Dad’s House

Fine. So I looked. Call me Narcissistic. I just wanted to see how I was doing in the vote for Hottest Daddy Blogger. (And yes, I know what curiosity did to the cat.)

I already knew I’d get more votes than Will Smith, Johnny Depp, and Brad Pitt combined, since none of them has a parenting blog. And after David Archuleta’s father lost his backstage pass on American Idol, I’m guessing I’d get more votes than him.

But to be losing to a bunch of girls? Since when are hottie women considered dads?

A “dad” named girls-from-mars has a handful of votes with his Adult Content Site. I’m not saying I looked (at least not for very long), but I’m pretty sure there’s no fatherly figure on those blog pages.

That’s okay, my kids tell me I’m hot. Um, wait a sec, that sounds kind of weird. Downright creepy, in fact. Okay, they don’t call me hot. They just tell me they love me. And that’s all that matters. (Although, if you want to cast a vote for my hotness, you can do so here. You just need to get a login ID for the site.)

Meanwhile, Dad’s House was named a finalist in the The Best Of Blogs list of Best Daddy Blog, which has nothing to do with hotness and only cares about content. Unless your friends all vote for you, then it’s about popularity. (In other words, it’s like life.)

The Best of Blogs is for newer blogs so there are no big names. There are no hot girls. And you don’t have to do any login contortions. Just go to the voting page and click for DadsHouseBlog.

(My therapist says if I’d been elected Homecoming King in High School, I wouldn’t care about these contests now that I’m an adult. But I’d also probably be flipping burgers somewhere, so on balance, I think I’m doing fine. Although I am starting to wonder, where’s an Ohio voting machine when you need one?)

Gratuitous flesh and Johnny Depp tattoo by little_lushie, some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us  |   Digg it  |   Furl  |   Reddit  |   Stumble it  |   Yahoo My Web 2

When SingleMomSeeking and MsSingleMama began remodeling their sites, it struck me how blogging is kind of like single parenting. Your site is your own, you make your own choices about the what/when/how/where/why, you live with the outcome, good or bad, and you’re happy and grateful for the chance to go it alone.

Imagine two bloggers merging their existing sites, trying to blend content while keeping their individual voices, all while not stepping on each other’s toes. (Honey and Lance don’t count, they started from scratch.)

It’s like two single parents trying to date each other.

Single parents have strong opinions on whether to date in the breed or not. Kat Wilder is a single mom who thinks it’s great to date single dads. She likes how they already “get” parenting. Chatanika, on the other hand, doesn’t date single dads. She’s seen separately evolved parenting styles clash, and worries about favortism for one set of children over another.

Enter Jorge Fitz-Gibbon and his blended family. Jorge, a single dad with half-time custody of a 10-year-old, and his girlfriend, a single mom with a 4-year-old, moved in together last September. So far, the blended approach is working, though he admits it’s an altogether different experience.

In an email, Jorge wrote that single parents going it solo develop rituals and routines with their kids. “You learn to focus on your own child and develop a unique bond.” When you add a partner and another child, “the routine becomes disrupted and changes. It requires both partners to make an adjustment for themselves and their child.”

He said the trickiest part is maintaining a partnership with your own child. It takes conscious effort for him and his girlfriend to “build in some time with each of our children, while focusing most of our time to interacting as a family.”

Jorge feels the alternative approach, where each parent spends significant time with their own child while limiting family activities, is a mistake. “For me, the time management has to lean toward the family unit, although time with your own child remains important and even vital.”

Before creating his blended family Jorge dated quite a few single women who didn’t have kids. He often felt they didn’t “get” the priorities and lifestyle of a parent. At some point he focused on surrounding himself with single parents, both as friends and partners

He says a blended family is a delicate balancing act. But dating for any single parent involves unavoidable emotional risks, both for yourself and your child. He’s definitely happy he went the blended family route.

“I believe my son is better off now because we both took those risks, and found a woman — and another child — who fits us. Could we have gotten here with a non-parent as well? Possibly. But why limit the field?”

