son being a man, he’s happy to go up against bigger opponents.
On one play, he had the ball, and a big kid steamrolled him, throwing an elbow in the process, and slamming my son to the turf.
Some of the sideline mom’s “ooooo’d” out of concern for my son the boy, hoping he was okay. I pumped a fist – the ref had called an illegal hit against the opponent, meaning my son the man had just taken one for the team. (He got right up and kept playing; he was fine.)
After the game, we went for burgers. Big half-pound things with tons of extras piled on. (Teriyaki and pineapple for my son, bleu cheese and mushrooms for me.)
My son the man finished his huge burger before I was even halfway done with mine. And I never finished.
Later that night, we went to see a movie, Green Zone with Matt Damon. It was $9.25 for adults, and $6.25 for children 2-12. I didn’t try to lie about my son’s age, but if they offered a kids’ price, I wouldn’t say no. We could put the saved three dollars toward popcorn.
Wouldn’t you know, the ticket seller took one look at my small sized son and figured he was in the child range.
“One adult and one child?” she asked.
“No, two adults,” my son said.
“Twelve and under gets a child price.”
“I’m thirteen.”
The ticket seller looked at me as if to say, if only your son wasn’t so honest, you would have just saved three bucks!
“You must have just had your birthday,” she said.
“Actually, I turn fourteen in a few weeks,” my son said.
My son the man proceeded to order a tub of popcorn. How a small boy like that can pack away the food is beyond me.
Maybe it’s time to drop the man-boy moniker, and just call him a man.
Then again, on Sunday when he bummed fifty-cents off me to get himself a sour apple ring pop, I was reminded he couldn’t go an afternoon without candy.
That’s my boy!
If you liked this father son post, you might also enjoy these:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 15th, 2010
Posted in
teens |
25 comments
My teen daughter heads off to college this fall, and I’ll have a half-empty nest, with just my son and me.
Teen boys don’t need much more than a stocked refrigerator and a working TV. (Oh, and a place to study, of course.)
Plus, my son only lives with me half time, spending the rest of his nights at his mom’s house.
Do we really need a house and yard for 1 1/2 men? And how does my son feel bout that?
Head over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog for an open house viewing:
Single Parent Downsizing Home Life
(If that pre-programmed link doesn’t work, go straight to Dad’s House posts at SV Moms)
If we downsize, can we still super-size those fries?
If you liked this single dad downsizing post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 12th, 2010
Posted in
single parents |
14 comments
A friend of my teen daughter was recently going through a stack of old photographs when she came across a picture of me. I was in a swimming pool, holding her (the friend) so that her head was above water. We were both smiling, mugging for the camera. The girl was three at the time.
Here’s the weird part: this teen girl and my daughter only became friends in high school. The photo was taken fifteen years before.
To which I say: WTF!?
Before this blog post goes all Twilight Zone on you, know that there’s a simple explanation.
By sheer coincidence, our families had both vacationed at Club Med at the same time. Our daughters met and hit it off in the Kids Club. The parents hit off it at the bar, conversation-wise. And I had spent a boat-load of time in the pool with both girls, so much so that the other girl’s mom took photos of us splashing around.
There were pictures of the two girls, as well. But their looks had changed so much over the years, the friend didn’t recognize my then-three-year-old daughter from that trip.
Somehow, I looked the same. (Fifteen years later!)
I guess all those margaritas, mai tais, and martinis have kept me well preserved.
If you liked this dad, teen daughter, and girl friend post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 10th, 2010
Posted in
family |
19 comments
As a single parent who’s been divorced and co-parenting for ten years, I get asked fairly often about children and divorce:
- How did my ex wife and I tell our children we were getting divorced?
- How did our kids respond to the divorce news?
- How have our children coped since the divorce?
I’m a divorced parent with some experience. I’ve raised two kids half time and co-parented for a decade. I’ve read a ton of books, went through therapy, put my kids through counseling. And I watched as we all ended up okay.