Follow Jorge Fitz-Gibbon and his views on single parenting and blended families at Parents Place at LoHud.com.

(Editor’s Note: My clever lead-in for today’s post was supposed to be about my date with a sexy flirty Hottie Single Mom this past weekend and my fast-forward fantasies for a blended family of my own. But when her sudden (cue the air quotes) root canal (roll the eyes) prompted her to cancel on me, I had to improvise a new lead-in. Hope it worked.)

Coda: Chatanika admits her grandparents were single parents who created a blended family. “They are the most amazing, in love, phenomenal people I know,” she said. So why not go the same route? “Maybe I’m just afraid I’ll never rock it like that!”

Del.icio.us |   Digg it |   Furl |   Reddit |   Stumble it |   Yahoo My Web 2

Wanna wrestle?

And so began a flirty, dirty text message sent to sexy Ms. Single Mama by a man she knew and had once dated. Only problem, they’d broken up 5 months before. Not only had she moved on from that relationship, she barely remembered his name. Sending a text message can be a great way to flirt when you’re dating. But this one made Ms. Single Mama wonder, is text messaging any way to ask someone out?

I met a woman online this week (my first mistake, since I already knew online dating doesn’t work; but in a small dating pool it’s easy to fall back on old habits). She was a single mom with great online pics – super cute smile, rockin’ fit body, dare I say a hottie. (I need more than just looks from a romantic partner, but there’s a reason why men stare - we’re visual creatures who can’t help but notice physical beauty.)

I wanted to call Hottie Mom and talk on the phone, but she texted me saying she was at work and exchanging text messages would be more discreet. Fine. We texted all day, swapping info, getting to know each other, ramping up the heat as we went.

Do u get time 4 sexy fun dates? I texted. She had nearly full-time custody of her 10 year old.

Depends how interesting I find the date lol, she texted back.

Interesting is my specialty, I wrote.

Hmm we’ll c how interesting u r, she wrote.

Are you kidding me? With that body of hers, I’d be more interesting than a Miley Cyrus sexy photo debate (and hotter than a Miley Cyrus Playboy centerfold). I’d run more game than pick-up artist Lance could shake a stick at. I’d get in more good graces than Horny Cat. There was no way I’d let myself fail.

With that smile of yours I’ll be extra motivated, I texted.

We picked a time and texted about where to meet.

Can u cum here? she wrote as way of asking if I’d be willing to drive the forty-five minutes to her town. How I could refuse a dirty innuendo like that? I’ll cum wherever you want.

We finally chatted on the phone to iron out plans, and that’s when things went downhill fast.

• I didn’t feel any conversational chemistry – you can tell a lot about a person by talking to them. What they say, how they say it, passion, pauses, word choice. Hottie Mom and I just didn’t click.
• She’s a fitness trainer – hence the hottie body. I’m a runner and cyclist and love a woman in shape. But I’m also very well educated. While I’ve dated women who didn’t have college degrees, and I’m not an intellectual elitist, I do need a girlfriend who gets my dry wit. Hottie Mom didn’t. I sense we’d bore the crap out of each other.
• She wanted to meet at Chevy’s – isn’t that where families take their kids to watch the tortilla machine, enjoy the whacky balloon-animal guy, eat watered down Mexican food and down Pontiac Margaritas (i.e. decidedly un-Cadillac)? Since when do adults meet there for drinks and romantic flirtation? At this stage of my life I feel an upscale restaurant bar is the best place for singles to meet.
• She starts work at 5 am, leaving her 10-year-old alone – I was a bit of an after-school latch-key kid growing up, so I know it sucks when a child is forced to fend for themselves. Imagine that child waking up in an empty apartment, fixing herself breakfast and getting to school. It breaks my heart. Granted, maybe economics forced Hottie Mom into this situation, but that just means there’s a huge economic disparity between us.

Still, the date is set. My gut tells me to cancel. It would be simple enough to send a text message that says I have to bail. But my it’s spring! male-in-heat raging hormones tell me to focus on the date as a chance to hook up as lovers. After all, she did say she wanted me to cum there. But I need more than cheap sex these days; I’m looking for kid-friendly companionship with benefits.

I think Ms. Single Mama would agree that texting is a bad way to meet someone, and a desperate way to reconnect. After all, did her 5-months ago date want to talk to her? No. He was shamelessly, facelessly trying to score some booty.

Old habits die hard. I already know you can’t text for chemistry – it has to be felt. But when a flirty dirty text message arrives on your cell phone, it’s hard not to give in to temptation.

If she texts me: Wanna wrestle?
I might answer: When can u cum?

Fcuk image, some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

My son and his classmates are getting ready to compete in a basketball tournament against some area schools. He and his friends have been practicing a few days a week. There’s an adult coaching them, but it’s pretty informal. They work on dribbling and shooting and some basic pick-n-roll plays before heading off to other activities like soccer and lacrosse. It’s less about winning and more about having fun.

So when one of the boys left practice early last week, it was no big deal. His coach and teammates figured he had homework or piano lessons to get to. The thing is, while this particular boy is the tallest on the team - he can practically dunk - he doesn’t work at his game. He just stands there and waits for the ball to come to him.

My son and his friends aren’t trying to win the NCAA Tournament bracket, it’s a single day event with other elementary schools. But they’d like to be competitive, it makes the games more fun. And their best shot at winning is for this tall boy to spend a little energy and actually try.

(Would a flattering news article stroke his ego and get him going? We’re not talking a major daily. If Miley Cyrus can get in Vanity Fair, this boy could make the school announcement bulletin, no problem.)

Forty-five minutes after the boy left practice he returned, and he wasn’t empty handed. He was carrying an ice cream sundae. Whip cream, sprinkles, cherry on top. WTF! (No, he wasn’t the Starbucks drinking four-square player from my Good Morning America post.)

He sat down and ate his dessert and watched his teammates practice. When he finished, he got up and came onto the court. His pants (yes, pants – no basketball shorts for this boy) and shoes were stained with ice cream.

Guess what? He got after that ball, dominated the lanes, grabbed every rebound, took good shots, made some passes, and actually ran up and down the court.

Must have been the ice cream shoes. Now if we can just sneak a quart of Ben and Jerrys ice cream into the tournament gym…

Del.icio.us |   Digg it |   Furl |   Reddit |   Stumble it |   Yahoo My Web 2

Dear David

I met a guy this past weekend for drinks at a wine bar and we had a great time. There were definitely sparks, and I’d like to see him again. How do I let him know I’m interested? I already sent an email thanking him for the evening. Should I call him? btw – he’s a single dad. I never thought I’d date a man with children. A little nervous about the kid thing, but willing to see what it’s like.

Smitten in Smallville

Dear Smitten,

thanks for writing. And congratulations on giving a single dad a chance! Sounds like I don’t need to force my 10 Great Reasons to Date a Single Dad propaganda on you. (The single women who still see a single father’s children as baggage might have a look. Of course, some women want a single dad strictly for hookups and booty calls, exactly because they don’t want to get more involved. Others may want a quick roll in the hay. That’s okay, but let him know. He might want more than that.)

Now then, How do you let him know you’re interested? Should you call him? The answer might surprise you.

Do absolutely nothing.

That’s right. Don’t call him, don’t text him, don’t email him beyond the thank you you already sent. Just sit back and let him do the work.

It’s the man’s job to show interest and pursue the woman.

This applies to single men, not just single dads. Men are hunters. They need to decide what they want, then go get it. It’s a Mars thing. Even if you’re a strong-willed, confident woman, you need to play this game. If a woman pursues a man too aggressively, she can come across as desperate. It also can leave him feeling emasculated. Men want a woman who is prized by other men.

Don’t get me wrong – you can flirt like crazy, get his attention in indirect ways, make him come begging for a chance to spend time with you. But he has to do the asking.

You might find the early stages are different for dating a single dad vs. dating a man without kids. Single dads can move more slowly when it comes to love. Part of this might be a hesitation to get romantically involved, exposing himself to the potential of getting hurt. But it might just be his schedule.