Great Books for Divorce and Relationship Advice
Children and Divorce – What are the Effects?
My wife and I lived separated under one roof for nearly a year before we pulled the trigger and separated. When we broke the divorce news to our kids, our daughter was 7 ½ and our son was 3 ½, and my ex-wife and I both told them at the same time about the end of our marriage, and how it would affect our family and them.
We felt it was important for our children to see we both wanted the divorce, and we made sure they understood that they were not the reason we were splitting up.
When it comes to children and divorce, kids might feel anger, fear, frustration, depression, guilt. They don’t understand why the parents are splitting up, or what will happen after the separation. A lot of kids probably want their parents to stick together, no matter what. I remember my son would try to get his mom and I to sit together or talk to each other as much as possible, hoping we’d reconcile. And he was only three and a half!
Sometimes with children and divorce, there’s a sense of relief that the tension in the home will finally go away. That was how our daughter reacted. She actually smiled when we told her the news, as if she understood we could all be happy in two homes.
A fabulous book regarding parents, children and divorce is Mom’s House, Dad’s House
, by Isolina Ricci, PhD. (My blog name, Dad’s House, was inspired by that book.) The book helped me lay the foundation for successful co-parenting, including setting limits and respecting roles.
How to Co-parent With an Ex
Kids are smart. What you say directly to them is huge, but they also pick up on body language and indirection communications. For instance, if you bitch about your ex to a friend, and your kid is in the room – your child knows you are ripping on your ex. This might anger the child. They might grow distrustful or resentful of you. They also might end up judging your ex harshly.
My ex-wife and I found it’s much better to refer to each other with respect. That way the kids learn forgiveness and conflict resolution. Plus, your ex is still your child’s parent. Your kid probably wants to feel love for both parents, even if the parents can’t feel that love for each other.
Divorce affects children, birthdays, holidays, extended family. It’s a massive change for everyone, and all occasions. The important thing is to try to put the needs of your kids first.
Birthday Traditions for Children and Divorce
Know that kids can thrive, and sometimes divorced kids are more evolved than children from “traditional” families. For instance, my daughter is extremely organized and self-sufficient. She never let her two-home living situation affect her ability to get school work done. She’s self confident, and her self-esteem is sky high – partly because she has a single mom who is thriving on her own, and a single dad who expresses himself and communicates with her. She has great relationships with both her mom and me.
Things have been tougher for my son. He sometimes lets schoolwork slip through the cracks between the two homes. While he enjoys his one-on-one time with both mom and dad, he really likes meeting my ex’s boyfriends or my girlfriends. It seems he wants both of us in healthy relationships, where he can interact with the dating relation in our lives. On the plus side – my son is not shy, and will boldly talk to any adult. Maybe he would have been that way anyways, but he’s definitely self confident and not shy, despite or because of our two-home situation.
The effects of children and divorce aren’t necessarily doom and gloom. Marital separation can lead to happy, healthy, evolved, self-aware people. Parents and kids both.
If you liked this children and divorce effects post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 9th, 2010
Posted in
divorce |
20 comments
How can you top all the celebrity sightings at the Oscars? Why of course – with stories about meeting celebrities in real life!
One of my neighbors is in his sixties, and his hobby is restoring beat-up Ford Mustangs into super-charged kick-ass beyond-your-wildest dream vehicles. He’s not immune to the occasional race against a BMW’s snobby Silicon Valley owner. His Mustang always win (natch.)
The other day he told me about one day from his youth, when he was driving near Lake Merced in San Francisco. He pulled up to a stop light, and there next to him was Steve McQueen – Steve McQueen! Hollywood Star from The Great Escape, and Bullitt. Steve McQueen was in a souped up black Mustang. Maybe even the very car he drove in Bullitt.
My neighbor and Steve McQueen traded glances and nods, and when the light turned green, they drag raced up The Great Highway.
My neighbor won. And Herb Caen supposedly wrote up their street race in the San Francisco Chronicle the next day. I was impressed.