• If he has 50/50 custody, he won’t be free every weekend. Expect him to call you within a week of your first date, but don’t feel slighted if it takes 2 weeks or more for a Friday night dinner to materialize. Your job: be patient with his schedule.

• If he has weekend custody, he’ll want to date on weeknights. It doesn’t mean he thinks less of you if he can only meet after work. He will likely want to wait before introducing you to his kids, to keep them off a dating rollercoaster. And he may not want to get a babysitter in the early stages of dating you. It’s nothing against you - he only gets to see his kids part time, and he wants to spend time with them. That he’s a family man is a good thing. Your job: make yourself available on weeknights.

• His free nights might not be date nights. Going out is more fun later in the week, but if he’s only free Monday and Tuesday nights, can you make an exception? There may not be clubbing, but there’s still plenty to do. Plus, restaurants and bars are a little quieter, giving you more one-on-one time to get to know him. Your job: got out with him on laundry night, and wash your clothes some other time.

The best thing for you to do in the early stages is keep yourself busy and feeling good about yourself. Take classes, do things with friends, date non-exclusively if you like. It’s okay to be busy, or to give him the illusion that you have other options. But understand his schedule may not be as flexible as yours. When he calls, try to see him (even if it breaks The Rules), and don’t read too much into his suggested activity or night of the week. As for what dating a single dad will be like once you meet his kids, I’ll address that in a future post.

It might feel unsettling if he doesn’t immediately make you the center of his life. That doesn’t mean you won’t be at some point. Just remember – for now, a single dad’s kids come first. The more you understand that, the more you’ll win his heart.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

What a morning. I’m still shaking my head. No, my daughter didn’t wake up like Miley Cyrus, nude in satin sheets. But my day did get off to a strange start…

• My groin - I received email from a female reader of my blog, someone I’ve never met, asking: how is your groin? (I pulled it slightly while playing tag at my son’s weekend lacrosse game. I guess I should have worn Dockers.) At any rate, my groin is fine, unless of course there’s a cute massage therapist offering… oh, never mind.

• My cell phone – while eating oatmeal and reading the newspaper, I received a text message on my cell phone. (You never know who might text a single dad… ) Can u pull my bike out? It was from my daughter (!) who was in the bathroom(!!) in my house(!!!). Seems she was running late… (I pulled the bike out for my little princess)

• My coffee – my son forgot a textbook, so I hopped on my beach cruiser and took it to his elementary school. There were a ton of kids playing four-square, including a ten-year-old who was playing with one hand because in his other hand he was holding a Starbucks venti latte!

Which, of course, begs the question – where’s my morning coffee?

Good Morning, America. Hello, world.

Cappuccino photo, some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

The new Dockers San Francisco commercial cracks me up.

• I get that some guys need a pair of Dockers for work (Though I gave that up 16 years ago when my daughter was born. Rolling around on the floor with her in the morning, spit-up a constant threat, I adapted quickly to shorts and jeans.)
• I get that some guys need a pair of Dockers for golf (albeit, I’m not sure who. I happen to cycle and sail in my free time, and my neighbor who golfs always wears shorts to the links.)
• I get that some guys need a pair of Dockers for hitting the city at night (hey, in San Francisco where blue jeans are de rigueur, Dockers are practically a tuxedo.)
• But I don’t get needing a pair of Dockers for kite flying with your kid!

First off, with all due respect to Khaled Hosseini, exactly who flies kites anymore? For dazzling kite aerobatics, I’d head to Pier 39 and watch the experts. But even if my kids and I tried to get a kite aloft, we’d head to the local park in shorts and flip flops and make the best of a lazy day.

More importantly, our weekends are very un-Docker-like. Between watching my kids play soccer and lacrosse, I’m more likely to be:

• Kicking back in a beach chair, cheering the players on, reading Harper’s or US News or Mad Magazine between quarters.
• Playing tag with my daughter at halftime. btw - I take great pride in the fact that she couldn’t catch me today. (Don’t tell her I pulled a groin.)
• Eating at In-n-out – one of my son’s teammates has a standing bet with his dad that whenever he scores a hat-trick (three goals in one game), his dad will buy him a five-by-five after the game. (A reward so special, it’s not even on the In-in-out secret menu.)

If Dockers wants to find products to sell in the real-world, they might try fashionable headbands for boys. After all, my son’s hair is long like an Italian Serie A soccer star, and even with a lacrosse helmet he needs a headband so he can see the game.

For the record, I typed this blog post in a T-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. Can someone make a commercial about that?

Gigi Buffon photo by Luca Martini, some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

Famed photographer Annie Leibovitz recently shot Miley Cyrus for Vanity Fair, and the resulting pictures aren’t surprising. After all, Leibovitz is well known for other female celebrity pics she’s shot. Who can forget the photo of Demi Moore pregnant and nude, Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley nude with Tom Ford, or Demi wearing nothing but a bodypainted suit?

So when I saw the photograph of Miley in satin bed sheets, bare back, sexily messy hair, I was fairly non-plussed. She’s a celebrity singer/actor likely trying to dispel her good-girl Disney image to attract a wider audience and land adult acting roles. I’m not immune to the idea of broadening a demographic base. And it wasn’t like she was totally buck naked.

But then I realized – Miley Cyrus is younger than my daughter.

Photo by Annie Leibovitz, some rights reserved.

What message does this bedroom shot send to high school girls? Will my daughter, 16 years old and a Hannah Montana fan, doubt herself and wonder whether she’s taking things too slowly with boys her age? After all, she’s only recently started hanging out with boys, testing the waters with harmless flirting. I know she’s more woman than child, but I’d like for her to mature at her own pace.

I’m certainly no prude, as any Dad’s House reader can attest. I’ve had my share of hookups, booty calls and one night stands. But I’m an adult. When I was my daughter’s age, I was happy to simply make out with my girlfriend under the bleachers. We weren’t waking up together in satin sheets.

I know some high school kids are having sex, just look at pregnant Jamie-Lynn Spears. But Jamie-Lynn never missed curfew, she probably snuck off with her boyfriend for romps during the day. It wasn’t like they were sleeping over. And she did her deeds in private – she didn’t pose naked in bed for publication in a national magazine.

Miley Cyrus is already the richest child celebrity with a $1 billion franchise. If she feels the need to up her game and grab an even bigger share from a more adult pie, that’s her business. But couldn’t she have done so without thumbing her nose at the very fans who made her rich? Her bedroom pics tell the world she’s no longer a kid.

I’m disappointed in Miley Cyrus. And for now I’m keeping my daughter in cotton sheets.

Miley Cyrus with dog, photo some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

When the male principal of my son’s elementary school gathered the older grade boys for a preliminary talk (as in, the talk, birds and bees edition), one of his PowerPoint slides focused on deodorant and the fine art of smelling good. My son came home with a sample stick of Old Spice and a recommendation to give other brands a try.

I’m all for experimenting when it comes to deodorants and anti-perspirants. After all, they’re chemically-based substances and everyone’s body responds differently to different brands. My dad uses Speed Stick, and I’m a Mitchum man (you know, the one with the ad campaign that says if your socks almost match, you’re a Mitchum man.)

But a classmate let it be known that Axe Body Spray was the cool thing to get. He’s one of those too-old-for-his-age Romeos who’s been seducing women from birth, who already knows that when it comes to boy/girl interactions, chemistry is key. Apparently, the way to a girl’s heart is through her nostrils.

We drove to Long’s and bought some Axe, and right away my son put on way too much. “You just need a little under the arms,” I told him. “But it’s body spray,” he said. He pointed to those very words on the canister, and who was I to contradict such marketing genius?

Musky. Leathery. Sandalwoody. I’m terrible with scent descriptions. Let’s just say Axe was concocted for men by Venus herself. Sexy. But over the top.