Not to be outdone, I told him a celebrity sighting story of my own.
“I was in Manhattan with a buddy, when an Asian man came toward us,” I said. “I look at the guy, and we exchange nods and glances. It was James Iha from Smashing Pumpkins.”
“Who?” my neighbor asked.
Okay, my neighbor is in his sixties. I can’t expect him to know who James Iha is. “He’s the guitarist for Smashing Pumpkins,” I said. “He and I exchanged glances – “
“The Smashing what?” he asked.
“Pumpkins,” I said.
“Is this some kind of band?” he asked.
“Yeah, a rock band,” I said.
He shook his head. “I know my rock ‘n’ roll, and I’ve never heard of the Smashing Whatever’s.”
“It’s alt-rock,” I said.
“What the hell is that?”
“Alternative rock. It’s what they play on Live 105.”
“That’s a radio station?”
Okay, clearly I wasn’t going to impress him with a Smashing Pumpkins brush with fame. I needed to refocus things on the celebrity nature of the moment.
“The Smashing Pumpkins were one of the biggest bands in the 90s,” I said. “And this guy was their guitarist.”
“Gotcha,” my neighbor said, nodding. “So this guy is in a Mustang? Or what?”
“No, he was walking,” I said.
“And you were in a Mustang.”
“No, I was walking the other direction.”
My neighbor looked confused and held his hands wide. Without a souped up car or a street race, I had lost him.
“I also walked by Donald Trump’s wife,” I said. “The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“Now we’re talking!” my neighbor said. He smiled broadly.
Fast cars, beautiful women. What more do men need when they’re bonding?
Photo by aresauburn™, some rights reserved.
If you liked this celebrity sightings post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 8th, 2010
Posted in
life |
19 comments
Over at Honey and Lance, the question was asked: how important is sex in your relationship? It generated good comments, of course.
Lance is a firm believer that great sex is very important to a relationship. If the sex sucks, he’s out of there. As for me? As a man who has been married and divorced, I second that notion. Good sex is key for intimate connections.
But what if you’re single, and in-between relationships…
Is great sex with a friend-with-benefits a good reason to step-up a casual relationship into something more substantial?
Is bad sex with a lover better than no sex at all?
In ten years of divorced dating, I’ve had several girlfriends, and I’ve also enjoyed my share of friends-with-benefits and hook up relationships. When a single parent wants intimacy, but hasn’t yet found a suitable partner to bring around the kids, a lover can be a wonderful thing.
I’ve had lovers who were rock stars in bed. Even though I haven’t seen them for years, if a sexy ex texted me for booty tonight, I’d tell her to come over. Yet, those lovers stayed lovers for a reason. They just weren’t right for me in the long haul. Maybe they did drugs (I’m clean as a whistle), or maybe they wanted kids ten years from now (I could be a grandpa by then).
In those cases, great sex was not enough to push things into something committed.
What about bad sex? Is it worth the risk, if your other option is no sex at all?
You might think I’d say any sex is better than no sex. You’d be wrong.
I’ve had hookups with terrible lovers. Their sexual skills were lacking, or they’d selfishly lay back and receive without giving one bit. Usually, if we had chemistry and otherwise got along, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and hook up again. But if the second or third roll in the hay was as bad as the first – bzzzzzt – I was out of there.
For me, quality of sex is key. Great sex is all about sexual energy. If a woman and I both raise our energy up through the chakras, the orgasms are that much more intense. Make it all the way to the crown, and you have a full body orgasm. (Here are some couples tantric breathing exercises.)
If the energy goes nowhere – it does nothing for me.
And so I say if you’re in lock step with your partner, keep them around – whether for a long term commitment, or occasional booty.
If the sex is bad, I’d rather have none. At least none with that partner.
None none really doesn’t work for me.
If you liked this bad sex or no sex post, you might also enjoy:
Subscribe to Dad's House | © 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
March 5th, 2010
Posted in
sex |
29 comments