My son sprays it on in the morning, and sometimes at night. For him, pre-teen aromatic bliss; for me, a stinky room. His sister and I can smell him coming from 100 meters. Worse, the scent lingers in his clothing even after I do the laundry.

But who am I to criticize his hygiene? He’s 12 now, an awkward age for a lot of boys in his class who act like girls are the grossest thing on earth. But my son is confident in his social interactions, comfortable with friends of either sex. At a recent family-focused event, while most boys hung out in packs, talking about sports, my son chased and had fun with girls.

There’s no Casanova attitude, he’s not trying to date (let alone, date four women at once), so it all seems healthy to me. I just wish Axe would tone down the body spray, and sell a little-dab-will-do-you version of its product. My daughter’s and my noses would be so happy and grateful.

Pepe le Pew image, some rights reserved.

Del.icio.us | Digg it | Furl | Reddit | Stumble it | Yahoo My Web 2

I already know what you’re thinking. How on earth can I write about dating four people at once when most single parents can’t find the time to date one person? I’m here to tell you, the roadblock isn’t time, it’s desire.

Easy for me to say, seeing as I’m dating zero women at the moment. But two summers ago when my kids were traveling with their mom for a month, giving me loads of free time, I did an experiment.

I gave up on my search for the ideal partner, and simply dated to have fun.

I met four women – two through friends, one a stranger I approached in day-to-day life, and one online (an online dating success that wasn’t sarcastic.) Each was different from the others – there were a couple of single moms, a couple of non-natives, a 20-something, two 30-somethings, a 40-something, a few highly educated, one of them not. (All looked cute and sexy in a summer dress.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not polyamorous or a player, I wasn’t swapping bed partners each night. In fact, I only slept with one of them. I simply spent time planning and doing fun activities with whoever was available. Forget The Rules and The Game. I called whichever of them I was in the mood to see, whenever I liked, for whatever activity struck my fancy.

I’d call Bachelorette #1 (B-1, for short) on Thursday for a weekend hike. I’d call B-2 on Friday for drinks that night. I’d call B-3 for a bike ride any day of the week. I’d plan dinner with B-4 several days in advance. If they couldn’t meet, I found out when they could. And – this is key – as long as there weren’t conflicts, I always made myself available.

By not sleeping over, it was easy to keep things light, and we all could date non-exclusively. (It wasn’t sexless – B-2 and I fell into a booty call relationship where we slept with each other while we both looked for someone else to date long-term. We agreed we’d stop the booty part as soon as one of us got involved with someone. It worked great for a few months, and there were no hard feelings when things ended between us. I didn’t tell the other 3 bachelorettes about this arrangement. I figured there was no need, since I wasn’t sleeping with any of them.)

By dating four women, I always had something fun to do. On the rare occasion none of them was free, I didn’t stress about a lack of plans. I hung out with other friends, or enjoyed alone time, and tried again later.

With my kids gone and the time obstacle removed, I was able to focus frustration-free on desire. I didn’t ask, Who would make the best partner? I asked, Who did I want to spend time with now? The answer changed depending on the day, activity, mood.

When my kids came back, I kept dating the four women. I was less available, but by then they had gotten to know me and were willing to see me even if it took a few weeks to meet. To help things, I allowed myself to occasionally go out on custody nights, as long as I returned home at a reasonable hour.

How did it end? B-2 met a guy, and she and I stopped our liaisons. Soon after, I decided to get more serious with B-3, and we dated for a few months. First, I told B-1 and B-4 that I had met someone who I wanted to pursue a more serious relationship with. They understood, and B-1 is still a good friend.

To recap, here are the keys to dating four women at once:

• Keep things light and activity focused
• Don’t involve booty, unless one of them is your FWB
• Be open to a variety of new activities
• Make yourself available any day or night of the week
• Have the desire to date, relate, and have fun

Who knows, maybe the zero women I’m currently dating will turn into four sometime soon. It’s all about desire.

Del.icio.us |   Digg it |   Furl |   Reddit |   Stumble it |   Yahoo My Web 2